hey mr. can you watch our bus

[lax]

tj you are amazing

if you haven't told that stoy here i will copy and paste it for you, i am not going to sleep tonight and i am becoming a ski bum this winter. holy crap wow wowowowowow


wow


if you have read this story say so otherwise get ready for the best ski story i've read on all these boards

[FNG]

I just hope it's half as good as the post where he called us all cock-suckers from his high horse. That one's my favorite.

[bad_roo]

Tell us the story about when your car blew up and you had to hitch a lift, undertaking a 36hour odyssey with a close-knit clique of Nebraskan manwhores. I love that one.

[Tippster]

My favorite is when IntraWest put a contract out on you. But do tell about the bus. I love busses.

(Fingers crossed that it was short and yellow...)

[truth]

It's not a bus, it's an asstek.

[bad_roo]

The story where he went behind enemy lines and faced down Moqtada al-Sadr and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in a breakdance battle in Baghdad during the original Gulf War was another of my personal faves.

His crazy legs to windmill to caterpillar move finished them off.

[tuffy109]

His crazy legs to windmill to caterpillar move finished them off.

hahahaha, didn't you see TJ in Wild Style?

[lax]

sweet ill copy it in acouple hours

[The Reverend Floater]

The story where he went behind enemy lines and faced down Moqtada al-Sadr and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in a breakdance battle in Baghdad during the original Gulf War was another of my personal faves.

His crazy legs to windmill to caterpillar move finished them off.

Laughing...so...hard.

[Tippster]

The story where he went behind enemy lines and faced down Moqtada al-Sadr and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in a breakdance battle in Baghdad during the original Gulf War was another of my personal faves.

His crazy legs to windmill to caterpillar move finished them off.

Ah, yes. They were indeed "served."

[lax]

the story as posted by tj on k2 boards

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" hey Mr, will you watch our bus"


It had been 2 years since I had left Vail and went back to school in Ohio. A buddy of mine, who was working at Steamboat called me saying they were getting hammered and that I should get out there.


Bobby: Teej man we are getting hammered with snow and it isn't even the middle of December.

Me: Bastard, how have you been. Staying out of Jail I hope. What's Clay been up too.

Bobby: Haven't been back to Aspen since the last time you bailed me out. Clay has a little girl now. But man you gotta get out here.

Me: Are you still living in your camper?

Bobby: Ya.

Me: Sorry Man I just don't have the funds. Make a few turns for me though.

Bobby: OK, but let me know if you get out here.
Me: Sure, later

So after about 30 minutes of envy over Bobby's good Powder fortune the thought of freshies was killing me. Then I thought: "The Univ of Cinci ski club used to run a winter break trip. I wonder if they still do?"

So the next morning I call UC's operator and had her connect me with the ski club offices. Sure enough they were running a trip out to Steamboat for 6 days. $350 for bus transportation, lodging and lift tickets. I FedEx'd the money over night. Waxed my skies 10 minutes after I sent the money. Got drunk watching Warren Miller films 30 minutes after waxing my skis. Yep the ski jones bug had gotten me good, but I had the cure. 6 days of skiing the goods at "da boat". So I call the number Bobby left me so I could tell him I was on my way.


Me: Yes I was told I could get ahold of Bobby here.

girlsvoice: He's in jail. Got drunk at BW3's and punched some guy out.

Me: heh. Same old Bobby. When he gets out tell him I'm on my way out there in 3 days.

girlvoice: He should be out by then.

Some things never do change. Bobby and firewater never did mix at all. But man Bobby always got the inside dope on where the goods were at. A good friend to have at any resort. (Bobby is sober now, and living in Rifle)

So a couple of days later I get this phone call from the President of the ski clubs Boyfriend.

BF: Hey is this TJ.

Me: Yes, what are you selling?

BF: Oh no, I'm not a telemarketer, my girlfriend spoke to you the other day about the ski trip.

Me: Ok what can I do for you. You guys didn't raise the price did you.

BF. No not at all. Are you the same guy from a Salt Lake trip a century ago.

Me: Maybe. What do you need.

BF: Well we have a chance to fly out for free a few days earlier to ski vail. Would you mind being incharge of the bus for us.

Me: What's in it for me if I do.

BF: We'll refund your money for the lift tickets. $150 bucks

Me: Ya I can do it. But the bus leaves in 2 days, so just have the money waiting for me at the front desk of the ThunderHead lodge when we get there.

BF: Not a problem. Thanks a bunch. You really saved our ass's.

Me: see ya in a few days.

Now $150 hmm. What shall I do. Let see. Catskiing at the rabbit ear pass costs $100. I'm going catskiing.. However, the hairs on my neck did stand up a bit. Boy was my neck hairs right later on.

Well the day arrives for our departure from the University of Cincinnati. This kid shows up and gives me the roster with everybodys names on it that will be riding the bus. People are loading up. Then 3 boys show up with 2 trashcans full of about 10 cases of beer. Ut oh. Beer and 18 year old boys don't mix to well on a bus trip. We'll have guys passed out pissing their pants in 4 hrs. Better give the speach


Me: Hey everyone. I'm TJ your meatballs camp counsellor.

everyone: Hi TJ

Me: Now I know everybody is stoked about this trip. Can I see a show of hands from people that might have been on a bus trip like this before.

Silence overcame the bus. Not one friggen hand got raised. We are going to have trouble in DodgeCity for sure

Me: Ok let me explain a few things. It's cool that you have brought beer on board. However, it has been my experience that sometimes people passout, wet their pants, or just spew chow over everybody but themselves when getting hammered on long bus rides. And since this is a crowded bus with only one bathroom, and the isle is blocked, it can get ugly fast. Here is what can happen if it gets too out of hand. People will end up puking, there will be spilt beer everywhere, people will pass out and piss their jeans. And folks it is a 28hr bus ride there. And there will be no showers inbetween. This bus will smell like a roadside rests toilet that got plugged up with too much shit, and you will have to sit there and endure it. And there are no empty seats to get away from it. So let's think twice before consumming to much beer. Infact beer costs an arm and a leg at any ski resort. It is best if you save this beer for your stay at Steamboat as a way of stretching your party dollar.

Pissboy: But they said we will have a free case of beer per room when we get there, and there will be 2 free beer party's.

Me: Oh, ok, that is news to me. And also if you do end up passing out and pissing in your seat. Don't be surprised if you wake up wearing Depends adult diapers.

Pissboy: You can't do that.

Me: Try me. I suggest you keep your bus partying to only a couple of beers and more of the toking variety.

Well we take off on I70 headed west. Non of my advice was paid any attention to. One guy spewd goop all over this Hot Blond from Russia (more on her later). One girl (I found out later) ate shrooms, drank to much, and lost it down the isle. Said MushroomQueen then passed out in the isle laying in her own spew. I gave the Russian girl my seat and sat on the steps by the driver. Of course I just had to talk to her the whole trip out there. Ya that's right. Just talk

Driver: You know you have a mess back there.

Me: Ya.

Driver: I aint cleanin it up.

Me: Stong union eh!

Driver: ha ha very funny. This is our first stop coming up.

Me: Ok. Where are the trashbags.

So we stop. Everybody gets off in a big hurry. Sure enough Pissboy is passed out in his own urine. So I hurriedly run inside to see if they sell diapers for babies in the little turnpike shop. They do, even big ones for toddlers. So I clean up the bus. Take the rest of the beer and hide it in the luggage area. Later the bus driver helped me put the diapers on Pissboy before we loaded everyone back in the bus. We put one diaper around his butt and front, and one on his head. We "called all aboard" and watched the stumbling heard shove in. Now right away there was some grumblings about the beer.

Busdriver: I suggest you listen to TJ here. I was going to leave you all here, but he talked me out of it. I don't have to put up with your crap. It's in my contract that if you get out of hand I can leave you at any stop.

Me: The beer is gone. Hate me if you will, however we have 22 more hrs to go. And I warned you all about this. Gang I'm the most mellow guy around when it comes to skiing. But you guys are pushing it. What I told you about the puking, beer being spilt all over, and pissing your pants happened. Now pay attention to Mr.Pissboy here that is passed out wearing diapers. I warned all not to fuck with me. *I then pulled out a mini disposable kodak flash camera and proceded to pose Mr.Pissboy in several different positions, while wasting a roll of film*

They were all laughing the entire time I was doing this. But at the same time they all knew I might do this to them.
The next 19 hours went by very calmly. Actually pretty good. I enforced the "6pack per 2 people rule" inbetween each stop. I even built a makeshift bong for the group. Ski stories went out, and the ski porn tape was put in. Turned into a killer ride after all. Our last stop was in Georgetown, CO just off of I70. I got out the rest of the beer and passed it out. I was everybody's hero again. But pissboy got stuck with the name "Mr.Pissboy" the entire trip

end of part I

[lax]

" hey Mr, will you watch our bus" Part II


Well at the rest break for gas&pooh in Georgetown I called ahead to the Thunderhead lodge as was instructed. I informed the Manager that we were 3-4 hours out. I then asked to be connected to "Pres" and "boyfriend's" room(he will now be called BF. It's a nice way to say buttfucker).

Mgr: Sir they are not lodged here, they are staying at the delux condos up the street.

Me: Oh, hmm. Ok connect me please.

Mgr: Sure thing sir. 1 minute please.
ring, ring, ring.

BF: Hello

Me: Hey it's TJ. We're in Georgetown. You guys aren't staying at the Thunderhead lodge.

BF: Um no.

Me: (hairs sticking up on my neck). Well you are going to meet the bus right.

BF: Oh of course.

Me: See you in a bit.

I feel I should point out at one of the full stops we allowed Pissboy, and ShroomQueen to take a shower.

Well we pull into Steamboat. Everybody is dying, and I do mean just dying to get off of this bus. So we pull into the Thunderhead Lodge entrance, and it is a chinese firedrill of people coming off the bus. I'm looking for BF and PresGirl, but they are nowhere to be seen. So I go to the manager.


Mgr: Hey tell the kids to load back up. They need to use the underground entrance or they will end up lugging their stuff a long way.

Me: I don't think that matters to them. They've been on a bus for a long time. Frankly they could carry the bus at this point.

Mgr: haha. Ya.

Me: Hey has anybody left anything for me at the desk.

Mgr: Yes they have.

Me: Great give it to me.

Mgr: Ok. They gave me the instructions for room asignments and they said you would handle it.

Me: Excuse me.

Mgr: They said you were incharge and would take care of everything.

Me: Oh, I see. Nothing else was left for me.

Mgr: No, I'm sorry there wasn't.

Me: Ok give me the the room instructions and keys then

Mgr: Here you are sir.

So I start telling people what room they would be in, and who they would be rooming with. And right away I'm pissed off, and so is everyone else. There is 4 people per room. There were only supposed to be 2 in each hotel room. And the couples that paid extra money for the 1 and 2 bedroom condos were put in studios. Then it hits me. fly to vail for free, staying in the deluxe condos. you have just been fucked without the pleasure of a reach around

People are bitching at me. And I got hosed just like they did, only worse. I paid the same as them, and I ended up doing all the work. So I finally get everybody calmed down. I tell them all to just toss their bags into their rooms for now. Come back up to atleast get their lift tickets and coupon books. The coupon books I arranged for. The woman that answered the phone when I called for Bobby worked for the Resort Assoc, and she hooked us up.

I then went back to the manager and asked what was going on. Why are we 4 to a room now. Why are these couples sharing studios when they paid for 1 and 2 bedroom units?.

Mgr: Yes sir. We found that odd as well. Your ski club President and her boyfriend arrived here this morning and said they needed 9 less units, and used the deposit money to upgrade themselves to the condos up the road.

Me: Well as far as I am concerned we paid for 2 to a room through the travel agency that booked this trip. The deposit and reservations were done by the travel agency.

Mgr: Yes sir we felt that way as well. We called the traval agency to confirm the change.

Me: And?

Mgr: Um sir they said ok. The young lady then said "thanks mom" on the phone.

Me: heh.

Mgr: I am very sorry sir. But what do you suggest. We don't want angry customers.

Me: How about putting things back the way they were before

Mgr: We wish we could. After they cancelled those rooms we have rented most. And heavy snowfall is expected. We should be full up by tomorrow.

Me: What's left.

Mgr: The couples that wanted the 1 bdr condo we can put them in a studio loft. And the couples that wanted 2 bdrs we can put them in a 1 bedroom unit.

Me: Well that is very nice of you. What about the rest of us.

Mgr: I don't know what we can do.

Me: How about putting a few lucky people that are stuck 4 to a room in those studios. It would atleast mean most people would only be 3 to a room.

Mgr: But 2 rooms would still be 4. We can give those people free breakfast buffets for 4 days. And the rest we can give 2 free breakfast buffets. Again we want to keep our customers happy. (At this point I could see him thinking about a bunch of trashed college students destroying his lodge a week before Christmas if he didn't keep them happy)

Me: I'll be in one of those 4 to a room. Let me go talk to them. (hey food is food) And thank you. I think you just saved the trip for alot of these people. I'll make sure I tell everyone what you did for us all. Thank you very much.

So I go and speak to the angry mob in the large hall. I explain the entire situation. Even down to the last detail of what the officers of the ski club pulled. I didn't have a problem getting volunteers for the 4 to a room with free food tossed in. Everybody was happy with the lemonaid the mgr and I had made out of lemons. I became cool again. I also explained what they promised me, and how my cat skiing dreams were gone. I suggested we elect a group of 4 people to walk up the road to speak to BF and Presbitch with me at their delux condo.

So the mini-lynching committee and I go to said delux condo to speak with BF and Presbitch. All of the ski club officers were in their private hottub. They were all pretty buzzed to boot. Tempers flared right way. Now I calmed all down. I told them I knew exactly what they had done after speaking to the Mgr. They still tried to lie their way out of it. I knew they were going to stonewall us. I enformed them of what they will face down the road. They promised that they would make it up to everyone tomorrow at the Heavenly Daze bar for the free beer apre party. We'll see and we left. The mini-lynching committee still wanted to kill them. Especially BF. But I told them it's not worth it. Besides my sister was a VP at the University. They felt safe knowing that BF and Presbitch would get theirs when we got back. I then enformed them of the weather report the manager gave me. I pointed out to them it was more important to get some sleep because the next 6 days are going to be epic. And to pack their packs with all the muffins, bagels and fruit they could from that free buffet breakfast. They were going to need it.

At this point I was just friggen drained and needed to unwind. So off I went to Tugboats to grab a beer. I hear this funk band playing a very groovy beat. I walk in and what do I see. Bobby is setting at the bar. Yep it is going to be a epic week for sure.



End of Part II

[lax]

sound like an awesome storey?

it is

i am also lazy

the rest here

[The Reverend Floater]

TJ <===== Biggest buzzkill ever!

[Mountainman]

I can't stand that fucking format.

[Cornholio]

Holy crap. That whole board thinks he's the shit. He's like a camp counselor over there.

Glad he found a home for his spew.

[Tippster]

Well, that was a fun read. Nice way to waste an hour.

You oughtta write a television script, TJ. It's not exactly Coen Brothers material, but there's been worse on the Boob Tube lately.

Bangin' the Russian Hottie was a nice touch for the HS crowd. Were you watching American Pie when you thought of that plot twist?

[FNG]

Sounds just like T.J. to tell a bunch of college kids the right way to have fun. Until I see him pull off that cartwheel catapillar steeze mentioned earlier, he can continue fucking himself.

[The AD]

if you have read this story say so otherwise get ready for the best ski story i've read on all these boards

Are you serious? I've never heard anyone toot their own horn as much as TJ does in this screed. I had to fast forward to the ending and couldn't believe it didn't go something like this: "camera shows kids hoisting TJ onto their shoulders...camera freezes to TJ's triumphant face...roll credits."

[Cornholio]

I'm a touch concerned that
1) LAX seems to believe this spew.
2) After all the reading he's done here, that is the best story he's read.

Tell us you were posting this for sarcasm value, dood.

[Dexter Rutecki]

I assumed it was sarcastic...

I wonder which group of movie producers stole this episode of Teej's life for their own gain, without even acknowledging the true source of their 'inspiration'.
Someone's gotta dig up those letters he sent to Powder years ago.

[KQ]

OMG - that is the most ridiculous piece of tripe I have read in a long time. I couldn't get past part III.

Reminds me of this guy a friend of mine used to date. She told me that when they would have sex he would look over to the mirrors on the closet door and say "look at me, look at me, aren't I sexy?"

Seriously - I could never look at him with a straight face after she told me that. He also used to wear ascots.

[Buster Highmen]

He also used to wear ascots.

What's an ascot?
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Two cheeks and a hole.

[The AD]

Seriously - I could never look at him with a straight face after she told me that. He also used to wear ascots.

Let me get this straight. The dude wore ascots, but it took the "aren't I sexy?" story before you lost all respect for him?

[KQ]

Let me get this straight. The dude wore ascots, but it took the "aren't I sexy?" story before you lost all respect for him?

Oh no.... the "aren't I sexy" story was just the icing on the cake. He was a bit "excentric." Up until that point I cut him some slack ‘cuz he was from the Middle East and I figured it was just a cultural thing.

Still...it was pretty funny.