Ski Season Warmups

[Arty50]

Ha! I just got this in an email...

How to Prepare for Ski Season

This is sent to remind skiers how to prepare for the ski season and to remind non-skiers why they do not ski.

10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.

8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.

5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!

2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.

[Ski Beaver]

How to a Prepare a JONG for a Ski Season

This is sent to remind skiers how to prepare for the ski season and to remind non-skiers why they do not ski.

10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

JONG

9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.

Warren Miller filler JONG

8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

Boot tech JONG

7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

Stupid JONG

6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.

Fat facking JONG

5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

OMFG JONG

4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

Driving Miss Daisy award JONG

3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!

Gapic ski JONG

2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

One piece JONG

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.

Weekend JONG

[Blizzard7763]

5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

Ok, I'm new at this, but I think that might be a JONG maneuver

Edit: You beat me to it

[Arty50]

Ok, I'm new at this, but I think that might be a JONG maneuver

Really, JONG?

[Blizzard7763]

Hey, just because I'm new to the message board doesn't mean I wear a Starter jacket with the lift ticket bitch slapping me as I straightline the groomers.

[rip]

Hey, just because I'm new to the message board doesn't mean I wear a Starter jacket with the lift ticket bitch slapping me as I straightline the groomers.

um yeah but who moved from michigan to umm lets see...texas?!?

way to think that one through

[splat]

Those lift ticket bitches. I'm waiting for lift ticket implants. There's just got to be an easier way to get to the chair.

[Ski Beaver]

^^^^^^

Might be old technology, but when I was in Austria in 02 they could charge up a chip in your swatch watch which would allow you to swipe your watch and get onto all the lifts.

[splat]

That's nice. But I want a chip in my forehead. Something that I can leave there all summer so people know I'm waiting for winter. Then I can recharge it in October and I'm good to go.

[altagirl]

^^^^^^

Might be old technology, but when I was in Austria in 02 they could charge up a chip in your swatch watch which would allow you to swipe your watch and get onto all the lifts.

I think that was the first gift Mr.AG got me - a blue swatch watch that electronically held your lift ticket. Like in '99. Those worked a lot better than the scanner stupidity at the Bird. Solitude has the chipped cards you keep in your pocket though, which are the same thing.