Bad Joke Thread

[Buster Highmen]

How do you tell if a girl is ticklish?
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Give her a test tickle.

[k2skier112]

What did the one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support around here soon, they'll think were nuts.

[Mazderati]

Weasel walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Wow! A weasel in a bar! What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

[Viva]

I was in a London pub on Saturday night. I had a few drinks when I noticed two very large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked. "Hey are you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of the turned to me and screamed "It's WALES you IDIOT!"
So I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"


A coworker was showing me pictures of her recent trip to the Bahamas.
Her: "And here we are at the beach", "You know the camera adds 10 pounds".
Me: "Well... how many cameras were pointed at you"?


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he started drinking right after we split up years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could celebrate that long?"

Why do you never call a woman fat? Because elephants never forget.

So, a wife gets naked and asks her husband 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'

The doctor told the woman her vagina was larger than normal, this bothered her. When she got home, she went into the bathroom, put a mirror on the floor and stood over it, foot on each side. Her husband walks in and asks what she is doing, she said, just doing stretching exercise. He said, "oh, ok, just don't fall into that big hole in the floor".


A man comes home one night to find his wife was rubbing some new lotion all over her breast. So, he's like WTF is that all about?
Wifey replies "I heard about this new product that increases breast size."
The says "save your money and just rub toilet paper over your chest instead."
Wife responds "Why? What have you heard?"
Husband says "Nothing, but it sure seems to have that effect on your butt."


My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

[wicked_sick]

What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

The rooster clucks defiance

[jckstein]

Bought a new thesaurus the other day. Got home and opened it up only to find that it was completely blank. I had no words to describe how I upset I was..

[Danno]

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

[BaconMeCrazy]

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Control freak. Now you say control freak who.

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy?
He was too far out man.

What is Hellen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.

Why did the blind guy fall in a well?
He didn't see that well.

[JimmyCarter]

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

Liked.

[Danno]

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own
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because it was two tired