Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[liv2ski]

That article really does depend on the child. My oldest was a nightmare from the git go and now at 35 is a pleasure to be around. In her teen years I had to tell her to chill the fuck out or she was going to camp for cunts in Utah (that conversation cooled her jets for awhile). If kids were all like her, nobody would want them. Her sister was the exact opposite and was always such a joy to be around. If we could of had 3 of her, I would of been so happy. Sure our marriage suffered because of the oldest one. Mom was an enabler and I had to be the hammer, it sucked. Good news is, we made it to empty nesters and now we smile and get along great (the wife and I). The kids are great now too.
If I had it all to do over, pretty sure I would run screaming away from my wife, got a vasectomy and had a lot more fun. YRMV.

[BmillsSkier]

It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’ve just poured my first drink of the night. A four finger pour of Eagle Rare with one large cube.

My son started Cub Scouts this year with almost every other boy from his first grade class at his school. It’s a very, very well run pack with a ton of involvement and really cool activities. I’m thrilled for him as he’s been totally enjoying it. On a personal note I’m happy too as I’m an Eagle Scout as well, so of course I’m hoping he gets some of the cool experiences I got out of Scouting.

Tonight we had an overnight campout at Zoo Atlanta. Cool behind the scenes stuff, night and thermal vision goggles to see some of the animals and feeding. The boys and parents all had a great time.

When we got back to the building where we had set up camp we got ready for bed while a bunch of the boys ran the last of their energy out. My son sat down before the others and said he had a stomach cramp and wanted to hit the sack. Cool, me too cause I know sleep could come at a premium and we pass out.

I wake up to a warm feeling washing over my bag and a funny noise. I sit up and reach over to the bag next to me and realize my son is sitting up. I ask if he’s ok and what’s going on. He doesn’t say anything. I feel my bag and it’s covered in hot goo. I look up at my boy just as he rockets a second hurl of mac n cheese, tomatoes, ham and whatever else he ate earlier today. Right. In. My. Face.

I scoop him up and try and contain the third blast to just our two sleeping bags as we’re about a whole 2 feet away from the next set of Scouts and parents. Luckily he’s a silent puker. Seeing this isn’t stopping anytime soon and someone is gonna get wise I grabbed him, my bag, his bag, and as much of the vomit covered mess as I could and made a beeline across the pitch black room and 30-40 sleeping boys and dads to the hallway door where I was able to get a look at the mess we were. I took him to the bathroom to try and clean up as best as I could. We reek.

We tracked down the overnight security guard who said he’d let us out of the locked facilities. Great I say, however we chose to park in the secure garage on the other side of the property (Grant Park isn’t known as the most personal-property friendly neighborhood in ATL) and I sure as shit wasn’t dragging him on the 1 mile walk across the public park at night to the garage. Dude could see the look in my eyes that we needed help and said, “let me track you down a golf cart”. Thankfully about 20 minutes later another zoo security guy shows up with a cart and a speedy lift across the land to our car.

How my boy had anything left in him I’ll never know as he’s skinny as a rail and there was enough vomit in our gear to drown a horse but damn if he didn’t give’r in that cart ride to the garage. All good man? Yeah, he replies as we get out.

Oh for fucks sake. The garage is locked down. Like every entrance. Great for cars, bad for sick kids and dads at 1am. Golf cart guy helps us track down the third party security company that runs the garage to open it up. We’ve moved to dry heaving now, or at least the water that he’s sipped in the past bit. We eventually get in the car and get on the (thankfully) 20 minute ride home, during which, I got to tell the story about how I ate an undercooked burger on a Scout ski trip when I was a year older than him in Northern Michigan and woke up puking my guts out, same as him, except my parents weren’t there, in fact they were 4 hours away, which made for a fun night until they came to get me - bottom line son, this is tradition.

So here I am, 2:20 now, still laundering puke-gear, on my 3rd bourbon and smiling. Why? Cause despite all that shit, my son said he had a blast tonight as I tucked him in his own bed, clean and warm, and that he thought it was hilarious that boys in our family puke on scout trips.

#dadstory

[schuss]

Awesome (for the bonding, not the puke).

[riser4]

He said his name was Ralph.

[BmillsSkier]

He said his name was Ralph.

Cheech ain’t got nothin on my boy.

[riser4]

Cheech ain’t got nothin on my boy.

Sorry man. Reminds me of a story my wife told me. She took our two younger kids (boys) to the Echo center in Burlington along with a very germaphobic friend and her kid. The friend spent the whole time running around after her boy sanitizing him and not letting him touch things. My wife and I are a lot more relaxed about that stuff. Anyway, they were on their way home and my youngest made a funny sound from the back seat. The friend turns around just in time to get multiple streams of projectile vomit in the face and mouth. Apparently my kid spent the whole time drinking water out of all of the exhibits that had water in them. Oops. He was fine. The friend not so much. The lesson is, be careful when you are checking out funny noises from the back seat. And lighten up on the germs. You never know when you are going to get a faceful of puke.

[yeahman]

Holy fuck Bmills I laughed my ass off reading that story.

Best I got is my kid puking on a plane. No where to grab and go, just had to sit there in the stink. I felt really bad for all the people sitting near us.

[54-46]

Attachment 391612

I do not think this can be stated enough.

Reading about teens on this thread as my 15 y/o tells me her BF is coming over and I am supposed to pick him up/drop him off and feed him. Ok, no problem.

Problem comes when he tries to get in her pants.

[yeahman]

Problem comes when he tries to get in her pants.

Hopefully you won't be there when that happens.

[riser4]

Reading about teens on this thread as my 15 y/o tells me her BF is coming over and I am supposed to pick him up/drop him off and feed him. Ok, no problem.

Problem comes when he tries to get in her pants.

Are they his size?

[54-46]

Are they his size?

Dad jokes! Gotta love ‘em!

[AK47bp]

Dad jokes! Gotta love ‘em!

Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[SkiLyft]

The journey moves on, she’s officially mobile and holy crap can she move FAST!! Baby gates, cabinet locks, and outlet covers all deployed. She is such a joy to be around and truly is all giggles and spit up!

Just had our fall family pictures taken — one of my faves!




Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[riser4]

The journey moves on, she’s officially mobile and holy crap can she move FAST!! Baby gates, cabinet locks, and outlet covers all deployed. She is such a joy to be around and truly is all giggles and spit up!

Just had our fall family pictures taken — one of my faves!




Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

Diva!

[SkiLyft]

^^ so true, working on a sibling STAT!


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[riser4]

^^ so true, working on a sibling STAT!


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

Git busy.

[Brownski]

It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’ve just poured my first drink of the night. A four finger pour of Eagle Rare with one large cube.

My son started Cub Scouts this year with almost every other boy from his first grade class at his school. It’s a very, very well run pack with a ton of involvement and really cool activities. I’m thrilled for him as he’s been totally enjoying it. On a personal note I’m happy too as I’m an Eagle Scout as well, so of course I’m hoping he gets some of the cool experiences I got out of Scouting.

Tonight we had an overnight campout at Zoo Atlanta. Cool behind the scenes stuff, night and thermal vision goggles to see some of the animals and feeding. The boys and parents all had a great time.

When we got back to the building where we had set up camp we got ready for bed while a bunch of the boys ran the last of their energy out. My son sat down before the others and said he had a stomach cramp and wanted to hit the sack. Cool, me too cause I know sleep could come at a premium and we pass out.

I wake up to a warm feeling washing over my bag and a funny noise. I sit up and reach over to the bag next to me and realize my son is sitting up. I ask if he’s ok and what’s going on. He doesn’t say anything. I feel my bag and it’s covered in hot goo. I look up at my boy just as he rockets a second hurl of mac n cheese, tomatoes, ham and whatever else he ate earlier today. Right. In. My. Face.

I scoop him up and try and contain the third blast to just our two sleeping bags as we’re about a whole 2 feet away from the next set of Scouts and parents. Luckily he’s a silent puker. Seeing this isn’t stopping anytime soon and someone is gonna get wise I grabbed him, my bag, his bag, and as much of the vomit covered mess as I could and made a beeline across the pitch black room and 30-40 sleeping boys and dads to the hallway door where I was able to get a look at the mess we were. I took him to the bathroom to try and clean up as best as I could. We reek.

We tracked down the overnight security guard who said he’d let us out of the locked facilities. Great I say, however we chose to park in the secure garage on the other side of the property (Grant Park isn’t known as the most personal-property friendly neighborhood in ATL) and I sure as shit wasn’t dragging him on the 1 mile walk across the public park at night to the garage. Dude could see the look in my eyes that we needed help and said, “let me track you down a golf cart”. Thankfully about 20 minutes later another zoo security guy shows up with a cart and a speedy lift across the land to our car.

How my boy had anything left in him I’ll never know as he’s skinny as a rail and there was enough vomit in our gear to drown a horse but damn if he didn’t give’r in that cart ride to the garage. All good man? Yeah, he replies as we get out.

Oh for fucks sake. The garage is locked down. Like every entrance. Great for cars, bad for sick kids and dads at 1am. Golf cart guy helps us track down the third party security company that runs the garage to open it up. We’ve moved to dry heaving now, or at least the water that he’s sipped in the past bit. We eventually get in the car and get on the (thankfully) 20 minute ride home, during which, I got to tell the story about how I ate an undercooked burger on a Scout ski trip when I was a year older than him in Northern Michigan and woke up puking my guts out, same as him, except my parents weren’t there, in fact they were 4 hours away, which made for a fun night until they came to get me - bottom line son, this is tradition.

So here I am, 2:20 now, still laundering puke-gear, on my 3rd bourbon and smiling. Why? Cause despite all that shit, my son said he had a blast tonight as I tucked him in his own bed, clean and warm, and that he thought it was hilarious that boys in our family puke on scout trips.

#dadstory

Yeah, that’s pretty good.

[EWG]

Cheech ain’t got nothin on my boy.

Great story. You'll remember that one a long time. My kids still fondly reminisce about the time my daughter puked on my son's head. Mostly milk. He was extremely allergic to dairy at the time.

Good stuff.

[riser4]

Do want to get more puke stories? Because that's how you get more puke stories.

[Marshall Tucker]

Bmills awesome story. So much in front of you. protip. when they start talkin overnight to the yorktown run. like. hell. Woodruff was always a fun trip though. The troop would do a weekend the first week of november. Good memories. Looking back it was right in the wheelhouse of fall baseball ("daddyball") and we'd have these massive fathers/sons game on the huge lawn out front. God I'm dating myself, I remember Shawn having a phone that could get scores; otherwise we were bound to the AM radio that might get a broadcast and might not.

Jump on Woodruff if it comes up. "Burnt adams" always sucked. tons of bugs. Cheers MT

[Tryingtostaywarm]

Reading about teens on this thread as my 15 y/o tells me her BF is coming over and I am supposed to pick him up/drop him off and feed him. Ok, no problem.

Problem comes when he tries to get in her pants.

My 16 y/o self with a 15 y/o girlfriend back in high school were fucking everywhere. Private gym we had access to after hours(my dads gym), neighbors pool, parents basement, car parked at her parents land they owned, neighbors house my family was house watching and got the door key..... You get the picture. Great times

[riser4]

My 16 y/o self with a 15 y/o girlfriend back in high school were fucking everywhere. Private gym we had access to after hours(my dads gym), neighbors pool, parents basement, car parked at her parents land they owned, neighbors house my family was house watching and got the door key..... You get the picture. Great times

Heh. The house watching bit. One house had a waterbed. I could figure out how to get the bottom sheet off to wash it. Oops.

[liv2ski]

My 16 y/o self with a 15 y/o girlfriend back in high school were fucking everywhere. Private gym we had access to after hours(my dads gym), neighbors pool, parents basement, car parked at her parents land they owned, neighbors house my family was house watching and got the door key..... You get the picture. Great times

Well just know the good Lord will be sure you have daughters because of your antics. Ask how I know.

[BmillsSkier]

Do want to get more puke stories? Because that's how you get more puke stories.

I'm actually surprised we haven't had more to this point.

Bmills awesome story. So much in front of you. protip. when they start talkin overnight to the yorktown run. like. hell. Woodruff was always a fun trip though. The troop would do a weekend the first week of november. Good memories. Looking back it was right in the wheelhouse of fall baseball ("daddyball") and we'd have these massive fathers/sons game on the huge lawn out front. God I'm dating myself, I remember Shawn having a phone that could get scores; otherwise we were bound to the AM radio that might get a broadcast and might not.

Jump on Woodruff if it comes up. "Burnt adams" always sucked. tons of bugs. Cheers MT

Nice beta, thanks MT! Last year was the Yorktown so I'm kinda glad I missed out on that one.

[RootSkier]

My 16 y/o self with a 15 y/o girlfriend back in high school were fucking everywhere. Private gym we had access to after hours(my dads gym), neighbors pool, parents basement, car parked at her parents land they owned, neighbors house my family was house watching and got the door key..... You get the picture. Great times

Fucking savage post in this thread. strong work.