Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[Buzzworthy]

And if my kids ever have kids, I'm moving as far away from them as possible. My childcare days are over! [emoji1]

I always thought this was going to be me. But I really do love kids so I’m hoping one day I’ll be the grandfather that watches her kids as I can.

I across the country as soon as I was able. There was no family help at all. I also wanted it that way. My parental style is polar opposite of my parents. My daughter isn’t a fuckup like her pops was because I let her make decisions in her life. Mine were made for me for the most part.

[SkiLyft]

Living near a trailhead is more important than living near family.

QFT!!

Ditched the wet side/extended family to live in Spokane. We couldn’t be happier living on a trailhead with 50+ miles of MTB trails that we help maintain.


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[californiagrown]

Exactly - you figure out how to weave the times and little escapes/training into your life and hopefully makes it a consistent thing that works for everyone. I think it also makes it much easier to get your kids involved in what you love to do and get them engaged in those activities if they're exposed to you and your spouse mixing it into the daily routine.

I will say thought, that im sure i have been mistaken for a strava asshole on my local trails a time or two because i have gotten the "your son woke up early from his nap, get home NOW!!" angry text from the wife and have had to redline it back home haha.

[schuss]

I will say thought, that im sure i have been mistaken for a strava asshole on my local trails a time or two because i have gotten the "your son woke up early from his nap, get home NOW!!" angry text from the wife and have had to redline it back home haha.

"your son"

Ha!
My kids stopped napping at home at 18 months each.
That fucking sucked.

[VTskibum]

I will say thought, that im sure i have been mistaken for a strava asshole on my local trails a time or two because i have gotten the "your son woke up early from his nap, get home NOW!!" angry text from the wife and have had to redline it back home haha.

So many years of this. Generally pretty good with timing, but have a few stories of being late to a bunch of things I shoulda been home for; back to school night b/c I had a pretty big crash, watch 1 kid while other goes to dr, getting KOM drilling it to get home from lunch rides for important meetings.

Not sure I could ever go back to having to drive for every ride again. My daughter and I will go out for 20-30 minutes before/after dinner pretty often.

[altasnob]

I'm confused by the question, as most metro regions in the West have an abundance of trailheads within the city limits. If you're debating urban vs. suburban/rural living, there are many advantages to raising your kids in a dense urban environment. We have an abundance and variety of day care options (Spanish immersion, all outside, ect.). Most big cities have free pre-school, or at least free for lower income and very affordable for higher income. There's children's museums, regular museums, zoos, aquariums, parks, playgrounds, swimming pools, ice rinks, roller rinks, live music and performances, and community centers with indoor/outdoor playgrounds with drop in child care for $8 an hour. As the kids get older, they can use public transit to go on their own unsupervised adventures. They can walk and bike to stores, restaurants, school, and their friend's house. They can learn that life doesn't have to revolve around the automobile. Their friends are diverse, food is diverse. There's different options for high school (art focused schools, science and math focused schools). In high school they can take courses at the community college and gain college credits for free. If they get accepted to UW Tacoma they can start there can automatically transfer to UW Seattle, one of the best public universities in the nation. Friends and family can more easily visit, and vice versa. And your family's overall carbon footprint will be less, so the kids of your kids might actually be able to ski.

[Danno]

I can smell the smug from here.

[altasnob]

You call it smug, I call it unselfishness. Americans live in the biggest houses, and drive the furthest distances, of any country on Earth. If everyone raised their kid to be a little mountain biking bro brah, this planet will cease to exist.

My friend who raised his kids in the middle of no where is now going through a messy divorce. The main impetus was his daughter became a teenager, and then a bored teenager, then got into drugs, crashed her car, and it created a whole lot of marital strife. My other friend who lives with world class mountain biking out his back door fucking loves it. His wife fucking hates it. She's totally envious of those who raise their kids in an urban environment, and all the amenities and the diversity that comes with that. Another friend is just a suburban chauffeur constantly driving his kids from activity to activity. So who cares about your needs, do what you think we will make the your kid a net positive for society. That's the entire point of having a kid.

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

I can smell the smug from here.

Maybe. Or maybe you just didn't realize that dense urban environments, which is just a friendly euphemism for the greater Seattle/Tacoma area, is the only place you can find those things? Last time I checked my tiny mountain town doesn't have any parks, playgrounds, swimming pools, ice rinks(indoor and outdoor) live music, community centers or safe public transit for my kids to use. My kids have never ridden bikes to school or a friends house, or even (gasp) xc skied to a friends house right from our back porch. Those things only exist in dense urban environments and I'm probably doing my children a disservice by raising them here.

[Touring_Sedan]

Maybe. Or maybe you just didn't realize that dense urban environments, which is just a friendly euphemism for the greater Seattle/Tacoma area, is the only place you can find those things? Last time I checked my tiny mountain town doesn't have any parks, playgrounds, swimming pools, ice rinks(indoor and outdoor) live music, community centers or safe public transit for my kids to use. My kids have never ridden bikes to school or a friends house, or even (gasp) xc skied to a friends house right from our back porch. Those things only exist in dense urban environments and I'm probably doing my children a disservice by raising them here.

I live in Sandy, a couple of miles from the mouth of Little Cottonwood Canyon and feel like I have access to all those things. I don't feel like I live in a dense urban environment, but I'm not out in the country either. Once again, it's about balance. This is the balance that seems to work best for my family.

[Danno]

This is the balance that seems to work best for my family.

It's almost as if, what works for one family may not work for another?

[Touring_Sedan]

It's almost as if, what works for one family may not work for another?

Amen. There's a lot of black and white in this thread.

[Bunion 2020]

So who cares about your needs, do what you think we will make the your kid a net positive for society. That's the entire point of having a kid.

OK, WTF kind of word salad is that?

And here I thought it was so you could have more help around the farm or ranch, or so your sons could marry other men's daughters and the dowry would enrich both families and allow your sons to father more children and in doing so enlarge both families to create a dynasty.

[lowsparkco]

OK, WTF kind of word salad is that?

And here I thought it was so you could have more help around the farm or ranch, or so your sons could marry other men's daughters and the dowry would enrich both families and allow your sons to father more children and in doing so enlarge both families to create a dynasty.

I’ll always remember this conversation I had with a mother. My friends were all having children, and to me it seemed to be making them all miserable. They constantly talked about how it was the greatest thing they ever did, but they were on the brink of losing their minds all the time. A lady asked me why my wife and I didn’t have any children and that is what I told her. So, I asked her why she had children. Her response: because they love you so much. Most honest answer I’ve ever heard.

[MarcusBrody]

I'm confused by the question, as most metro regions in the West have an abundance of trailheads within the city limits. If you're debating urban vs. suburban/rural living, there are many advantages to raising your kids in a dense urban environment. We have an abundance and variety of day care options (Spanish immersion, all outside, ect.). Most big cities have free pre-school, or at least free for lower income and very affordable for higher income. There's children's museums, regular museums, zoos, aquariums, parks, playgrounds, swimming pools, ice rinks, roller rinks, live music and performances, and community centers with indoor/outdoor playgrounds with drop in child care for $8 an hour. As the kids get older, they can use public transit to go on their own unsupervised adventures. They can walk and bike to stores, restaurants, school, and their friend's house. They can learn that life doesn't have to revolve around the automobile. Their friends are diverse, food is diverse. There's different options for high school (art focused schools, science and math focused schools). In high school they can take courses at the community college and gain college credits for free. If they get accepted to UW Tacoma they can start there can automatically transfer to UW Seattle, one of the best public universities in the nation. Friends and family can more easily visit, and vice versa. And your family's overall carbon footprint will be less, so the kids of your kids might actually be able to ski.

Were we debating urban vs. rural living? I thought we were debating living close to family who can help with kids vs. living close to outdoor activities.

I live in a big metro area (though a small town within it) and have lots of good outdoor recreation near me, it's just my family and the accompanying support network that is far away.

[altasnob]

Were we debating urban vs. rural living? I thought we were debating living close to family who can help with kids vs. living close to outdoor activities.

The original question is silly, because it all depends on where your family lives. So the question morphed into, do I want to raise my kids next to epic mountain biking out my back door or do I want to live in some shitty place where my parents live where you have to drive forever to find outdoor recreation. And of course everyone on TGR says live next to epic mountain biking. I'm just pointing out that if everyone in society thinks they need to live next to epic mountain biking out their back door, we're totally fucked. And I have personally seen selfish fathers stubbornly insist on living next to epic mountain biking when there is a counter argument, and downsides, to that.

[schuss]

My mountain biking is incredibly unepic. Single speed hardtails make everything more fun though.

[MarcusBrody]

The original question is silly, because it all depends on where your family lives. So the question morphed into, do I want to raise my kids next to epic mountain biking out my back door or do I want to live in some shitty place where my parents live where you have to drive forever to find outdoor recreation. And of course everyone on TGR says live next to epic mountain biking. I'm just pointing out that if everyone in society thinks they need to live next to epic mountain biking out their back door, we're totally fucked. And I have personally seen selfish fathers stubbornly insist on living next to epic mountain biking when there is a counter argument, and downsides, to that.

Ah. Got it.

I will note that I ride out my door to epic mountain biking (though IMBA for some reason took back the official designation!). It's awesome. When my son was born i lived in Western MA. There is good mountain biking, but a maybe 15 minute drive from my house. So In the course of walking the dog and letting the baby nap on my chest, I built maybe a mile or two of trails on a hill right behind my then employer's campus. Just having that little bit of woods/that short loop kept me so much saner. So for me, it's really about proximity to something that I can get to with very little time cost as time is so valuable at that stage. I needed to be able to leave the house and be back in an hour. Maybe even half an hour. And for that, immediate proximity - not what in theory I could get to if I was living my previous life - was king.

[californiagrown]

My mountain biking is incredibly unepic. Single speed hardtails make everything more fun though.

Yup. My backyard trails are epicly meh. I ride a single speed fully rigid on slicks to spice it up. But it sure does the trick when I've been cooped up for a while and only have a nap window available to do something.

And my kid will walk to elementary and HS, and bike to Jr high. I also live in a fairly dense urban/suburban area.

[Dromond]

Ah. Got it.

I will note that I ride out my door to epic mountain biking (though IMBA for some reason took back the official designation!). It's awesome. When my son was born i lived in Western MA. There is good mountain biking, but a maybe 15 minute drive from my house. So In the course of walking the dog and letting the baby nap on my chest, I built maybe a mile or two of trails on a hill right behind my then employer's campus. Just having that little bit of woods/that short loop kept me so much saner. So for me, it's really about proximity to something that I can get to with very little time cost as time is so valuable at that stage. I needed to be able to leave the house and be back in an hour. Maybe even half an hour. And for that, immediate proximity - not what in theory I could get to if I was living my previous life - was king.

Were you at MHC?

[MarcusBrody]

Were you at MHC?

I was!

[Skrilla Gorilla]

I live in Sandy, a couple of miles from the mouth of Little Cottonwood Canyon and feel like I have access to all those things. I don't feel like I live in a dense urban environment, but I'm not out in the country either. Once again, it's about balance. This is the balance that seems to work best for my family.

We left D.C. because it was out of balance. The schools had trailers on the lawn and were overcrowded. The traffic was sould crushing for commutes, and we sould be "traffic locked" from 4PM~7PM; it would be faster to bike to get groceries, beer or carryout than to drive. On paper as professionals, my wife and I are pretty attractive: I've got a graduate degree from a "southern ivy" she has one from an OEM ivy. We were little fish in most environments, personal and professional.

We didn't move to the sticks because we wanted our kids to be able to bike to see friends. Bel Air, Maryland has that balance. it is 70minutes closer to Vermont. The fishing is 1000x better. The schools kick fucking ass. We can afford membership at the golf club and our kids smash the ball. We're back in balance.

[Dromond]

I was!

Nice. My wife went there 15 years ago, and I knew the guy that built that trail network in Amherst. He’s retired in Oregon now.

[claresdad]

To the guys waiting for their turn to be a Dad…..the sleep you lose (you NEVER are not tired) return a thousand fold in smiles and tears, uncontrolled laughter and the deepest sense of purpose. And noise. Lots of noise! At least that’s what it’s like for me each day.

My 8 year old loves the snow and it’s mostly been Brighton for her. This year we need a new place to go…wondering if y’all had my advice? She needs a pool to be happy. Plus she’s an extrovert only child always looking to make friends in trips. It’s always been the Park City area or mammoth for us but looking for advice about places like Brianhead or a Purgatory maybe?

[Mani_UT]

The main impetus was his daughter became a teenager, and then a bored teenager, then got into drugs, crashed her car, and it created a whole lot of marital strife.

Yeah, that never happens in dense urban environments ...

I did my teenage years in dense urban environment and absolutely hated it. Partly moved to the small town I'm in to provide a much healthier lifestyle to my kid. Town is small enough you can walk everywhere. Who needs public transportation when you can walk