Reasons to not even set foot in Australia

[iceman]

My girlfriends smoking hot friend was on a yacht down there and got eaten by a saltwater croc. We were in bed and got the call in the middle of the night, spent all night comforting her.

Both of you? Nice action. Tough way to get it but...

edit: wait I can't read. Sorry.

I have been to Australia twice. In contrast to Timberridge, I like Sydney much more than Melbourne, although Melbourne does have a certain "edge of the world" feeling which is cool. Storms come straight from the South Pole with nothing in between. But Melbourne is basically a city of villages, it doesn't really have a recognizable center, while Sydney does, and I like that in a city. The scenery in Sydney is spectacular, albeit basically on par with San Francisco. Melbourne is flat and despite the fact that it's on the edge of the Southern Ocean (well it's actually on a big bay), you really can't see the ocean from most of the place.

Canberra was attractive in a manicured Government Center kind of way, but not really worth much time. Cairns and Port Douglas I didn't like, too steamy and it just felt oppressive. The beach at the hotel near Port Douglas had big signs warning about the Crocs and the Sharks and the Jellyfish, and they had a shark and jellyfish net around the swimming area held up by long inflatable pontoons. Right outside the net they had these buoys that they impale big hunks of meat on to catch sharks.

The pontoons that hold the net up protrude just a couple inches out of the water. I asked a local about them and he said that they worked pretty well for the jellyfish, except when it's been windy, in which case the jellyfish wash over the top, "..and then it just keeps the fuckers in, doesn't it?" I asked if it had been windy lately and he smiled and lowered his voice and said "every day for a month, mate". I didn't go swimming. The signs about the crocs also warned that they can get you on land, apparently they can run 22-24 mph for short distances, which I'm not sure if I can do but don't want to have to find out like that.

I still want to go to Perth, that place looks pretty cool. I like Australia a lot, there's good and bad like anywhere but the people are generally pretty cool although snobby Aussies are some of the snobbiest people I've met anywhere, just insufferable. Fortunately there's not too many of them.

[flatlander#2]

Jesus Christ, I'm going to need assistance to fall asleep tonight after that. So gross.

A kid I grew up with is a horse chiro down there. He has hands that are so huge, from a family of big stout cowboys. I imagine him grabbing a horse by the head and giving her a good head whip up/down, tail shoots out straight and sounds like a box of Krispies were just milked.

[flatlander#2]

Both of you? Nice action. Tough way to get it but...

edit: wait I can't read. Sorry.

It took a few times...

[Benny Profane]

[ColMan]

I lived in Perth for two years a while back. What a great fucking country. Some of the most friendly (and laid back) people. They will drink you under the table and keep their visine in the fridge. And yes, the animals, reptiles, weather, etc. are hardcore down there. I only surfed the more popular beaches that have shark spotting towers. Only heard the sirens once while I was in the water (shit my pants) and was only stung a handful of times by jelly fish (blue bottles).

While the skiing is nonexistent on the west coast, I'd move back in a heartbeat.

[Shadam]

meh ...

but the spider in the first shot is a big problem and agressive ...
wolf spider,
wont kill ya but you'll be scared for life
go to hospital only to find out they cant do shit for that one.

dieing in a

flood
bushfire
shark attack
croc attack
snake bite
spider bite
sydney drive by shooting
thirst
getting lost in nowhere-ville running out of gas and water
back-packer abduction
plane falling out of the air
boat sinking
or some exotic desease, oh we got many that your done in 48hours!

or some career criminal driving a road-train over the top of you ...

hmm,
how many other did I forget ???

[milton]

lol, 0:50

[DickMerkin]

More likely to get murdered in America than eaten by a croc in Australia, and yet Australia's to be avoided?

I am sure that is accurate, but it's not like I'm "avoiding" it...it's just that all of the negative factors mentioned are kinda FAILing to act as incentives...

Also, I've gone 41 years in AmeriKa without being murdered...so I really don't wanna push my luck

[Hugh Conway]

fantastic beachs, some very good food and wine, generally pleasant people who can produce some of the best displays of profanity and bullshitting in the English language. dunno, I enjoyed it. would like to go back and do a big road trip on the coast.

[PNWbrit]

I enjoyed

You enjoyed something?

Take an aspirin and sit in a dark room with a damp flannel on your forehead until the feeling goes away.

[Hugh Conway]

You enjoyed something?

and not in the I need to convince the world my life is awesome as part of my personal brand social media presence way

course, the problem with a bunch of the beachs is there's no crowd of other people jostling for the awesomeness giving themselves high-five for how awesome it is and posting updates on their facebook and TGR about how awesome it is so you don't have the outside validation that it actually is awesome. And there's a dearth of really spectacular backdrops to post on your facebook or TGR to convince other people that really, you actually are having an awesome time and they should be jealous.

[PNWbrit]

my personal brand social media presence way

www.misanthropierthanyou.com

[Hugh Conway]

www.misanthropierthanyou.com

More like diehipster.com for TGR posters

heaps of solid surf there. some of it more crowded than anything you thought possible, other stuff not very

[userA]

you two just played nice, that is not as fun to read
my boy joele. went down under for a year long walkabout in a little beater car. he got a great tan and a higher tolerance for beer. missed the mountain and returned with no good stories.
just killed time
bF

[Like a Boss]

I visited when I was 22 back when the world was my oyster and absolutely loved it. Did Melbourne, Sydney, Cairns/Great Barrier Reef, Alice Springs/Uluru. The outback was the best part. We drank beer and gazed up at about a billion stars at night. I'll have to go back one day to play Royal Melbourne, Kingston Heath, etc. and will look forward to it.