I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

**stfu&gbtw** · 02-09-2015, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by concretejungle

Post #84. I still can't fathom why you all let women take control of the thermostat.

Depends on how you set it up... I let my wife control the thermostat. She can have it as warm as she wants. Same for my daughter. They can set it at 80 if they want. Only thing is... it's not a thermostat. It's a wood stove. I carry in one box of wood each day. One batch of kindling, one load of pine, and one night's worth of oak. That will keep the house at 66 for 24 hours if it's above 0 outside. If anyone would like it warmer, they can carry as much extra wood as they want.

Bet you'd never guess what temp it is in here right now...

**neufox47** · 02-09-2015, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by hikesalot

Note to self: men complain about their flaky wives, but do not understand that cervical fusion is related to the spine, not the vagina. I should not be surprised.

jfost is on a role. Oh the irony.

**TahoeJ** · 02-09-2015, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by Danno

pretty sure that this is jfost right now

I realized that after my post... but left it, because that was pretty good. Haha.

**powtario** · 02-10-2015, 02:41 AM

Originally Posted by jfost

just be happy she's had her cervix fused. We are on kid #3 and I'm afraid it is going to be up to me to do the snip snip...

I actually thought this was one of the best ones yet.

**Underoos** · 02-10-2015, 07:36 AM

Before we got married, my wife and I lived in a 3 story house with a garage. She came home after work one day, around 5 or 6, and we did our thing with dinner and chilling or whatever, then went to sleep. Some time in the middle of the night, we were woken up by the dogs barking and acting funny. When I got up, the bedroom was hot and smelled funny. I went down to the middle level where it was hotter and smelled weirder. I went down to the garage level and opened the door from the stairwell into the mud room and could barely breathe. When I opened the door to the garage my suspicions were confirmed. She had parked the car in the garage, closed the garage door, and left the car running for about 8 hours.

We are both lucky to be alive. Thank god for those dogs.

She does not like it when I tell that story.

**hikesalot** · 02-10-2015, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by neufox47

jfost is on a role. Oh the irony.

Damn... I usually try to not take things too literal here, but I was really thinking he was an idiot. Just more joy for you all.

**evasive_MT** · 02-10-2015, 09:16 AM

Last night I was clearing up after dinner, and flipped on the garbage disposal. Water churned, but didn't drain. Shit.

Fiancé: "I only put about a cup of cabbage down it. That's not much."

Remembering how much I enjoyed taking the pipes apart a year or so ago to clear potato peelings, I got another beer out of the fridge.

**AK47bp** · 02-10-2015, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by Underoos

Before we got married, my wife and I lived in a 3 story house with a garage. She came home after work one day, around 5 or 6, and we did our thing with dinner and chilling or whatever, then went to sleep. Some time in the middle of the night, we were woken up by the dogs barking and acting funny. When I got up, the bedroom was hot and smelled funny. I went down to the middle level where it was hotter and smelled weirder. I went down to the garage level and opened the door from the stairwell into the mud room and could barely breathe. When I opened the door to the garage my suspicions were confirmed. She had parked the car in the garage, closed the garage door, and left the car running for about 8 hours.

We are both lucky to be alive. Thank god for those dogs.

She does not like it when I tell that story.

Jesus. I think you won the thread.

**KenJongIll** · 02-10-2015, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by concretejungle

Post #84. I still can't fathom why you all let women take control of the thermostat.

Didn't see that....I guess I'm not alone.

Another one, a few years ago I won some contest at work and got a $1200 Best Buy gift card...do I buy a new bad ass TV and blue-ray and surround sound system? No, I got a fancy LG Front Loading HE Washer/Dryer. We needed it.
So the wife really had an issue adjusting to these and the fact that they do not take nearly as much detergent as the top loaders.

One day I come home and there are fucking soap suds leaking out of this thing...I text my wife, "The washing machine is FUCKED UP."

My Boss replies, "What do you want ME to do about it?"

Yeah, my boss and wife share the first few letters in their names....immediately changed the wife's name on the cell phone

**TahoeJ** · 02-10-2015, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by AK47bp

Jesus. I think you won the thread.

My thoughts exactly. Holy shit. Underoos I hope you treat those dogs well.

**plugboots** · 02-10-2015, 02:55 PM

Guys, either get a garden, or better yet, make one for your wife, (blow job), then she'll "need" compost.

More compost=less shit in the disposal=home grown tomatoes.

So much win.

**powtario** · 02-10-2015, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by AK47bp

Jesus. I think you won the thread.

He survived, we are still waiting for the thread winner who didn't.

**DontTazeMeBro** · 02-10-2015, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by Danno

in Colorado, if you don't pay they have to personally serve you within 90 days of the violation or it disappears.

I need this information. Thank you.

**::: :::** · 02-10-2015, 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by KenJongIll

One day I come home and there are fucking soap suds leaking out of this thing...I text my wife, "The washing machine is FUCKED UP."

My Boss replies, "What do you want ME to do about it?"

"oh, sorry, just get me a beer and a sammich"

**HD333** · 02-10-2015, 07:56 PM

3 nights in a row now she couldn't get the DVD player in the bedroom to work so she could watch Downtown Abbey.

3 nights of me showing her the steps to set it up, so she will learn how to do it.

Do I need to laminate the steps to the back of one of the remotes like I did for my 90 year old grandmother?

**TAFKALVS** · 02-10-2015, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by HD333

3 nights in a row now she couldn't get the DVD player in the bedroom to work so she could watch Downtown Abbey.

3 nights of me showing her the steps to set it up, so she will learn how to do it.

Do I need to laminate the steps to the back of one of the remotes like I did for my 90 year old grandmother?

Yes

**~mikey b** · 02-10-2015, 08:03 PM

You would for me. I can't figure out the damn tv and accessories.

**spanky** · 02-10-2015, 08:26 PM

Great thread and definitely an HOF contender.

I'm going to refrain from any of my gripes at the moment, but I will add this...

The thread title got me thinking, "what does the H mean?" A little searching led to...

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_H._Christ

**booner** · 02-10-2015, 08:36 PM

Originally Posted by KenJongIll

Didn't see that....I guess I'm not alone.

Another one, a few years ago I won some contest at work and got a $1200 Best Buy gift card...do I buy a new bad ass TV and blue-ray and surround sound system? No, I got a fancy LG Front Loading HE Washer/Dryer. We needed it.
So the wife really had an issue adjusting to these and the fact that they do not take nearly as much detergent as the top loaders.

One day I come home and there are fucking soap suds leaking out of this thing...I text my wife, "The washing machine is FUCKED UP."

My Boss replies, "What do you want ME to do about it?"

Yeah, my boss and wife share the first few letters in their names....immediately changed the wife's name on the cell phone

I pulled a beauty earlier this winter. Went to get the detergent pack for the dishwasher and see I that they're gone. I knew we had been running and right as I'm thinking we must be out I see a brand new bottle of the liquid stuff.

I fill her up and start it. I came back in about halfway through the cycle and there's HUGE river of suds in the kitchen. I knew immediately what I had done.

Sure enough...filled her with regular dish soap, not machine detergent. I cleaned up a SHIT LOAD of suds after that one and felt pretty good about myself

**plugboots** · 02-10-2015, 10:05 PM

The thread title got me thinking, "what does the H mean?" A little searching led to...

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_H._Christ
••••••••••••••••� �••••••••••••
There is abso-fucking-lutely no way his middle name is Harold.

Somebody with more Wikipedia savvy than me needs to correct that by referencing this thread.

(BTW, the "real" thread title should be: vent here so you don't yell at your wife and not get laid.)

**KenJongIll** · 02-10-2015, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by HD333

3 nights in a row now she couldn't get the DVD player in the bedroom to work so she could watch Downtown Abbey.

It's Downton...JONG

**riser4** · 02-11-2015, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by Underoos

Before we got married, my wife and I lived in a 3 story house with a garage. She came home after work one day, around 5 or 6, and we did our thing with dinner and chilling or whatever, then went to sleep. Some time in the middle of the night, we were woken up by the dogs barking and acting funny. When I got up, the bedroom was hot and smelled funny. I went down to the middle level where it was hotter and smelled weirder. I went down to the garage level and opened the door from the stairwell into the mud room and could barely breathe. When I opened the door to the garage my suspicions were confirmed. She had parked the car in the garage, closed the garage door, and left the car running for about 8 hours.

We are both lucky to be alive. Thank god for those dogs.

She does not like it when I tell that story.

Attempted murder-suicide there chief? Watch six. Just sayin'.

**JayPowHound** · 02-13-2015, 02:31 PM

Just got a series of texts explaining how she will be late coming home because she locked the keys in her car.

When you have a clicker on your keychain, why would you ever use the button inside the door to lock the car? Serious question.. do other people do that?

**spanky** · 02-13-2015, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by JayPowHound

Just got a series of texts explaining how she will be late coming home because she locked the keys in her car.

When you have a clicker on your keychain, why would you ever use the button inside the door to lock the car? Serious question.. do other people do that?

Does the car take an actual key or does it have one of those new fangled key fobs? The latter could be reason as she would keep it in the pocketbook and the door button would be more convenient. But, then again, when cars have the keyless start, they typically have a proximity sensor that doesn't allow you to lock the key in the car (at least my Jeep does that).

How is she going to get the car unlocked?

**JayPowHound** · 02-13-2015, 03:24 PM

No, real key with clicker for lock mechanism.. I have that too and that's how I lock my vehicle. Then the keys are in my hand when I am locking ot. She used the button on the door and then shut it locked with the keys on the seat.

Kid from AAA tow truck is going to get her in.. or so she tells me. I offered to bring a spare, but she doesn't want to wait

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