Thanksgiving TR: Further proof of my shit-ass luck.

[FNG]

3:00am Wednesday - Zac & I leave the bar (sober) and two very pretty ladies, quick pack, and start driving from Minneapolis, MN to Three Rivers, MI.

4:30am - Zac's '84 Trans Am begins to suck dick. Speeds higher than 55mph are no longer achievable.

5:30am - Zac attempts to fix said Trans Am at gas station by replacing O2 sensor. Results in mild self-inflicted stab wound.

5:31am - Woman scolds Zac for swearing loudly (after stabing himself).
5:32am - Woman gets the finger.

6:00am - We depart gas station. O2 sensor has been replaced. Car still runs like shit.

9:00am - We arrive in Madison, WI. Decide to rent a U-Haul to tow car to Michigan.

10:00am - After 4 different sets of equally bad directions from locals, we arrive at a U-Haul close to UW campus. U-Haul is rented out of vehicals able to tow a car.

10:15am - We decide the next best option is to park the car, take the train, and deal with it later.

11:30am - After 6 different sets of equally bad directions from locals, we arrive at the train station. We could tell it was a train station because there were tracks and a big train there.

11:32am - We wonder what a bike shop is doing inside a train station.

11:40am - The manager of the bike shop informs us that the train outside his shop is just decorative, and that he has never seen an Amtrak on the tracks outside his shop. He chuckles a bit at our misfortune.

11:45am - We decide the next best thing would be to go across the street to the bus station and hop on a bus. As we walk across the street I say, "You know...we've been driving around this fucking city for the past hour and a half following bad directions to a train station that doesn't even fucking exist. I need a drink."

12:45pm - Because the car was running like shit, we had spent $150 on gas thus far. Two one-way tickets to Kalamazoo, MI cost $130. It cost us $280 to go 300 miles. We have no anger left in the tank. We get on the bus.

12:46pm - We notice that we are the only two people of the caucasion persuasion on the bus. Not generally a problem; however, being riding a bus to Chicago, IL with a dozen characters seemingly fresh out of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is a little unsettling at first.

1:00pm - It is declared that "you guys are riding with tha hood." 'Tha hood' turns out to be the funniest group of people I've ever ridden a bus with.

5:30pm - Bus arrives in Chicago one hour late after creeping through rush-hour traffic.

6:30pm - Asian guy cuts in line at bus station. Hillarity ensues. Bright spot of the day.

7:00pm - Connection bus arrives 1.5 hours late. The ride to Kalamazoo is mostly spent following a snowplow at 25mph. In case you missed it, the mid-west got (reletively) hammered last week. Thankfully, bus is mostly empty and we are able to stretch out and finally get some sleep.

1:30am (now Eastern time) - Bus arrives in Kalamazoo. Mom picks us up.

2:30am - We get home. Total trip time: 23.5 hours. Total fun: 0

[PaSucks]

12:46pm - We notice that we are the only two people of the caucasion persuasion on the bus.

You mean you're not black???? Holy shit, then who is that guy with the crazy eyes?

[FNG]

Terry Tate: Office Linebacker

[Benny Profane]

You mean you're not black???? Holy shit, then who is that guy with the crazy eyes?

And I'm not short, old, long bearded, and wearing what appears to be size 32 feet.

[Obstruction]

I'm calling bullshit! .... on the part about you leaving the bar sober at 3:00 a.m.

Seriously sounds like a nominee for the road trip from hell. Hope the ride back is better!