Fucking Ikea!

[Superstar Punani]

Don't buy this bed!



-----Re: Customer complaint regarding Ikea Malm bed----

Hello,

I am a loyal Ikea customer who recently purchased a queen sized Malm bed. I am writing in regards to a complaint I have regarding durability and sturdiness.

The bed was assembled per the instructions provided. I am very satisfied with the purchase price and style.

However last weekend the metal beam that links the head and foot boards collapsed during an intimate moment with my partner- the screws ripped out of the particleboard, causing the wooden lade and mattress to violently crash to the floor, followed by the bed completely falling apart where the side beams meet the headboard.

This resulted in a very embarrasing situation for myself and my partner, as the neighbors and flatmates complained about the excessive noise. I am very dissatisfied with this purchase, as I was not aware of this potential problem when I bought the bed. (Please note that I weigh 160 pounds and my partner is 120 pounds).

I can provide digital photographs of the damage if that helps. I'd like a store credit to apply to a more durable Ikea bed.

Regardless of this occurence I am still a big fan of Ikea furniture, and look forward to your reply so that this situation can be rectified and that I can replace my bed with a sturdier style.

Regards,

<Superstar Punani's real name and address>
San Francisco, CA 94107
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

[Steven S. Dallas]

Originally posted by Punani


I can provide digital photographs of my partner and myelf engaged in the sex act in question if that helps. Please note that her birth certificate is plainly visible in the shot, and that she is of age as of the writing of this letter.

Regards,

<Superstar Punani's real name and address>
San Francisco, CA 94107
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

[homerjay]

Helicoil?

[Benny Profane]

Sooo...how many people were on that bed.....just between you and your internet buddies.....c'mon......

[m1e448]

stop fukking those 300 pound dames man. ease up and your bed will last longer

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

BWAH!!!!!!!

So you're 'partners' name is Ikea?

Please post Fucking Ikea's response!

[Superstar Punani]

--- Received from IKEA2.E165 . 04-07-26
21.55
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi <Punani>,
We have never had a problem with the durability of our Malm beds. I
spoke with a couple of our
quality people and it seems that the bed was not assembled properly.
What you can do at this
point is provide us with the pictures of the damages so we could take a
look at it. But if it is
determined that there is not a quality issue with the bed then there is
nothing we could do about
it. If there is a quality issue with the bed then it will be up to the
manager discretion on how
to accommodate you. But go ahead and email us the damages so we can
have the quality people look
at them and then we can go from there.
Customer Service Rep

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The AD]

Ikea will ship you a replacement as long as your partner was a Swede.

[phUnk]

Originally posted by The AD
Ikea will ship you a replacement as long as your partner was a Swede.

Cookie The Swede crashed my Ikea bed.

[Spicoli]

You may want to upgrade...

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Wow..that swing even comes with a handy dandy carrying case so you could like, take it to the park or something.

[Red Baron]

Well, Mr. Punani, it sounds to me like you've got a fucking problem...

[PNWbrit]

Originally posted by Punani
Please note that I weigh 160 pounds and my partner is 120 volts.

[Platinum Pete]

Versatile solutions for modern living.

[Arty50]

Originally posted by Punani
...collapsed during an intimate moment with my partner...

This resulted in a very embarrasing situation for myself and my partner...

<Superstar Punani's real name and address>
San Francisco, CA 94107
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

[Customer service rep's mind] He has a "partner" and lives in San Francisco? Uh-oh. I think this was a little rougher than he let on... [/Customer service rep's mind]

[Superstar Punani]

Originally posted by Arty50
[Customer service rep's mind] He has a "partner" and lives in San Francisco? Uh-oh. I think this was a little rougher than he let on... [/Customer service rep's mind]

I say "HEY BOY!!! You look MIGHTY CUTE in them jeans!!!"

[mrw]

I also am married to a Russian gymnast. I offer this sage advice:
Buy a wrought iron bed

[Jumper Bones]

Originally posted by Punani
I say "HEY BOY!!! You look MIGHTY CUTE in them jeans!!!"

"I keep having nightmares, where Mr. T is gay and after me...

'Hey boy! Why don't you come over here, and fuck me in the ass a while?'"

which one is that from, Raw or Delerious?

[tonghands]

Originally posted by Red Baron
Well, Mr. Punani, it sounds to me like you've got a fucking problem...

Since IKEA's Swedish, doesn't that make it a Borking problem?

[BurmaShave]

And during the commotion, the stereo was playing "Bedspring Boogie".

You should have asked Ikea for the Pro Model, as a replacement.

[optics]

through-bolt the bracket. worked for mine.
MDF tears out easily, but if bolted-through, plenty stable to handle the action.

The problem's the screws.

[PNWbrit]

what about heli coils?

http://tetongravity.com/forums/showt...threadid=13814

[optics]

More work, less stable.

[splat]

Originally posted by Punani
Don't buy this bed!



-----Re: Customer complaint regarding Ikea Malm bed----

Hello,


I can provide digital photographs of the damage if that helps. She's a bit bloody, but that's normal in my bedroom. Please focus your attention to the damage to the bed. I'd like a store credit to apply to a more durable Ikea bed.

Regards,

<Superstar Punani's real name and address>
San Francisco, CA 94107
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

[L7]

Originally posted by Punani
Don't buy this bed!



-----Re: Customer complaint regarding Ikea Malm bed----

Hello,

I am a loyal Ikea customer who recently purchased a queen sized Malm bed. I am writing in regards to a complaint I have regarding durability and sturdiness.

The bed was assembled per the instructions provided. I am very satisfied with the purchase price and style.

However last weekend the metal beam that links the head and foot boards collapsed during an intimate moment with my partner- the screws ripped out of the particleboard, causing the wooden lade and mattress to violently crash to the floor, followed by the bed completely falling apart where the side beams meet the headboard.

This resulted in a very embarrasing situation for myself and my partner, as the neighbors and flatmates complained about the excessive noise. I am very dissatisfied with this purchase, as I was not aware of this potential problem when I bought the bed. (Please note that I weigh 160 pounds of viagra, cocaine and extasy crazed sexual frenzy[/B] and my partner is 120 pounds).

I can provide digital photographs of the damage if that helps. I'd like a store credit to apply to a more durable Ikea bed.

Regardless of this occurence I am still a big fan of Ikea furniture, and look forward to your reply so that this situation can be rectified and that I can replace my bed with a sturdier style.

Regards,

<Superstar Punani's real name and address>
San Francisco, CA 94107
(xxx) xxx-xxxx