Came home after the weekend to find an immaculate house and a 90 gal trash bin completely filled with beer cans and bottles. Somehow both kids survived HS and are reasonably functional adults.
^^^Yeah she skis in the back seat with her jacket flapping.
I’d still hit it.
Other amusing stuff (IMHO)
Central OR got a shitload of snow between 3/10 and 3/16. The lifts serving Mt Brokenchair’s steepest terrain were closed for several days due to snow and high winds.
When the weather finally broke 3/16 it took a couple of days to get these chairs open.
In the meantime a boarder decided to poach some of this closed terrain to get at the 4’ (more where wind transported) snow before they could get the lift open. Rode into a flattish area and got stuck - couldn’t move.
So he called patrol on his cell phone to come get him out.
The Patrol dispatcher laughed at him - told him to self-extract.
So this guy sat there in the snow and posted to a Facebook page that he needed the name of a good lawyer because he was gonna sue the resort. For butthurt I guess…
Hilarity ensued until he deleted the post. Best reply “make sure the lawyer has a snowmobile so he can come get you”
There was a local mountain bike forum I was on when I moved to Socal mid 2000's. It imploded around 2010 or 2012 under the weight of all the massive egos in Orange county. Lately I started getting emails from that site with an update on "last week's popular topics!" The most recent activity in them is all from 2014 and 2015 lol.
I’d say we could expect the same from this place but we all know they lost everyone’s email when Iceman got locked out.
I still call it The Jake.
Not one to brag usually but today I sneezed so hard I broke my belt.
Jones crusher? Deadly jaws better get the gauze?
We are getting a big storm here in washington with warnings of possible tornados and golfball hail. So my wife went to park her car in our garage this morning. We (I) use it for toys, tools and home gym, never for cars so she had to rearrange some things first and i told her it would be a PITA to get everything out of the way and the car may not fit.
10mins later I get a text: "fits like a glove. Told you it would work!!"
a minute later: "come out to the garage please"
I come out to the garage and it became very apparent that she had only moved things far enough out of the way such that the car would fit, not that she could open her doors after fitting the car in the garage haha. I spent the next 60 seconds talking over her telling her that she couldnt park there, and i didnt think she could get out and she might want to try again but do better. She was furious. It amused me. Yes, im an asshole.
Tell her she can enter and exit using the sun roof.
I have crawled out the back of my car when the parking spot was particularly tight.
"fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
"She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
"everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy
Heh. I did this in a rental minivan in a parking deck once. Sign outside said one space left. OK, I'm in. Cruise the whole place. Great. Last spot was encroached over the lines on both sides by absurdly large SUVs. Bonus was that the guy on right was up against a wall and some pipes. I let the passengers out, folded the mirrors back, slotted it in with literally an inch or two on each side, and climbed out the rear hatch. My cousin was in stitches, thought it was a funny dick move. His GF ended up needed to take one of the nephews to the car early. So I felt a little bad, but apparently one of the other vehicles had already left.
I see hydraulic turtles.
My life right now it's like groundhog's Day. Every day is the same with two young dogs, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
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Never in U.S. history has the public chosen leadership this malevolent. The moral clarity of their decision is crystalline, particularly knowing how Trump will regard his slim margin as a “mandate” to do his worst. We’ve learned something about America that we didn’t know, or perhaps didn’t believe, and it’ll forever color our individual judgments of who and what we are.
Saw a guy this morning at 7:30, standing on the side of the highway with a sign that said “Fuck the Police”. Been laughing about it all day. I mean, I was like “Yeah”! But what for? I want the details!
Possibly a first amendment auditor looking for stupid cops to fuck with. Love those guys
crab in my shoe mouth
New pooch has a donut-shaped toy that she put her nose through so it covered her eyes then stumbled around like " hey! I can't see anything"
I like to threaten that I’ll get ‘bad bitch’ right above my waistline
….Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) ended up with egg on her face Tuesday during a hearing where she confused film director Oliver Stone with GOP operative and adviser Roger Stone.
Lauren Boebert is an idiot.
Would you turn down a blowie in a theater from Boebert?
Of course not, if that was her sole purpose in life. In her current position, however, she could never overcome her idiocy even with a bazillion BJs.
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