Laid off and looking for a job

[Superstar Punani]

My current gig is up after 8 years because of a corporate takeover.

So I'm looking for another job. My requirements are:

1) six figure base + bonus + stock

2) unlimited sick days. I get sick a lot in the winter months and need regular doses of mountain air and crystallized dihydrogen monoxide facial treatments to survive.

3) two months vacation per year

4) work from home anytime; corporate headquarters must be no more than 30 minutes from a surfable coastline and three hours from a world-class ski area(s)

5) Regular company-spancered Vegas trips. International business travel to either European, Asian or Australian offices desired, but not mandatory

I am a dedicated, focused over-achiever with the ability to exceed my goals and complete deliverables on time, and under budget.

I specialize in working remotely in a variety of hostile environments, ranging from sub-zero blizzard conditions at a high alpine location to malaria-infested equatorial jungle islands surrounded by razor-sharp coral reefs and high surf. All I need is a laptop, phone and wifi or cellular service and my shit will get done.

Interested corporations that meet my 5 requirements above may PM me with offers.

[Crampedon]

11 views and no more replies.

Da boyz are speechless cuz.

No can.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Parvo to the white courtesy phone...

[mattchuck2]

Strange that people haven't been jumping at the chance to hire you . . . Or at least offer a "spancership"

[moose pit]

I cannot comprehend an asset such as the great SuPu would be realesed from teh cooprate servitude after a takeover! Were you not the asset that motivated the takeover?

[steved]

You should fit right in very well in Corporate America Parvo... Hang tight till the a-hole Congress makes up its mind about taxes...

[Bosco]

You can do what I did and start your own business where the home base in a laptop. It certainly meets requirements 2, 3, 4, and 5. And given this "I am a dedicated, focused over-achiever with the ability to exceed my goals and complete deliverables on time, and under budget." you should have no problem with item 1.

[stuckathuntermtn]

I too am now unemployed and have these requirements.

[JDfromBR]

I know of a job opening but the company trips are to Orlando so I guess they wouldn't qualify.

[ass-to-mouth]

PM shitshow. He found some clown willing to pay him 50K a year.