Hand Shakes

[lemon boy]

handshakes are tough and are opportunities rife for miscues, misunderstandings and some seriously crossed wires.

common mistakes:
going for the standard righty to dude with no hand
getting the other person's fingers instead of his palm
getting your fingers got instead of your palm
going for the shake when a hug's comin
going for a hug when the shake's comin
going for position two or three when partner drops ball
vice versa

Mixed signals:
really TIGHT grip - what the fuck does this mean? you can grab me harder? Let's not play this game fucker I used to be a pretty good climber and worked as a mechanic, I may fly a desk right now but that doesn't mean I can't crush you
arms race grip- whoa pussboy, used to climb and be a mechanic? wimpie I will crush you
standard shake but then bring the warmly personal left in to grasp their hand from the other side too
--> done to a woman: I like your tits and want in your pants
--> done to another man: I am gay, or I am a politician or am both
shake and a hug: we're men in touch with our sensative sides who still need traditional forms of bonding
the softie: I am gay, please don't crush my hands....wanna play mechanic?
the softie female version: hi
the firm female version: I Vill CRUSH YOUR MANHOOD

[FreakofSnow]

getting the other person's fingers instead of his palm = slipped him the grip = that shake rules as long as your are not on the receiving end, makes em feel like an ass.

[optics]

Originally posted by lemon boy
going for the standard righty to dude with no hand

Laugh of the day for me. Thanks. Heehoooo.

[warthog]

Getting a dead fish- that is the worst. There is this one dude I work with- always throws a dead fish in there. Creepy feeling.

Speaking of creepy, and guys with no hands. There used to be this other dude I worked with. He had three fingers two in the middle, and a thumb. Never did get the story on that one. Something you don't ask, I guess.

Every time I shook his hand I would forget about it. As I would go in for the shake, my memory would flood back, and I was in panic mode.What if I miss the stump area and have to grab just two fingers? Thankfully, this never happened.

Imagine shaking hands with E.T.- that is about what it felt like. Uncomfortable at best.

[Hicks]

Originally posted by warthog

Imagine shaking hands with E.T.- that is about what it felt like. Uncomfortable at best.

Wasn't that the guy who couldn't stop pokin' his ass in time before shaking hands with anybody?

[bad_roo]

We had a guy at the bank I used to work at with an artificial hand. The boss of our division showed up one day and he was well into the vice-like hero shake so we lined Dave up who ensured that he pulled back at the opportune time so that the false hand came off in Jim's death grip. Guy's face just defined the word 'aghast'.

[lemon boy]

Roo- you live a life of neverending happy fun my man! Awesome.

Worked with a kid once who had lost his pinky and ring fingers on his right hand (gone all the way to the wrist = 1/2 a palm) in a farm equipment accident and his shake was pretty normal but you'd be about halfway through it and think, something's just not quite right.

[SteepnDeep]

The most uncompfortable handshake is with a woman. I have yet to receive a firm handshake from any woman in my professional life (15yrs..not one fukin time!). Most of them have been told and probabaly practiced a proper handshake, but, when it comes to the big moment, they bail. I could sense the embarrassment from them immediately. It sucks!, I get the feeling they would rather get a peck on the cheek instead. The only thing worse is getting the same, limp wristed shake from a dude...WTF!

[interloper]

http://www.rebrown.com/rebrown/handshk4.gif
handshakes

[bad_roo]

That link is great. When my brother and I shake hands we both go for a Topper followed by a pull-in and then a force to the pavement. My brother and I are idiots.

[gincognito]

Oh, dear lord, _roo has brother...

Sick and ashamed and happy (and if _roo claims he's the sane one, I'm heading for my bunker),
d.

[Woodsy]

I used to occasionally run across old friends in my professional life w/ Marriott.

one dude i knew from high school gave me the tickle palm with his index finger whle shaking hands with me all professional like in fornt of his boss I was making a presentation to, had to full on clench my teeth to keep it togehter.

bastardo

[Duker]

Originally posted by optics
Laugh of the day for me. Thanks. Heehoooo.

I guy with one hand came in to rent skis from us this year. I asked him how many poles he wanted. I gave him one he went out for the day. When he came back, my co-worker was gathering equipment and failed to notice that the dude only had one hand. when he saw the was only one pole he began to very impolitley question the one-handed man. then, the guy just held up his hand as starred at him. We got a very good laugh out of that one for a long time.

duke