What kind of cool shit happened to you when you were young?

[watersnowdirt]

Rev's story - brilliant, fabulous, too funny to read while eating french fries.

When I was in kindergarten, my skirt fell off in the play ground (it was a wrapround with pink and green elephants on it).

When I was in 2nd grade or so, I drank a cup of punch really fast and accidentally spit it all out in front of everyone.

When I was in 7th grade I was trying to flirt with a cute boy only to realize that he and his friends were giggling at me. Because my fly was down.

Notice a theme here? Let me just say, these types of stories go on and on - it would take me days to record them all.

[SponsoredByDuctTape]

When I was about 10 or 11 my best friend/neighbor and I used to go on hikes all the time. We lived right against the mountains of Brigham City and it was easy to take off and be gone for extended periods of time. One time instead of going hiking we decided to go walking, and headed towards the vast metropolis that is Brigham City. Our first stop was a 7-11. While there we ate some 5-cent candies and played some arcade games. Then we went out behind the 7-11. The 7-11 had a large cinderblock wall (maybe 10 feet high that made the area behind the 7-11 somewhat private. It was there that we found the needles and a confused Mexican janitor. We took turns stabbing each other with the needles (to see who was tougher) while the Mexican janitor mumbled something to a trash bag. My friend said he was starting to get dizzy. It was about then the Mexican janitor stood up and hoisted himself into the dumpster. I started to feel a little dizzy too. Then we both started laughing. We looked into the dumpster and the Mexican janitor was simultaneously masturbating and vomiting. There was a half-open bag of dead kittens in the dumpster as well. We were already walking away when we heard the gun shot. We climbed up the back of the cinder block wall and walked along the top of the wall until it met the side of the 7-11. We climbed up onto the roof and saw the man run from the store. I don't think either of us have ever told anyone we were there that day until probably now. I'd spent so long keeping it in that it's like it never happened at all and I made it up on the spot right here, because I didn't feel like working and I was bored. (Which I did.)

or . Not sure.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

I heart Meatdrink. And I laughed my ass off @ Funken (esp. with his avatar) & Rev. Splat's story nearly brough a tear to my ehe


In 8th grade shop class I nearly sliced the tip of my index finger off with a band saw. It was just hanging off the side by one last flap of skin. I musta been in shock or something because I didn't feel a thing. It was pretty cool acting all tough and calmly walking up to the nurse's off holding my finger out like nothing at all happened.

Senior year HS -- I was captain of the soccer team and we went undefeated and won like every title imaginable (except states). The three years prior to this we won a grand total of 2 games...so it was pretty cool.

[PulverSchwein]

First cool thing was me beating out my nemesis (and royally pissing off his prick old man) by winning the provincial overall title in the last race of the year, my last year in the Nancy Greene racing league.

The coolest thing happened the next year. Me and my good buddy had been the only two guys racing out of this small local ski club for many years. The coach quit just before I turned 16 but we kept on paying our dues and racing under the club name for the next two years.

What this meant for us was weekly unsupervised skis trips around the province with my Dad giving me the car keys and a decent amount of spending money every weekend. Me and my buddy basically spent the next two seasons hosting parties in our motel room at every race, polluting the minds and bodies of impressionable kids with bad attitudes, evil headbanger music, beer, and assorted substances. Jumping, freeskiing, and putting cars in ditches were the new priorities. No coach or adult of any kind to rein in our antics on or off the hill. Fun factor went way up, racing results went way down. I'll give up the fact that the province was Manitoba but it was pretty cool times for me.

[Evil E]

When I was in second grade I lived for recess. I always had a grand time teeter tottering, swinging and pretending I was doing something really important on the big wooden contraption with useless steering wheels and tires and shit.

Anyways... I remember one day I was outside at recess and my bladder felt especially full and I knew I had to piss real bad. So I asked the "aide" (thats what they called the people who stood around while we ran all over the place) if I could go back inside to use the bathroom. After being denied my basic right to use a toilet i realized that I had to take matters into my own hands and find a nice place to take a piss. I located a big ol tree just next to a slide or something and I ran over there and positioned myself so that no one could see what I was doing. Ahhhhhhhh. Relief........

Just then I heard giggling and I looked over my shoulder to see two girls pointing and laughing at me. Now for some reason at the age of 7 I was very freaked out at the thought of girls watching me pee so I bolted across the large field behind the school with my pants around my thighs and I eventually was stopped by a big chain link fence. Somehow I managed to cut my forehead on it... I still have a small scar.

Another pee related incident happened when I was dating my girlfriend in 97 (who is now my wife) I had to pee real bad, but the lift line I was in was impossible to get out of. Breckenridge, Peak 9, Falcon chair i think, so I held it in with the intent of watering the bushes at the top. After loading the chair with my girl on my left and her parents friends taking up the other 2 chairs to her left we were on our way. I was dreaming of the moment when I would pull into the woods and let er rip when the chair stopped cold. We swung in silence as I looked wide eyed at my girl with the look that said it all. A few minutes passed. I tried to meditate. ok breathe. just breathe...the chair will start soon, always does. I smiled plasticly at the 2 friends of my girl's parents. Oh god did I have to piss. Buzzing. I heard buzzing. A snowmobile. A snowmobile with 2 guys in liftie garb zip up underneath us. this is not good. I could feel my bladder filling to the brim like a water balloon at the end of a sink's faucet. I knew it was coming.

" Excuse me , but if I dont go Im gonna piss myself." I said. I didnt care anymore. I pulled out my business and pissed a nice long steady arc over the armrest down to the snow 45 feet below. I looked left into the eyes of my horrified girlfriend and I thought. "Oh well, it was nice while it lasted."

" You know, " said the wife of my girlfriends father's friend, " I have to go too, and I would do the same thing if I could."

It was a nice gesture...

cant believe she married me after that....

[UTdave]

cant believe she married me after that....

what man doesn't have countless stories of this nature.

[Oarhead]

I got kicked in the head by a horse when I was about 4. SO COOL, heh.

My scalp was split and there was a lit of blood all over the place. I ran home to my folks (nobody in rural Ireland had phones back in the late 70's) and told them - unnecessarily - that I was bleeding. Dad just put me up on a kitchen stool while mom was cooking dinner and he sewed up my scalp with a plain ole needle and thread. Apparently I didn't cry, I just sat there with a very serious look on my face.

All that is left is a small scar where no hair grows.

[CaddyDaddy77]

This thread is getting better and better.

When I was about 7 or 8 a friend and I spotted a wasps nest in a tree on the embankment of the river behind my house. Smart kids would choose an appropriate length stick and hit the nest from above, I was not one of those kids.
We started to hit it with rocks, and noticed the wasps getting pretty pissed, so naturally we picked up bigger rocks. Eventually we knocked down the hive, and it fell uphill of us, like the dumbass that I am, I continued on my path up the embankment, and over the hive, my friend jumped in the river. He was stung quite a few times, I on the other hand went to the hospital and blew up like a balloon. Wasps are mean, BTW, and enough, of their stings will make your face swell pretty well shut. They shoved a tube down my throat for the night, and I got to eat jello, and pudding, and lots of other crap that wasn't solid for a couple of days.


My brother and I were sledding on the local ski hill when it was closed, and in an effort to out do him, I went about fifty feet further up the slope, I managed to make the holeshot in the haybales at the bottom, and was looking to hit the fence when the unthinkable happened, the old chainlink wasn't secured until about halfway up and I went right throught the fence and skiped across Florida Road, with cars going both ways, I didn't get hit but was pretty scared of sleding from then on.



When we were young we didn't have a VCR, but rented one every so often form a local place, adn some movies when we had been decent, I use decent, because my brother and I were usually far from good. One time I was returning the player and two videos on my bike, my mom told me to walk, but I wanted to ride my bike instead. For those of you that were never ghetto enough to have to rent a VCR they had a protective case and a handle on them.
I was riding my dirtbike which had iffy at best coaster brakes, sometimes they would lock, but not actual brake the bike and you had to pedal forward and then back again to get them to work.
I was going down a steep hill just before the movie rental place, and the brakes acted, up, the pedals were stuck and I wanted to slow down but was jockeying the VCR in one hand and the tapes in another and couldn't get the pedals to unlock.

I was going faster and faster down the hill. As a last resort I put out my right foot to slow myself down, this was not long lived as my foot hit a rock and threw my leg back behind the seat, I smart person would have fallen and given up, but as forementioned, I am not he. I tried to keep on the bike and doing so my leg got stuck between the reflector on the back of the bike and the tire, I was careening towards the store, with the wheel grinding a hole in my thigh, when I shut my eyes or the last thing I remeber. I hit the side of the shitty little building that was the video rental place head on with by bike and knocked an entire wall of video's off and knocked my self unconcious. I woke up in the ER with six stitches in my leg and a mild concussion. I also had to work off a VCR, and some other stuff that got damamged from me running into the side of the building. I didn't have to go to school for three days, so that was pretty cool.

[Artie Fufkin]

I won my elamentary skhools spelling bee when I was in 5th grade

I think ever since then it has gone downnhill.

I won my grade school's spelling bee to. I went on to the next round to try to qualify for the national spelling bee, I choked and let the whole school down. The word was "beeline", being a mensa I spelled it "beline", I should have asked for the definition. I've always wondered what would have been if I had spelled "beeline" correctly.

[midget]

Nothing out of the ordinary except skiing cascade concrete every weekend during the winters. My dad couldn't ski cause he had horrible knees but he'd take me and my bro up every weekend and sit in the lodge and read so we could ski. That was pretty damn cool.

Other than that, just two car wrecks on the 2 times I have ever tried to go to Baker. Started skiing 70+ day seasons only AFTER I broke my back....go figure.

[Odin]

It all began with my brother, or rather his abscence.

I was a young kid at the time living in the Texas (unfortunately) country outside Fort Worth. In these days living in the country meant LIVING IN THE COUNTRY as coyotes outnumbered people and our nearest neighbor was 4 miles or more away.

We lived on a winter wheat farm (not ours) of large acerage. The land was surrounded by barbed wire and the entrance was a 5 foot tall metal gate. The entrance was a small dirt road and the main road was about one or two hundred feet from the main road.

Now my brother, being ten years older than I, had just begun his college at the University of North Texas in Denton, one hour away from us. He had also begun the college tradition of bringing his clothes home to be washed and raiding the fridge. He had indicated that he was going to show that night, but we did not know that later he decided to stay in Denton.

It was about 9:00 pm and I was reading. My bedtime was approaching so I was finishing up. My parents had become worried with my brothers abscence but for him to arrive late was nothing new. It was then that we heard it.

A bloodcurdling scream.

This was followed by the coyotes crying into the night.

My parents instantly became alarmed. They thought that my brother had not been able to unlock the gate and after climbing over the gate had begun to be chased by coyotes to the front door. They ran to the door and unlocked it. The screaming and sobbing got louder and closer followed by the howl of the coyotes.

They opened the door and on the door step stood a young woman, blood pouring from her head, sobbing and screaming HELP. She had bruises, cuts and welts on her face and body, her clothes were torn, and her shoes were missing. She slumped in the walkway and tried to tell us what was going on almost incoherantly. I couldn't make out what she was saying but I knew it must not be good because my dad went to get the rifle and bullets. I then found out that she had been riding in a truck with a guy/her boyfriend. He had tried to force his way with her and she did not comply. He then beat the fuck out of her and attempted to kill her with his gun. She jumped out of his moving truck and scaled our fence running to our house for help.

It was then that I noticed the headlights moving back and forth on the road in front of our house.

My parents moved the kids into the interior hallway in case he started shooting up the house. My dad loaded the rifle and stood at the front door while my mom called for the paramedics and police.

We sat in the dark hallway for hours, as all the lights were shut off in the house. All I could hear was the wailing and moaning of the poor woman in the hall and the silent shallow breaths of my sisters.

Finally we were removed from the hallway to see the pool of blood in the entrance and the paramedics loading her onto a back board. The police showed up to take statements from my parents and began a search of the area for the man. They found his pickup in a ditch a few hundred feet from our house and his loaded gun underneath the seat.

They never found him.

[str8line]

It all began with my brother, or rather his abscence.

I was a young kid at the time living in the Texas (unfortunately) country outside Fort Worth. In these days living in the country meant LIVING IN THE COUNTRY as coyotes outnumbered people and our nearest neighbor was 4 miles or more away.

We lived on a winter wheat farm (not ours) of large acerage. The land was surrounded by barbed wire and the entrance was a 5 foot tall metal gate. The entrance was a small dirt road and the main road was about one or two hundred feet from the main road.

Now my brother, being ten years older than I, had just begun his college at the University of North Texas in Denton, one hour away from us. He had also begun the college tradition of bringing his clothes home to be washed and raiding the fridge. He had indicated that he was going to show that night, but we did not know that later he decided to stay in Denton.

It was about 9:00 pm and I was reading. My bedtime was approaching so I was finishing up. My parents had become worried with my brothers abscence but for him to arrive late was nothing new. It was then that we heard it.

A bloodcurdling scream.

This was followed by the coyotes crying into the night.

My parents instantly became alarmed. They thought that my brother had not been able to unlock the gate and after climbing over the gate had begun to be chased by coyotes to the front door. They ran to the door and unlocked it. The screaming and sobbing got louder and closer followed by the howl of the coyotes.

They opened the door and on the door step stood a young woman, blood pouring from her head, sobbing and screaming HELP. She had bruises, cuts and welts on her face and body, her clothes were torn, and her shoes were missing. She slumped in the walkway and tried to tell us what was going on almost incoherantly. I couldn't make out what she was saying but I knew it must not be good because my dad went to get the rifle and bullets. I then found out that she had been riding in a truck with a guy/her boyfriend. He had tried to force his way with her and she did not comply. He then beat the fuck out of her and attempted to kill her with his gun. She jumped out of his moving truck and scaled our fence running to our house for help.

It was then that I noticed the headlights moving back and forth on the road in front of our house.

My parents moved the kids into the interior hallway in case he started shooting up the house. My dad loaded the rifle and stood at the front door while my mom called for the paramedics and police.

We sat in the dark hallway for hours, as all the lights were shut off in the house. All I could hear was the wailing and moaning of the poor woman in the hall and the silent shallow breaths of my sisters.

Finally we were removed from the hallway to see the pool of blood in the entrance and the paramedics loading her onto a back board. The police showed up to take statements from my parents and began a search of the area for the man. They found his pickup in a ditch a few hundred feet from our house and his loaded gun underneath the seat.

They never found him.

Cue the creepy music...

[str8line]

My Most Vivid Memory--Sorry If You've Already Heard It

The Reverend and the Rabbit

I used to have a horrible fear of public crappers, especially the ones at school. My elementary was K-8, so at any given time in second grade, I could be alone in the bathroom with any number of 7th or 8th graders ready to pummel me. Because of this, I used to squeeze for dear life until I got to the safety of our shining porcelian repreive at home.

Well, one morning in second grade I knew I was in trouble. Pressure was building and the levee wasn't going to hold. I had gorged myself on tater tots and a sloppy joe the night before and the piper was making his rounds, poking me in the gut, prodding my bowels with what felt like a 30 pound barbell. The teacher was yapping about this and that as the sweat began to bead on my forehead. I looked down at my parachute pants, half expecting to see them bulging from the presure. I unbuttoned my camo shirt hoping to provide some relief, but no. It was go-time and there was nothing I could do except either make my way to the perils of the crapper or let 'er ride. I decided to brave the crapper and was just about to raise my hand for a hall pass when 4 denim-clad 7th graders passed by the hallway, talking loudly, inevitably plotting my demise, or so I believed. I was going to have to wait this one out.

About two minutes later I decided that I'd have to relieve some pressure and hopefully it would be just a little gassy gas. I looked around, wondering how I could possibly rememedy the situation and let it fly unnoticed. I looked at my close friend sitting next to me, a Japanese kid named Tsuomo Yassuda who claimed to carry throwing stars at all times. We were sitting at the end of the row, with Tsuomo at the very end. Then I saw it...the class pet rabit cage! I quietly nudged Tsomo and whispered an instruction to switch places with me, which he did curiously. I could smell the rabit cage. The sheer brilliance of my move nearly made me laugh in triumph. Delivery time.

I lifted one buttcheek of my shiny parachute pants while the teacher continued on about something or other. Wheeeeeeeeee... I let a squeeker out and immediately my gut felt just a little better. I glanced at Tsomo who had his pencil precariously deep in his nose. Perfect. Nobody noticed.

Then...horror.

I felt it. I hadn't only farted. I had sharted just a little bit....a tiny little nugget had come out and was currently on the inside of my left leg. I could faintly smell it as my cheeks flushed and I tried desperately not to panic or cry. Again, I looked at the rabit cage. The rabit stared back at me as if to say, "don't even think about it, shit pants." Too bad for you, little rabit! I shifted my left leg so that the heel of my Roo was nearly touching the cage. The rabit backed up just a bit in his cage, afraid. I shook my leg. Tsomo looked at me, wondering why I was convulsing in my left leg. "Leg's asleep, ninja." I said casually. I continued to shake, shimming the shit nugget down my pants until it fell out...a little brown turd about the size of a quarter. I looked around. No one had noticed, so I kicked it next to the rabbit cage, much to the digust and apparent dismay of our class pet. Glancing at my handy work, I realized that the shit nugget looked like a massive rabit turd, and really didn't stand out too badly. I could smell it, but nothing I couldn't pawn off on my furry scapegoat.

The 10:30 recess bell rang loudly a moment later and without so much as a word, I ran to the bathroom for complete, unadulterated release and a little "touch up" work on the inside of my parachute pants. And in the end, I got away scot free!

And, I hearby nominate the Reverend for a TGRlitzer Prize in Comedic Writing, for his essay entitled "The Reverend and the Rabbit."-Cornholio

I'll second the nomination.

[TejasTELE]

I dont know if this was just my lowerschool, but a bunch of friends and I thought it was cool to make each other pass out. We would hyperventilate for a while and then sit with our arms across our chests against a wall. Then someone would push on your chest while you were holding your breath. Yeah...you passed out for like 5 seconds.

Looking back...probably wasnt the best idea, but I am still great friends will all the kids.

[PaSucks]

I dont know if this was just my lowerschool, but a bunch of friends and I thought it was cool to make each other pass out. We would hyperventilate for a while and then sit with our arms across our chests against a wall. Then someone would push on your chest while you were holding your breath. Yeah...you passed out for like 5 seconds.

Looking back...probably wasnt the best idea, but I am still great friends will all the kids.

heh. We usded to do that too. You would get all dizzy and feel buzzed for a minute. God we were dumb.