Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Did you get the part where a 15 year old a 17 year old and two parents were in the same bed?

You were more offended more by kids being in their own bed?

I’m not offended. Letting your teenagers sleep with you isn’t a problem that’s caused by sleeping with your infant or toddler. It’s caused by not having boundaries with your children.

Infants and toddlers instinctively want to be with their parents. Getting them in their own bed when they get older isn’t a problem if you’re actively parenting and setting boundaries when they can understand what all that means.




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[TahoeJ]

Manchester by the Sea was my first good dad cry.

Same. That movie is brutal. I saw that while on a work trip and had to call my kids after.

[Timberridge]

When we were mattress shopping and trying to decide between buying 2 Klufts or 1 Hastens--we sorta settled on spending $60K tops for bedding--it came down to whether we all wanted to sleep together on the Hastens, or have a separate bed for our son and buy the Klufts. In the end, we decided on the latter. I don't regret the decision but have often wondered what sleeping on the Hastens would have been like. It is after all, the mattress that the Swedish royal family sleeps on.

[riser4]

When we were mattress shopping and trying to decide between buying 2 Klufts or 1 Hastens--we sorta settled on spending $60K tops for bedding--it came down to whether we all wanted to sleep together on the Hastens, or have a separate bed for our son and buy the Klufts. In the end, we decided on the latter. I don't regret the decision but have often wondered what sleeping on the Hastens would have been like. It is after all, the mattress that the Swedish royal family sleeps on.

I laft.

[shafty85]

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

Reading through this thread has been a great read. I was pondering on this particular aspect of it. What have fellow maggots experienced regarding this aspect of life? Presumably it varies with the number of kids, yours and spouse's age, kids age, other life stresses, etc but what is the maggots' general sex life (frequency/desire for it/etc) experience?

[Buzzworthy]

Reading through this thread has been a great read. I was pondering on this particular aspect of it. What have fellow maggots experienced regarding this aspect of life? Presumably it varies with the number of kids, yours and spouse's age, kids age, other life stresses, etc but what is the maggots' general experience?

Wouldn’t change it for the world. Most rewarding hardest thing you’ve ever done.

[shafty85]

Wouldn’t change it for the world. Most rewarding hardest thing you’ve ever done.

Only beginning the journey on my end but so far would completely agree. Edited to clarify the thrust of my question.

[Yonder_River]

Reading through this thread has been a great read. I was pondering on this particular aspect of it. What have fellow maggots experienced regarding this aspect of life? Presumably it varies with the number of kids, yours and spouse's age, kids age, other life stresses, etc but what is the maggots' general sex life (frequency/desire for it/etc) experience?

My only advice is be helpful around the house and schedule it at least weekly if you can. Keep it as habitual as possible. And obviously park the kids in front of a screen. Work from home helps.

I have three boys under the age of 13 so it's doable, just takes a bit of work.

[Buzzworthy]

Only beginning the journey on my end but so far would completely agree. Edited to clarify the thrust of my question.

Being married for 24 years that’s a loaded question. You get out of it what you put I to it.

[Tips^Up]

Reading through this thread has been a great read. I was pondering on this particular aspect of it. What have fellow maggots experienced regarding this aspect of life? Presumably it varies with the number of kids, yours and spouse's age, kids age, other life stresses, etc but what is the maggots' general sex life (frequency/desire for it/etc) experience?

Update: our son is now 5 months and our daughter 2.5. She's been climbing into bed with us lately, and wife and I agreed to stop it because once she's in, no one sleeps. Our 5 month old is crying right now, I think teeth will be poking through soon. As far as my poking luck, it hasn't improved much. My wife puts ridiculous amount of time into pumping milk (then cleaning pump parts and bottles, which I also do every damn day); she's back to work 40+ stressful hours/week; her body looks great to me but she's not at a point of feeling sexy. This is the lowpoint of our sex life now. Maybe once to a few times per month. But, she's a damn good mom and partner and hard worker and hopefully we're setting ourselves up for less stressful work lives down the road. Good news, our daughter is a freaking gem, unicorn child. Too early to tell with our son. He's amazing during the day, PITA during the night if I'm being honest.

Big NYE plans! Tumbling tots at 10am, hopefully put my daughter on skis for her 2nd time, get the fireplace roaring, fry up some scallops (never bought or prepared them before, excited for the culinary adventure), if I'm lucky, be sleeping well before midnight.

[Buzzworthy]

My only advice is be helpful around the house and schedule it at least weekly if you can. Keep it as habitual as possible. And obviously park the kids in front of a screen.

😂😆😂 fucking gold

[shafty85]

Update: our son is now 5 months..... she's back to work 40+ stressful hours/week

How this became normalized in America is beyond me. Up here women get 12-18 months paid maternity leave (their choice as to the duration of the leave, though the income earned during the leave doesn't change). I can't imagine juggling a 5month old (or however young the infant is when the mother has to go back to work in America) and both parents working.

[schuss]

Update: our son is now 5 months and our daughter 2.5. She's been climbing into bed with us lately, and wife and I agreed to stop it because once she's in, no one sleeps. Our 5 month old is crying right now, I think teeth will be poking through soon. As far as my poking luck, it hasn't improved much. My wife puts ridiculous amount of time into pumping milk (then cleaning pump parts and bottles, which I also do every damn day); she's back to work 40+ stressful hours/week; her body looks great to me but she's not at a point of feeling sexy. This is the lowpoint of our sex life now. Maybe once to a few times per month. But, she's a damn good mom and partner and hard worker and hopefully we're setting ourselves up for less stressful work lives down the road. Good news, our daughter is a freaking gem, unicorn child. Too early to tell with our son. He's amazing during the day, PITA during the night if I'm being honest.

Big NYE plans! Tumbling tots at 10am, hopefully put my daughter on skis for her 2nd time, get the fireplace roaring, fry up some scallops (never bought or prepared them before, excited for the culinary adventure), if I'm lucky, be sleeping well before midnight.

Re: relationships
Having two kids with roughly the same gap - you kinda just have to get through this stage. Once the kids start sleeping a bit more (hopefully in 3 months, not 12), life will be running a bit less ragged so there will be time and space for that sort of thing.
Then once the breastfeeding stops her body will feel more like hers again, which also helps. With this type of gap, the first two years of 2 suck out loud imo, but it gets great after as the kids start playing with each other and you get some time back.

[Mustonen]

Beware resentments, on your side and hers. Easy for them to build walls during these times that might not ever fully come down.

[TahoeJ]

Re: relationships
Having two kids with roughly the same gap - you kinda just have to get through this stage. Once the kids start sleeping a bit more (hopefully in 3 months, not 12), life will be running a bit less ragged so there will be time and space for that sort of thing.
Then once the breastfeeding stops her body will feel more like hers again, which also helps. With this type of gap, the first two years of 2 suck out loud imo, but it gets great after as the kids start playing with each other and you get some time back.

This is spot on and understandable. I totally get that while breastfeeding a mom may not want to be touched and left alone. You have to just get through that stage.

But also, as a father of three whose marriage (and 24 year relationship) fell apart, I strongly recommend doing whatever you can to have multi-night getaways without the kids. Make it happen. And she may not want to because of BS societal mom guilt, but press the issue.

[arild]

This is spot on and understandable. I totally get that while breastfeeding a mom may not want to be touched and left alone. You have to just get through that stage.

But also, as a father of three whose marriage (and 24 year relationship) fell apart, I strongly recommend doing whatever you can to have multi-night getaways without the kids. Make it happen. And she may not want to because of BS societal mom guilt, but press the issue.

Agreed with the getaways. Not as just a chance to get it on, but as much to just be adults together. If you still actually like each other, getting drunk together is wonderful. Vice versa.

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[SkiLyft]

In response to is it worth it? 11 months in and love it. Yeah things change and priories have to adjust at times, but no greater joy than sharing the love of the outdoors with little humans!!

Loving all this snow we got, makes the backyard ski pretty damn well!








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[waveshello]

In response to is it worth it? 11 months in and love it. Yeah things change and priories have to adjust at times, but no greater joy than sharing the love of the outdoors with little humans!!

Loving all this snow we got, makes the backyard ski pretty damn well!








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Nice pics, SL. Looks like fun.

Is your girlie walking? Baby H is just starting to take steps on her own, still building confidence. We took her out on some local park trails today... She had a blast! I need to find a better way to keep her hands warm though--Any tips from the collective are appreciated.







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[skiJ]

warm hands -
does anyone still make a gaunlet mitt for tiny hands ?

' had a couple pair twenty years ago that were awesome !

Cordura mitt, nylon gauntlet -
wool mitt underneath.
dry hands and covering the wrist gap are key !

skiJ

check Burton grom

And Lbow childrens mitten

[shafty85]

Nice pics, SL. Looks like fun.

Is your girlie walking? Baby H is just starting to take steps on her own, still building confidence. We took her out on some local park trails today... She had a blast! I need to find a better way to keep her hands warm though--Any tips from the collective are appreciated.







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We have some gauntlet mitts with double cinches that seem to work well - waterproof and warm (for VanIsle). As skiJ mentioned - mitts underneath are beneficial and the ones we have are large enough to accommodate though 2nd mitts are a PITA.

[skiJ]

warm hands (part two. a little older )

very hard to beat an old-fashioned leather chopper (Bemedji Woolen mill ) over a wool mitten ( FoxRiver or custom made )

change the wool liners if they get wet
( a dry liner in a wet leather mitt should be warm for at least two hours or until the dry liner becomes soaked )
put the wool mitt liners on before a jacket, covering the wrist gap...

Good luck ! skiJ

[johnnyg82]

Zippered mitts are great too, if they aren’t yet old enough to help you out then on.

I’ve got two pairs of Kombi’s, one zippered and one not zippered which I mainly put on my kid now that she can put them on herself.

Zippered: Kombi Candy man: https://www.altitude-sports.com/prod...e%20Leaf%20Red

Regular gauntlet: Kombi Animal Family: https://www.altitude-sports.com/prod...20The%20Kitten

[schuss]

This is spot on and understandable. I totally get that while breastfeeding a mom may not want to be touched and left alone. You have to just get through that stage.

But also, as a father of three whose marriage (and 24 year relationship) fell apart, I strongly recommend doing whatever you can to have multi-night getaways without the kids. Make it happen. And she may not want to because of BS societal mom guilt, but press the issue.

We just started instituting Friday night date nights, alternating who owns the snacks+activity.
I don't think multi night getaways are 100% required, but they sure as shit help.
You're very correct that the relationship still needs to be a priority and dedicated work, so it's easy for it to fall by the wayside when you're both tired and there's more poop to clean up.
Above all, communicate with your spouse and be honest about how you're feeling so you two can make a plan of how to resolve or at least an understanding of the level of strain it puts on you so you can both couch non-intimacy as "on hold" vs "different forever".
It's tough.

[HappyCamper]

Bumping this rad thread.....

Anyone teach their kids to swim? Helpful YouTube vids? Tips?

This is for a higher-energy 5 year old.

Swim lessons are really tough to find right now (Seattle).

So I am thinking, perhaps foolishly, I could teach some basics like "how to not drown" (so I can sleep maybe a bit better at night).

Former occasionally competitive swimmer - but am apparently at square 1 for teaching.

[phatty]

Bumping this rad thread.....

Anyone teach their kids to swim? Helpful YouTube vids? Tips?

This is for a higher-energy 5 year old.

Swim lessons are really tough to find right now (Seattle).

So I am thinking, perhaps foolishly, I could teach some basics like "how to not drown" (so I can sleep maybe a bit better at night).

Former occasionally competitive swimmer - but am apparently at square 1 for teaching.

Seattle proper? I'm out on the Eastside (Issaquah) and have 2 teenage sons that are swim instructors at our community pool.

Can't help on teaching yourself. We did lessons and then swim team starting at 7yo.