Relationship help

[tranzformer]

My gf and I have been together for 7 months now. In August she is going to be moving to Cali to go to graduate school (both from MI). I still have one more year left of college before I go to medical school and I am considering applying to the same school she is at. Just curious how hard it is to have a long distance relationship. We have a serious relationship and have made it so far this summer not seeing each other everyday like we did while in school. Just want some advice from those who have had long distance relationships or who are in one. What can I do to make things as good as possible?

[BakerBoy]

What can I do to make things as good as possible?

Hookers and blow. Lots.

[MOHSHSIHd]

My gf and I have been together for 7 months now. In August she is going to be moving to Cali to go to graduate school (both from MI). I still have one more year left of college before I go to medical school and I am considering applying to the same school she is at. Just curious how hard it is to have a long distance relationship. We have a serious relationship and have made it so far this summer not seeing each other everyday like we did while in school. Just want some advice from those who have had long distance relationships or who are in one. What can I do to make things as good as possible?

i have never been in a long distance relationship, and frankly i couldnt handle it. I have seen many good couples get destroyed by distance. Just saying be prepared for shit to go south....it just happens. And my advice is to not apply to a school JUST because your GF goes there. Good luck.

[TheDingleberry]

I have seen many good couples get destroyed by distance. Just saying be prepared for shit to go south....it just happens. And my advice is to not apply to a school JUST because your GF goes there. Good luck.

It sucks man...I was in a perfect relationship, I moved to Cali. She was supposed to come move out there too...We didn't make it 3 months apart. Good luck. Oh yeah my buddy transfered from the University of Georgia to chase his girlfriend around, said it was one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

[mntlion]

girl guide and I are apart for most of the winter with her guiding, it sucks, but she loves it and being together for 13+ years we have some history.

do-able, just hard and sucks (not in the good way or hard/sucks)

[Lane Meyer]

Unless you are 1000% convinced you are going to marry this person and would kill yourself if they were to pass on from this world, then give up and move on. You will do nothing but thank yourself for it later. If you are convinced you could not live without them, then hold on with everything you've got, be prepared for some serious hardship, but know that it will work out roses in the end.

I say give up and find someone else.

[tranzformer]

Yeah I know it will suck and be hard but we both want it to work out. In retrospect, a year isnt that long.

[MOHSHSIHd]

Yeah I know it will suck and be hard but we both want it to work out. In retrospect, a year isnt that long.

thats what EVERYONE says....


a year IS long dude...

[tranzformer]

Unless you are 1000% convinced you are going to marry this person and would kill yourself if they were to pass on from this world, then give up and move on. You will do nothing but thank yourself for it later. If you are convinced you could not live without them, then hold on with everything you've got, be prepared for some serious hardship, but know that it will work out roses in the end.

I say give up and find someone else.

Why would you say give up? Just caue it will be long distance. I mean neither one of us wants it to be this way but this is how things turned out. We cant really do anything about it. I wanted to be with this girl since my freshman year and it took me two years to get her. I dont really know if it is worth it to throw all that away.

[tranzformer]

thats what EVERYONE says....


a year IS long dude...

hahaha I know. I was trying to psyc myself up.

[Villiage Idiot]

i say SIIHB and move on. Once the anal barrier is broken whats left? i mean really.

[tranzformer]

Since I dont know the future, isnt it better to just let things play out? I would hate to be 20yrs in the future and wonder how things might have been if we stuck it out. Just to break up becauce of distance is kinda dumb in my opinion. But I have never done this before so I have no clue what I am getting into. I have heard that distance/seperation makes the heart grow fonder. Some seperation is good to test out the relationship. We will see each other for major breaks like Thanksgiving, Xmas, Summer...etc. And I will try to fly out on any long weekends we have.

[stump832]

Ignore the people who admit they've never been through this. Its easy to give cliched advice without ever having gone through anything like it.

Is long distance easy? No, not really. I've been away from my GF for almost a year now (2000 miles apart). The times between visits suck, and not being able to be a part of her daily life is a bummer. That said, its not the terrible hardship that the drama queens would have you believe. You get used to not seeing each other but for 4-5 days once every month or so, and you learn to make the most of your time together. I think its given me perspective and helps me not take things for granted.

If the special lady friend is truly special, give it a try. But both of you should have a good talk before you leave: make sure you're on the same page about the expectations you'll both have about the upcoming months. Open communication will be the key to your sanity, and whether or not the relationship survives.

Anywhos, just my 2 cents.

[Kellie]

Maybe try taking a break while she gets settled . . . take te expectations out of the relationship, let her get settled (hard to do if your heart is in another place), apply to the school she's going (all CA med schools are great + CA is a great state for recreation, so you can't really go wrong), and see where it goes. Don't force things.

Long distance sucks royally, and it's really hard to move to a new place while wishing you were somewhere else . . . I tend to agree with Lane Meyer.

On the other hand, it is clear from your posts that you have no desire to end this relationship and you're going to make it long-distance. So perhaps you should be asking for tips on how to make that work . . .

[tranzformer]

Ignore the people who admit they've never been through this. Its easy to give cliched advice without ever having gone through anything like it.

Is long distance easy? No, not really. I've been away from my GF for almost a year now (2000 miles apart). The times between visits suck, and not being able to be a part of her daily life is a bummer. That said, its not the terrible hardship that the drama queens would have you believe. You get used to not seeing each other but for 4-5 days once every month or so, and you learn to make the most of your time together. I think its given me perspective and helps me not take things for granted.

If the special lady friend is truly special, give it a try. But both of you should have a good talk before you leave: make sure you're on the same page about the expectations you'll both have about the upcoming months. Open communication will be the key to your sanity, and whether or not the relationship survives.

Anywhos, just my 2 cents.

Thanx for your advice.

[iceman]

Do you want opinions and advice or are you just looking for people who will agree with you?

[tranzformer]

On the other hand, it is clear from your posts that you have no desire to end this relationship and you're going to make it long-distance. So perhaps you should be asking for tips on how to make that work . . .

Any pointers that might be helpful for me? I really want to make this relationship work out.

[tranzformer]

Do you want opinions and advice or are you just looking for people who will agree with you?

I want some adivce and what other people have experienced.

[iceman]

My two experiences were bad. Perhaps you and the lady are more mature than I and my friends were at the time. Perhaps not.

Good luck, I wish you the best.

[hucksquaw]

try it... if both of you are truly committed then things will work out fine (probably with some bumps in the road but nothing you cant get over). If she finds someone else than your obviously not the guy for her, if you find someone else than shes obviously not the girl for you. It gives you both a year to figure out if your right for each other.

my opinion though is that this could be the greatest thing to happen to you. go crazy and fuck all the ass you can get your hands on. She doesnt have to know about it and if things still work out than youll know that you got all the pussy you could before she makes you realize youll be stuck with that same peice of ass for the rest of your life.

[MOHSHSIHd]

try it... if both of you are truly committed then things will work out fine (probably with some bumps in the road but nothing you cant get over). If she finds someone else than your obviously not the guy for her, if you find someone else than shes obviously not the girl for you. It gives you both a year to figure out if your right for each other.

my opinion though is that this could be the greatest thing to happen to you. go crazy and fuck all the ass you can get your hands on. She doesnt have to know about it and if things still work out than youll know that you got all the pussy you could before she makes you realize youll be stuck with that same peice of ass for the rest of your life.

ha....paragraph one is totally positive, paragraph 2 is totally depressing...

[hucksquaw]

ha....paragraph one is totally positive, paragraph 2 is totally depressing...

i like to cover all my bases

[Steven S. Dallas]

Since I dont know the future....

You better get over that attitude before you go to med school.

I say give it a shot. But that's just me. The one thing that can really suck, though, is if the year apart works fine but then when you move out there it goes to shit.

Give it a whirl, but be realistic. You'll grow apart if you move apart, it's inevitable, but that doesn't mean you can't get it together again.

[non grata]

I have heard that distance/seperation makes the heart grow fonder. Some seperation is good to test out the relationship.

that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" line is a load. not seeing someone does not nuture a relationship. don't expect to maintain nearly the same level of intimacy that you have now and maybe you won't be as disappointed as you invariably will be. just accept that fact now and try not to dwell on your thoughts of her or your relationship with her. if you do get back together with her, treat her like you've just started dating and build things up again.

if this is your first long distance relationship, go for it. when you come out in the end, for better or worse, you'll have that experience for later.

[Viva]

Where are you considering med school, Tranz? Just curious.

Of course I'm in no position to tell you what to do with respect to initiating a long distance relationship, but I'm can share some pain.

When I left San Diego to do, what I was hoping was going to be a two year postdoc in Portland, I left an incredible woman behind. I knew that I was going to be pretty busy and she had some stuff going on in her life, so it seemed prima facia that we might just make the long distance thingy work out. It didn't. It hurt. Badly. For a long time, too.

A few years later I was in a relationship with someone even better and who was only a three hour drive away. But when shit happens, and it did in multifarious ways that, until that time, I could never have imagined possible, even that seemingly short distance is too far.

So, what am I trying to say? I dunno. Long distance is hard. Even when you've got your shit together, it's hard. But if you've got someone really special, then I say go for it. If it wasn't meant to be, then at least let the relationship run it's course. You did all you could. No regrets.