All things gaper?

[djtnut]

Has anyone ever put together a definitive gaper thread? I work at a shop here in the east in the winter and we started compiling a list of all things gaper, such as: gaper behavior, gaper phrases, etc.

So, has this been done before? Should I post my list? As you can tell, I'm pretty bored today and now that ski season is pretty much done, I don't know what to do with myself.

[buckethead]

um...you might wanna do a search first, before...

nevermind

[djtnut]

i did a search, but didn't see an exhaustive thread dedicated to the subject

[yooper]

Post up your list.... I'm sure it will be entertaining.

[djtnut]

ok, here goes...

From dictionary.com:

gap·er [gey-per]
-noun

1. a person or thing that gapes.
2. Also called horse clam, a large clam, Tresus Capax, common on gravelly and coarse-sand beaches.

by common skier definition: "high helmet, low goggles"

Gaper Behavior and Gear:
Jeans, rear entry boots, starter jacket
scissored skis in the parking lot
front-zipper lift ticket slapping you in the face all day
boy scout badge lift tickets (wearing 10+ day-passes on your jacket)
baseball cap, backwards goggles, and sunglasses
apres booting/dancing in ski boots
lunch on a powder day
skiing like a bus driver
antenna tuck!
snow blades aka frooty booty
pants tucked into boots
testing boots by jumping in them
makeup
walking in the middle of the road
PBD - premature bar down
blocking the lift exit slope
stomp pad
snowboard leashes
ski tote
G.S. posing
texas suitcase
baseball cap under helmet
powder leashes
straight skis unless it's long board day
Mr. Pajamas (full matching gear and apparell)
Descente
fanny flaps
fanny packs


Gaper Terms:
"gaper, what's a gaper?"
"glading"
"binders"!
"parabolic" ("it's a MATH word")
"daffy"
"backscratcher"
"helicopter"
"trick skis"

[Skidog]

"binders"!

Ummm what do you call them????? I think if this is a gaper "word" a lot of people on this board are "gapers"

[2Planker]

Ummm what do you call them????? I think if this is a gaper "word" a lot of people on this board are "gapers"

Yes, but I think it is used around here in a sarcastic sense.

Good list, got a few good chuckles out of it.

[gpcharles]

"jumping in ski boots to test them" is by far my favorite

[Skidog]

Yes, but I think it is used around here in a sarcastic sense.

Good list, got a few good chuckles out of it.

Yep few chuckles

[yooper]

I don't get a few of these....


skiing like a bus driver -What is this?

snow blades aka frooty booty- I don't think I've ever heard "frooty booty"

walking in the middle of the road- What road?

PBD - premature bar down - Or bar down at all, for that matter.

stomp pad - aren't those the things in between the feet on a snowboard? Don't most snowboards have these?

snowboard leashes - Aren't these usually required?

G.S. posing - What is "G.S. posing?"

texas suitcase - Not familiar with this one.....

baseball cap under helmet - can't say i've seen that, but what about the park rats with a hat on, then goggles, then a helmet on over the whole works? I see it all the time. They must think its cool, but it looks dorkier than shit to me.

By the way, I say "Binders" fairly often.

[djtnut]

I don't get a few of these....
skiing like a bus driver -What is this?

big wide turns down steep runs with arms spread out wide like you're turning the wheel of a bus

walking in the middle of the road- What road?

usually the road in the parking lots of ski areas... strange that they always walk down the middle of the car lanes when you're trying to drive thru

PBD - premature bar down - Or bar down at all, for that matter.

if you're riding with strangers they have the right to put the bar down, but gapers always do it too early and tend to hit you in the helmet with the bar. i guess it's my own fault for wearing a big pack which pitches me forward.

stomp pad - aren't those the things in between the feet on a snowboard? Don't most snowboards have these?

yeah, lots of gapers have them, but a) they're not really necessary and b) they leave a flat spot on your board when it gets stone ground

snowboard leashes - Aren't these usually required?

yeah, they're required, but a) not necessary since snowboard bindings don't release and b) this requirement is never enforced

G.S. posing - What is "G.S. posing?"

gapers who use aero-bent race poles

texas suitcase - Not familiar with this one.....

do a search on these here forums and you'll find what you're looking for. lol

By the way, I say "Binders" fairly often.

me too, sarcastically.

[djtnut]

so what did i miss? anyone have more of these to contribute?

[adrenalated]

if you're riding with strangers they have the right to put the bar down, but gapers always do it too early and tend to hit you in the helmet with the bar. i guess it's my own fault for wearing a big pack which pitches me forward.

Add to your list "wearing a big pack while skiing in MA"

[gregm]

i thought snowboard leashes were required. wassup?

[grskier]

Snowboard leashes.. I've seen it enforced in CO...

not that often though...


Oh, and take binders off your list you fucking gaper jong...

Just because it isn't the popular term in Mass doesn't mean you need to add the hole to the end.

Mr. Pajamas (full matching gear and apparell)

Don't get out much do we?

have you been around a park in the last 4 years?

Have you watched some of the sickest skiers in the west since, oh, I don't know, '86?

[ill-advised strategy]

I had 3 failsafe linguistic indicators at my old shop:

1) "the slopes"....referring to the places people ski as "the slopes."

2) "blues"....referring a kind of skiing by color. "I like blues and some greens"

3) "cut, cutting"....describing a ski's performance or lack thereof in terms of the way it does or does not "cut"

[Skidog]

3) "cut, cutting"....describing a ski's performance or lack thereof in terms of the way it does or does not "cut"

My skis "cut" like ginsu knives....

[djtnut]

Add to your list "wearing a big pack while skiing in MA"

haha, i don't ski in MA and if i did i'd definitely have to push up my helmet and lower my goggs.

i'm unemployed and therefore spent the winter carrying my lunch, snacks and skins in my dakine pack...

[2Planker]

Lets not forget the gaper hats. Those big frily, colorful jester looking things. Most of the time these will be seen on kids, but if you let your grom out in one of those damn things, you my friend are a gaper!

[Eleventy]

"daffy"
"backscratcher"
"helicopter"

That's like saying Hot Dogs suck. This is where the true rad lies. Shame, shame..

You forgot:
45 day-passes from the last 5 years, on three zippers..
"Wow! Are those fat skis?"
Snowbikes.

[djtnut]

Oh, and take binders off your list you fucking gaper jong...
Just because it isn't the popular term in Mass doesn't mean you need to add the hole to the end.

damn, settle down bro-seph... i guess i could argue both ways on whether or not "binders" belongs on the list or not, but man I'm just trying to have a little fun while sitting here bored and unemployed. i use the term binders all the time in a mocking way...

Don't get out much do we?
have you been around a park in the last 4 years?
Have you watched some of the sickest skiers in the west since, oh, I don't know, '86?

yeah, maybe "Mr. PJs" needed a little explanation. it's more of a reference to overpriced outfits from brands like Bogner and the like... complete with matching skis, binders, boots and poles. i.e. people who picked their gear BECAUSE it matches. especially gear that people have had SINCE the 80s or 90s. as for park rats wearing full matching gear, i think they're mocking the same kinds of people I'm talking about here and that definitely doesn't constitute as gaper.

[djtnut]

That's like saying Hot Dogs suck. This is where the true rad lies. Shame, shame..

nice!

You forgot:
45 day-passes from the last 5 years, on three zippers..
"Wow! Are those fat skis?"
Snowbikes.

45 day-passes from the last 5 years = boy scout badge lift tickets

Wow, how could we have missed that one: snowbikes!

[skiing-in-jackson]

I don't get a few of these....


texas suitcase - Not familiar with this one.....

That's a new term to me as well.

I believe the correct phraseology is "Houston Handbag".

The intricate weaving of the pole straps/tips/tails so that one can carry skis like a suitcase or briefcase. I just howl when people take like ten minutes to set it up and it falls apart on the shop floor- before they even walk a step.

[uppernotmaster]

Modified Houston handbag perhaps? He sort has things too under control to qualify.

[Parvo]

Cheney skis in jeans, and I don't see you calling him a gaper. Cuz if you did, he'd invade Massachusetts and send your chronically-unemployable, pack-wearing, non-search-funtion-using, judgmental-list-making JONG Mass-ass to Gitmo.