Share a random funny story

[WTF is dat]

I realized that many members on this site have a lot of hilarious stories to tell, so I thought I would create a thread where we could all share some of our funniest stories.


I’ll start:


A few years ago I was visiting my family in New Jersey and went into the grocery store with my father. A large Jamaican woman was checking out in front of us and she had absolutely enormous #breasts. They were seriously gigantic. Anyhow, as she is checking out she reaches to grab her purse, and an entire ham slides out from under her blouse. This ham was massive, the type that you serve at Christmas. She looks at the ham that is now on the floor in front of the register, and screams in a high pitched Jamaican accent “WHO THREW DAT HAAAAYYYYAAAMMM AT ME” She then looked around the store and left her groceries and the ham on the floor and walked out the front door.

[wooley12]

The wife was driving through a busy town and at a light a 16 y o kid in a Jetta motions her to pull over. She does and he says that she had caused him to hit the curb and ruin a wheel and tire. She told him to get an estimate and she'd check her insurance so they traded info. He sends us an estimate for two tires and wheels, $450. Our insurance co. says "no strike, no foul" and won't pay. While we are pondering how and if to help the lad, the thug calls her and demands some "fucking money from a fucking old lady." Freaked the wife out. Next day his mom leaves a voice mail saying junior would apologize but we owe junior money. I block the number and she pulls that shit 2 more times from different phones. I go into attack mode. Recon shows a dumb kid, rich daddy in a 5 b.r. $3 mil house. So I call and get mom and dad on the speaker phone. Then they tell me what a tough time Jr has at his minimum wage job, somebody stole his lap top, blah, blah, blah. I tell them we'd like to help but if we did it wouldn't be fair their little hoodlum. Sets a bad example of rewarding bad behavior. They threaten small claims court and I say "Please do, I have the time". Then I drop the bomb. Tell them that we have filled out papers to file for an order of protection against Jr. AND mommie and that if my wife ever even sees the kid again we will file the papers. You could hear the air come out of the room. Dead silent. KABOOOOM!!!!!

I laughed my ass off.

[MakersTeleMark]

The wife was driving through a busy town and at a light a 16 y o kid in a Jetta motions her to pull over. She does and he says that she had caused him to hit the curb and ruin a wheel and tire. She told him to get an estimate and she'd check her insurance so they traded info. He sends us an estimate for two tires and wheels, $450. Our insurance co. says "no strike, no foul" and won't pay. While we are pondering how and if to help the lad, the thug calls her and demands some "fucking money from a fucking old lady." Freaked the wife out. Next day his mom leaves a voice mail saying junior would apologize but we owe junior money. I block the number and she pulls that shit 2 more times from different phones. I go into attack mode. Recon shows a dumb kid, rich daddy in a 5 b.r. $3 mil house. So I call and get mom and dad on the speaker phone. Then they tell me what a tough time Jr has at his minimum wage job, somebody stole his lap top, blah, blah, blah. I tell them we'd like to help but if we did it wouldn't be fair their little hoodlum. Sets a bad example of rewarding bad behavior. They threaten small claims court and I say "Please do, I have the time". Then I drop the bomb. Tell them that we have filled out papers to file for an order of protection against Jr. AND mommie and that if my wife ever even sees the kid again we will file the papers. You could hear the air come out of the room. Dead silent. KABOOOOM!!!!!

I laughed my ass off.

That's not even remotely funny.

[wooley12]

Really? Guess you had to be there. I still chuckle when I think of that silence.

How's this. Got a call from a mag in MA to ask if I could rescue a bunch or race skis in Ithica from the apartment of an old girl fried of a farmer living in Iowa. So I leave Upstate NY, meet the chick, rescue the skis, drop them in MA and head for the spring parties in Tuckerman. On the way back to NY I try to navigate across the middle of VT and NH. I get lost in a NH town with the bridge out on main street and I go into a grocery/fishing/knitting supply store to ask directions. The lady clerk is waiting on a local lady when I ask how to get to VT. They look at each other and laugh. The clerk says in a thick NH accent, "You cahnt git thayah from heayah."

[MakersTeleMark]

Really? Guess you had to be there. I still chuckle when I think of that silence.

How's this. Got a call from a mag in MA to ask if I could rescue a bunch or race skis in Ithica from the apartment of an old girl fried of a farmer living in Iowa. So I leave Upstate NY, meet the chick, rescue the skis, drop them in MA and head for the spring parties in Tuckerman. On the way back to NY I try to navigate across the middle of VT and NH. I get lost in a NH town with the bridge out on main street and I go into a grocery/fishing/knitting supply store to ask directions. The lady clerk is waiting on a local lady when I ask how to get to VT. They look at each other and laugh. The clerk says in a thick NH accent, "You cahnt git thayah from heayah."

Facepalm.

[wendigo]

I had recently moved to the city from a small town, and was heading over to a friend’s house.
Fired up the “technically totaled” Hyundai Excel, why it’s named after a shitty spreadsheet program - I have no idea.
Holy shit, stand still traffic. WTF? I haven’t been in traffic more than four cars deep in at least three years.

Fuck this, side road time. Right, left, right, left. Alright this should go through, no idea where I’m at exactly, but going in the right general direction. Hey there is someone hitching for a ride, it’s pouring rain, what the hell why not.

It is worth noting that I had just moved from southeast Alaska to Anchorage.
Southeast Alaska is wet, really wet. Due to the constant rain, the afore mentioned Excel having previously been totaled tended to leak a bit in the rear windows.
Fortunately this model was equipped with a drain plug in the spare tire well.
However, the rear seat never did dry so I tore it out.
It is not uncommon in SEAK to come across hitchhikers and offer a ride, hell I’ve been the hitchhiker and always appreciated the chance to get out of the rain.
Plus it was likely that you knew whoever picked you up, small town and all.

Anyway I stop and offer a ride. I was surprised that it was a woman who got in as you really couldn’t tell with the parka and all.
She reeks to high heaven, ash tray after a million nights in the bar smell.
Pretty horrible.
Almost immediately she starts changing the radio station, about this point I’m thinking there is something odd about her.
I asked where she wanted to go and she said “anywhere”.
She’s asks if I’m a cop?

We are in a totaled Hyundai Excel with no back seat, a climbing sling for a driver’s side door handle since the driver's side door wouldn't open for a year until I borrowed a persuader to "fix" the situation.
I had recently finished a graduate degree, gotten divorced, and went crab fishing for a few months and was now climbing and skiing until that money ran out, with no gainful employment in sight – and I pretty much looked like it. So no, definitely not a cop.
I was slow on the uptake and still didn’t understand what was going on I asked again where she wanted to go and she said “McDonalds”.
I’m not a fan and was new to town so didn’t know exactly where one was I turn left and there was a restaurant a block away. Now I’m really confused and thinking “why the fuck didn’t you just walk the block”.

She asks again if I’m a cop, now I’m catching on. That’s when she starts pulling up her shirt...

[MakersTeleMark]

She asks again if I’m a cop, now I’m catching on. That’s when she starts pulling up her shirt...

...and screams in a high pitched Jamaican accent “WHO THREW DAT HAAAAYYYYAAAMMM AT ME”

C'mon people!

[WTF is dat]

Facepalm.

Wooley is really fucking up this thread

I was hoping to create a classic thread filled with funny stories. I have been disappointed so far

[frorider]

So there was this old fucker with weird hair and a distorted sense of his leadership abilities who, for the hell of it, decided to....ok never mind.

[NW_SKIER]

I’m always a bit nervous when a colleague
begins explaining some shit with ‘funny story’
especially after loaning them some shit.

Now that made me laugh.

Woolley has to be the least funny person in history.

[digitaldeaths mom]

About a year ago we had a church function at St. Olaf's here in Minneapolis and we all had to wear name tags. I noticed one of the ladies had her name tag slip down over her breast. I asked one of the other women there if I should say something as I did not know this woman with the fallen name tag very well. She said "No, let's just wait and see what name she'll give the other one."

[WTF is dat]

Now that made me laugh.

Woolley has to be the least funny person in history.

This is funnier than wooley’s posts

[wooley12]

Really? That's funny. My whole family is a house of cards.

So I go to the airport with my new HS squeeze to pick up my dad coming home from a sales meeting in NYC. It's winter and dark. We leave the airport with pop driving, GF in the middle slot on the bench seat and me at the passenger door. Pop looks over at the lass and opines, "GF, you look like you are a 34B." Her face glows red with unease and answers a timid. "Yeah, your right". Pop pulls a bra from his coat pocket and hands it to her. "A gift for you" he says. We all l laughed. Her laugh was timid and kinda cute.

[NW_SKIER]

That's creepy as hell. Please stop posting

[wooley12]

Worked out well. We got married.

[grinch]

Just be glad it ended there

[kmkmkmk]

...and screams in a high pitched Jamaican accent “WHO THREW DAT HAAAAYYYYAAAMMM AT ME”

C'mon people!

Now THAT's some funny shit.

[kmkmkmk]

Worked out well. We got married.

Did dad get first crack at her on your wedding night?

[NW_SKIER]

Did dad get first crack at her on your wedding night?

They probably did her at the same time

[wooley12]

Now that is funny. And SO TGR but that makes me chuclke too.

Somebody should add a funny story to this thread.

[dtown]

I think some of the funniest stuff is when a young kid swears and it’s the perfect context.

My then 5 year old called a character on a kids tv show a fucking asshole...perfectly used but maybe it was so funny because you have to try and not laugh

[that dude who did that thing]

This dude was online in some random bulletin board, and called himself a "top tier poster." It was fucking hilarious.

Also, following up on dtown, SWMBO used to have a strong tendency to express traffic frustration with phrases like "move your goddamn car," and "drop the phone and drive your goddamn car." On a family road trip, it's late in the day, we stop in a small town about 20 minutes from our final destination thinking we'd grab a bite at a restaurant we know. The restaurant is closed so we're trying to decide if we should just head on to our rental unit, or stop at one of the fast food joints nearby, and we're leaning towards pushing through to the rental,so I pull away from the curb. The 4 year old in the backseat yells out "but I want to get out of the goddamn car!"

[riser4]

My daughter, I think she was 4 or so at the time, looked at my wife and I at the dinner table and asked in a how was your day kinda way "so guys, what the fuck is going on?"

[wooley12]

You guys prefer to use Dial or Camay?

So I go to a burger joint with my little brother and while we are at the counter waiting for our food brother starts joking with the sweet looking young counter lass named Monica and she's liking the back and forth. The manager lady comes out from the back and says "Is everything alright? Not dropping a beat brother says "I didn't have a problem until Monica swore at me." I'm telling you, the look on their faces.....guess you had to be there.

[NW_SKIER]

You guys prefer to use Dial or Camay?

So I go to a burger joint with my little brother and while we are at the counter waiting for our food brother starts joking with the sweet looking young counter lass named Monica and she's liking the back and forth. The manager lady comes out from the back and says "Is everything alright? Not dropping a beat brother says "I didn't have a problem until Monica swore at me." I'm telling you, the look on their faces.....guess you had to be there.

Are you fucking retarded? Jesus. Stop posting please. Your stories are not funny.