Mitch Hedberg R.I.P.

[house]

hope this isnt some sick april fools day joke, but one of the funniest guys i've heard for a while died today. if you haven't heard any of his stuff you gotta check it out. hearing it come straight from him is the best, his delivery could probably make anything funny.

"I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary."

[Parvo Pup]

Was it bad acid?

Agree that this one funny guy - sad to hear he's gone.

[PaSucks]

So sad, too bad this isn't just an April Fools joke, although that would have been more Andy Kaufmans style. Oh well, I'll crack one for ya, Mitch.

[bagtagley]

First news I heard today. Total bummer. Supposedly he was working on a new special too.

RIP Mitch.

[natty dread]

Only 37. What a bummer. I listened to him often on XM comedy--when his name appeared on the display, I always turned up the volume. Guy was pretty frickin brilliant.

[thedudeabides]

here are some of his more memorable jokes, for
your reading enjoyment:

---------------------------------------

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play,
I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're
relentless."

"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy
and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was
too busy mumbling that ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery
store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey
ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami ... someone needs to tell the
turkey, man, just be yourself."

"I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're
just as good and we're just wasting time."

"I got into and argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a
bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out and slam the
flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation?
Zipper it up real quick?"

"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of
$19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy
payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment
it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where
they're going and hook up with them later."

"My friend said to me "You know what I like? Mashed poatoes," I was
like, Dude, you gotta give me time to guess. If your ging to quiz me,
you must put a pause in there."

"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would
never seen an 'Escalator temporarily out of order' sign,
just 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience'."

"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear
music" As though there's another way you can take it in. Your not
special. That's how I recieve it too. I tried to taste it, but it did
not work."

"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said 'please try again'.
They were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I
had opened the yogurt wrong.Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire
me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your
friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."

"I brought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I
don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me
the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper
into this. I can not imagine the scenerio where I would have to prove
that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I
didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

"I went to the park and saw a kid flying a kite. The kid was really
excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if
he had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been
impressed."

"One time a guy handed me a picture of himself and he said. "Here's a
picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you
were younger. Here's a picture of me when I'm older. How'd you pull
that off? Let me see that camera."

"I wrote a letter to my dad- I wrote, I really enjoy being here. But
I accidently wrote rarely, instead of really. But I still wanted to
use it, so I crossed it out and wrote I rarely drive steamboats, Dad.
There's a lot you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a
steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away."

"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that
said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and
your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be
open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and
you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."

"I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe.
The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a
Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have
that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reese, I didn't think I
would ever run into you."

"Y'know I order a club sandwhich all the time. And I'm not even a
member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sandwiches
witth three peices of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but
we're gonna need more stipulations. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it
once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump
chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about
frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."

"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start
a waiting list. They say 'Dufrane, party of two, table ready for
Dufrane, party of two', and if no one answers they'll say the name
again, 'Dufrane, party of two'. But then if no one answers, they'll
move on to the next name. 'Bush party of three'. Yeah, but what
happened to the Dufranes?!? No one seems to care, who can eat at a
time like this? People are missing! You people are selfish. The
Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their
mouths and they're hungry. That's a double whammy! We need
help! 'Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the
Dufranes'."

[gincognito]

I wasn't sure I'd heard of this guy, but some of those jokes are familiar. Good stuff - reminds me a lot of Steven Wright.

Obviously a sad loss.

[scoober]

He was one of my favorites.

"I like baked potatos. Sometimes I'll put a potato in the microwave even when I'm not hungry right then. Because in 25 minutes, who knows??"

[lax]

this better be fake

i liek the fedex guy, cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it.

[jibij]

Good stuff - reminds me a lot of Steven Wright.

Hedberg's take on the Wright comparison:
"If I made potato chips and put them in a can, people would say I was ripping off Pringles," he said. "But what if I put them in a bag?"

The guy was really a genius. So sad to see him go. It's weird how comedians are some of the most tortured souls.

RIP Mitch.

edit: Just realized that the signature I started using a week or two ago is one of Hedberg's lines.

[KarlHungus]

Def. one of the best comedians i've seen in a long time. Really sad because he was just starting to get popular. I saw him a few months ago on Conan O'Brien and knew he was bound to be big. RIP Mitch

That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."

[thedudeabides]

"i dont have a microwave oven, but i do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit"

[PaSucks]

"I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman that would be very mad to hear me say that."

[thedudeabides]

"Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree."

[SkiingBear]

Wed was a sad day, couldn't believe it when I read it here...still don't want to believe it. Mitch was a genius, I've been listening to his stuff for something like 6 years now...amazing. Here's a few of my favorites:

I never joined the Army, because at ease was never that easy for me. It seemed rather uptight still. I don’t relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military…I’m extra at ease.

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls, but on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. Pringles is a laid-back company, they said, “Fuck it, cut ‘em up.”

If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. Well I used to be lost, but now I live here.

I saw on HBO they were advertising this boxing match. They said, "It's a fight to the finish." That's a good place to end.

Every McDonalds commercial ends the same way. Prices and participation my vary. I want to open a McDonalds and not participate in anything. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. I'll say, "Cheesburgers? Nope, we got spaghetti, and blankets, but we are not affiliated with that clown. He attracts too many children."

I got an ant farm...them fellas didn't grow shit!

[L7]

I read this today in the paper. I don't know who he is but reading the stuff here I'm sure I've seen him and there's certainly some good stuff.

Paper said Cause of Death was unknown but he had battled drugs and alcohol and lived with a heart defect.

[KarlHungus]

couldn't help but share these ones...

I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again" because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong, or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. 'C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.'

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.

Still can't believe he's dead.

[Core Shot]

I only know this dude from one comedy central show he did.
Very funny shit.
Long hair, large tinted color glasses, deadpan delivery while looking down at his feet.
RIP, funny man.

http://www.comedycentral.com/standup...ch_hedberg.xml

http://www.comedycentral.com/mp/play...hedberg_a.html