Shop Techs! Dumbest Question You've Ever Been Asked?

[UTdave]

Nice!!!! Swiss Ditch!!!! That's where I made my first turns.

that's because you're a midwest gaper. only midwest gapers learn how to ski at shit valley. wait...

[The AD]

far too many people on this board have skied Swiss Valley. Astonishingly it has only 225 vertical. Maybe 800 total run length.

It's where I learned to ski, too. Strange, very strange. I lived in Three Rivers, Michigan until I was about nine.

[72Twenty]

My first ever established down hill ski run was at St. Anton when I was 6.

[HotTate]

"So, if these are ALL-mountain skis, then why would i ever need to buy racing skis? And If i buy racing skis, does that mean i cant ski anywhere else on the mountain?"

[Duker]

another one I had this last season

Gaper: Boy, Ill give you 5 bucks tip if you make these skis perfect again in under 10 minutes.
Me: alright sir let me take a look.
Gaper: Yeah I love these boards, They are Top-of - line, even have my name on them
Me: Yeah the Olin Mark IV was a good ski.
Gaper: So ya think you can get em done in 10 minutes?
Me: sir when was the last time these where used?
Gaper: Last time I came to utah, I think it was '91. But I skied for the Uof U back in college
Me: sir these have a lot of rust, and the tail is slightly delaminated.
Gaper: Just do whatever you can in ten minutes.
Me: ok
I head into the back shop and Hand Edge these things Faster than Ive ever done it. Put a very healthy coat of wax on and scrape it off too fast. Basically Ive done very little to the ski. but the demanding customer waddles back in 10 minutes.
Me: to do a good job Id need at least another half an hour.
Gaper: Boy some day you'll learn that its not the gear that makes the skier, Its the skills. Heres your tip. BYe

No he was not a texan, He was an oklahoman, which is a total rip off of texas.

[Arty50]

I did love overhearing a sales guy in Sports Ltd telling a gomer how Volkl and Atomic made lousy skis because their ski factories were in Germany and not in the mountains whereas Fischer skis were made in the Austrian mountains and therefore had to be better.

Or was it mere coincidence that their racks were stuffed with Fischers?

Ha!!! Was it the older gentleman that works there? I just bought a pair of AX4s from him.

[Arty looking at skis and contemplating a low ball offer]

Old Guy: Can I help you?

Me: Sure, I have a pair of G4s (same exact ski as AX4, only previous year) and love them. I want to get another since they quit making them.

Old Guy: Oh yeah, great skis. Volkl is changing how they make skis. It's terrible. [Me: ] Blah. Blah. Blah. These are great though. A real serious high performance ski. They have super duper indestructo metal layer, magical elf matrix layer, blah, blah, blah...

Me: Yeah, like I said, I already have them and love them. You don't need to sell me. I just want to talk price.

Old Guy: Oh

[robokill1981]

1.Texan named Goose who reeks of schnaaps and cigarettes: "these dang things is too fast, I want some 120's and I want you to take out pieces of the base so I won't go so dang fast."

He was 6'5" 190 and came back all week insisting on shorter skis that were slower. He ended his vacation on snowblades. We never took pieces of the base out for him...

2. No matter what, no matter how people break a pair of skis they will ALWAYS insist that we rented them broken skis.

"How did you get that core-shot?"
"It was there when you rented the skis to me."

"Your ski is broken in half and one of the edges is completely missing!"
"It was like that when you rented them to me!"

Nevermind that my shop tunes and inspects every pair of skis everytime they come back from rental.

3. Me: "You lost one of your skis? We are going to have to charge you for both of them."
Returnee: "No way I'm going back with a metal detector tomorrow to find that ski. How about I only pay for one since I'm returning one of 'em, and YOU should reimburse ME for the metal detector!"

4. Breckenridge Spring Break 2002
Asshole: "Fuck this town I got a DUI last night!"
Me: "Were you drunk?"
Asshole: "Yeah, I was wasted, but I'm on vacation!"

5. Renter to me: "Sucks for you that you're stuck in this shop all day and I get to go skiing!"
Me: "Sucks for you that you have to go home to Nebraska in two days and I ski 100 days a season."

[Tippster]

Texan?



Texan?



Texan?



Texan?



Texan?



Nebraskan?

European (probably French )
New Yorker
Yes
Washingtonian
Floridian
What else?

GOD I miss working at Buzz's!

[Pinner]

"You can't telemark on that!" said the shop twit, about the Volkl Explosive in my hands. http://skiingismylife.com/media/serious.gif

[Tippster]

"You can't telemark on that!" said the shop twit, about the Volkl Explosive in my hands. http://skiingismylife.com/media/serious.gif

Heh. "Shop Twit." Last year I was perusing the pre-season sale in Arlington, VA's finest ski shop when I overheard some handpuppet telling a customer:

"We don't carry "Fat" skis - they're not high performance enough...they're only for intermediates who want to ski powder and don't know how..."

Later the same bonehead was expoundingto another customer about how when assessing a ski's flex you shouldn't simply flex it normally (much less tip, tail and all-over) but that it's important to flex a ski backwards! I'd had enough and ratted his ass out to the manager. Quietly.


BTW - "Pinner" - that sounds vaguely familiar... Welcome home, mang. How's the FoBP coming along? Sorry I couldn't make it to the meeting.

[72Twenty]

In my old shop I made a door chime one day out of an old chain ring and some aluminium tent stakes tied into a contraption that resembled a windchime. This thing was totally harmless and suspended above a tall door; you'd have to be Shaq to run into this thing. Anyway, I noticed this older rich-Colorado-lookin' guy (NO offence, CO maggots, but you know what I mean, right?) walk past the store, stop, come back, look through the door, then come in and tell me that that door chime could put someone's eye out and we would get sued and he demanded I remove it right away. I kinda told him that I didn't give a rat's ass and not to worry about it. I resumed tuning a mountain bike (I was the only one in the shop at the time) and he just stood there staring me down. I could feel the steam building, then he huffed and left.

Another time I had a guy inspect his skis after I tuned them, and he got all tweaked when he realized the edges close to his tips were not a sharp as they were along the rest of his ski.

[Sublime]

Roll this into one big fatty spliff and you have the place I work at.

It's a fucking headache and so far i've gotten such classics as:

"Do you sell Bogner?"

"Ohh those are pretty I want those!"

"Atomic? When did those come over to the states??"

My freind Danny "Dude who orders this shit?"

Me: "The old people."

At least I had a guy actually know what a boot is suppose to feel like.

Sigh.

[FNG]

It's where I learned to ski, too. Strange, very strange. I lived in Three Rivers, Michigan until I was about nine.

I lived in Three Rivers up until last year when I bolted for Minneapolis for college. I'll in all likelyhood be back there in the shop over winter break trying to make some money and squeeze a couple shop forms out of the boss. Free pitty wax/tunes to anyone else here unfortunate enough to be skiing Swiss Valley in late December/early January. Ask for "Little Ben" (not to be confused with "Big Ben" my grumpy lumberjack of a boss), "Cheese Weinie", or "Bennihanna". I have many more idiot moments working the snowboard rental in the ski shop basement. 12 hour days dealing with ornery parents, stupid kids, and "Yeah brah" boarders usually makes me smile at least once a day. Here's a couple:

me: "you ride regular or goofy?"
renter: "what?"
me: "right or left foot forward?"
renter: "oh, I don't know. how do I tell?"
me: "which foot do you use to kick a ball?"
renter: "I don't know. I don't play soccer."
me: "well then I've got a test. stand up straight, turn around, and put your arms at your side."

then i give him a push in the back. usually whichever foot they step forward with goes in front. this kid (about 14) didn't step forward. he slowely fell flat on his face.

me: "you're definitely goofy."
parents: "definitely."

-----------------

me: "tie your laces in a knot when you return them please."
renter: "isn't that your job?"
me: "does this look like Footlocker to you?"

-----------------

renter: "what time is it brah?"
me: [point to 'Vienna Beef' clock behind me. clock has dots but no numbers.]
renter: "I can't read it. it doesn't have any numbers."
me: "12 goes at the top, 6 goes at the bottom. the big hand is for minutes."
renter: "Ah, 5:45." [actual time: 4:45]

-----------------

renter: "this board sucks. how do I stop falling?"
me: "turn in your board and go rent some skis."

-----------------

renter: "can I go out this door?"
me: "you mean the one with the big sign on it that says 'Rental Exit' on it?"
renter: "oh, right."
renter: [stares at door puzzled] "dude, there's no handle."
me: "it's a push door."

[Dromond]

"Can you fix these?" -Guy who walk into the demo shop wearing a pair of rear entry boots with the toes snapped clean off both of the shells!

[cj001f]

Heh. "Shop Twit." Last year I was perusing the pre-season sale in Arlington, VA's finest ski shop when I overheard some handpuppet telling a customer

I ran into a similar puppet at that very shop. He mocked me for desiring to buy a ski longer than 185cm

[Plakespear]

About two weeks ago a guy called me up and asked if we sell used skis. I said yes. He began to describe the skis. The only thing I recognized was the word "Twincam". I asked him how old they were. He said he didn't know- he found them in a dumpster.

runner up- anyone who thinks they can get any money for straight skis.

[FNG]

I sold a pair of new leftover 190cm Dynastar G9's and S9's two years ago. $50 for both.

[Benny Profane]

Boy some day you'll learn that its not the gear that makes the skier, Its the skills. Heres your tip. BYe

How much was that tip?

[Duker]

How much was that tip?

5 wonderful dollars. the only tip I got all season.

[summit]

My personal favorite:
Renter comes back next day:
"These skis are screwing me up! I can't ski with this damage! I keep falling because of it!" *points to nearlyr microscopic nick in ptex on the tip of one ski*

Disgruntled rich texan mother: "But I specifically said on my ski reservation that I wanted PINK SKIS for my little girls!"

Texan: "I don't want any of these new fangled hour glass skis! Give me normal skis!"
Me: "Nobody makes straight skis anymore."
Texan: "Well they should!"

Renter: "Uh here's the skis back"
Me: "What did you do to these skis?"
Renter: "I don't know"
picture of the skis partway through repair (full stick of ptex through the gun already)
http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...ntid=674&stc=1
Me: "Look at all these core shots... did you take off your skis before you crossed the parking lots?"
Renter: "NO... er... yes?"

"Can you fix these?" -Guy who walk into the demo shop wearing a pair of rear entry boots with the toes snapped clean off both of the shells!

Yea I've seen that too... especially funny when they brought in their boots and skis for a binding test the day before and I inform them that their bindings aren't indemnified and their boots aren't DIN due to obvious shell fatigues not to mention no toe/heel plastic left.