Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Re: the letter, wyeaster gets it. Exactly what I was trying to accomplish, process, share, and use to move on. It was as much for me as it was for her.

Ok, i get that, but be honest: were you remaining hopeful that the letter would bring her back to her senses and possibly lead to a reconciliation?

Sounds like things are about to get ugly. Stay civil and polite, document all correspondence, and record all conversations with her.
You never know when it might help to catch her in a lie.

Check state laws before recording, it's not always legal without permission

[PNWbrit]

Still want to hear her side of the story.

[PNWbrit]

Him hearing it would probably be more cathartic than all the "pull your socks up and bang Asian masseuses" bullshit here is.

[Rip'nStick]

Sounds like things are about to get ugly. Stay civil and polite, document all correspondence, and record all conversations with her.
You never know when it might help to catch her in a lie.

This^^^ It's not over.

[Kinnikinnick]

Re: the letter, wyeaster gets it. Exactly what I was trying to accomplish, process, share, and use to move on. It was as much for me as it was for her.

You'd better be careful with this letter writing foolishness. 1) Best case you're just pissing her off by not making this a clean break when you start expressing your emotions to her and/or admitting that you are reflecting on your role in the deal, 2) if in the letter you admit to anything illegal, immoral, or even just that you admit fault in the failure of the marriage you are risking her using it against you in proceedings. If you admitted to 'maybe I went out drinking with the guys too often' or 'I smoked pot and became distant' or anything similar do you think for a second that she and her attorney wouldn't plunk that in front of the judge and spin it that you have a problem and therefore shouldn't share custody of the kid or have visitation?

[m76b74]

Ok, i get that, but be honest: were you remaining hopeful that the letter would bring her back to her senses and possibly lead to a reconciliation?


Check state laws before recording, it's not always legal without permission

No, I did not write it in the hopes of reconciliation. I know how far down the rabbit hole I am, despite my wishes to the contrary.

Still want to hear her side of the story.

Here it is, in Cliff's Notes glory. I slacked off as a husband. I relaxed on my relative privilege, relative comfort, and relative wealth in our marriage and didn't push myself to prove that I wanted to be the partner that I should have been for her. In that I made her feel unsupported and alone. I never strayed, but I put myself first. I really wish I hadn't. When it was good, and it was, for a very long time, we were the couple everyone wanted to be. This is my loss, and through my selfishness/indifference, my fault. Fidelity aside.

Even if it get's deleted later, me too.

See above.

Him hearing it would probably be more cathartic than all the "pull your socks up and bang Asian masseuses" bullshit here is.

Agreed, asian whores ain't what this dude needs. Not right now at least. My bachelor party was in Amsterdam afterall, and no whores needed then either.

This^^^ It's not over.

Truth.

You'd better be careful with this letter writing foolishness. 1) Best case you're just pissing her off by not making this a clean break when you start expressing your emotions to her and/or admitting that you are reflecting on your role in the deal, 2) if in the letter you admit to anything illegal, immoral, or even just that you admit fault in the failure of the marriage you are risking her using it against you in proceedings. If you admitted to 'maybe I went out drinking with the guys too often' or 'I smoked pot and became distant' or anything similar do you think for a second that she and her attorney wouldn't plunk that in front of the judge and spin it that you have a problem and therefore shouldn't share custody of the kid or have visitation?

Nothing legally risked. At this point.

As I've alluded, we've been in the collaborative process... until she got fired by her attorney as a client this week. She begged her atty back, and he obliged. It's best for our son. Straight litigation favors me, actually, it favors no one. Massive setbacks that this week has been I'm trying to move forward in the hopes she just keeps him in mind.

Big storm on the horizon about where all that money she spent went and how that factors into support. Another big roller coaster of emotions this week. Currently on an upswing from the opposing party after the worst downswing I've ever seen/lived. Boy is with me and happy.

All that matters.

Save your whores for now.

[delco714]

Someone needs to hang me from the Oak Tree on Maple Lane. I can't handle this shit anymore. Call it jealousy, pain, whatever. I'm not built for this shit. The money and property I can deal with, in time. It's the lies and infidelity that my brain won't let me get past.

tried exercise, tried getting out, nothings working. I cant date or even think about other women at this point, I cant run, bike, hike, ski, my way out of my head right now. I can drink but that makes me feel great for about 2 hours until I get drunk enough to get mad all over again.

I'd smash this computer to shit out of anger if I could, along with other things but I'd be stuck paying for a replacement out of my newly diminished savings.

Meditation and mindfulness has gotten me through the initial waves of infedility and imminent divorce. Time and breathing has smoothed out the rest. Hang in there, man. Better pastures ahead

[delco714]

No, I did not write it in the hopes of reconciliation. I know how far down the rabbit hole I am, despite my wishes to the contrary.



Here it is, in Cliff's Notes glory. I slacked off as a husband. I relaxed on my relative privilege, relative comfort, and relative wealth in our marriage and didn't push myself to prove that I wanted to be the partner that I should have been for her. In that I made her feel unsupported and alone. I never strayed, but I put myself first. I really wish I hadn't. When it was good, and it was, for a very long time, we were the couple everyone wanted to be. This is my loss, and through my selfishness/indifference, my fault. Fidelity aside.



See above.



Agreed, asian whores ain't what this dude needs. Not right now at least. My bachelor party was in Amsterdam afterall, and no whores needed then either.



Truth.



Nothing legally risked. At this point.

As I've alluded, we've been in the collaborative process... until she got fired by her attorney as a client this week. She begged her atty back, and he obliged. It's best for our son. Straight litigation favors me, actually, it favors no one. Massive setbacks that this week has been I'm trying to move forward in the hopes she just keeps him in mind.

Big storm on the horizon about where all that money she spent went and how that factors into support. Another big roller coaster of emotions this week. Currently on an upswing from the opposing party after the worst downswing I've ever seen/lived. Boy is with me and happy.

All that matters.

Save your whores for now.

Having been on the opposite side of your equation minus child, you're not at fault. Take it from me, your wife in that situation.. No two scenarios are the same,, but the basics are. You didn't deserve that.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Better pastures ahead

Hell ya! The kinda pastures you can fuck!

(Just keeping it light. Good luck guys! )

[Rip'nStick]

You'd better be careful with this letter writing foolishness. 1) Best case you're just pissing her off by not making this a clean break when you start expressing your emotions to her and/or admitting that you are reflecting on your role in the deal, 2) if in the letter you admit to anything illegal, immoral, or even just that you admit fault in the failure of the marriage you are risking her using it against you in proceedings. If you admitted to 'maybe I went out drinking with the guys too often' or 'I smoked pot and became distant' or anything similar do you think for a second that she and her attorney wouldn't plunk that in front of the judge and spin it that you have a problem and therefore shouldn't share custody of the kid or have visitation?

I have to say I agree with this. No communication unless absolutely necessary, ESPECIALLY if you are drinking. I still don't think we have her full set of grievances but whatever they are, you are better off without her. Even after you have a separation agreement in place, she can come back years later with a request for modification (you get sued) and ask to change financial and custody agreements, you to pay her lawyer fees, etc. It can get very ugly and very expensive in a hurry. This might be conveniently at a time when she doesn't have a job.

So my advice is again, abide by the agreement, and no communication unless necessary, in a cordial yet business manner. You might already realize this but once a woman is done with you, they are no longer the person you once knew.

[XXX-er]

For all it's worth for the other party to receive "a letter" write it take it somwhere and burn it

I realize you are probably white but you don't need to make a big fire eh?

[Timberridge]

If you must send something, send her bro-ku's.

bitches be sumptin
getting monies and forgetin
how paybacks a bitch and stuff
go fishin and skiing

#forgetthewitch

[Bunion 2020]

You might already realize this but once a woman is done with you, they are no longer the person you once knew.

Holy shit, is that ever the fucking truth.

[mtngirl79]

It has been my experience that once men are done with you, they also are not the man you once knew...

[XXX-er]

At least in the case of marriage what was a wonderful thing becomes an illogical business deal and since divorce generally involves the adversarial system ... it ain't gona be fun

And like anything it goes both ways so the best one can hope for ... is to divorce well

[Rip'nStick]

good divorce is when everyone is equally unhappy with the outcome, but then accepts it and moves on.

[m76b74]

/sweetblog

So, not sure where I left off after the police-supervised division of our personal property. Shit got real ugly then, constant sniping, truly horrible things said; I kept quiet - on the cops advice, and my lawyer's, "take the high road". Exchange of our son was the worst yet after that but I bit my tongue.

Long story short, I get a call two days later, it's the sweet woman I knew and married. We spoke for 2 hours about how we both want to move forward together. The words, "I miss you, I miss my best friend, and I still love you" were exchanged. Holy fucking mind fuck for me. Keep in mind, I'm guarded as fuck right now. Promises of not wanting to date and this and that were said but who really knows. At the risk of not upholding the TGR bro-brah stature I'll admit that I'm a very vulnerable motherfucker right now.

All I know is that the attorneys have gone radio-silent this week as they work on their drafts and things from a co-parenting standpoint have been very good. I'm expecting a serious blowup soon though when she's asked to account for where that extra $40k went in the past 3 months. (spoiler alert, I know. For some reason our bank still allows me access to the accounts she 'cut' me out of)

Fast forward to today, I find out she's vacationing in 'my home turf' (didn't tell me, found out from a friend). A place that has been a 'family' place for decades, whatever. Problem is, my heart is absolutely broken knowing that she's likely being set up with the latest version of a cast member from a really shitty reality show in this vacation locale.

Whatever, sweet blog asshole, get over it, I know, doesn't change anything. Bottom line: I hate my life, I still love my wife, I can't do anything about it; and no, I haven't been drinking. It doesn't work anymore.

/sweetblog

edit to add: I've been seeing a child specialist to work on co-parenting communication skills with my soon to be ex wife. Her not so much. Bit of counseleing thrown in, but it's all about the kid.

[KQ]

Funny, I was just thinking of you today and hoping you were doing better. Hang in there and at the risk of being corny.....


((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

[Meadow Skipper]

Damn bro, that's a lot of heavy shit to go through, but it sounds like you're maintaining perspective. Steady on, it'll get better.

[iceman]

What channel is this show on?

[KQ]

What channel is this show on?

duh, Lifetime

[smitchell333]

Have you read the Bipolar thread?

Seriously though, have you considered the possibility that she has honest to God psychological issues? I see a few clues between the lines...spending money crazy like...hot/cold...abusive...sexual promiscuity...

[iceman]

Yeah we went over that about 30 pages ago.

[frorider]

M76, Read thru this thread and pretend it's written by someone else...what would you tell this dude?

[RShea]

First thing of course is if she really is still in love with you, then the ultimatum would be she has to stop the sleeping around, she has to get help and counseling and you still need to be ready for the roller coaster of emotions and keep your distance or you will be in the same position with a broken heart and a broken marriage all over again. The telephone call, while maybe showing the woman you fell so madly in love with years ago, should be a real opportunity for you to say that the changes need to be immediate on her part- and as frorider stated don't get your hopes up for things to work. If the need to keep things civil for the sake of the kid means that you do not want to confront her about the fact that she really needs to get help, then discuss with the lawyer and maybe your counselor you have met with.