Who has a good idea for fucking with my new intern?

[DJSapp]

I just got a new intern this week.

He's a guy.

Anyone got any ideas for some good uses for an intern? I need some maggot help to insure his head is spinning all summer long.

[splat]

Kramerica.

[Ubersheist]

Our company just got 2 of 'em, and another one's coming next week. I plan on acting very irrational and angry for a while. I'm gonna spread rumors about the engineer in the office with a questionable sexual orientation, and how he finds the interns "intriguing," or something like that. Now, how do I make the female intern who's coming in next week unnerved?

We got a few newer guys in our lab, and I've been messing with them lately. They're all a bunch of average honkys. One guy's really into country music, but they all seem to be into nothing else but rock music. Everytime they're out of the lab, I change the radio to the Hispanic station, and kick up the volume a notch or two. I've taped several crudely hand-written messages on the radio that read things like "PLEASE NOT CHANGE THE RADIO" or "NO CHANGING THE STATION!" They have no idea who it is... It's been fun for the last several weeks.

DJ - You work in construction. Throw lots and lots of jargon at him, and when he doesn't get it, get real upset and insult his overeducated backround. Throw things around and slam your fist on your desk when you can, too.

[Below Zero]

Get a hand squeezable fart gag from Spencers. Use it while you are talking to him and keep a straight face. See if he respects your farting or just starts laughing.

[CUBUCK]

We got our interns last week. Probably twice as many as we need but as a guy who has been low man on the totem pole for the last year I'm enjoying delegating rather than being delegated too.

[Woodsy]

kneepads and lip balm in their boxes or on their desks.

[DaveTV]

Send him to Home Depot for a left-handed screwdriver.

[Ubersheist]

Send him to Home Depot for a left-handed screwdriver.

Or left-handed monkey wrenches. Better yet, some latex paint thinner for cleaning out brushes.

[splat]

Tell him to get you a Johnson screwdriver.
(it's the opposite of a Phillips)
Then there's the stud stretcher......
and hand him all blueprints copied backwards...a true favorite of mine, total fucking nightmare to figure out, depending upon the complexity of the design.

[El Chupacabra]

Order him to bring you very specific coffee drink orders ("non-fat double latte"), and no matter what he brings you, yell at him that it's wrong.

Tell him that his TPS reports need clear plastic covers.

Watch the movie "Swimming With Sharks" for more tips...

[joshbu]

Tell him that you're going to need him to do some field work... in Iraq.

Bonus points for faked up plane tickets, rental car forms, a list of required immunizations (long,) and "bulletproof" vest.

To fake a bulletproof vest, just take an old lifevest, and replace the floaty bits with cardboard or plywood cutouts. The more obviously bogus it is, the better.

[El Chupacabra]

Tell him that you're going to need him to do some field work... in Iraq.

Bonus points for faked up plane tickets, rental car forms, a list of required immunizations (long,) and "bulletproof" vest.

Make it a "one way" ticket, and explain that the company will provide the return flight if and when necessary.

[splat]

And tell him it's repair work on police stations.

[crashnburn'd]

If he has a computer, tell him to search for something on the internet that seems harmless, but is actually NSFW. Then get someone to pose as an IT guy and confront him about looking at porn...

A few years ago someone did this to an intern in a department that I was in. It's sort of mean, but it was hilarious.

[Tippster]

When I interned at the local Fox station they got the "other" intern to drive around to all the traffic cameras around the Beltway, get out, and hold up a huge piece of foam core so they could white balance them. Naturally everything was taped and heads-up were given to all other stations. I think he still gets shit for it 15 years later.

DJ: More info on your field is necessary before a specific recommendation can be proffered.

[PaSucks]

When I interned at the local Fox station they got ME to drive around to all the traffic cameras around the Beltway, get out, and hold up a huge piece of foam core so they could white balance them. Naturally everything was taped and heads-up were given to all other stations. I think I still get shit for it 15 years later.

DJ: More info on your field is necessary before a specific recommendation can be proffered.

Now it is accurate.

[Tippster]

Drat. Foiled again by the "Quote" button. I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you nosy kids!

[jimmy page]

Send him out to get coffee or lunch. As soon as he shows up, place an order somewhere and then tell him that you are to busy to go pick it up yourself. He is the intern after all. If you really needed him to work, then he would be getting paid.

Also, Don't waste your time writing a letter of recomendation for him. Make him write his own. Then all you have to do is look it over and sign it.

The last intern we had here at my work, ended up in a full bird suit, standing on main street, waving a sign promoting one of our spring promotions.

[nhtele]

If he has a computer, tell him to search for something on the internet that seems harmless, but is actually NSFW. Then get someone to pose as an IT guy and confront him about looking at porn...

A few years ago someone did this to an intern in a department that I was in. It's sort of mean, but it was hilarious.

That one had me rolling on the floor.

I've just been handed a staff of 15 people - I wonder how I can haze them.

[flatlander#2]

some of my favorites are to sneak onto other peoples computers and email others things that are uncomfortable, ie. I'll email Josh from Matt's computer the first line being work related then the next did you see Johns hair, jesus it's just terrible, not like your hair. I've always loved your hair. Or, a long diatribe about how someone they sit by is bugging the shit out of you and how much you hate them. Take a bunch of womens magazines and tear the perfume strips out and tape them to the back of their computer, bottom their chair, wherever. Put tape over the voice part of their phone receiver, call them and then get pissed off that you can't hear them. Buy some 200ml bottles of liquor, papers and barely legal and put them in their desk drawer. Send someone flowers in the office with their name on the card reading I really like working with you. Follow them into the bathroom and talk to them alot while you poop, be very vocal. If it's a dude and you're pretty sure he's hetero, ask him if he thinks one of the guys is hot. If he's their type, etc.

[DJSapp]

Good suggestions guys, I really like the left handed tool suggestions (I'm left handed, and those things don't exist)

For those who don't know, I'm in heavy civil construction, building a busway through LA.

[lemon boy]

Then I believe that you absolutely MUST get him to believe that the FUCKING MAFIA contractor left out a key accelerant from the concrete pouring on some section of roadway and that at 3am the two of you are going to go out and dump a bunch of it (onto the already hardened concrete somewhere) before the inspectors come and hope to god it works so that you don't have to bribe them again. I think two open topped 55gal drums of water (with some iso pored in to make it smell like a chemical) will be perfect. Make him wear chemical resistant gloves, goggles and a heppa mask.

Then get somebody with a video camera to come out and surprise you guys like a newsperson doing an expose.

[TeleHoar]

Sticky note under the mouse ball is a classic.

Send them to refill the hand dryers with air.

Carpenters would give the new apprentices an old fashioned fold-up tape measure, with one segment removed from the middle and have them make the cuts, when they bring the wood, you show them how far off their cuts are with your own tape, send them back to do it again and again.

Most people are pretty hip to the "left-handed tarzan wrench with a monkey grip" wild goose chases and other "snipe hunts" these days...you can do better.

I enjoy showing the un-cyber-savvy folks how I can work my cursor using only my new brain implant chip, (of course it is only when someone else is driving on my desktop during a web-ex session.) I've fooled alot that way. (I work with maintenance guys who can fix anything but can't operate a fax machine or open an e-mail attachment.)

[Steven S. Dallas]

Tell him that Friday is Hawaiian shirt and shorts day, or something like that will result in him showing up wearing a ridiculous outfit.

edit: or just butt-rape him behind the dumpster.

[bad_roo]

or just butt-rape him behind the dumpster.

You don't think this is an abuse of position?