Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[Cisco Kid]

My grandpa advice is don't push. Keep talking to find out why. As a coach, I had a 7 yo girl refuse to go back into the outfield at a soft ball practice. Asked hey why and she said she just didn't want to. Looked at the part in her blond hair and the scalp was glowing red sunburned. I said "If I give you my hat will you play some more?" She said yes. Young kids have a hard time expressing what ails them.

[riser4]

I signed up for a 2 year old 4 years ago, after a lifetime of vehemently not wanting kids. Now the step-dad thing has to be one of the hardest things I've done in life but I'm pretty thankful we have a relatively solid real-dad in the picture too.

That said, has anyone got protips on overcoming stubbornness? I'm talking the most stubborn, will not attempt something she doesnt want to do because its a tiny bit scary stubborn. Refuses to learn to ride a bike, refuses to listen to her swim instructors, and me pushing her learning to ski seems to be the most successful thing (thank god). We've tried everything for the bike, including removing the crank and letting her push herself along and practice balancing.

The flip side of all that is she's the sweetest little gal and totally brings the sunshine into our house. Listens explicitly, remembers everything, never talks back or complains, has a melt down once every 6 months over something totally uncontrollable and in general is the best kid two people who didn't want kids could have.

Does she have eyesight issues? Astigmatism? Bicnocularity issues? Poor depth perception?

[TahoeJ]

Some kids move at a different pace - no need to force the issue with a 6 year old.

[skiJ]

While I can't personally relate, I feel so much for you and your family. It can be so hard to feel that love and joy when you don't feel you are getting any back. There's a reason your son is in your life, though. Both for you and for him. This thread and mags are here to support you as much as we can.

Lvovsky - my sympathy for your son's condition - And phatty ( Thank you ) has offered it well.
There is a reason...

I have a belief that for people like your son - and you - the rewards are not found in this life...
it sounds like you are doing a lot of things 'right' - keep on !


Thank you, phatty. ! +1 as is used here --

some things put my selfish little "problems"
in perspective.

Thanks, maggs... skiJ

[Buzzworthy]

My daughter is 17.5 years old and still doesn’t know how to ride a bike. Maybe I tried to hard to get her to ride with me, I’m not sure. I’ve never gotten a real answer from her besides “I don’t want to”.

I’m really sad that I might’ve been the reason she’s lost out on many fun opportunities because she doesn’t know how. Like really sad, beat yourself up sad. It’s hard to even write this as I feel I failed her.

[yeahman]

Some kids are just refuseniks. If it persists into the tween and teen years though I think you do have to push some, otherwise they don't do anything, and often they end up enjoying something once they get over that hump. It's a delicate balance. You need to read the kid and figure out what they will actually like. My wife is good at that for our youngest, now 16, who tends to automatically say no to most suggestions.

[jfost]

...

That said, has anyone got protips on overcoming stubbornness? I'm talking the most stubborn, will not attempt something she doesnt want to do because its a tiny bit scary stubborn. Refuses to learn to ride a bike, refuses to listen to her swim instructors, and me pushing her learning to ski seems to be the most successful thing (thank god). We've tried everything for the bike, including removing the crank and letting her push herself along and practice balancing. ...

Weird little humans do weird things… our #1 didn’t want to join swim team year #1, then said she’d do it year 2 but “no clocks and no competition” and promptly went on to have a solid 4 years on the team and now is a volleyball star

#2 refused to participate at all in the $100 little kickers soccer program at age 2, and now 10 years later costs me $2000 per year on her club team

#3 we let do whatever she wants… she’s tried ice skating and swimming, hates soccer and she seems happiest of all so who knows!!!

They all have their own timelines so just be patient and don’t force anything too much, imho of course.

[fatnslow]

I signed up for a 2 year old 4 years ago, after a lifetime of vehemently not wanting kids. Now the step-dad thing has to be one of the hardest things I've done in life but I'm pretty thankful we have a relatively solid real-dad in the picture too.

That said, has anyone got protips on overcoming stubbornness? I'm talking the most stubborn, will not attempt something she doesnt want to do because its a tiny bit scary stubborn. Refuses to learn to ride a bike, refuses to listen to her swim instructors, and me pushing her learning to ski seems to be the most successful thing (thank god). We've tried everything for the bike, including removing the crank and letting her push herself along and practice balancing.

The flip side of all that is she's the sweetest little gal and totally brings the sunshine into our house. Listens explicitly, remembers everything, never talks back or complains, has a melt down once every 6 months over something totally uncontrollable and in general is the best kid two people who didn't want kids could have.

Don't ever want something more than the kid wants it. Your/their life will be much smoother for it. If a 6 ear old can drop a deuce by themselves and not eat too many buggers your doing fine.

[riser4]

Don't ever want something more than the kid wants it. Your/their life will be much smoother for it. If a 6 ear old can drop a deuce by themselves and not eat too many buggers your doing fine.

There's some truth to that.

[easyrdr]

Yo Stunt. Hang in there. My son is Mr. No. He will be 7 in a week and went for his first bike ride yesterday ( I’ve had a bike for him since he was 3 but he refused).

Yesterday out of the blue he said let’s go ride bikes. It was awesome.

I had him on skis at 2 and 3 with decent success, Has refused ever since. Still haven’t gotten to the bottom of it. But I remain hopeful he will come back around.

My son loves swimming/snorkeling in the ocean, rock climbing, hiking, yet refuses to learn or even try a traditional sport (football, baseball, basketball, soccer, tennis, golf etc.)

He is big for his age, strong, and can run fast, he would be killing it if only he wasn’t so stubborn. I am doing my best to be a patient dad and let him figure it out on his own timeline.

[Stuntmonkey]

Does she have eyesight issues? Astigmatism? Bicnocularity issues? Poor depth perception?

She did. Around age two she had a lazy eye and the doc had her wear a patch for two years. That fixed it right up, and now she is just a little short sighted and has pretty cute glasses for it. I've asked multiple times how she feels with seeing and shes always said shes fine but now that you mention it I'm wondering if there is some residual depth perception or trust issues with her eye.

Good advice here. My 6 year old is similar. Announced before this season that he didn't want to ski anymore, just snowboard. He's never snowboarded and is convinced he needs absolutely no instruction because he rides a skateboard in the laneway occasionally. So I said we'll bring both skis and a board along and let you figure out which one you like best. That was the right answer apparently.

Same with soccer. It's him and all his mates from school on the same team. Yesterday he spent half the game walking like a crab across the field, which was honestly pretty funny. Meanwhile his mates pretended to be ninjas or did pushups during the game. They kicked 3 own goals. But they also kicked a goal that counted, which all the parents celebrated. He's now telling me he wants to learn karate. Easier to just roll with it.

Hahaha this is pretty amazing.

Great advice in here dudes, thanks. I'll back off and let her figure it out on her timeline. The good thing is we have a split schedule so we typically ski on days we dont have her, but shes begged me to take her a number of times and we've done bunny hill runs and shes been in two lessons, and she loves it. She loves learning from anyone thats not her mom or dad. So occasionally that's me, but I'm also retarded so I probably piss her off a little. Thankfully lessons aren't terribly expensive here.

I'm really pushing for a career change into a remote program management job, but it's bloody hard so I continue to be away from home for 4-5 days at a time. That's been my life forever, but this kid has really, really pushed me to actively change that so I have more time with her.

[riser4]

She did. Around age two she had a lazy eye and the doc had her wear a patch for two years. That fixed it right up, and now she is just a little short sighted and has pretty cute glasses for it. I've asked multiple times how she feels with seeing and shes always said shes fine but now that you mention it I'm wondering if there is some residual depth perception or trust issues with her eye.

Definitely look into it. I have binocularity and depth perception issues. And it made me very skittish.

[anotherVTskibum]

What was that about not pushing them too much?

She was happy doing practice laps, definitely seemed to enjoy watching full size riders hitting small jumps and berms, and melted down on the starting line as the race started. A few minutes later, she seemed happy again, but she absolutely would not pose for a photo with her bike and her medal.

I'm going to try getting her out on a shotgun seat tomorrow, if I can manage to adjust it so she's comfortable and I can still have room to get on and off the bike myself. I'm guessing she'll like it, but we'll see.

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[SkiLyft]

Whoever said to draw the line for drinking bath water at bath water with turds. Sage advice!



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[alpinevibes]

Whoever said to draw the line for drinking bath water at bath water with turds. Sage advice!



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Just yesterday I pulled up the slip mat, dumped the bath toys and plastic potty seats in, filled her up and dumped in some bleach. Only temporary, but hopefully slightly diminishes the shit-water realities of bath time and poop time.

[riser4]

Bath time IS poop time!

[NT]

Mine has partial Jacobsen syndrome.

Developmentally about half his age. 7 now, still in diapers, doesn’t eat to sustain himself (gets food through g-tube), comms are a problem, behavioral issues, hypotonic palsy, etc.

But it’s only partial Jacobsen so we are not as fucked as we could have been, or like many other kiddos we see at therapies and doctors offices.

The joys of fatherhood are rare and few. It’s nice to see/read good stories in this thread tho.

Just came across this and am inspired to post. My son, who has mild Cornelia de Lange syndrome, is also 7 but developmentally maybe 4 or 5 (give or take depending on the topic). Still in a pullup at night. He had a g-tube until around 18m. Holy shit g-tubes are hard to deal with; I feel for you guys. Our docs were so obsessed with his weight that we were pumping him up like a blimp- lots of reflux, it was a struggle for us.

His main challenges these days are speech (apraxia) and self-regulation. His typically developing 4 year old wild child of a sister is starting to catch up and even surpass him in size and capabilities. Right now it feels like I've got twins except one rightfully thinks he's the older bro and the other is figuring out that more and more she needs to be the big sis. They love each other but couldn't be more opposite in pretty much every way. She has made me appreciate that despite the communication challenges, medical stuff and the isolation of special needs parenting, he is actually a pretty easy, laid-back kid. After his birth I longed so hard for a 'typical' kid experience. Turns out that's hard too, just different.

It does take a concerted effort to not let his sister eclipse all attention from my wife and I and I can see him getting frustrated more and more with that. We're still working on how to communicate his situation to him and to his sis. I know he can understand much more than he can communicate back but it's really fucking hard to not be able to have conversations with him like I can with his sister.

It's cool to see him finding his passions and things he’s good at. He loves birds and has turned our family into birders. He loves sensory input, particularly the feeling of cranking tight turns on his bike. He blew me away when he rode all of Verde during our first time at the Snowmass bike park this weekend. He was so stoked to do that and it was great to see his sister supporting him. “My brother is crushing it!” Proud dad moment.

At various points all of the appointments and hospital visits have felt like a full-time job but they have definitely helped with perspective to see that his challenges are relatively minor. It's really incredible how often we humans are born with everything working correctly given how little it takes to have a random mutation throw out some serious adversity.

Lvovsky, thanks for putting yourself out there. I often find myself retreating/avoiding as every time I get over the ‘loss’ of where my son is in relation to what a typically developing life might have been, a new sense of loss comes at the next milestone or experience. That said, I do enjoy tuning into this entertaining and helpful thread on occasion. Thanks all.

[Buzzworthy]

My neighbors who have turned into great friends have 3 kids, 2 of which have apraxia. I’ve known these kids now for 5 years and I completely empathize with you. It’s hard to know that the kids have so much to say, know exactly what they want to say, but can’t get the bridge from mind to speech to work properly.
Over these years I’ve really learned quite the lesson in patience as I work with both boys to understand what they are trying to say. It literally takes a lot of time as the boys continue to get me to understand them with hand gestures, acting things out….it can turn into a full production when they just want to tell you they saw a really cool dinosaur on tv and it just made their whole day.
The great thing is that their speech is getting better. It’s just a long slow ride.

[alpinevibes]

He loves sensory input, particularly the feeling of cranking tight turns on his bike. He blew me away when he rode all of Verde during our first time at the Snowmass bike park this weekend. He was so stoked to do that and it was great to see his sister supporting him. “My brother is crushing it!” Proud dad moment.

Fuck yeah dude, that's awesome. Keep it up!

[SkiLyft]

The more I see this bond grow the more I’m convinced all kids need pets!!



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[skiJ]

The more I see this bond grow the more I’m convinced all kids need pets!!


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A picture worth 1000 words...

Thank you. ! skiJ

[riser4]

My 12 yo dog is over the moon to have 23 yo thing #1 home. However, I think he's figured out that the kid doesn't stick around.

[SkiLyft]

Just got back from a boat trip up through Desolation Sound, BC on the FIL’s boat. Seeing the world through little E’s eyes is pretty damn amazing! She was a champ and made the trip so much more fun!

Flew into Dent Island to start it off. The in-laws cruised up from Edmonds, WA on their own. Initially was to have 3 boats in our party but one had engine issues and turned around at Roche Harbor.


I’d say she got her sea legs


Paddle board legs too


Made some starfish buddies


Found her favorite sign at the driftwood museum on Octopus Island.


Making silly faces while underway to our next destination!


Flew out of Pender Harbor to avoid the 4 day trip home by sea. She crushed the sea plane ride and pointed out all the “butts (boats)” below.


To anyone who can and wants to take a trip like this with a little DO IT, the awe and wonder is amazing to witness firsthand!





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[waveshello]

Very nice pics SL! Love seeing other parents enjoying their kiddos and doing cool stuff with them.

Baby H helped me play most of 9 holes at the local course this weekend. She had a ton of fun, I think we'll be doing that more often.





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[shafty85]

Is that arm whale approved by the national disc golf association? Hate to be that guy, but cheating is cheating