Let the bush bashing begin : debate 3

[seldon]

www.vrolyk.net/Seriously.wmv

[Lone Star]

damn it, I just can't imagine voting for the son of a bitch who traded Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines. the Rangers would be kicking the shit of all those pussy east coast teams if he hadn't made that folly. how can such an idiot be trusted to run the country another four years?

[slim]

damn it, I just can't imagine voting for the son of a bitch who traded Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines. the Rangers would be kicking the shit of all those pussy east coast teams if he hadn't made that folly.

Sammy Sosa is a fucking hack and the Rangers are fucked because Tom Hicks is bigger fucking idiot than W. Fuck Texas.

[freshies]

damn it, I just can't imagine voting for the son of a bitch who traded Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines. the Rangers would be kicking the shit of all those pussy east coast teams if he hadn't made that folly. how can such an idiot be trusted to run the country another four years?

as a life long Cubs fan, I will gladly trade ya Sosa and his guranteed $35 mil over the next 2 years...please take him, please....so we can go sign Beltran in the off season...

beyond that, I can think of, oh i don't know, like 50 reasons why ya might not want to vote for the idiot in the WH right now

[splat]

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word tragedy. So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."

"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 Children drove over a cliff , killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy!"

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room.


"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," said little Johnny , "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

[G]

www.vrolyk.net/Seriously.wmv

Two thumbs up! good post, seldon.

[mr_gyptian]

Debate, Declaim, Debacle
By DAVID BROOKS

Columnist Page: David Brooks
-mail: dabrooks@nytimes.com


SCHIEFFER And our first question goes to Senator Kerry. Sir, your spending plans will cost over a trillion dollars. Your combined tax plans will cost $500 billion. How are you going to balance the budget?

KERRY Bob, I'm glad you asked me that question, but before I dodge it I'd like to thank you for moderating this debate, I'd like to thank Arizona State University for being such wonderful hosts and I'd like to thank Dick Cheney's daughter for being a lesbian - in case anybody didn't know.

Bob, as you know, this nation is on the brink of an apocalyptic catastrophe. Civilization as we know it is hanging on by a thread. Our culture has collapsed, our economy is in tatters, the human spirit is extinguished, children never laugh, God is dead, and families like Dick Cheney's are ashamed of their daughters, one of whom is a lesbian. All of this is because of George Bush.

Did you know that right here in Arizona the average share of the national debt on a per capita basis is rising faster than the inverse of the median lost wages ratio of the typical swing voter in Ohio, Missouri and Florida combined?

Bob, when I'm president, we're going to have a president as gloomy as this country should be. But the difference is that I have a plan to balance the budget. In fact I have seven plans. Seven and a half if you count the one I was working on in the limo, not even counting subclauses. When I'm president, our country is going to marry a really rich country, which will pay for everything. Thank you.

SCHIEFFER Mr. President?

BUSH You need a plan. I know that. I'm president. I wake up every day looking for a plan. In fact, I supported Mitch McConnell's plan. But my opponent voted to raise taxes 1,500 gazillion bazillion times. He even voted for some of my budgets, which have created deficits as far as the eye can see! He's a liberal!

The first thing we need to do is cut back. I'm not going to have a flu shot this year. I'm not even going to take a Tylenol. I'm going to have a root canal right here on this stage without Novocain. But we also need to declare an international war on deficits.

I'm excited about 19-year-old girls in Afghanistan who are voting in favor of the line-item veto for the first time ever. I'm excited about the millions of Iraqis who have been liberated from Saddam's Hussein's trial lawyers and their frivolous lawsuits.

SCHIEFFER According to the prearranged rules of this debate, each candidate will now have two minutes to spew forth sentimental blather in order to connect with the American people.

KERRY Thank you Bob. I'm a Catholic. I was an altar boy. In Nativity plays I was usually cast as one of the posts holding up the manger. I know that a lot of people are tired of politicians who just tell them what they want to hear. America, I want to look you in the eye and pledge I will never pander to you.

Spirituality is important to me. I've always felt that we humans are insignificant maggots scuttling across the muck of the universe, and that life itself is just a meaningless moment of agony between the suffocating stench of the womb and the foul decay of the grave.

SCHIEFFER Thanks for that uplifting message. Mr. President?

BUSH America, we've been through a lot together. Imagine how bad things would be if I'd made any mistakes. But we've come through it.

We haven't enforced the Dred Scott decision. And what about my timber company? Can you believe the networks? Oh, never mind. Do you want some wood? How late does this go, anyway? I'm losing it.

SCHIEFFER As I was driving in tonight one thing occurred to me: All three of us are surrounded by strong women. What the hell are we doing up here? Why aren't they running the country?

KERRY Bob, it's true that I am married. She's my second wife, to be precise. Can't recall her name at the moment, but she's fully funded. And I've got two beautiful daughters. Heterosexuals, both of them.

I want to tell you about my family unit and what it means to me. We're in the 79th percentile in most demographic categories. Our compatibility fitness score is within the standard deviation for median households worldwide. ...

[skea 457]

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

[splat]

Lest we forget - This is the guy who recommended we put the Social Security funds into the stock market right before it all but crashed.
And he still wants to do it.

What a great way to reap Wall Street's endorsement, campaign contributions, and dodge the blame when the fund's administrators pillage our future by dreaming up some scam in which a few kazillion dollars disappear.
That way, his own pillaging of the fund will be overshadowed by someone else's crime.
Slay a scapegoat and call it done.

This guy is synonymous with everyone's bankruptcy - except his own.