Anybody hate dancing?

[Dr. Gaper]

I love music.

I hate dancing.

I mean, I despise dancing. I look like an alectrified foot stompin' turky buzzard on a crack binge with two left feet when I fast dance. I'm not allowed to fast dance much. . babys cry when I fast dance. I make Elaine Bennis look like Fred Astaire. I hate dancing.

It's like a learning disability for me or something. Maybe I'm too white. If someone wants me to go dancing, I break out into a cold sweat. I get SCARED. I cannot continue to flail my uncooperating body around the dance floor in the manner in which I TRY to dance. After a few minutes of THAT, someone usually calls the paramedics in fear that I am having a seisure.

I'm getting stressed. My wedding is coming up and my brides family prides themselves on boogie-in down. It's just not my bag, baby, but I don't want to dissappoint my wife-to-be.

Is there a way to fake it and still look somewhat normal? I mean, I have good rhythm. Well, at least I can move my FINGERS on a piano in time. I know 4/4 time as well as the rest of you!


AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! I'm doomed.

[CaddyDaddy77]

Take lessons.

One of my good friends was born with two left feet, the guy is a big dude, and clumsy to boot.

At his wedding he surprised the shit out of everyone bustin' a move. He took lessons for two months, telling his wife he was working overtime, it was realy cool, he learned to swing dance, and a couple of other things, anyways, wife cried, it was cool.


edit: I'm a ricky retardo on the dance floor, I think I've dropped more girls than Mike Tyson.

[summit]

UGH... yea... I feel *exactly* like that

[Plakespear]

I hate dancing too. I'm not that bad at it- I just don't like doing it. I'm pretty good at vaccuming my house too, but I sure as hell don't like to do it.

[Viva]

Ooh la la la, let's go dancin',
Ooh la la la, reggae dancin'.
Ooh la la la, let's go dancin',
Ooh la la la, let's go dancin'.

I went down to the park - everything was dark, oh yeah.
All of a sudden on came the lights and everything was feelin' right.
The people started dancin' - they call me over to join in.
They said:"J.T. - Don't you feel good man?
Come on and join the reggae jam." - I heard them singin':

Ooh la la la, let's go dancin', ...

I wanna get to know you. Come on, let's reggae down, oh yeah.
Get better acquainted, so that everything will be fine. Hey baby.
Hey baby, what's your name? Is it a Missis or a Miss, eh?
If you're by yourself, I'd like to take you for a ride.
We could check the scene and we can reggae down,
And we'll be singing:

Ooh la la la, let's go dancin', ...

Ooh la la la, ooh, let's go dancin'.
Get your dancin' shoes, get your dancin' shoes, reggae dancin'.
Ooh la la la, ooh, let's go dancin'.
Go get your dancin' shoes, get your dancin' shoes, reggae dancin'.

It's a special occasion, such a happy occasion.
It's a special occasion, such a happy occasion.

You wanna come dancin'? Let's go dancin'; reggae dancin'.
Do you wanna come dancin'? Let's go dancin'; reggae dancin'. ...
It's special occasion, such a happy occasion. ...

[Pinner]

Originally posted by CaddyDaddy77
He took lessons for two months, telling his wife he was working overtime, it was realy cool, he learned to swing dance, and a couple of other things, anyways, wife cried, it was cool.

That IS cool.

Truth is, if your wife's family is into dancing they aren't going to care how phat your moves are, they just want you to be there laughing and celebratign with them. The worst thing one can do is to resist-- don't ever decline a dance when asked. Even if you got no moves at all, obligingly get your ass on the floor and if you gotta be a dork, be a dork. Ain't no one gonna judge you at your own wedding.

[snowsprite]

Dr. Gaper, your post has tickled my funny bone in a way it has not been tickled lately. The mental image of babies crying as you flail across the dance floor is simply too much!

Listen, don't worry. People are not going to your wedding to watch you dance. They are going to drink, and eat, make merry, and dance like fools themselves. Relax.

The only thing you have to worry about is the dance w/ the bride and the dance w/ mom. As these will most likely be slow-dances (unless either of these ladies is into thrasher music), all you have to do is hug and slowly shuffle around while the music plays. All the chicks will be like "Ohhhh how sweet!" and crying and all. And the dudes will be eating/drinking or thinking about how and when they can make the next break for the bar or the snackies table.

Anyway, I bet you are a better dancer than you give yourself credit for. C'mon now...how bad can you be? I won't believe it until I see the video. You must have yourself videotaped dancing and post it here. This is a dare now--you have to do it.

Sprite

PS--Oh yeah, and go ahead and sign up for some dance lessons. At the very least it will score you points with your lovely bride-to-be. Good luck mang!

[mr_gyptian]

Unless live music is involved I loathe dancing on a visceral level.

I wore flip flops from March to November for four years to avoid going to Chicago clubs, specifically dance clubs. "Mr_G, lets go to Circus, Funky Buddha."

"Sorry, I'm afraid they wouldn't have me. You know proper attire and all. I'll be at Aliveone, Marge's etc."

[EPSkis]

I did it ONCE when I was 22. I won a contest. It wasn't so much a "dance" contest, as it was a bunch of horny women booing down the less-gifted in the looks category. I survived long enough to win it. (Imagine my surprise.) I won a t-shirt and the second-place women's contestant. Looking back, I should have traded her for another t-shirt.

Couldn't dance then, can't dance now. I've had plenty of women offer to help me with this affliction. They haven't been able to help. I'm older now. The odds of winning another contest are considerably longer now than they were back then. Even had a girlfriend who was a jazz dance TEACHER at a dance school. She couldn't help me. I have athletic ability. My athletic ability does not extend to unnatural body movements of the arms, legs or feet.

Anything over 4 beats a second is 3 beats a second out of my comfort range.

I was asked a couple years back why *I* wasn't on the dancefloor at my buddy's bachelor party. My response was something like this:

Me: See that guy over there dancing? With the blond? Yeah, well that's one of my best friends. He can't dance. Everyone here sees he can't dance. But he's now inebriated enough to have convinced himself that he can dance well enough to NOT look like a tool out on the dancefloor. He's wrong, isn't he?
Her: Yes.
Me: Exactly. Right now, he's a big sweaty guy that can't dance. Me? I'm standing here talking to you. If he weren't drunk, where do you think HE'D rather be? C'mon, let me get you another drink & we'll make fun of people. (It worked/s)

[bad_roo]

If there's one thing funnier than bad dancing it's photographs of bad dancing.

http://alum.wpi.edu/+class-75/gfx/dancing.jpg

http://www.leviticus11.com/backhop.jpg

http://www.arches.uga.edu/~sdmarth/disco.jpg

[Dr. Gaper]

Snowsprite -

I see some of you gentlemen can relate. Anyone have some uplifting stories of coordination recovery? Y'know, like a support group for severely white individuals? Anyone ever turn water into wine - or more appropriately - Phil Collins into P-Diddy?

[Dr. Gaper]

Bad_Roo - just when I was starting to feel a hint of hope, you crush it back down with some spastic displays of pure caucasianism.

[EPSkis]

Originally posted by Dr. Gaper
Snowsprite -

I see some of you gentlemen can relate. Anyone have some uplifting stories of coordination recovery? Y'know, like a support group for severely white individuals? Anyone ever turn water into wine - or more appropriately - Phil Collins into P-Diddy?

I do actually have 1 friend who can dance. I don't mean a white guy that can get AWAY with trying to dance. I mean this f'n guy will clear a dance floor and get the whole place hootin' n' hollerin' with 30 seconds. When the Sistahs give way to this guy & start clappin' for him, you know a brotha can dance.

He's a freak. A superfreak, if you will.

[bad_roo]

Is any dance move whiter than the one Courtney Cox does when Bruce Springsteen pulls her out of the crowd?

[yogachik]

I went looking for pictures to rival Roo's, and found this (well worth the read)

Making Duke Funny Again
November 4th, 2002

WHITE STUDENT'S POOR DANCING WELCOME RELIEF AT BORING PARTY

Alpha Epsilon Pi’s (AEPi) Friday night bash entitled “The Bar of David” was not as popular as planned, sources have reported. The few in attendance noted that the party failed in comparison to the usually rocking jams thrown by the fraternity. Among the things sorely lacking, students said, was the type of utterly reckless intoxication and revelry that normally characterizes AEPi gatherings.

Trinity sophomore Tamara Sandwell admitted that she considered herself among the disappointed. “Usually,” she remarked, “their [AEPi] festivities are so cool. The guys there are among the nicest on campus yet their sociable nature couldn’t make up for the sheer suckyness of last Friday. Maybe it was the rain or something but regardless the party couldn’t find fun if it tried.”

That was until 1:30 a.m. when Robert Samuelson entered the fraternity’s relatively subdued section. Samuelson, a Pratt Junior (613-4000, House B floor 2) and white, tipsily sauntered in towards the common room and immediately started dancing to Nelly’s Hot in Herre.

“Man that kid [Robert] really changed the atmosphere of that party for the better,” said AEPi brother and Trinity senior Joshua Goldman. “Before he got there the place was deader than dead, but afterwards, oh my freakin god.”

According to various reports, Samuelson’s dancing resembled what could be best described as arrhythmic jerking. Grossly flailing his arms, partygoers said, Robert then began to shake his body as if experiencing a small epileptic seizure. Next was a rendition of the moonwalk that ceased to amaze viewers due to its off-beat nature and tendency to look more like a man slipping on a wet floor. Also included in Samuelson’s repertoire were well outdated dance maneuvers such as the sprinkler, shopping cart and cabbage patch.
“It was utterly hilarious,” reported student spectator Jennifer Stone. “Never before have I laughed so much at another person. Boy that kid sure couldn’t dance. It was if he and rhythm were the north and south poles on a magnet. Or like oil and water. Whatever, he was comically awful!”

Samuelson’s finger snapping, unnecessary arm waving and occasional shouts of “Who is in the hizzouse motherfucker” also caught the attention of Tracy Alexander, a friend of an AEPi brother and a member of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.

“I’ve been to plenty of fly parties that absolutely rocked the house [East Campus Gym/Great Hall]. Man, the brothers and sisters there know how to move it. Unlike that white kid at the AEPi party I must add. Never have I seen someone dance so out of step to Ludacris’s Move. Sure, it absolutely cracked me up and made the party a whole lot better but it was also embarrassing to watch. Since when do you do the Macarena during a hip hop song?”

Samuelson could not be reached for comment but Malignant Humor has been able to verify his whiteness as well as his inability to move on the dance floor. According to friends close to the student, Robert is notorious for his inappropriate dance moves and failure to adhere to the principles of beat and tempo.

Most who attended the fraternity gathering reported being much happier after Samuelson’s arrival and, though slightly perturbed by his complete lack of coordination, said they thanked the Pratt student for interrupting the party’s monotony. AEPi and other fraternities hope to make Samuelson a regular at their events and one frat has told us that they even plan to feature at least “one ridiculously bad white dancer at all future events.”

[Pinner]

Originally posted by bad_roo
Is any dance move whiter than the one Courtney Cox does when Bruce Springsteen pulls her out of the crowd?

Oh yeah.
http://www.pusboil.com/wcguys.wav

http://rw2.rworld.com/dragon/martin02.jpg
What could be more swinging than two Czechoslovakian playboys out looking for some foxes?

[JR]

I always found that a half tab of LSD improved my dancing immeasurably. That and a fistfull of fatties.

Either that or I just didn't care that everyone was laughing with me..............or was it at me.

[Telenater]

I'm actually not that bad a dancer. I just don't. (shut up DJ....).

For me it ends up being a trade off. Stand on the side and drink and not attract women, or dance, get REALLY sweaty, and not attract women.

For those of you who just went "EWWWWW" all I can say is "exactly my point."

And FWIW, I'm a better dancer when sober, but don't dance ever until really drunk.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Originally posted by bad_roo


http://www.arches.uga.edu/~sdmarth/disco.jpg

Frizzo??

[FLEX]

You guys are totally lame...........it sounds like you're controlled by your ego's........worrying about your extreme white-ness,lack of rhythem, and shitty dancing skills. I used to think like that ,but I got over it . I'm white, not that great of a dancer, but at times , I love to dance...it feels good. I may look like a bit of a clown , but it's damn fun , and I'm certianly not going to let the idea that other people might think I look like an awkward white guy stop me from havin 'fun.....

You people who say you hate dancing should stop worrying about what you look like and what other people think............
and you just might have some fun ............because as long as you think your a dorky dancer w/ two left feet you will be.....so give it up, turn it loose.

does anyone have a valid reason for hating dancing other than being a bad dancer, lack of coordination,rhythem, and being white?

[EPSkis]

Originally posted by FLEX
does anyone have a valid reason for hating dancing other than being a bad dancer, lack of coordination,rhythem, and being white?

Speaking for myself......No.

File me under "totally lame". And bring me back a beer, Tony.

[Crinkle]

here is one to pep you up Dr G. I am not much of a dancer either, but throw a couple drinks in me and I'll ho-down and get-down with the best of them. Here is me near the end of my wedding night, little toasted, when one of my buddies caught me with his camera, i was tired of smiling and being nice for the camera.

[Pinner]

That's a great pic!

[DJSapp]

To avoid looking like a moron on the dance floor, go to your nearest arcade with $40 worth of quarters and play that japanesse dancing video game until you're either broke or able to dance. Then you'll just look like a moron in the arcade, but then again, anybody playing that game looks like a moron.

[iceman]

Originally posted by FLEX
You guys are totally lame...........it sounds like you're controlled by your ego's........worrying about your extreme white-ness,lack of rhythem, and shitty dancing skills. I used to think like that ,but I got over it . I'm white, not that great of a dancer, but at times , I love to dance...it feels good. I may look like a bit of a clown , but it's damn fun , and I'm certianly not going to let the idea that other people might think I look like an awkward white guy stop me from havin 'fun.....

You people who say you hate dancing should stop worrying about what you look like and what other people think............
and you just might have some fun ............because as long as you think your a dorky dancer w/ two left feet you will be.....so give it up, turn it loose.

does anyone have a valid reason for hating dancing other than being a bad dancer, lack of coordination,rhythem, and being white?

You GO, Robert Samuelson!!!! Can't keep a white brutha down, yo!