How ya doin' Anon?

[biggins]

Hope you're ok. Keep venting on the board. Keep ya head up.

[phUnk]

He makes good goggles at least.

[anon]

Hope you're ok. Keep venting on the board. Keep ya head up.

Thanks...saw your reply to my old thread before I deleted it. I deleted because I thought the style of my last post there would to have given me away to some of the long time posters.

That being said...it's scary the thoughts that go through your head when you're feeling this low. When you feel as though you've completely wasted the last 12 years of your life and everything you've ever said or done to this person meant nothing, nothing at all (and everything thing they've said and done for you has been lies) and the positive way you've tried to live your life was worthless. Why try at all? Bah.

[skiguide]

That being said...it's scary the thoughts that go through your head when you're feeling this low. When you feel as though you've completely wasted the last 12 years of your life and everything you've ever said or done to this person meant nothing, nothing at all (and everything thing they've said and done for you has been lies) and the positive way you've tried to live your life was worthless. Why try at all? Bah.

wow. that sounds all too familiar. been there before too. so good thoughts your way, cause I know exactly how sucky that feels.

Anyway, did you talk to/confront her?

regardless of how shitty this time is, remember that some people actually can and do fix their problems, and even come out better from them.

[biggins]

Not that I know anything here but...

Shore up your assets. Print some IM transcripts. Tell her you know, and split. Don't keep raking yourself over the coals like this.

Good luck.

[BakerBoy]

Put it in her butt... that always works...

[SkiingBear]

Print up the IM transcripts and leave them somewhere for her to find. Put this ball back in her court and see how she handles it. Maybe brief a hand-written note on the print-outs to get some of your feelings off your chest.

Just my gut reaction and what I would probably do...if, God forbid, I had to go through something like that.

Stay tough, +++++vibes+++++

[A-wreck]

Print up the IM transcripts and leave them somewhere for her to find. Put this ball back in her court and see how she handles it. Maybe brief a hand-written note on the print-outs to get some of your feelings off your chest.

Just my gut reaction and what I would probably do...if, God forbid, I had to go through something like that.

Stay tough, +++++vibes+++++

That's gay.
Baker boy's idea is better in the short run.

In the long run though, I'd say leave now and don't look back. Unless you have kids. Then you'll be forced to deal with this scandalous broad for the rest of your life.

[Core Shot]

JESUS CHRIST she didn't tell me she got a bikini wax. MOTHERFUCKER. IS this proof!? GOD DMAN it I want to say something but feel like I should wait for something juicier. shite fucik shit

My wife is telling another guy...the guy I think she's fooling around with...that she got a bikini wax..he's replying "Nice!"...and she's replying "I KNEW YOU WOULD LIKE THAT

The saddest part is that she didn't show you her bikini wax. that's your proof (assuming she actually got waxed). I would do an immediate snatch inspection and confront her with that fact! Let her try to weasel on that one. Why wax her bush days ago without telling/showing you?

As for the IM.
First, dont show it to her - this is your secret weapon (but sadly also your private torture).
Second, it is possible that they are not fucking. I have worked with some chics that like to flirt and I could see them saying something like that, and I could actually see myself saying something stupid like "nice!"
The fact that the conversation does not get hot and steamy right there might be indication of an excessively flirty woman, and not a cheating whore.

That being said, you got issues due to: she should be flirting with you and taking care of you; and she is waxing her ass and not inviting you to the grand opening.

Hide any money, liquidate any assets (start a gambling problem and begin "losing" large amounts of cash).
If you are in a no-fault divorce state, it doesn't matter who is cheating or whether you have evidence. If so, start bringing home hookers and doing blow.

[skiguide]

Hide any money, liquidate any assets (start a gambling problem and begin "losing" large amounts of cash).
If you are in a no-fault divorce state, it doesn't matter who is cheating or whether you have evidence.

Why do you all fucking assume they have to get a divorce?
(not that it isn't a good idea to have a plan in place)

Sure, cheating is a deal breaker for a lot of people, but when you've invested that much time into another person and a relationship with them, it IS possible to go counseling, heal, forgive and move foward.

Clearly, they have some issues whether or not she's cheating - obviously communication is poor, because anon's afraid to talk to her about their issues. Or they've just not been connecting recently (emotionally and physically) - and that has raised his level of concern, or possibly given him reason to worry.

So man, it's up to you - if you care about this relationship, and want to stop hurting, it's time to confront it, and start dealing with it.

Second, it is possible that they are not fucking. I have worked with some chics that like to flirt and I could see them saying something like that, and I could actually see myself saying something stupid like "nice!"
The fact that the conversation does not get hot and steamy right there might be indication of an excessively flirty woman, and not a cheating whore.

Core Shot actually may have a point here... women tend to have 'emotional affairs' rather than sexual right off the bat or at all, it's the fact that someone else is making them feel good about themselves, being smart or beautiful, or whatever, when that's fallen off at home, which is not uncommon after a long relationship.

You just have to remember and make an more of an effort to make ithe other person your top priority the longer you're together. and it's so easy to let that slide and take things for granted. and both sides are guilty of that - I'm not saying it's all your fault.

....and look on the brightside, "Shitface" may not even be male - it could be a another woman that she wanted to show her bikini wax off to, and if so, - that opens up opportunity for a threesome!!!

ok, i'm sorry, that's in somewhat bad taste, because I certainly hope this works out for the best.

[frozenwater]

I've got to speak up to skiguide on this whole "you don't have to divorce her" thing.

As a husband of 11 years, I could forgive my wife of a lot of things. However, breaking that one almight trust and having slept with another man - let alone one of my "friends" I could not forgive.

I may not want to divorce her, but since I could never again trust her or forgive her I would have to divorce her.

Ullr help me to never have to face that dilema.

And vibes sent your way Anon.

[gonzo]

hang in there bro. i can't imagine how much this must suck.

[yentna]

But that's just the thing, it isn't known whether or not she's cheating. I have female friends that I would tell about my bikini wax, (though I'd also tell my SO as well admittedly.) The thing is, everyone is jumping to conclusions. I think that is partly Skiguide's point.

That said, I agree, if someone cheated on me, it would pretty much be over. That is the biggest violation of trust possible.

The important thing is to find out what is going on, and have a plan no matter what. If it is an emotional thing, counselling is possible. Full on cheating.....I hope it doesn't come to that.

Good luck, positive vibes sent that it all works out in a good way.

[skiguide]

Froz, Yentna -

Just to be clear - I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, I'm just saying that divorce isn't necessarily the answer for everyone. in some cases, the couple probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, so divorce is a good idea.

sitting on my couch while working (i know you guys have that boring office thing so you don't get that point of view -LOL) I watch enough OPRAH and Dr. Phil to know there actually can be some relationships fixed after such an event, some are even better after it sounds like, but it takes a TON of effort and desire on both sides to do so.

Building back trust after that kind of situation is a HUGE issue, i agree, and may not be possible for everyone to get through.

I think the key thing is that maybe you can't really say for sure what you would do unless you're actually in that position and going through it yourself.Every situation is different.

but i have to ask, does that make you weaker or stronger if you don't even want to try to fix things, depending on the situation?

note that I'm not a fan of "staying together for the kids' sake" type of marriages, cause a well-handled divorce can be so much better than a loveless marriage. (though luckily it sounds like no kids involved here)

remember that marriage vows go two ways- and in addition to the fidelity one, there's also the "good times and bad" part that you promise to get through together.

[truth]

Post his IM screename. Then watch the fun begin.

[biggins]

Post his IM screename. Then watch the fun begin.

Let the situation play out privately. Once things have been aired out however- maggot revenge should definitely ensue en masse.

[13]

I was gonna say maybe it's online cheating. If that's better or worse, I dunno.

Welcome to the 21st century.

[biggins]

I was gonna say maybe it's online cheating. If that's better or worse, I dunno.

Welcome to the 21st century.

Ooooh, good discussion question...

[snowsprite]

Frozen and I think alike on this matter! I feel there are some boundaries you can't cross. I am not sure I could ever trust a person at all after that type of violation, and I could not live with a person who I don't trust at all.

One thing I'm wondering is how you could not notice your SI got a wax? This is very telling. There is certainly a communication breakdown, and unfortunately it looks like some sexual distance has resulted as well.

This is a terribly painful situation for you I'm sure, and I'm sorry you're having to go through it--whoever you are.

Keep your chin up, and I hope things work out okay for you.

Sprite

[A-wreck]

I wonder what anon is doing.

[Free Range Lobster]

murder?

6789

[InspectorGadget]

Building back trust after that kind of situation is a HUGE issue, i agree, and may not be possible for everyone to get through.

I think the key thing is that maybe you can't really say for sure what you would do unless you're actually in that position and going through it yourself. Every situation is different.

SG's right, you cannot say what you would do until, heaven forbid, you're faced with a similar situation yourself.

Granted, infidelity wasn't our issue, but Mrs. Gadget and I have had our difficulties. Everybody that's been in a long-term relationship has had their difficulties. And I wouldn't want to go through it again, but there is no denying that our relationship is better today because we stayed with it - this Saturday will be our 17th anniversary.

Though I would have to agree that there are some glaring issues staring him in the face, Anon will do what he needs to do. However, when you are the one in the thick of it, it is much harder to see what's easily seen by those around you.

Anon - you'll need to take a first step, don't wait too long.

Best of luck ++++++++++++++ vibes sent.



[rant] As for you fuck-heads that are trying to be funny, I think your comments are way out of line. Maybe you would like a swift kick in the nuts next time you're twisting in the wind. [/rant]

[anon]

I wonder what anon is doing.

Sometimes I wonder what anon is doing too.

Tonight is pretty rough.

She's not here anymore.

It's true when they say silence is deafening.

We've agreed to try to work things through however....to get some help.



Really feeling these lyrics right now:
"Permanent Days Unmoving" - Downset

"This minute is hard
and it walks an unfit honest mile alone.
the truth laid out to wait
rest well
and die cold.
I know the method
lips drawn wide to turn and sway.
to smile behind the biting tongue.
each of us danced well in lies:
the Hand the Handle and the sword.
Lies
there are those of us who will embrace lies
and yet if it comforts us we will do
what lies do...
when I confess there is no truth demons remain sleepless in love with blood starved souls forgotten without sounds...
between birth and death lies will whisper deepest disintegration before the living.
lies fashioned with the images of angelic faces.
it grows into a stillness and we will responde lies
can I speak of deepest deaths unseen...
pearl teardrops will fall from
The faces of undeserved suffering...
forcing permanent days unmoving...

Slicing clean
but not as deep
and what it equals
scars will tell
pain runs hard
hate runs clean
and on the floor your
Whitlings fell.
because this monster begets the monster...
myself and the thorn of fear that the selfsame well from
which my laughter comes would also bleed with my tears..."



thanks everyone for the kind words...I'm out of here for awhile.

[lemon boy]

Hey man- I don't even begin to have any wise words for you but ++++vibes++++ are fully in place for you.

Best of skill working it out with your missus.

[biggins]

Probably the best thing for ya. Help is good.

Keep ya head up