Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

**Nathan Explosion** · 01-03-2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by Mary Jane Hottie

Villian: "How long you been skiing?" Hero: "Bout 35 years." Hero:"How bout you?" Villian: "This is our 30th year! We come out to a different resort every year for a week. I'm good but since you have 5 more years on me your probably better. We go back to Houston on monday."

My Dad lives in Houston. If you can ski as well as he does at 62 you'll have room to talk.

Not a quote, but today on the tram, euro-douchebag has been behind me the whole time, I'm the first at the gate to get on, skiing with my Dad since he's visiting. He wants to go up Baldy, but has never been, wants me to describe the terrain and point out landmarks so he doesn't end up in Amphitheatre, or above a bunch of cliffs. Euro-douchebag shoves me out of the way the second we get on, and makes a bee-line for the window. My dad managed to make it to one, and I did too, but with euro-douchebag and his euro-bitch next to him. I turn and ask, "I'm with my dad, he's next to you, can we trade places?" Euro-douchebag says, "Americans are so rude, why don't you go fuck yourself?" I proceed to knock his ass down getting off at the top.

This was at 3pm, or maybe I could've understood.

**OSECS** · 01-03-2009, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by Nathan Explosion

My Dad lives in Houston. If you can ski as well as he does at 62 you'll have room to talk.

Not a quote, but today on the tram, euro-douchebag has been behind me the whole time, I'm the first at the gate to get on, skiing with my Dad since he's visiting. He wants to go up Baldy, but has never been, wants me to describe the terrain and point out landmarks so he doesn't end up in Amphitheatre, or above a bunch of cliffs. Euro-douchebag shoves me out of the way the second we get on, and makes a bee-line for the window. My dad managed to make it to one, and I did too, but with euro-douchebag and his euro-bitch next to him. I turn and ask, "I'm with my dad, he's next to you, can we trade places?" Euro-douchebag says, "Americans are so rude, why don't you go fuck yourself?" I proceed to knock his ass down getting off at the top.

This was at 3pm, or maybe I could've understood.

Nice passive aggressive move !!! "F" the Eurotrash (or anyone who pulls that shit during a vacation)

**TheArchitect** · 01-03-2009, 06:41 PM

classic at the shop i work in. "now can these trick skis be used like regular skis?" or "can i ski these (pointing to twins) on the rest of the mountain?"

**PROVO** · 01-03-2009, 06:41 PM

"No man, im listening to the new miley cyrus"

-canyons gaper 1/3/09

**Nathan Explosion** · 01-03-2009, 06:49 PM

"Dude, will you go poop with me?"
"Nah, dude, I don't have to poop."

Two guys at the Bird. They were at least 20.

**skiATL** · 01-03-2009, 07:23 PM

if you didnt know about it, newschoolers has a thread like this one that has a few pretty good ones in it.

http://newschoolers.com/web/forums/r...ead_id/354011/

knarshedmotatoes · 01-03-2009, 07:45 PM

riding with some douche at mt snow on pay your age day.

Douche: "so are skiers supposed to turn 90 degrees when they slide on those pipes?"

Me:"you mean like...rails?"

Douche "um..no like those long metal things"

I just turned my music up, didint even answer him.

**OSECS** · 01-03-2009, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by knarshedmotatoes

riding with some douche at mt snow on pay your age day.

Douche: "so are skiers supposed to turn 90 degrees when they slide on those pipes?"

Me:"you mean like...rails?"

Douche "um..no like those long metal things"

I just turned my music up, didint even answer him.

Wow, what a guy !! Definitely put him in his place, he was probably all f ed up the whole day with the way you just laid down the shit ! So you were born knowing all the right definitions and shit ?? shreddin' right out of the womb ??

That's a 2 way street. The guy probably told everyone about the jerk off on the lift who wouldn't answer a question.

**karpiel** · 01-03-2009, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by OSECS

Wow, what a guy !! Definitely put him in his place, he was probably all f ed up the whole day with the way you just laid down the shit ! So you were born knowing all the right definitions and shit ?? shreddin' right out of the womb ??

That's a 2 way street. The guy probably told everyone about the jerk off on the lift who wouldn't answer a question.

HAHa yeaH! eVery1 no's wut a rale is n wut a pipe is.

**outabounds** · 01-03-2009, 08:04 PM

long story, but

We're wasted at whiskey, my friend grabs me and says "let's go, I'm scoring for XXXXXXX and he needs us to help him party it up" (that's not the quote). It's dumping, we jump in someone else's truck, my friend driving too fast and we jam up toward the hut passing a plow along the way. He realizes that he left a key person behind, so we start jamming back down the hill. I tell him that he might want to simmer down on the speed.

quote: "Dude, this is a four-by."

Right about then we round a corner, and there's the same plow he passed on the way up and he locks them up and hits the plow dead on.

**butterscotch** · 01-03-2009, 08:05 PM

Walking to my car at the end of the day, I'm on theside of the road. This dude, trying to ski back to his car, snags on the sand/gravel and just totally eats shit in the middle of the road. He's on skinny skis and has a duffel bag and boots on his shoulders. He's an old guy but has an MSU ski team jacket (wtf?). The road, or at least the side of it, is sometimes ski-able if there's new snow, but today it was a very poor choice. Since I didn't have a camera, I helped him get his shit out of the road so traffic could get by.

**adam** · 01-03-2009, 08:39 PM

*avi bomb goes off in the distance*
parking lot attendant: I wish they'd stop slamming the dumpsters lid so hard!
touron: Really?

**f2f** · 01-03-2009, 08:47 PM

* avy bomb goes off in the distance *
skier calls his friend somewhere else on the mountain on his cellphone: "did you hear the avalanche? oh, just 20 seconds ago!"

**Jag** · 01-03-2009, 09:03 PM

Skiing at local hill last night and a fat ass acting like a big shot turned to me and said "The snow is the same here as in Colorado", I look down and I am standing on hard pack you couldn't even ice skate on.

**GoAskAlice** · 01-03-2009, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by .rockbottomfreerider.

...not really a gaper quote, but i did wish i coulda hit this women:
We were riding up the lift at Vail and the women on the end of the chair was complaining to her friend about a heli trip she had been on, she apparently hated it because the "helicopter was too noisy" and "the snow was too deep, so I couldnt make good turns"

Now THAT's a fucking got-damned shame.

That would kinda be like someone sayin, "man this deep snow sucks cuz every time I turn the snow hits me in the face and im blinded!"

Whatta unappreciative bitch. I'd give my left nut for a heli-trip because let's face it, you really only need one and you can get a prosthetic for balance.

**lakegirl** · 01-03-2009, 09:36 PM

Commonly heard at resorts in Banff and Jasper National Parks - "when do they bring out the elk and bears for pictures?"

**MultiVerse** · 01-03-2009, 09:39 PM

Originally Posted by booner

Not a quote, just a vent. Almost every time I come from the lodge/car and get back into the singles line(which is uphill from the point I click in) I get to the end of the line at the same time someone is getting there from the mtn. So since I don't want or need to skate uphill another 6 feet I stand just slightly off to the side and ALWAYS let the other person go first. Then, before that person moves down the line enough to let me get totally in line another comes down and cuts me off or tries to. When I squeeze my way into my place in line they always give me a look, or if they are a dumb bitch they say something to their friend out loud like I can't hear them. It is usually a dumb broad that apparently isn't required to pay attention to her surroundings in her daily routine as a kept woman.

Yup; this one's a bummer because it happens so often. A variation is the snowboarder who stops and blocks the entry point of an empty singles line and then unbuckles while three or four single openings pass by so that we both end up waiting for the next chance at a chair.

**adam** · 01-03-2009, 09:41 PM

Or the fucking fucks who don't know how to use the singles line and then yell at you for utilizing it for its obvious purpose.

**Droopy** · 01-04-2009, 02:48 AM

Originally Posted by Ole703

So I was waxing some of my skis today. A friend swung in and I waxed his board for him.

I like where this is going... please continue.

**carvedog** · 01-04-2009, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by oftpiste

With ya. This is endemic on junior race days where the entire day lodge appears 'reserved' like that and it always amazes me that they'll sit there......

Around here the variation of that is those who send in there nanny in to hold the table. So the trick is to find the cutest nanny and then politely ask if you can borrow a corner for a minute. Picked up a couple of lessons that way and could have hooked up a couple times if I wasn't married.
Trying to make lemonade from lemons.

Originally Posted by fish

"Pull your pants up."

I proceeded to tell the guy (wearing a red bogner and ray bans) to shut the fuck up

Wow. That is so funny. Did you need to pull up your pants? Many youngsters these days do. Maybe he was trying to help you out.

Originally Posted by Nathan Explosion

"Dude, will you go poop with me?"
"Nah, dude, I don't have to poop."

Two guys at the Bird. They were at least 20.

This is deeply disturbing. And these were guys?

Originally Posted by skiATL

if you didnt know about it, newschoolers has a thread like this one that has a few pretty good ones in it.

But then I would have to go to newwhatevers.com. And I am definitely not "cool" enough for any of that shit. and prolly not unnerstan the lingo.

Originally Posted by ePiech

Yup; this one's a bummer because it happens so often. A variation is the snowboarder who stops and blocks the entry point of an empty singles line and then unbuckles while three or four single openings pass by so that we both end up waiting for the next chance at a chair.

Fucking snowboarders. Clueless pricks anyway. And I am a snowboarder. Knock em down next time. Tell them I said it was ok to do this if they are blocking the line or can't get out of there bindings in .01 seconds. Being in plates a lot helps with this.

**ColoradoBCSkier** · 01-04-2009, 10:46 AM

On the lift at Vail talking to my friend: "Yeah, I really like how easy the DTS Tracker is to use in rescue situations."
Guy Next to me in heavy Texas Accent: "Yeah, I got me one of them Blackberry things too; didn't know you could use it to rescue people though." He then proceeded to follow me and my friend over to the top of the T-Bar and ask if he could ski east vail with us..... WTF!? Also, earlier that day, I may have inadvertently saved a few tourist's lives when I spotted them about to ski down the Backside of Battle Mountain, after hiking the sidecountry off Earl's Bowl.... the guy was trying to talk his wife into it, he was like "Hey! look at how untracked that side is over there, it's not too steep either honey, lets go check it out!" It took several times to reassure him that the reason that slope was un-skied is it involved a 5+ mile bushwack to Minturn.... Why do I help these people? Sometimes I think they need to learn a lesson in being safe and sane.

**pbourdon** · 01-04-2009, 12:00 PM

Similar to the video linked to earlier there are just too many good quotes in this one for me to pick just one out....

**stevenc** · 01-04-2009, 12:31 PM

A girl on the chairlift looked down at my steezes and asked "are those some kind of imported race skis?"

**Mary Jane Hottie** · 01-04-2009, 12:52 PM

So Nathan, does your dad ski one week a year? He must be good at 62 for that would yield him roughly one full year of skiing. My bad. YeeeHaaaw.

**bmanne87** · 01-04-2009, 01:04 PM

So I'm snowshoeing around bradley/taggart lakes the day after the headwall slide...
You can hear artillery in the village...
I pass a woman who is literally shaking, looks up at me and asks if we're safe?
She believed that they were firing into the national park and that any moment a shell would take her out.