Older parents-WWYD?

[mb6f50]

I Like the concept of Circle of Life -
I had not heard it until a couple of years ago...

I read to my Dad - essays written by a regional adventure writer that we had both enjoyed many years earlier...
Dad had been placed in resident care by his daughter - I found out about it after the fact ;
I read to my Dad -
Often, he would nod-off and I would finish the essay I was reading - and I would sit until he stirred ;
it is a cycle we repeated many many times...

Mother had dementia, too - lost her short-term memory and became paranoid of me ( three years later the slanderous lies were exposed ) ;
I continued to visit my mother anyway, encouraging her to tell stories of her life -
That worked well.
She slept a lot in the last six months as 'terminal COPD' robbed her of a lot.
I would end my visits with,
' ... I 'll see you next time - '

to which my mother would reply,
' I'm counting on it ! '

in the end, Mother got pneumonia and called her daughter ;
Mother's records say when the assisted living staff looked in on her in the night in her final week, she was heard to say,
' it's my time to go... '

in her last two months, I just listened as Mother told stories from her life...

I consider the time I spent with my parents in the last year of their lives to be one of the great blessings of my Life !
( not many people get to do that, and I consider myself lucky. )

+vibes+ your way, Harry ! KQ, too !

I agree with the comment above -
you 're a good son, Harry --

KQ, a good daughter.

Thank you for what you are doing ! !!!
With love,

tj

Wouldn't mother's daughter be your sister? Half sister?

[skiJ]

she's Mother's daughter.

reading to my father, and
listening to my mother tell stories of her life worked for us -

my time with my parents in the last years of their lives - especially with my father in the last year of his life - was a great Gift in my life.

Harry and KQ are doing Good (work) !
Harry has found adventure in a region that is home to me, and his mini-TRs in the Midwest thread are a Gift to me
( Thanks ! Harry ! !! )


I wish that Harry could play last season's Packer games for his Mom ( but maybe that's not a great idea with advanced and advancing COPD )


... my father was down to single syllables in response to short sentences - and the look of peacefulness that would come to him as I read Sam Cook's essays ,,, is a gift.
I don't know how to better explain it --


thanks -
Thank you, Harry ! You, Too, KQ !

tj

[yeahman]

If you can smoke Lucky Strikes and still live to 95 then I'm pretty sure she would say it was worth it.

Vibes Harry, you're a good man.

[Buster Highmen]

Glad you were there to help!

My 90yo mom has been in the hospital since last Wednesday with severe anemia. It was so bad she couldn't breathe because she had no red blood cells.

They found some healing ulcers but not much else other than vit/mineral deficiencies.

She is much improved and ready to go home today after receiving transfusions and assorted drips of potassium, magnesium etc.

While she was in the hospital I got the chance to go through her place (independent living in a retirement home) and clean it up, do all her laundry and figure out the mess she got herself into with Spectrum (ordering services she didn't need then forgetting she had them and not understanding the bills she was getting).

Ugh.

Spent.

It truly is a second childhood. Should of had kids so there'd be someone to do it for me.

My dad had that going on, he'd black out from anemia, I think there were around 8 ambulance trips, he hid most of them from me.

After the last one, I flew down there again (SEA<->FL) and got him, after a bunch of arguments about what was going on (he was hemorrhaging in his stomach due to too much statin drugs), I got him lined up to go to The Mayo Clinic up in Jacksonville.

After his accusations of me trying to run his life, I left him to get the surgery that gave him another 3 years of life before he died from stroke, also possibly related to over medication. His doctors sucked.

Anyway, see if you can get better ulcer analysis. If she's on blood thinners, see if there's some modifications available.

[Mazderati]

If you can smoke Lucky Strikes and still live to 95 then I'm pretty sure she would say it was worth it.

Vibes Harry, you're a good man.

+ 1

[Peruvian]

Sounds like a downsizing from a single family house with a property to a condo or apartment would be a good start.

However if your mom is anything like my widower dad, good luck pulling them from her home anything but feet first.

Quoting myself as 5 years later, my dad decided he had enough of house maintenance and he found a wonderful independent & assisted living community that he moved into this past April. He really loves the interaction and it’s been amazingly good for his mental health.

[Cono Este]

Vibes Harry. You’re a good son.

My Dad is 83 next week and still smoking 3 packs of Kent’s a day. He’s in Southern Chile so not much I can do.




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[PB]

Quoting myself as 5 years later, my dad decided he had enough of house maintenance and he found a wonderful independent & assisted living community that he moved into this past April. He really loves the interaction and it’s been amazingly good for his mental health.

This!!! My mother shocked the bejesus out of me by suddenly committing to a 3 level (Ind., assisted, and skilled nursing) facility, after screaming for years that she'd never leave her house. I wish I could say it was something I said or did, but ultimately I think she just recognized that living alone out in the country would end badly. The assisted living and skilled nursing were invaluable after she suffered a major stroke and broke her hip, and the simple logistics of being able to quickly make the transitions was much appreciated by both her and myself.

[fatnslow]

Vibes Harry. You’re a good son.

My Dad is 83 next week and still smoking 3 packs of Kent’s a day. He’s in Southern Chile so not much I can do.




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Good thing he's in Chile. He would go bankrupt in 6 months at US prices burning 3 packs of heaters a day.

[Cono Este]

Good thing he's in Chile. He would go bankrupt in 6 months at US prices burning 3 packs of heaters a day.

I think he’s blown a million dollars on cigarettes, and another million on the stray dogs he’s taken in down there. He should set up a non for profit.

Bonkers.


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[KQ]

This!!! My mother shocked the bejesus out of me by suddenly committing to a 3 level (Ind., assisted, and skilled nursing) facility, after screaming for years that she'd never leave her house. I wish I could say it was something I said or did, but ultimately I think she just recognized that living alone out in the country would end badly. The assisted living and skilled nursing were invaluable after she suffered a major stroke and broke her hip, and the simple logistics of being able to quickly make the transitions was much appreciated by both her and myself.

My aunt & uncle did this. Downsized and moved in to a posh community that had independent, assisted and nursing all in one campus. They worked their way through until the passed. It was effortless for them and their kids.

[XXX-er]

once he lost his license Pa realized pretty quick he could keep up the house

both my parents went into hospitol at ages 84 and 90

never came out

[Harry]

11:30pm. Currently at ER, she is struggling to breathe. Please send vibes.


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[Buster Highmen]

>>>>++++<<<<

[::: :::]

Sorry you’re there now Harry
Vibes sent your way

[Meadow Skipper]

Sending.

[John_B]

They are on the way. Good luck Harry.

[skaredshtles]

++vibes, man

[Cisco Kid]

Peace

[Norseman]

x7, hang in there.

[skiJ]

+vibes+ my friend.
With love, skiJ

[KQ]

Oh Harry.... I'm so sorry! Hang in there, both of you.

[skifishbum]

vibes brother
hopin for the best for both of you

[m2711c]

Peace.

[Brownski]

We lost my dad to Parkinson’s last year and my mom in 2020 to a combination of things that developed over a number of years following a stroke. My FIL is still holding it together despite some challenges, living alone at 90. Hang in there. It’s not easy but you can handle it.