Is there a proper way to eat a cucumber?

[DINMS]

Late one night I was eating a cucumber. Peeling it and slicing it eating the slices. I got a towel, the potato peeler, a peering knife, the remote control, and of course, a large cucumber. I turned on the tele and started peeling it. I got about half way up the stalk and sliced a few slices. Eat them. Satisflyed with the unusual sweetness of the particular vegetable. I started slicing that half quickly being carful not to cut myself. (Bagels my ass, these things will hurt you.) About of quarter way up. I hear a cough, two thuds and a grown. I think nothing of it. Just my mother waking for a early-morning piss. I look up at the TV and continue slicing. Slice. Slice. Slice. Slice. Pull back finger. Slice. Slice. Slice. Slice. Pull ba- "What the hell are you doing." My mother says as plant the small blade into my hand.
"God damnit. I was slicing my cucumber. Do you have a problem with me eating heathy vegies mother?"
"No but... Go to bed you little freak." My mom says. What a perfect american family.
"Whatever mom."
I go on eating my cucumber at the late hour. I finish the green and deside it's past 4:00 I better go to bed some time. I tend to my wound then I take my cats out of the dryer to start a load so I'll have something to wear tomorrow. I think to myself, "Well damn, what the hell is wrong with peeling and slicing my cucumber before I eat it. I mean after all. I don't really like the skin. Better to peel it I say. Besides, it's much more fun. And what, I'm I supposed to bite into it like an apple?" Yeah. I don't get it. Why are we doing things that don't make sense? I mean I went shopping with my sister. I need some cloths and she knows...well...shopping. As I followed her around she bought a pair of high heel shoes that are, "Hip." She said the felt like death. They were 80 smacks. She bought them. She also bought a tiny little purse for $65. She couldn't fit small wallet into it! It was very , "hip."
Why, Isn't there just as good looking things that are maybe....FUNCTIONAL. If you look around you see stuff like this all around, does it really matter? Maybe as Americans we can try and just go like...Function, then, what people think of you.

Now let me ask you this, is there a proper way to eat a cucumber?

[truth]

Yes...the first step is to place your cats in the dryer, but remember, fabric softener ruins the fun.

[SkiDawg93546]

After placing the cats in the dryer, then deep-throat the cucumber for up to five minutes, thus giving it something nice before all the peeling and slicing.

[DINMS]

The cats sleep in the dryer dude... Nice soft cloths. Dumbasses.

[trainnvain]

I think what you're really trying to ask is "are cucumbers good looking AND functional?". Sadly, I have no clear answer for you DINMS.
But, even the best cucumber will not protect you against the dreaded bagel.THOSE CRAZY THINGS WILL KILL YOU, WATCH OUT!

I hope I cleared everything up.

[DINMS]

It wasn't just my sister.... It's all of us. But my sister is the most drastic example. Maybe not skiers but all other poeple.

(And dude. Have you ever sliced a cucmber without a cuting board?)

[trainnvain]

No, seriously, I hear what you're saying. Common sense should dictate that function preside over all else. This is simply not the case as urge is sometimes stronger than rational thought. Christ, they write books on the socialogical trends of compulsive buying ("Why We Buy").

Is it just me or has your spelling been better since you haven't been in school (don't get me wrong, you still have your moments).

[DINMS]

Originally posted by trainnvain
No, seriously, I hear what you're saying. Common sense should dictate that function preside over all else. This is simply not the case as urge is sometimes stronger than rational thought. Christ, they write books on the socialogical trends of compulsive buying ("Why We Buy").

Is it just me or has your spelling been better since you haven't been in school (don't get me wrong, you still have your moments).

It's the 'time to think before I type' effect...