Turkay Day nerves (NSR) venting

**Buzzworthy** · 11-22-2004, 05:24 PM

My future daughter's money is coming in from AZ (oops, meant my parents) TOMMORROW!!!

Lots of baby stuff to be purchased by the grandparents, mom is going to make turkey dindin, which is not as good as Erica's but she does not care, she does not have to cook!!

Dad is bringing me 5 cases of real (bad) beer. Bud or Bud light, but 5 free cases (problem, he and I will drink 2 of em before they leave on Sunday). Then I am free, free to the BIRD, with 2P!!

Oh boy, nerves are going up as we speak. They just put me on edge.

Good luck to the rest of you all dealing with parental units. I plan to have a lot of fun (and I am sure a few arguements) but mostly fun.

**bigsugar** · 11-23-2004, 10:59 AM

Gahhhh!!!

I just found out that going to church on Thursday does not excuse me from church on Sunday!

There had better be significant good "karma" (and I mean that in a sexual way) from this trip.

**Tippster** · 11-23-2004, 11:08 AM

Maybe you'll see Brett there...

Dood - fake a hernia. It's your only hope.

**Obstruction** · 11-23-2004, 11:18 AM

On the old world catholic thing -- I'm pretty sure most people in the old country didnt't bend a knee on Turkey Day being as they didn't celebrate the holiday in Kerry, Salerno or Bratislava.

Tell them it was those heathen bastard (i.e. protestant) pilgrims that got all churched up on Thanksgiving not belivers in the one true faith!

If that fails and they still get on you about religion I recommend playing the Mormon card. I know you said you're a recovering R.C. but you can make up enough Mormon sounding stuff that they'll be begging you to talk about football after 15 minutes.

I've got to cast a vote for the acid thing also. With a situation that fucked you may balance out to normal.

Good luck.

**A-wreck** · 11-23-2004, 11:27 AM

Oh! but there's so much to do in Lewiston....

**phUnk** · 11-23-2004, 11:28 AM

I know the original poster is behind enemy lines by now, but he should look at the bright side: If things go really well, this family could end up your in-laws!

**bigsugar** · 11-23-2004, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by A-wreck

Oh! but there's so much to do in Lewiston....

You've been?

**bigsugar** · 11-23-2004, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by phUnk

I know the original poster is behind enemy lines by now, but he should look at the bright side: If things go really well, this family could end up your in-laws!

I won't be behind enemy lines till tonight. And as far as the in-laws thing goes, uh, well, that's pretty much how it is.

it should be noted that I love her to death. Some of her siblings are cool too. But for the most part, she knows how I feel about her family.

**Woodsy** · 11-23-2004, 11:40 AM

funny stuff but not real helpful.
if you care for this girl, just go and smile & enjoy
tips:
1) bring Oyster stuffing in a pyrex dish. Offer it up as a tradition from your family to theirs big on endearment

2)dont argue with mom, serious just dont you will never recover in your lovers eyes
.......one exception, stick up for your lady. if anyone in the family ( anyone) slags her off, defend her even if they are right & you have made the same joke about whatever yourself. shes on your side & you hers, you lose your teammate in this shark tank & yur fukked. DO this as politely, yet firmly as possible. this is the 3-point shot of relationships.

3) Notre Dame game is a must, you have to have a few allies in a large fmaily of fish eaters, seriously, find one.

4) be prepared to say grace, Catholic grace. ask any of your friends or PM KQ for an appropriate prayer short, yet complete. oft times you may be put on the spot y this & coming through it well will go a long way ( DTM prepre thyself as well & "ask these things in the name of your son Jesus Christ, Amen")
5) take cues from others @ the table & before in helping. look up the word Obsequious, live it.
6) try & get a read on each member of the fam from your lady, true or not her take is all that matters to you.
7) ask her dad/brothers about the hunt that just ended. preemptive strike, scores points & gets it over with.
8) masterbate EVERY morning in the shower while there

**irul&ublo** · 11-23-2004, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by Woodsy

funny stuff but not real helpful.
if you care for this girl, just go and smile & enjoy
tips:
...8) masterbate EVERY morning in the shower while there

Good point. There is no reason to change your normal routine.

**bigsugar** · 11-23-2004, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by Woodsy

funny stuff but not real helpful.
if you care for this girl, just go and smile & enjoy
tips:
1) bring Oyster stuffing in a pyrex dish. Offer it up as a tradition from your family to theirs big on endearment

2)dont argue with mom, serious just dont you will never recover in your lovers eyes
.......one exception, stick up for your lady. if anyone in the family ( anyone) slags her off, defend her even if they are right & you have made the same joke about whatever yourself. shes on your side & you hers, you lose your teammate in this shark tank & yur fukked. DO this as politely, yet firmly as possible. this is the 3-point shot of relationships.

3) Notre Dame game is a must, you have to have a few allies in a large fmaily of fish eaters, seriously, find one.

4) be prepared to say grace, Catholic grace. ask any of your friends or PM KQ for an appropriate prayer short, yet complete. oft times you may be put on the spot y this & coming through it well will go a long way ( DTM prepre thyself as well & "ask these things in the name of your son Jesus Christ, Amen")
5) take cues from others @ the table & before in helping. look up the word Obsequious, live it.
6) try & get a read on each member of the fam from your lady, true or not her take is all that matters to you.
7) ask her dad/brothers about the hunt that just ended. preemptive strike, scores points & gets it over with.
8) masterbate EVERY morning in the shower while there

While your advice is appreciated and probably very good, it doesn't involve heavy drinking or acid, so............

Just kidding.......I think I will do the stuffing thing. Also, I can probably pull some old Cathloic grace from the depths of my brain if needed.

**The Reverend Floater** · 11-23-2004, 11:47 AM

Again, take the acid.

**p-tex** · 11-23-2004, 12:38 PM

"Be sure to kiss Mom on the cheek every time you pass her. Linger longer with each pass. For an extra 100 points cup her ass on your final pass."

This is like a game of GNAR - Thanksgiving style.

What other ways to get points:

1. Exclaim "I'm going to eat the shit outta this" just before scooping the stuffing out of the turkey. 50 pts

2. While seated at the table, loudly proclaim that this dinner does not hold a candle to your usual Thanksgiving day dinners. 400 pts.

.....need some more ideas...

**Cornholio** · 11-23-2004, 12:57 PM

Anything along the lines of "This is ok, but my mom's [insert dish] is better" wins from 100-500 depending on how many relative's jaws drop.

Anything done on acid is double points.

Anything done with Jack's assistance is +25 points per shot, but -500 for puking at any point.

KQ · 11-23-2004, 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by Woodsy

4) be prepared to say grace, Catholic grace. ask any of your friends or PM KQ for an appropriate prayer short, yet complete. oft times you may be put on the spot y this & coming through it well will go a long way ( DTM prepre thyself as well & "ask these things in the name of your son Jesus Christ, Amen")

Man....back in the day my brother's and I could say the blessing fast as lightening - Mom and Dad were not amused. There was a delicate balance between saying it so fast you'd be forced to repeat it and saying just fast enough to get it over with.

Bless us oh Lord, in these thy gifts...........

**bigsugar** · 11-23-2004, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by KQ

Bless us oh Lord, in these thy gifts...........

........Which we're gonna get , through, something, I dunno, bounty?

Uhh. Thanks and stuff.

Peace.

Amen.

( and just barely audible while doing the sign of the cross "spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch.)
Think that would work?

**Viva** · 11-23-2004, 01:30 PM

I got wacked once for saying "Bless this mess".

I'm sure you'll win some points if you started your prayer with "Oh generous Allah who has given us this meal! Although I sit here about to eat with infidels, I nevertheless bask in you everlasting glory."

And speaking of infidels- Woodsy, it's the USC game.

**bigsugar** · 11-23-2004, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by Viva

I got wacked once for saying "Bless this mess".

I'm sure you'll win some points if you started your prayer with "Oh generous Allah who has given us this meal! Although I sit here about to eat with infidels, I nevertheless bask in you everlasting glory."

And speaking of infidels- Woodsy, it's the USC game.

That would be awesome.

And, it is most definitely the Notre Dame game.

Sorry I am replying so much, everybody has left for break already and I don't have much to do.

I'm starting to feel like PHISHSHOW.

**road trip** · 11-23-2004, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by KQ

LOL!!! ........love the school uniform idea.

Niiiiiice!

(now seriously, who was the last female that supported such a plan?!?)

**Tippster** · 11-23-2004, 01:46 PM

The only pan-denominational prayer you'll ever need at a dinner table:

"Rubba-dub-dub... Thanks for the grub. Yaaaay God!"

I've gotta remember that Allah/Infidel prayer, though. That's classic. I abase myself before your superlative glorious stupendousness, Viva.

**grrrr** · 11-23-2004, 01:49 PM

Oh, Ullr the everloving,
we beseech thee to provide abundant gifts
this and every winter.
And with your prophet Gotama,
and his Karma,
we shall seek out the depth and lightness of your blessing.
May it fall upon the worthy and they shall know its beauty.
May it fall upon the unworthy,
and should they curse its deepness,
may they be cast into the warmer regions.
So let us give thanks for the sustenance that you have bidden we shall eat and drink strong spirits,
to provide us strength to survive.
For yea, thou I walk through the wide, wide, too damn wide valley of flatness between the lowly Eastern hills and the mighty rocky citadels of the west,
allow me comfort in this my time of great need.
And grant that Notre Dame shall mightily kill the Trojans so that even these unbeliever Catholics shall have some comfort.
Amen.

**grrrr** · 11-23-2004, 01:51 PM

500 gnar points for stuffing made with Wild Turkey.

**A-wreck** · 11-23-2004, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by bigsugar

You've been?

No. I pass the exit for lewiston/frederick on my way to gaylord every weekend.

Doesn't look like much is happening there. Long story short=sarcasm

good luck

**bigsugar** · 11-23-2004, 02:52 PM

Well, here we go.........................thanks for the laughs and advice.

I'll let you know how it went on Monday

I'm goin' in.......................................