Check Out Our Shop
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 95

Thread: John Stewart is the MANG!!

  1. #26
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Huh?
    Posts
    10,908
    (cont'd)

    KURTZ: Take us into the inner sanctum of the Jon Stewart living room: 8 p.m.; do you watch...

    STEWART: My living room?

    KURTZ: Do you watch Phil Donahue, Connie Chung or Bill O'Reilly? Do you like any of those shows?

    STEWART: "The Bachelor."

    KURTZ: You're not a news junkie?

    STEWART: No, honestly, I leave probably CNN on mostly all the time. Although the networks are not really meant to be watched all the time, which I realize now.

    KURTZ: When did this come to you?

    STEWART: As I was pulling my hair out... (LAUGHTER)

    ... watching the same footage over and over again of nothing.

    But I do keep CNN -- I mean, Fox, let's face facts, is a relatively cynical undertaking, to begin with.

    KURTZ: Because?

    STEWART: Well, it's basically, it's taken the AM radio mentality and labeled it fair and balanced just to upset you guys.

    KURTZ: A lot of people watch.

    STEWART: Of course, a lot of people watch. A lot of people watch wrestling. A lot of people watch -- you know, you could put on porn, and I think a lot of people would watch it.

    But I think they call it fair and balanced just as kind of a dig. I mean, it's not. It's clearly meant to be more ideological and more opinion-based. They took the paradigm of AM radio. By the way, I enjoy what those guys do. I find it fun to watch. It's just not a news network.

    KURTZ: Speaking of CNN. CNN is now broadcasting...

    STEWART: You shouldn't have let me get away with saying that they're not a news network.

    KURTZ: They do cover some news. They have reporters. You seem to be...

    STEWART: Thank you.

    KURTZ: ... dismissing -- all right.

    STEWART: But the thing about CNN is, you guys actually say you can depend on CNN. That's why I'm more upset with you than I am with them.

    KURTZ: You hold CNN to a higher standard.

    STEWART: Exactly. I expect that from them. From you guys, I'm upset -- what I don't understand is why you guys, with the talent and the credibility and the (UNINTELLIGIBLE) would want to take a page out of their playbook. Why wouldn't you want to take a page out of the more credible? Why wouldn't you go towards the other -- why would you go louder when you could go smarter?

    KURTZ: Now, you are now part of the CNN family.

    STEWART: No, I'm not.

    KURTZ: And it's -- CNN has is broadcasting your show internationally.

    STEWART: I am not.

    KURTZ: Does that make you legitimate?

    STEWART: No, I am illegitimate. I am the bastard son of anything. We're not -- we're fake. That's what...

    KURTZ: Is that right?

    STEWART: Yes.

    KURTZ: I have a theory about this.

    STEWART: That's why I don't have a tie. If I had a tie, I would be a newsman. But I am not.

    KURTZ: Well, I'm going to be -- I'm going to have to take this off.

    STEWART: All right.

    KURTZ: I have a theory about this, which is, you've been doing this for so long, to sit in front of the big anchor desk.

    STEWART: Yes.

    KURTZ: But you've come to think that, "Well, gee, maybe I am kind of a journalist. I can do this."

    STEWART: No.

    KURTZ: I could host "CROSSFIRE."

    STEWART: Well, yes, you could host "CROSSFIRE." What's that got to do with journalism? I mean, that's just a couple of knuckleheads. I mean, the promo for that is Bob Novak in a boxing outfit. I mean, for God's sakes, somehow I don't imagine Edward R. Murrow ever putting on the satin robe and going, "I'll destroy you."

    KURTZ: I went to one of your tapings this week.

    STEWART: Yes, you did.

    KURTZ: And I can reveal -- can I say this?

    STEWART: By the way, I didn't care for the heckling.

    KURTZ: All right. I can reveal that all those -- you go to those live correspondent reports standing in front of the Capitol, out in North Carolina.

    STEWART: That's exactly right.

    KURTZ: They're right on the stage there with you.

    STEWART: Yes.

    KURTZ: Isn't that kind of dishonest?

    STEWART: Our budget is to the point where we can only afford the picture of North Carolina. We can't actually afford the trip. So we put them in front of a just a green screen of that.

    KURTZ: So you don't, you're not confusing yourself with a quote, "real journalist"?

    STEWART: No. You guys are...

    KURTZ: You're just making fun...

    STEWART: You guys are confusing yourselves with real journalists.

    KURTZ: Oh boy, you're loaded (UNINTELLIGIBLE) today.

    STEWART: Instead of putting on shows like "CROSSFIRE" and "Gotcha" and "I'm Going To Kick Your Ass With Tucker Carlson" and "Let's Beat Up The Short Guy." That was just one that I...

    KURTZ: I'm glad you're at least watching so much CNN, Jon.

    STEWART: I am watching it constantly. It's driving me insane. Make the ticker stop. You're in the middle of a damn sniper story, and all of a sudden underneath it, you know, "Liza Minnelli's first VH1 show to air."

    KURTZ: There's a new thing out called...

    STEWART: What?

    KURTZ: There's a new thing out called remote control. We'll have to get you one.

    STEWART: But you're the news. That works for entertainment. People need you. Help us. Help us.

    KURTZ: Thank you for making us feel needed, Jon Stewart. Thanks for sharing.

    STEWART: Yes.
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."

  2. #27
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Stuck in perpetual Meh
    Posts
    35,244
    Quote Originally Posted by trainnvain
    Transcript is up

    Edit: Heh!
    Errr...no it's not.
    The page cannot be displayed
    The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Please try the following:

    Click the Refresh button, or try again later.

    If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.

    To check your connection settings, click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Connections tab, click Settings. The settings should match those provided by your local area network (LAN) administrator or Internet service provider (ISP).
    If your Network Administrator has enabled it, Microsoft Windows can examine your network and automatically discover network connection settings.
    If you would like Windows to try and discover them,
    click Detect Network Settings
    Some sites require 128-bit connection security. Click the Help menu and then click About Internet Explorer to determine what strength security you have installed.
    If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it. Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Security section and check settings for SSL 2.0, SSL 3.0, TLS 1.0, PCT 1.0.
    Click the Back button to try another link.



    Cannot find server or DNS Error
    Internet Explorer

  3. #28
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    4,647
    Quote Originally Posted by Tippster
    Errr...no it's not.
    Take the double http:// out and it works...

    http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIP.../15/cf.01.html
    "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow, what a Ride!"

  4. #29
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    4,647
    Holy crap this is good... I'm not even finished reading and I had to post that. He just came right out and said "you're partisan hacks" and basically said I don't know how you can sleep at night.

    God damn...

    "STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

    CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.

    STEWART: You need to go to one.

    The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...

    CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.

    STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey. "

    Wow.
    Last edited by altagirl; 10-15-2004 at 04:30 PM.
    "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow, what a Ride!"

  5. #30
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    is everything
    Posts
    2,003
    CNN CROSSFIRE

    Jon Stewart's America

    Aired October 15, 2004 - 16:30 ET

    THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


    BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART")

    STEWART: Meanwhile, the president's challenger was also in New York, also facing some difficult questions.

    UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How to you stay in shape?

    UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Do you eat something?

    UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Do you have a routine? Do you...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: It's like Nerf CROSSFIRE.

    (END VIDEO CLIP)

    (APPLAUSE)

    BEGALA: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE.

    As both of our loyal viewers, of course, know, our show is about all left vs. white, black vs. white, paper vs. plastic, Red Sox against the Yankees. That's why every day, we have two guests with their own unique perspective on the news. But today, CROSSFIRE is very difficult. We have just one guest.

    He's either the funniest smart guy on TV or the smartest funnyman. We'll find out which in a minute. But he's certainly an Emmy Award winner, the host of Comedy Central's "Daily Show" and the co-author of the new mega best-seller "America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction," at your bookstores everywhere.

    Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the CROSSFIRE Jon Stewart.

    STEWART: Thank you.

    CARLSON: Thank you for joining us.

    STEWART: Thank you very much. That was very kind of you to say.

    Can I say something very quickly? Why do we have to fight?

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: The two of you? Can't we just -- say something nice about John Kerry right now.

    (CROSSTALK)

    CARLSON: I like John. I care about John Kerry.

    STEWART: And something about President Bush.

    BEGALA: He'll be unemployed soon?

    (LAUGHTER)

    BEGALA: I failed the test. I'm sorry.

    CARLSON: See, I made the effort anyway.

    BEGALA: No, actually, I knew Bush in Texas a little bit. And the truth is, he's actually a great guy. He's not a very good president. But he's actually a very good person. I don't think you should have to hate to oppose somebody, but it makes it easier.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: Why do you argue, the two of you?

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: I hate to see it.

    CARLSON: We enjoy it.

    STEWART: Let me ask you a question.

    CARLSON: Well, let me ask you a question first.

    STEWART: All right.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: Is John Kerry -- is John Kerry really the best? I mean, John Kerry has...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: Is he the best? I thought Lincoln was good.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: Is he the best the Democrats can do?

    STEWART: Is he the best the Democrats can do?

    CARLSON: Yes, this year of the whole field.

    STEWART: I had always thought, in a democracy -- and, again, I don't know -- I've only lived in this country -- that there's a process. They call them primaries.

    CARLSON: Right.

    STEWART: And they don't always go with the best, but they go with whoever won. So is he the best? According to the process.

    CARLSON: Right. But of the nine guys running, who do you think was best. Do you think he was the best, the most impressive?

    STEWART: The most impressive?

    CARLSON: Yes.

    STEWART: I thought Al Sharpton was very impressive.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: I enjoyed his way of speaking.

    I think, oftentimes, the person that knows they can't win is allowed to speak the most freely, because, otherwise, shows with titles, such as CROSSFIRE.

    BEGALA: CROSSFIRE.

    STEWART: Or "HARDBALL" or "I'm Going to Kick Your Ass" or...

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: Will jump on it.

    In many ways, it's funny. And I made a special effort to come on the show today, because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being bad.

    (LAUGHTER)

    BEGALA: We have noticed.

    STEWART: And I wanted to -- I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't -- it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America.
    Last edited by Evil E; 10-15-2004 at 04:29 PM.

  6. #31
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    is everything
    Posts
    2,003
    CARLSON: But in its defense...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: So I wanted to come here today and say...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys.

    CARLSON: Yes.

    STEWART: Stop.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America.

    BEGALA: OK. Now

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: And come work for us, because we, as the people...

    CARLSON: How do you pay?

    STEWART: The people -- not well.

    (LAUGHTER)

    BEGALA: Better than CNN, I'm sure.

    STEWART: But you can sleep at night.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns.

    BEGALA: By beating up on them? You just said we're too rough on them when they make mistakes.

    STEWART: No, no, no, you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: Wait, Jon, let me tell you something valuable that I think we do that I'd like to see you...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: Something valuable?

    CARLSON: Yes.

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: I would like to hear it.

    CARLSON: And I'll tell you.

    When politicians come on...

    STEWART: Yes.

    CARLSON: It's nice to get them to try and answer the question. And in order to do that, we try and ask them pointed questions. I want to contrast our questions with some questions you asked John Kerry recently.

    (CROSSTALK)

    CARLSON: ... up on the screen.

    STEWART: If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: No, no, no, here's the point.

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: If that's your goal.

    CARLSON: It's not.

    STEWART: I wouldn't aim for us. I'd aim for "Seinfeld." That's a very good show.

    CARLSON: Kerry won't come on this show. He will come on your show.

    STEWART: Right.

    CARLSON: Let me suggest why he wants to come on your show.

    STEWART: Well, we have civilized discourse.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: Well, here's an example of the civilized discourse.

    Here are three of the questions you asked John Kerry.

    STEWART: Yes.

    CARLSON: You have a chance to interview the Democratic nominee. You asked him questions such as -- quote -- "How are you holding up? Is it hard not to take the attacks personally?"

    STEWART: Yes.

    CARLSON: "Have you ever flip-flopped?" et cetera, et cetera.

    STEWART: Yes.

    CARLSON: Didn't you feel like -- you got the chance to interview the guy. Why not ask him a real question, instead of just suck up to him?

    STEWART: Yes. "How are you holding up?" is a real suck-up. And I actually giving him a hot stone massage as we were doing it.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: It sounded that way. It did.

    STEWART: You know, it's interesting to hear you talk about my responsibility.

    CARLSON: I felt the sparks between you.

    STEWART: I didn't realize that -- and maybe this explains quite a bit.

    CARLSON: No, the opportunity to...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: ... is that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their cues on integrity.

    (LAUGHTER)

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: So what I would suggest is, when you talk about you're holding politicians' feet to fire, I think that's disingenuous. I think you're...

    CARLSON: "How are you holding up?" I mean, come on.

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: No, no, no. But my role isn't, I don't think...

    CARLSON: But you can ask him a real question, don't you think, instead of saying...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: I don't think I have to. By the way, I also asked him, "Were you in Cambodia?" But I didn't really care.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: Because I don't care, because I think it's stupid.

    CARLSON: I can tell.

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: But my point is this. If your idea of confronting me is that I don't ask hard-hitting enough news questions, we're in bad shape, fellows. (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: We're here to love you, not confront you.

    (CROSSTALK)

    CARLSON: We're here to be nice.

    STEWART: No, no, no, but what I'm saying is this. I'm not. I'm here to confront you, because we need help from the media and they're hurting us. And it's -- the idea is...

    (APPLAUSE)

    (CROSSTALK)

    BEGALA: Let me get this straight. If the indictment is -- if the indictment is -- and I have seen you say this -- that...

    STEWART: Yes.

    BEGALA: And that CROSSFIRE reduces everything, as I said in the intro, to left, right, black, white.

    STEWART: Yes.

    BEGALA: Well, it's because, see, we're a debate show.

    STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great.

    BEGALA: It's like saying The Weather Channel reduces everything to a storm front.

    STEWART: I would love to see a debate show.

    BEGALA: We're 30 minutes in a 24-hour day where we have each side on, as best we can get them, and have them fight it out.

    STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great. To do a debate would be great. But that's like saying pro wrestling is a show about athletic competition.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: Jon, Jon, Jon, I'm sorry. I think you're a good comedian. I think your lectures are boring.

    STEWART: Yes.

    CARLSON: Let me ask you a question on the news.

    STEWART: Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you?

    (CROSSTALK)

    CARLSON: Thirty-five. STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.

    (LAUGHTER)

    (APPLAUSE)

    CARLSON: Yes, I do. I do.

    STEWART: So this is...

    CARLSON: I know. I know. I know. You're a...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: So this is theater.

    CARLSON: Now, let me just...

    (CROSSTALK)

    CARLSON: Now, come on.

    STEWART: Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie.

    CARLSON: They're difficult.

  7. #32
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    is everything
    Posts
    2,003
    STEWART: But the thing is that this -- you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great.

    BEGALA: We do, do...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.

    CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?

    STEWART: Absolutely.

    CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: What is wrong with you?

    (APPLAUSE) CARLSON: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you -- when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing.

    STEWART: I was absolutely his butt boy. I was so far -- you would not believe what he ate two weeks ago.

    (LAUGHTER)

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

    CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.

    STEWART: You need to go to one.

    The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...

    CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.

    STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.

    (LAUGHTER)

    BEGALA: Go ahead. Go ahead.

    STEWART: I watch your show every day. And it kills me.

    CARLSON: I can tell you love it.

    STEWART: It's so -- oh, it's so painful to watch.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: You know, because we need what you do. This is such a great opportunity you have here to actually get politicians off of their marketing and strategy.

    CARLSON: Is this really Jon Stewart? What is this, anyway?

    STEWART: Yes, it's someone who watches your show and cannot take it anymore.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: I just can't.

    CARLSON: What's it like to have dinner with you? It must be excruciating. Do you like lecture people like this or do you come over to their house and sit and lecture them; they're not doing the right thing, that they're missing their opportunities, evading their responsibilities? STEWART: If I think they are.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: I wouldn't want to eat with you, man. That's horrible.

    STEWART: I know. And you won't. But the thing I want to get to...

    BEGALA: We did promise naked pictures of the Supreme Court justices.

    CARLSON: Yes, we did. Let's get to those.

    (CROSSTALK)

    BEGALA: They're in this book, which is a very funny book.

    STEWART: Why can't we just talk -- please, I beg of you guys, please.

    CARLSON: I think you watch too much CROSSFIRE.

    We're going to take a quick break.

    STEWART: No, no, no, please.

    CARLSON: No, no, hold on. We've got commercials.

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: Please. Please stop.

    CARLSON: Next, Jon Stewart in the "Rapid Fire."

    STEWART: Please stop.

    CARLSON: Hopefully, he'll be here, we hope, we think.

    (APPLAUSE)

    CARLSON: And then, did U.S. soldiers refuse an order in Iraq. Wolf Blitzer has the latest on this investigation right after the break.

    (COMMERCIAL BREAK)

    WOLF BLITZER, CNN ANCHOR: I'm Wolf Blitzer in Washington.

    Coming up at the top of the hour, the Pentagon investigator a report that U.S. soldiers refused to go on a dangerous mission in Iraq. We'll have details. In medical news, the FDA prescribes a strongly worded label on antidepressant drugs. And why some experts think the flu vaccine shortage is a grim warning about U.S. vulnerability to bioterrorism.

    All those stories, much more, only minutes away on "WOLF BLITZER REPORTS."

    Now back to CROSSFIRE.

    (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

    CARLSON: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE.

    We're talking to Jon Stewart, who was just lecturing us on our moral inferiority.

    Jon, you're bumming us out. Tell us, what do you think about the Bill O'Reilly vibrator story?

    STEWART: I'm sorry. I don't.

    CARLSON: Oh, OK.

    STEWART: What do you think?

    BEGALA: Let me change the subject.

    STEWART: Where's your moral outrage on this?

    CARLSON: I don't have any.

    STEWART: I know.

    BEGALA: Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material?

    STEWART: I'm sorry?

    BEGALA: Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material if he won?

    STEWART: Mr. T. I think he'd be the funniest. I don't...

    (LAUGHTER)

    BEGALA: Don't you have a stake in it that way, as not just a citizen, but as a professional comic?

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: Right, which I hold to be much more important than as a citizen.

    BEGALA: Well, there you go.

    (LAUGHTER)

    BEGALA: But who would you provide you better material, do you suppose?

    STEWART: I don't really know. That's kind of not how we look at it. We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all, you know, which, by the way, thank you both, because it's been helpful.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: But, if Kerry gets elected, is it going to -- you have said you're voting for him. You obviously support him. It's clear. Will it be harder for you to mock his administration if he becomes president?

    STEWART: No. Why would it be harder?

    CARLSON: Because you support...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: The only way it would be harder is if his administration is less absurd than this one. So, in that case, if it's less absurd, then, yes, I think it would be harder.

    But, I mean, it would be hard to top this group, quite frankly.

    (LAUGHTER)

    (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

    STEWART: In terms of absurdity and their world matching up to the one that -- you know, it was interesting. President Bush was saying, John Kerry's rhetoric doesn't match his record.

    But I've heard President Bush describe his record. His record doesn't match his record.

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: So I don't worry about it in that respect.

    But let me ask you guys, again, a question, because we talked a little bit about, you're actually doing honest debate and all that. But, after the debates, where do you guys head to right afterwards?

    CARLSON: The men's room.

    STEWART: Right after that?

    BEGALA: Home.

    STEWART: Spin alley.

    BEGALA: Home.

    STEWART: No, spin alley.

    BEGALA: What are you talking about? You mean at these debates?

    STEWART: Yes. You go to spin alley, the place called spin alley. Now, don't you think that, for people watching at home, that's kind of a drag, that you're literally walking to a place called deception lane?

    (LAUGHTER)

    STEWART: Like, it's spin alley. It's -- don't you see, that's the issue I'm trying to talk to you guys...

    BEGALA: No, I actually believe -- I have a lot of friends who work for President Bush. I went to college with some of them.

    CARLSON: Neither of us was ever in the spin room, actually.

    (BELL RINGING)

    BEGALA: No, I did -- I went to do the Larry King show.

    They actually believe what they're saying. They want to persuade you. That's what they're trying to do by spinning. But I don't doubt for a minute these people who work for President Bush, who I disagree with on everything, they believe that stuff, Jon. This is not a lie or a deception at all. They believe in him, just like I believe in my guy.

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    is everything
    Posts
    2,003
    STEWART: I think they believe President Bush would do a better job.

    And I believe the Kerry guys believe President Kerry would do a better job. But what I believe is, they're not making honest arguments. So what they're doing is, in their mind, the ends justify the means.

    (CROSSTALK)

    BEGALA: I don't think so at all.

    (CROSSTALK)

    CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.

    (CROSSTALK)

    CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

    (LAUGHTER)

    CARLSON: Now, you're getting into it. I like that.

    STEWART: Yes.

    CARLSON: OK. We'll be right back.

    (COMMERCIAL BREAK)

    BEGALA: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE. We are joined by Comedy Central's Jon Stewart, host of "The Daily Show" and author of No. 1 bestseller, "America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction."

    CARLSON: And a ton of fun, I like that too.

    BEGALA: Some questions from our audience. Yes sir, what's your name, what's your name?

    QUESTION: Hi, my name's David. I'm from Boston.

    STEWART: Hi, David.

    QUESTION: My question is, what do you think the hump on G.W.'s back during the debate was?

    STEWART: Say it again?

    QUESTION: What do you think the hump on George's back during the debate was?

    STEWART: The hump on his back?

    BEGALA: Oh, you're familiar? This is (INAUDIBLE) conspiracy theory. Can I take this one?

    STEWART: Yes, please.

    BEGALA: It was nothing, his suit was puckering. A lot of people believe he had one of these in his ear. If he was being fed lines by Karl Rove, he would not have been so inarticulate, guys. It's a myth.

    (LAUGHTER)

    BEGALA: It's not true. There's this huge myth out on the left.

    (CROSSTALK)

    BEGALA: Yes, ma'am.

    QUESTION: Renee (ph) from Texas. Why do you think it's hard or difficult or impossible for politicians to answer a straight, simple question?

    STEWART: I don't think it's hard. I just think that nobody holds their feet to the fire to do it. So they don't have to. They get to come on shows that don't...

    BEGALA: They're too easy on them.

    CARLSON: Yes. Ask them how you hold...

    STEWART: Not easy on them...

    (CROSSTALK)

    BEGALA: ... saying we were too hard on people and too (INAUDIBLE).

    (CROSSTALK)

    STEWART: I think you're - yes.

    CARLSON: All right. Jon Stewart, come back soon.

    BEGALA: Jon Stewart, good of you to join us. Thank you very much. The book is "America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction."

    From the left I am Paul Begala, that's it for CROSSFIRE.

    CARLSON: And from the right I'm Tucker Carlson, have a great weekend. See you Monday.

    TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com

  9. #34
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Huh?
    Posts
    10,908
    My favorite line:

    STEWART: [To Tucker Carlson] You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."

  10. #35
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    4,647
    Jon Stewart is my hero.
    "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow, what a Ride!"

  11. #36
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Summit County
    Posts
    5,055
    heh.

    I really wish it was Novak that Stewart lit into. Carlson is an amateur in comparison.
    "The trouble with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money" --Margaret Thatcher

  12. #37
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Slut Lake City
    Posts
    7,785
    I have a line on a quicktime video of this, but it's not my bandwidth to share and I can't get home to download it until about 7:30 MST.

    I'll host the video when I get home around then.

  13. #38
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Huh?
    Posts
    10,908
    phUnk for President!!!
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."

  14. #39
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Nhampshire
    Posts
    7,873
    fucking awesome.

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Dtown/Gtown
    Posts
    3,413
    MTV: "Stewart Bitchslaps Crossfire"

    http://www.mtv.com/chooseorlose/head...tml?id=1492305

  16. #41
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    a few blocks from the beach
    Posts
    2,991

  17. #42
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Dtown/Gtown
    Posts
    3,413
    freakin' awesome.

    Thanks for the link yogachik!

  18. #43
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    3,303
    What jibij said. Watch the clip. You don't fully get a sense of what Stewart was doing by reading the transcript only.
    Last edited by Schmear; 10-15-2004 at 09:33 PM.

  19. #44
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    SF
    Posts
    3,627
    don't want to subscribe...waiting for phunk...
    Craig Kelly is my co-pilot.

    Buy Your Lift Tickets in Advance and Save

  20. #45
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    limbo
    Posts
    255
    Quote Originally Posted by gonzo
    don't want to subscribe...waiting for phunk...
    No subscription required. Just choose 200k instead of 500k.
    "Holy Blower!" - Jeremy Jones

  21. #46
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    SF
    Posts
    3,627
    hilarious - thanks man.
    Craig Kelly is my co-pilot.

    Buy Your Lift Tickets in Advance and Save

  22. #47
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Slut Lake City
    Posts
    7,785
    Quote Originally Posted by yogachik
    Thanks for the link yogachik. I guess I'll just refer people to that link instead of bothering to host the video myself.

    As eDub said, hit the 200K link instead of the 500K link and you won't be forced to register.

  23. #48
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Looking down
    Posts
    50,490
    Thank you very much for the transcripts!

    "It's not honest. What you do is not honest."

    "You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls."

    "What is wrong with you?"

    TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com

    edit again: thanx for the video link - you gotta see this
    Last edited by Benny Profane; 10-15-2004 at 11:57 PM.

  24. #49
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    spitting distance from Mavericks
    Posts
    2,725
    God - watching that was like living out my deepest fantasies of smacking media slimeballs around in front of millions. If TV were this quality all the time, I'd actually consider watching it.

    Jon Stewart is amazing. Thank god - what a direct contrast to our depressing our current administration is.
    “Within this furnace of fear, my passion for life burns fiercely. I have consumed all evil. I have overcome my doubt. I am the fire.”

  25. #50
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Fort Collins
    Posts
    2,005
    We need to get this downloaded for posterity's sake.
    "I smell varmint puntang."

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •