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[Odin]

Its wierd to go through these things.

It's a dark cloud that descends over everything you do. All things seem connected by their insignificant significance. Everthing turns to crap in your fingers. You say the wrong things, think the wrong things, see the wrong things, and hear the wrong things.

Sometimes you just want to get drunk and forget everything; but I am far too much a pussy to follow this route. If only bukowski was here to advise me.

The flip side of all this is that as a whole I am far more creative when in the dumps than not. I can channel my energy into doing things that normally I wouldn't give two shits about. My stories (which are generally not bright rays of sunshine) get that extra umph to them and they are generally better.

Perhaps it is better to write and talk about these things and get them out of your system. Unfortunately the people you talk to don't understand and the writing just comes off as a plea for attention or woe is me story. Neither of which I can stand. I often wonder if those who candide themselves through life often live a simpler and better life. If perhaps I could give up what sign of intelligence that I think I posses to perhaps become a brainless pile of goo.

Then again there is something almost comforting in the numb pleasure of depression. It is a soothing rhythm of normality that you can fall into. Unfortunately it brings unhappiness and worry to those that surround you, so when they ask if you are ok you say, "Yes" when they ask what is wrong you say, "Nothing" You try to bring yourself out of it with other tasks that add value and worth to your existence, however the funny part of it all is that now everyones expectations are that you are going to be depressed so you almost feel bad when you have moments of being happy.


Oh well.



This is almost sure to be deleted later.

[FNG]

Well put. I've written my share of these as well.

[ScottG]

Odin, you are being tortured by what Winston Churchill referred to as "his little black dog"

If it becomes too heavy, seek powder and steep slopes.
If that does not work, please seek medical attention.
In light doses, it can be an inspirational source of understanding.
When too heavy, too dark and too deep, it represses the real you and can prevent you from living the life you really want and deserve.
Pay attention to your own self-medication.
Sometimes it helps, but some depressants like alcohol can feed the monster.

[gonzo]

go for a run outside? or go skiing? or play with your doggie?

[aspenskibum]

Focus on why you feel depressed. If it seems to be for no apparent reason, think about ho wmuch your parents suck or whatever depressing stuff you think cant possibly be bothering you any more, cus something is causing it, that much i can say for certain. Depression is your psyche's way of telling you you have unresolved issues. If none of that works, go climb a mountian, and find something beautiful. If that doesn't work, get some blow and a hooker. If that doesn't work, start killing the hookers.

[Sheeps]

hello - I see that you mentioned Bukowski. I am reading "Hollywood" right now. Just came across a passage that I think you might appreciate. The narrator (Henry Chinaski...) was being asked by a reported if he feels that drinking is brave. Chinaski replies, "no, but nothing else is either." I think Bukowski might advise you to not live and die by your art, but rather to do it because you can and you want to and it is what you do. Or at least that's my interpretation. I think Bulowski intersts us because he is a guy who wrote, not a writer per se. You cn be the tortured artist, but realize that it is your own brand of torture...

Anyhow, that's that.

[stayhigh]

Lousie Bourgeois, a sculptor, said that she creates things that she wants to remember or wants to forget. My advice is to keep creating, reinterpereting the experiecnces that you want to define your life, or release the things that you want to get rid of. Above all, recognize those experiences that are truly meaningful and make them a priority. Mine are skiing and sculpting. I'm moving out to Jackson because I can do my artwork anywhere.