A little fun with Craigslist....

[pbourdon]

I hate to disappoint right off the bat, but no, this is not a story about hookers and blow I located on craigslist; but I still think this is pretty funny, if only cause a buddy of mine was dumb enough to post his 'roommate wanted' craigslist ad on Facebook while I'm working a double and bored as hell.

Here's his original ad:
http://denver.craigslist.org/roo/4030887541.html

Hi there!
We are looking for a roommate in a three bedroom house in Lakewood CO for Nov 1. Its a nice place, with wood floors, a porch and a backyard. There are two adorable little cats here, and you would be sharing the house with a guy and a girl. We are pretty laid back, love outdoorsy things, cooking, and the occasional dinner party, BBQ, and just to have fun. This is not a crazy party house, but we enjoy ourselves! We are looking for someone responsible, and conscious of other people and their surroundings, someone who might even enjoy art and meditation, who is around our age maybe but that part is not too important (we are both 25). We would be splitting the rent 3 ways which is around 500 but there are also utilities and internet which we would also split. So it may vary a bit.
Just to get to know you a little bit better, please respond to this ad telling us anything about yourself and answer these 3 questions:
1. What are some of your favorite ways to have fun/relax?
2. If you could teach the world something, what would that be?
3. What are some of your favorite movies?

And here is my response to his (and his girlfriend's) ad:

Hello there-

I am responding to your ad on craigslist as it sounds like I would be a great fit for your house! I'm am in my late 20s and work in the Denver area as a massage therapist and also a professional dog walker. I will answer your questions in the order they appear in the ad:

1. I like to have fun and relax by first taking a handful of vicodin, washed down with whiskey of course, and then right about the time my buzz really starts to kick I throw in a little Ketamine for good measure, just in case I'm having a hard time unwinding after a long day. Then I usually like to have a few of my regular partners over for a good ol fashioned circle jerk, or maybe even a game of biscuit. Obviously you guys would be welcome to join in the fun! In lieu of that, I generally like to go out to clubs and meet new partners for the type of encounter I describe above. I hope this doesn't freak you out as I always use protection, and always have my partners tested. I also occasionally like to go for hikes, and bike rides, but that's only when I'm out of Vicodin and Ketamine.

2. If I could teach the world anything, it would be to be more accepting of alternative viewpoints and lifestyles. I mean as a transgender person, I struggle against prejudice and the occasional odd stare nearly everyday. So what if my moose knuckle is visible when I'm dog walking? What? You've never seen a grown man's moose knuckle before? Sheesh....some people. I'd also like to teach the world the macarena. Its an under-appreciated dance who's popularity was too short lived in my humble opinion.

3. As for my favorite movies, I LOVE anything with Nicolas Cage in it. He is hands down my favorite actor. He is incredibly talented, and extremely versatile. His character portrayals differ so widely from film to film. I don't know how he does it. I also like to watch gay porn occaisionally, and of course who doesn't love the Home Alone series of movies. Number 3 was hands down my favorite!

Well, I look forward to meeting you two. You sound like great people who I would get along with well. I look forward to sharing my lifestyle with you in your home.

Take care,
Mike Ockitchovitz

ps. I have 3 large dogs, 2 of which are fully house-broken (neither has had an accident in weeks!!! The other I'm still training, but its ok, he'll surely stop humping strangers and marking his territory soon. I mean its been 3 years already.)

I strongly encourage any and all mags to flood his inbox with outlandish replies. He's got a good sense of humor, and I've got $10 that says it'll make his day at the office a helluva lot more entertaining. Post your bogus replies here for laughs all around. Maybe I'll toss in a half-off or full comp to Loveland for the upcoming season to the person who sends in the best response. You're welcome.

[hawkgt]

your a sick fucking friend..... I think we would get along greatly.

[Dhelihiker]

I wanted to keep it subtle yet creepy

Hello There!


My name is Shane and I'm moving to Denver next week and I was wondering if you place is still available?


I'm extremely quite, polite and boring to be frank. I'm working for a biotech start up and hope to be in the area for at least a few years. Im 25 YO.




1. What are some of your favorite ways to have fun/relax?


I like reading and the outdoors. The occasional movie or glass of wine etc.



2. If you could teach the world something, what would that be?


To live life more peacefully. Im so tired of wars.



3. What are some of your favorite movies?


Funny enough I'm actually an amateur movie maker. Living with a guy and girl with two cats would be really ideal, if you know what I mean



http://denver.craigslist.org/roo/4030887541.html

[systemoverblow'd]

Hi there!

Just wanted to say you guys sound just like my kind of people. Obviously without really getting to know you it is hard to tell but you presented yourself well.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a YOUNG 54 year old woman. I came to this area after getting run out of Boulder for suspicion of prostitution and meth dealing. I am being upfront because I have great references and the allegations are completely trumped up. Definitely call Omar (first on the list) as to my responsibility with money and ability to pay on time.

1. What are some of your favorite ways to have fun/relax?

I enjoy going for long walks. I like to flag down random people and hang out with them. It's a great way to get to know people around a new place.

2. If you could teach the world something, what would that be?

I could totally bring back the barter system. In daily life people don't know how to barter. I however can barter pretty great. For example, who else could get from Boulder to Lakewood with a stranger for just a handy? Not many. I think if we got away from being tied down to the money system and dealt more with bartering the population would be happier.

3. What are some of your favorite movies?

WOW... this could be too long to go into as I am a CRAZY movie buff!

"Whispers in the Wind"
"To Each His Own"
"Put It Where It Doesn't Belong"
"My Pipes Need Cleaning"
"All Tit-Fucking Volume 8"
"I Need Your Cock"
"Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers"
"My Cunt Needs Shafts"
"Cum Clean"
"Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts"
"Cum Buns III"
"Cumming in Socks"
"Cum On Eileen"
"Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum"
"Girls Who Crave Cock"
"Girls Who Crave Cunt"
"Men Alone II: The KY Connection"
"Pink Pussy Lips"
"All Holes Filled with Hard Cock"
oh, yeah, and, uh,
"Twilight" (TEAM EDWARD!!!!)

Hope this finds you well. Would love to talk more and maybe even meet up.

Jazmine

[pbourdon]

[devlinc]

Yo motha fucka. Dis here be Tyrone Gladdius Redding. I see you be lookin' for a chill homie to fill yo crib. I been slanging the ill down on Colfax all summa but be looking to drop that act since the winter be gettin' close and all. Bruh can't be snoozing outside no more getting cold and shit. You know wha I mean foo? Shit, yea you do. Dis be here a lil bout me. OG from NOLA I been bouncing the country since floods. Love me some bounce, hip hop, and 2nd Line dirty brass music. Got my grade 12. Musican/writer/poet/artist/cultural ambassador

1. What are some of your favorite ways to have fun/relax?
BBQ me some chicken thighs, southern comfort, fresh HYRDO
2. If you could teach the world something, what would that be?
Parents and teachers be trippin' Ain't no reason you GOTTA go to college. I got my grade 12 and I ain't no retard. Ima teach little kids to reach their dreams but make sure they ain't makin' up some grand shit that ain't neva gonna happen.

3. What are some of your favorite movies?
Shawshank Redemption(watched this everyday until the warden trashed the VHS)
Requiem for a Dream
Mind of a Chef Muthafucka Bourdaine narrates this shit yo. Chef Chang muthafucka he is be telling you all about pork and shit. TRUTH

Shit man thats all I got yo. Yo you wanna meet up some time you catch me most mornings at Saturdays on Colfax. Tell the bouncer you need RED, I wash dishes in the back. Ain't got no cell phone so you hit me up here or at the club yo.
Aight, peace Yo
TGR

[neufox47]

If you guys wanna step this up send him a plausible email from an openly gay man. When he doesn't reply send him a certified letter that he's being sued for discrimination but he can make it go away for $5k.

[DasBlunt]

Ad is still up, no more comedy?