B4USKIB5

[Yossarian]

Oh hell yes.

I have never really been one for superstitions, pre-game rituals, lucky keepsakes, or anything of the sort. However, as time has passed, I will admit that I have become somewhat ... oh, how do you say ... fond of certain things or activities that often preceed other activities which I treasure dearly. For instance, the careful lubing up process before slapping on the LS2000, or the stretching I do before putting on the Crotchless Sheep Costume.

One other such habit of mine that is unquestionably essential, inevitably unavoidable, fundamentally critical for my full enjoyment of an epic ski day is being able to have a good breakfast burrito to get me coreherent in the morning, and to power me through the mid-day hours without needing another meal.

And not just any burrito will do. Sure, all the different types of burritos have their places in the world, and yes, I like them all. We've already had the general-purpose burrito conversation here on the board. I'm talking about a bomb here, the kind that will power you up 5,000 vert and a nasty hangover alike. The kind that will stick to your gut and demolish any other substances still therein. Hot, cheesy, greasy, meat-mandatory, spicy, mmmm mmmmm good. Yeah, that kind of 'rrito.

So, after living in Bend for a year with no such concoction readily available, when The Old Mill Market opened up not 5 minutes from my apartment, with Sausage, Bacon, Ham, and Mixed ready to go at 6am, you can imagine I was overjoyed. I do believe I've even written about them here before. However, I've since moved back to CO, and while there is no shortage of general purpose burritos, mexican style burritos, or store bought burritos to be found here in the Mile High City, I've yet to find the equivalent of the Old Mill Market Mixed, particularly close by and on the way to the hills.

So, I determined to start producing my own. I researched ingredients, tinkered with cooking settings, changed proportions. And as of today, I am proud to announce that I have acheived success. 1 oversized tortilla, a bit of mystery meat, savory scrambled eggs, a serving of pan-fried hash-browns, a handfull of grated cheese, and a few other secret ingredients, and Ben's Backcountry Breakfast Burrito Bomb (the B5) was born. Make up 'em the night before and toss in the fridge; then stumble out of bed in the am and 15 mins in the oven at 450 - turn once after 10 - and they're good to go. Wrap in foil, throw down pants to keep your nuts warm, and you're ready to roll for the slopes.

Coming soon to a mountain near you.

[The Reverend Floater]

Christ. Fetus galore.


Did you get your shit yet?

[Yossarian]

No, he was supposed to call me last night so I could go over and pick it up, but he flaked. You want a burrito? I got one down my pants right now.

[The Reverend Floater]

Okay...there's a blank check with your schiz because I couldn't remember exactly how much I owed you. Please give me a heads up when you cash it. I'm not a wealthy man, but I have enough money to avoid eating out of your pants. And you should call Blair. For some fucked up reason, she found you both attractive and nonthreatening. I give that another week.

[truth]

I got one down my pants right now.

That's hot.

[Yossarian]

Okay...there's a blank check with your schiz because I couldn't remember exactly how much I owed you. Please give me a heads up when you cash it. I'm not a wealthy man, but I have enough money to avoid eating out of your pants. And you should call Blair. For some fucked up reason, she found you both attractive and nonthreatening. I give that another week.

Roger that. Write self very large check with no warning, and take Blair for a ride on my burrito at first possible opportunity. Reading you loud and clear.

[The Reverend Floater]

Roger that. Write self very large check with no warning, and take Blair for a ride on my burrito at first possible opportunity. Reading you loud and clear.

No, no, no! Write Blair large check, she'll ride your burrito, then Roger.

[Tippster]

... You want a burrito? I got one down my pants right now.

And here I thought you were just happy to see me.

[Yossarian]

No, no, no! Write Blair large check, she'll ride your burrito, then Roger.

Buy burrito for Roger then ride Blair's large chest?
Who the hell is Roger, and why am I buying him a burrito?

[Foggy_Goggles]

Where's the fuckin' egg brah? If we could figure out now to dispense those on the fly, we'd make a killing on I-70. Think E470 FastPass toll both style. I think I'm on to something.

note: timing between consumption of said B5 and skiing in critical. Satisfactory deposit locations are few and far between.

[Arty50]

Not to complicate things, but did you guys save my pass from Catedral? If so I have a request.

I'd like to get it back with a picture of Blair eating a burrito naked with my pass barely covering her bountiful breasts.

[homerjay]

I've been thinking the same thing (not about the naked eating, about the premade burritos).

Perhaps we'll compare & contrast?

[Yossarian]

Where's the fuckin' egg brah? If we could figure out now to dispense those on the fly, we'd make a killing on I-70. Think E470 FastPass toll both style. I think I'm on to something.

note: timing between consumption of said B5 and skiing in critical. Satisfactory deposit locations are few and far between.

whoops, forgot to write "savory scrambled egg." Edited now for mistaken omission - the egg is definitely in there.

Morrison park-n-ride burrito stand on the weekends? Maybe plug in by the gas station or something? Run it off a car? Set up shop early, sell through the weekend am rush, then drive up post-traffic for a tour, and stay late to avoid the return rush. Hmm....

[Yossarian]

or maybe no stand, just a sign, and operate right out of my car. Now, how to keep them burritos hot and yummy for an hour or so? Think a super well insulated take-out delivery bag thing would do it? Pile 10 B5s in there, sell for $5 a piece (about 50% margin), make a quick $25 before skiing each morning? Think it would work? Seriously, this sounds like fun.

[Buster Highmen]

The naisance of the corehitto?

[homerjay]

or maybe no stand, just a sign, and operate right out of my car. Now, how to keep them burritos hot and yummy for an hour or so? Think a super well insulated take-out delivery bag thing would do it? Pile 10 B5s in there, sell for $5 a piece (about 50% margin), make a quick $25 before skiing each morning? Think it would work? Seriously, this sounds like fun.

Regular coolers seem to work for the vendors who sell to Lodo drunkards.

[Yossarian]

"Corehito Burritos"
Now serving the B5 and the HomerJ for only $5 dollas.

You heard it here first.

[Aldo]

just a sign, and operate right out of my car. Now, how to keep them burritos hot and yummy for an hour or so? Think a super well insulated take-out delivery bag thing would do it?

Skip the preheat in the AM, tuck them under the hood, drive to location, disperse as needed. You may look like you're broken down on the side of the road wih the hood up, but you're really just doling out hot tasty treats.

[homerjay]

is corehito 'coreshot' en espanol?

[Buster Highmen]

At least we know what comes after before.