Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

**Conundrum** · 01-20-2019, 01:02 AM

Originally Posted by Cono Este

So I had Starbucks with my ex today. Trying to find some closure.

She’s totally lost her marbles. Wanted to talk to see “if we had anything in common”, never mind the three yrs we spent together. I was baffled.

You know how when you breakup with someone and then they act like they just met you? Void of any emotion.

I don’t know why we do this to ourselves.

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“Pussy. It’s a hell of a drug.” -every man ever.

**skiballs** · 01-20-2019, 10:02 PM

Originally Posted by CascadeLuke

Be ready for the exclusivity chat in the Caribbean- she’s gonna drop it on ya - once you’ve done-it every which way and spent consecutive overnights. It’s what they do.
NTTAWWT

First off, you can't do it every way in a weekend, unless your imagination is limited. Second, what if dude is a five pump chump? Doubt she'll be wanting to lock that in.

**delco714** · 01-20-2019, 11:15 PM

Originally Posted by skiballs

First off, you can't do it every way in a weekend, unless your imagination is limited. Second, what if dude is a five pump chump? Doubt she'll be wanting to lock that in.

Nothing a little low dose Prozac can't help

**liv2ski** · 01-21-2019, 11:50 PM

Originally Posted by delco714

Nothing a little low dose Prozac can't help

For him or her?

**throwitaway9876** · 01-22-2019, 12:20 AM

So, I know it's not my problem but I'm a little torn up that my ex is in such a bad place. I know she did it to herself, I know she is ultimately to blame but it sucks to see someone that I cared about so deeply in such a shitty place. I guess maybe I'm finally starting to mourn the lost future with her.

Things with PNG are moving along pretty well. I saw her briefly over the weekend and I'm looking forward to hanging with her in the Caribbean in a few days.

/Blog

**oftpiste** · 01-22-2019, 10:52 AM

Like I said, read up on the stages of grief and loss. You will experience them all and are now likely moving into a different phase.

Empathy and compassion are wonderful traits. Don't give them up, but remember to keep your own health in the forefront. You can express both. Be careful around the rabbit hole of the stage you're in, where you might be tempted to put yourself second to make sure she's not hurting. That's not your problem to solve or from which to rescue her, and she may try to make you feel badly about standing up for yourself when she's looking for your sympathy.

Do your best not to take on her problems right now. It will prolong and possibly amplify your agony if you do.

**RShea** · 01-22-2019, 11:20 AM

She should have thought of the possible outcomes.

^^ oftpiste has some pretty good advice for sure.

Her problems should not be a constant reason for you to think anything can return to the way they were, or even to be taking on those also. Work on your issues and try to be firm that the issues she has are of her making...

**Skidog** · 01-22-2019, 11:43 AM

oh she thought about them, just never thought she'd get caught.....

**Cono Este** · 01-22-2019, 12:03 PM

Compassion and empathy are a good thing. When breaking up with an alcoholic once I stuck around for a couple of months until she was over the worst of it and was in treatment.

Having just broken up with someone after 3 yrs, who I I loved, and not taking it well personally, it’s a reminder to chose your partners wisely have those discussions.

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**Foggy_Goggles** · 01-22-2019, 12:18 PM

Everytime Oftpiste writes something, I think "I've gotta go ski with that dude, he's just good people". Throwit, just listen to him...and don't be getting no one preggo on vacation.

**PNWbrit** · 01-22-2019, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles

Everytime Oftpiste writes something, I think "I've gotta go ski with that dude, he's just good people".

Especially now he's on the Ikon pass.

**delco714** · 01-22-2019, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by liv2ski

For him or her?

Him .. prolongs orgasm

**throwitaway9876** · 01-22-2019, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by oftpiste

Like I said, read up on the stages of grief and loss. You will experience them all and are now likely moving into a different phase.

Empathy and compassion are wonderful traits. Don't give them up, but remember to keep your own health in the forefront. You can express both. Be careful around the rabbit hole of the stage you're in, where you might be tempted to put yourself second to make sure she's not hurting. That's not your problem to solve or from which to rescue her, and she may try to make you feel badly about standing up for yourself when she's looking for your sympathy.

Do your best not to take on her problems right now. It will prolong and possibly amplify your agony if you do.

Sage advice, Oftpiste. She's been trying to contact me on a daily basis and it has been wearing on me. She's been laying it on thick- She made the biggest mistake of her life and she is so sorry, she loves me so much and wants the future we were so close to having, she's so lonely now that she lost all her friends and is having suicidal thoughts, etc.

I told her I needed to have a break from talking to her yesterday and encouraged her to get support from her parents. Establishing a boundary will hopefully help things.

Originally Posted by RShea

She should have thought of the possible outcomes.

^^ oftpiste has some pretty good advice for sure.

Her problems should not be a constant reason for you to think anything can return to the way they were, or even to be taking on those also. Work on your issues and try to be firm that the issues she has are of her making...

Also good advice. Thanks man.

**oftpiste** · 01-22-2019, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

Especially now he's on the Ikon pass.

Sadly not, Xtal only pass as I got the UTR hookup. Shhhhh.....

Thanks Foggy! I always think the same thing about you. We'll do that sometime. Soon I hope. Where are you?

**oftpiste** · 01-22-2019, 12:38 PM

Is there any scenario under which you'd try to repair the relationship?

Originally Posted by throwitaway9876

Sage advice, Oftpiste. She's been trying to contact me on a daily basis and it has been wearing on me. She's been laying it on thick- She made the biggest mistake of her life and she is so sorry, she loves me so much and wants the future we were so close to having, she's so lonely now that she lost all her friends and is having suicidal thoughts, etc.

I told her I needed to have a break from talking to her yesterday and encouraged her to get support from her parents. Establishing a boundary will hopefully help things.

Also good advice. Thanks man.

**PNWbrit** · 01-22-2019, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by oftpiste

Sadly not, Xtal only pass

Foggy has an Ikon pass though and needs to come and visit.

**Foggy_Goggles** · 01-22-2019, 12:48 PM

Where are you?

Same as ever 80478. I'll make it out there one day. Lottery tickets!

**throwitaway9876** · 01-22-2019, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by oftpiste

Is there any scenario under which you'd try to repair the relationship?

Hard to imagine that at this point. I don't think I'd ever be able to fully trust her and I need to be able to fully trust my partner.

**Caucasian Asian** · 01-22-2019, 12:58 PM

I finally had to tell my ex "Please do not talk to me. I do not wish to speak with you. If I ever wish to speak with you, I will reach out. I wish you the best in life."

And then I blocked her from my phone and FB.

**oftpiste** · 01-22-2019, 01:47 PM

So if there is, get some pro help and explore it. If there's any real hope in your heart then you'll probably regret not doing so. It might go nowhere, but you can feel good about doing everything possible. Her behavior - not her statements - will determine whether she's for real in the effort. Proof's in the pudding and all that. Lot's of people in committed relationships cheat, and get back to healthy relationships with hard work and authenticity.

In my situation I heard lots of apologies and tears and begging, but the behaviors didn't change, and I kept thinking they would. Unfortunately it took me years see what was really happening and that it wasn't going to change.

If there isn' t then get to setting healthy (for YOU) boundaries. Tell her very clearly the relationship is over and that there is no possibility of resurrection. Tell her what you said to me below in clear terms. Disconnect from her social and vice versa, and ask her not to contact you. It's healthy detachment and critical to moving forward.

Then get to feeling all the shit you will feel, and healing up. Pro help also recommended.

Originally Posted by throwitaway9876

Hard to imagine that at this point. I don't think I'd ever be able to fully trust her and I need to be able to fully trust my partner.

sb · 01-22-2019, 02:45 PM

Time, booze and friends.

Go ski sum pow with yer buddys and have a few shots/brews to celebrate.

Do this repeatedly until you can not remember why you went in the first place.

**throwitaway9876** · 01-22-2019, 03:05 PM

Trying my best to avoid booze and any drugs except for weed and maybe shrooms if I come across them. Some coworkers took me out for a night of hard drinking and blow to try to cheer me up. The resulting two-day hangover was probably the low point of my life. I made myself go on an eight mile run on day two to get that shit out of my system. I'm committed to not going down that path again.

I have been skiing a lot recently. Between two back to back ski trips, time off for the holidays and some work travel I've only spent 5 days in my office since December 19th.