yup another alias with women problems...

[tgrmagalias]

So yeah, mag here under an alias. The girlfriend is getting on me about engagements, trying to figure out how to proceed. Here is the story of us, tonight's culmination to follow, (warning I be drunk):

First and foremost, my 100% intention is to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, I just don't want to do it under pressure. Here is a synopsis of our relationship:

Met xmas break, when we were both undergrads, 10 hours apart when at school. Grew up 30 minutes from each other.

Started really dating when I graduated, she still had two years to go. Her school 2.5 hours away from me, spent almost all of my off days with her. This lasted 2 years. I, honestly, would've followed other career/lifestyle plans if not for her. I knew then that she was it for me.

2 years of her in grad school, living 1/2 hour apart, her in school, me, dead end job, broke. 2.5 years.

Grad school over with, her looking for a job, me dead end job. Lived 1/2 hour apart. 1 year.

Me, changed career paths, good job, her still looking, her ok job, again, 1/2 hour apart. 6 months.

Both of us, good jobs close to each other, started living together, just over a year, so far for the most part going great, which brings us to tonight.

So, we've both declared how committed we are to each other, if you can't figure that part out. In the almost 8 years (the actual number, not sure if my segments have the right times and add up, you can figure it out), we've never broken up nor been unfaithful to each other, it's just been us two, unlike most other couples I know that have dated that long. We are basically a done deal. To get this out of the way, she skis=yes, pooperhausen=not a fucking chance, nude pics=no, i won't even post this sweet bog under my own name, let alone post pics.

So tonight, lots of alcohol flowing, she gets on my shit about not proposing yet. Keep in mind, I've already told her my plan is to marry her, has been for a while. I've told her this, just haven't gotten a ring yet.
Tonight she said a ring doesn't matter, that her mom doesn't even have an engagement ring, but she wonders when I'm going to get off my ass and ask, ring or not.

<---(for the record, her patents have one of the most fucked up, non-divorced marriages I've ever seen, still technically married on paper, live in the same house, but don't speak to each other. They've asked her and her bro to relay messages between the two cause they won't talk face to face. Fucking sad really, this shit has been going on for at least 15 years. Still not sure why they haven't divorced yet, it makes no sense. My parents are the exact opposite, never seen them fight, they ran a business together before semi-retiring, 35 years of marriage and they are still very loving, etc. She loves doing the thing with my family for the holidays because the lack of drama. FWIW, my parents dated 5 years before being engaged, keep in mind that was in the late 60s/early 70s, that was a long time then, most of my immediate extended family (aunts/uncles) on that side were the same way too)__>

So in my mind, I've already asked and made it clear that it will happen eventually. Tonight we get into a long discussion about when, her not being able to wait, eventually being her least favorite word, other guys would've done it already, etc. I hate being pressured into anything or I would've asked on the spot. My intention has always been to ask her to marry me, I just wanted to test the living together waters and have everything in order to propose properly. Marriage is not something I take lightly, I'm doing it only once in my life, thats just how I want to live my life.

Tonight's conversation ended with me telling her I don't know how to respond and going for a drunken walk (in a blizzard) to think about it, coming back to her sleeping, then puking from drunkedness, so I was able to postpone it for a few nights.

WWMD? I want to ask her to marry me, but I haven't really saved up for a ring. We are also talking about ending the whole renting together thing and buying a house, another thing I haven't saved for, She is desperate for both, soon. <---(she is not usually materialistic, she wants what comes along with those two things, not the material objects)-->

I want to propose, but I want her to know its for real and not done under duress. Do I wait until I can buy a ring (fairly soon, tommorow if I really wanted to) or do I do it without to make it known that the material shit doesn't matter? <--(she told me even a piece of string would be sufficient)--> How long should I wait??

Also, the thought of planning a wedding right now scares the fuck out me. She agrees and is willing to elope or do it small in the woods with some close friends, honestly not sure if I buy that, again I want to do it right, which to me is our families, friends, etc everyone that means something to us. Which is a lot people. Maybe I'm being a perfectionist. We just don't have money/time for that right now.

/long ass sweet rambling blog

Thanks for reading/the advice.

[Caucasian Asian]

Elope.


678

[dk_alaskan]

why the FUCK should worry about a ring? If she TRULEY loves you, she will marry you REGARDLESS of a fucking piece of metal and carbon fused together. If she only wants a ring out of you, run RUN like the wind. she isn't in to you like you are in to her and all she wants is the materialistic relationship this country has grown to be synonymous with

[LightRanger]

why the FUCK should worry about a ring? If she TRULEY loves you, she will marry you REGARDLESS of a fucking piece of metal and carbon fused together. If she only wants a ring out of you, run RUN like the wind. she isn't in to you like you are in to her and all she wants is the materialistic relationship this country has grown to be synonymous with

Your reading comprehension sucks when you're drunk. Mine does too, but I only have a buzz right now. Don't get me wrong, I hate diamonds probably more than most, but you misread his post. His GF said she doesn't give a shit about that stuff.

OP,

Wait a bit (a week or a month, or more... your choice), then do it. Ring or not, whatever. It'll make you happy because you'll feel that you're not being pressured as much, and it'll make her happy because it's soon and she'll feel like you were listening to her. I mean, you're going to do it anyway, right? What difference does it make?

[LittleYellowFriend]

Dude, stringing a girl along fir 8 fucking years is super lame. You see, girls have this thing called a biological clock. If you don't have balls enough to ask this woman to marry you after eight years, you don't deserve her you selfish prick.

[LittleYellowFriend]

It dudes like you who fuck up womens lives make them bitter and turn them into lesbians

[mtnbikerskierchick]

Sounds like you have a good chick. You should tell her exactly how you feel, without using the word "eventually" If I was dating a guy who said what you said above, I would be okay with it.

[tgrmagalias]

Your reading comprehension sucks when you're drunk. Mine does too, but I only have a buzz right now. Don't get me wrong, I hate diamonds probably more than most, but you misread his post. His GF said she doesn't give a shit about that stuff.

OP,

Wait a bit (a week or a month, or more... your choice), then do it. Ring or not, whatever. It'll make you happy because you'll feel that you're not being pressured as much, and it'll make her happy because it's soon and she'll feel like you were listening to her. I mean, you're going to do it anyway, right? What difference does it make?

Yup, the ring really doesn't mean shit to her. DK wasn't reading the whole post, which makes sense, I was drunkedly rambling, I wouldn't read it all either.

I want to do it old school though, want it to be all fairy tail and shit. Honestly I think she would rather have it this way though, it may not be the expensive (or semi-expensive piece) of metal, but more the romance and tradition that goes along with it. Hell, we've talked about it and she's already given me a (very reasonable) dollar figure that I am not to exceed.

Unfortunately, we've had this talk before, tonight it just seemed more imminent.

I'm starting to think that 1.5-2 months is my magical time period.

Dude, stringing a girl along fir 8 fucking years is super lame. You see, girls have this thing called a biological clock. If you don't have balls enough to ask this woman to marry you after eight years, you don't deserve her you selfish prick.

Not an issue, already decided we are adopting, there are already enough fucking people on this planet. We'll raise a few that someone else cant, both of us are more than cool with that. Ha ha I guess that means no 9 months of strictly BJs for me

As usual, you come off like a douche in your post.

It dude like you who fuck up womens lives make them bitter and turn them into lesbians

Ha ha, she's told me that she thinks if doesn't work out with me, she'll either end up as the crazy cat lady or a lesbain. She's allergic to cats and already drives a Subaru, do the math.

[dk_alaskan]

ok ok, fair nough, i wasn't reading the whole thing, between the whiskey, champagne, beer, wine, single malt wisky, tequilla, and what ever else i drank tonight, the complexities once associated with my brain are no longer. Yes, ii dind't read the drunk rambelings of a drunk on a drunken holiday for many reasons, but least of which is the i give a damn reason. Well, i actually do give a damn but i couldn't read the small texts, so, therefore, i jumped to conclusions and i do appologize for that. Should i stumble upon this thread in a coherent state before the OP nukes it, i will surmize my ramblings into a coherent, thoughtful fashion exploring the original questons, when i find it.

[alias]

i am so fucking sick of all these damn maggots using an alias.

[tgrmagalias]

ok ok, fair nough, i wasn't reading the whole thing, between the whiskey, champagne, beer, wine, single malt wisky, tequilla, and what ever else i drank tonight, the complexities once associated with my brain are no longer. Yes, ii dind't read the drunk rambelings of a drunk on a drunken holiday for many reasons, but least of which is the i give a damn reason. Well, i actually do give a damn but i couldn't read the small texts, so, therefore, i jumped to conclusions and i do appologize for that. Should i stumble upon this thread in a coherent state before the OP nukes it, i will surmize my ramblings into a coherent, thoughtful fashion exploring the original questons, when i find it.

Pure fucking gold my man. I want drunken thoughts on this one, cause honesly drunken thougts are the most honest, I'm drunk when I posted it and drunken talk is what brougfht this topic out. Even drunk, completly msiinformed drunken opinions (like your original one) shed a lot of new insight when properly filteredd. This is a conversation to be had amongst drunk people. I suppose New Years is as good a time as any to post this.

Her and I rarely have the "WTF are you waiting for" talk when sober, really never other than passing sarcastic/snide comments. Unfortunately we both like to drink and have quite a stockpile (especially being wine drinkers and beer snobs right after xmas). We have an arsenal that would make Ted Kennedy cringe.

Also, I don't nuke shit, that's for Sallys. If I ever really man up and admit to this, this will be my new sig on my real username:

Should i stumble upon this thread in a coherent state before the OP nukes it, i will surmize my ramblings into a coherent, thoughtful fashion exploring the original questons, when i find it.

That should be a disclaimer for all drunken posts on TGR.

You talk about your drink count, I think you got me beat, but let me put it this way. I tried my first Sazerac with dinner tonight, also had wine and some gin drink they had on special all by 9pm. Got home and went for the vodka, mixed it with whatever, cracked the champagne, did shots of Jager. Probably the first time in 5 years I drank more than a few without beer being involved or wine being a major part of it. I gots fucked up.. Sazerac=TGRmagAlias fucked up quick.

[BigDaddyLionfish]

Bitches and cheese probably

[back bowl]

Save yer pennies. Screw the ring. We never did a ring. Worked out fine anyways.... Shit, we got married in a trashy home beauty salon (nearest available JP) and called our parents afterwords to let them know it was a done deal.... Just get it done. If you start now, you can be married by noon (or by tomorrow at noon if you're in a state with a 24 hour waiting period).

[uglymoney]

You can only rent that pussy for so long, eventually you have to buy it.

[liv2ski]

Short reply as I am going surfing is, buy sub $1k ring on credit card. Propose, elope and get married for cheap. Live happily ever after. Worked for us about 27 years ago.

[vtdownhiller]

had a similiar situation with my wife of 20 years, I told her to go pick out a ring, she found a beautiful estate ring in an antique store, it was only 500.00 bucks, I was broke at the time, but 50 to hold it and the got it and did the fairytale, romantic proposal 3 months later, got married a year and a half later. once she the ring, I didn't hear a peep from her

[jon gaper]

if you were her father,or brother,or best friend, what would you tell her to do with a guy like you?

[Obstruction]

First and foremost, my 100% intention is to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, I just don't want to do it under pressure. Here is a synopsis of our relationship:


....

I've already told her my plan is to marry her, has been for a while. I've told her this, just haven't gotten a ring yet.
Tonight she said a ring doesn't matter, that her mom doesn't even have an engagement ring, but she wonders when I'm going to get off my ass and ask, ring or not.

....

So in my mind, I've already asked and made it clear that it will happen eventually.

....
My intention has always been to ask her to marry me, I just wanted to test the living together waters and have everything in order to propose properly. Marriage is not something I take lightly, I'm doing it only once in my life, thats just how I want to live my life.


.....

= ENGAGED ALREADY!!!

If you have already agreed that you will get married and mean it, then all the other BS -- rings, getting on one knee, putting "will you marry me" on a fucking jumbotron are all just so much window dressing.

An engagement is a commitment to marry not some bunch of newly minted psuedo traditions. You can be engaged without setting a date. You can marry without a big fucking church/ catering clusterfuck. If you love her and want to be with her then face the fuck up and say so.

Sheesh.

[mmmthmtskier]

if you were her father,or brother,or best friend, what would you tell her to do with a guy like you?

jg FTW.

You gotta shit or get off the pot, my man...

[doughboyshredder]

Two things:

Alcohol is poison, don't let it fuck up your relationship.

Shit or get off the pot. What the fuck are you waiting for? She sounds like a great chic. She gets drunk and a little bit "hey, wtf?", and you start whining.

[FJ62]

Had similar conversations with buddies over the years. Here's the deal:

If the reason you explained how you had to change some lifestyle / work plans because of her, way back when, was to subtly remind yourself that you're still not 100% sure about how your life is headed w/ this person or in this situation, then you should definitely think it over more. Figure out what will make you perfectly happy.

But if you truly don't care about that crap any more and you are perfectly happy about your life and this person in it, then.... just propose.

If you stew about shit long enough, you can talk yourself out of (or postponing) most everything. You'll never have enough money for the proper wedding or the proper proposal or the best house or to have a kid or whatever is scary or overwhelming to you at that very second.

But life happens, it doesn't care about how much money you have in your account or where your head is at, etc. It just happens and you deal with it. Look at your life... you've spent eight years with this chick so far. That's a long amount of time.

Perhaps give yourself a personal window (48 hours, a week, a few weeks, a month--whatever it takes) to propose to her, formally, on your terms. Make a plan of attack and give yourself a deadline; don't let on to it. Just do it. But don't make the world's hugest production out of it, cause it probably won't happen that fast and it's super easy for guys to talk themselves out of shit or just a wait a little longer or whatever...

I was in a similar boat, waited a long time to do it right. Saw many of her friends get engaged or hitched in the meantime, felt a little pressure to propose soon. Finally, I made an elaborate plan to get on my knee and propose at the top of Whistler. Only problem was that on the last day of our trip up there the light was insanely flat and it was a horrible ski day of boilerplate and she decided to pack it up and ski to the village solo. The big proposal happened almost as an afterthought once I found her in front of the crappy burrito place. Not the most romantic proposal ever but she didn't care... we were getting married and that's all that mattered. If I had done it weeks earlier someplace else, it wouldn't really have mattered, either. We weren't going to make for a good story in the NY Times Vows section but who gives a fuck? Now we're married and life is great.

Get the ring, any ring. Do the deed. Definitely elope or do the ceremony on a small scale. That shit can take over your life and finances in a big way and really overwhelm you.

[mock vomit]

...Ha ha I guess that means no 9 months of strictly BJs for me

This part is FAIL!!! Some of the best sex I ever had with wifey was when she was pregnant and the hormones flowing.

On the rest... I'm feeling that you do have some kind of issue here. Why else would you two seemingly argue then go for a long drunken walk over the issue? Your pleadings seem to clarify the issue isn't about her and becoming your wife, and instead make a claim it's about the financial part of it. Though, I suppose it's possible there is something else about your feelings on marriage that is holding you back? I'm not sure if someone would drops hints of such when under the freedom of an alias? Hmmm...

Anyway, maybe instead of trying to make the proposal somehow magical by spending big money on a fancy ring... do so by other methods. Try the classic asking her parents for permission to ask her to marry you? Either by yourself (as I did), or with her along? Find some magical place to ask her, maybe at the peak of some favorite ski spot, or a favorite restaurant, or with a group of all your friends (who know you are going to ask and have cameras at the ready)? Then do the classic getting down on a knee proposal?

Remember by getting "engaged" but not yet setting a wedding date you give yourself some flexibility on that and any expense involved. Is her family in any financial position to help pay for their daughters wedding (as is often traditional)? Does she want the big traditional wedding with white dress etc? How about your family and their expectations?

[RootSkier]

if you were her father,or brother,or best friend, what would you tell her to do with a guy like you?

Well, if he's been faithful and treats her well...I would say..."good job, man. As long as she is happy, we are are happy for you."

[Tippster]

1. Buy a ring, any ring that you can afford and you want to see on her finger.

2. Carry ring in pocket whenever you guys are out together.

3. Unexpectedly drop to a knee at random moment in random place and propose formally.

Yes the expectation to marry is already there, yes it is understood that you two will not part. That doesn't matter.

Sometimes ceremony is important - this is one of those times. Do this for her.

[splat]

= ENGAGED ALREADY!!!

If you have already agreed that you will get married and mean it, then all the other BS -- rings, getting on one knee, putting "will you marry me" on a fucking jumbotron are all just so much window dressing.

An engagement is a commitment to marry not some bunch of newly minted psuedo traditions. You can be engaged without setting a date. You can marry without a big fucking church/ catering clusterfuck. If you love her and want to be with her then face the fuck up and say so.

Sheesh.

I like this answer. I feel marriage is a government anchor and approval of the way two people feel about each other. But then, from the woman's point of view, I can understand them needing a commitment if they are going to bear some guy's kids. Or adopt. If you aren't so excited and enthralled to marry this woman, why would you succumb to the pressure she is exerting? That's like the piercing for the nose ring that follows. I'd say you have the best bargaining position for the poopenhausen action you seem to long for. Also, I highly recommend you take a good look at her mother. That's who she'll likely be a lot like in 20-30 years, in both looks and attitude. What, exactly, is her motivation for this pressure? Have you asked her? And you've never lived together? I'd suggest a test drive. Also, what the fuck is holding her back from proposing? All this bullshit tradition that you have to be the one to ask has set back women's equality 30 years.