Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

**Son-of-Pbville** · 03-01-2012, 08:57 PM

Oh man, I had the golden lift ride today at the bird. I am having a hard time remembering all of them.

First off.... "hey billy, hows it going?" "well, its different than ice." (note: 10" of wind buff awesomeness) very thoughtfully "hmm, that would make a good slogan. Utah- different than ice." All nod is solemn agreement.

Followed almost immediately by "man, did you see rog almost biff it on that cat lip? we were cruising along and this poor visibility (note: in and out clouds, almost bluebird at times) and the scratchy snow (see first note) and out of nowhere - cat lip. i mean look over there (points into the cirque) is there a cat lip? could be. man, but roger, classic cat lip."

And then came the icing .... bomb goes off, pretty close. "whoa, you hear that billy?" "yeah, wow." "you definitely don't hear that at Aspen."

seriously, spurted a few times trying to keep from laughing.

**Canada1** · 03-02-2012, 08:45 AM

Going around a traverse yesterday in a mad dash to get to the untracked and a guy ducks a boundry rope makes a few turns and then tries to come back inbounds and is thrown head over heels by the same boundry rope he just ducked. I didn't even really process how screwy it was until this morning.

**nateski** · 03-02-2012, 11:37 AM

may need some fact checking here....
"big sky is tiny"
"squaw has 110 lifts"
this is a paraphrase: " twelve months out of the year, you can ski right to lake tahoe's shores, where you will always find women cavorting in halter tops."

**Bud Green** · 03-02-2012, 01:16 PM

Man standing in middle of groomer at base of Solitude: I can't get my boots buckled.
Woman who has just skied up to him: You have been skiing though?
Man: No, I can't get my boots buckled.
I'm not sure how long he had been trying, but apparently awhile.

Collins chairlift:
Instructor: Alta could stay open pretty late into spring but they always close in the middle of April.
Gaper: Is it because of the bears?
Me (to myself): WTF????????
Instructor then went on to explain how there are no bears in the Wasatch, even though I've seen several. Time to put earbuds back in.

**toast2266** · 03-02-2012, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by Bud Green

Collins chairlift:
Instructor: Alta could stay open pretty late into spring but they always close in the middle of April.
Gaper: Is it because of the bears?
Me (to myself): WTF????????
Instructor then went on to explain how there are no bears in the Wasatch, even though I've seen several. Time to put earbuds back in.

In Gaper's defense, they close portions of my local hill in the spring because of bears - Grizzly habitat or something.

**TahoeJ** · 03-02-2012, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by nateski

"twelve months out of the year, you can ski right to lake tahoe's shores, where you will always find women cavorting in halter tops."

If someone said that tongue-in-cheek it would be just as hilarious. Kind of like in Dumb & Dumber when he's talking about Aspen.

Originally Posted by Bud Green

Gaper: Is it because of the bears?

Part of the reason they can't keep Heavenly open later is because of Bear activity. Last year some of them started coming out of hibernation in late March / early April and they had to shut down a few lifts and rope off some trails on the California side (I know this is true because I saw and reported one of the bears). I guess they were able to scare them up and over the mountain (?) but I can't imagine it's something they'd want to deal with very often.

**TahoeJ** · 03-02-2012, 01:47 PM

Girl at the table next to mine in the lodge yesterday afternoon, looking curiously at helmet and a lightbulb goes off. "Ohhhhh, THAT's why it wasn't fitting very well. I was wearing it backwards."

**jamal** · 03-02-2012, 04:23 PM

kind of like this classic

**Newsance** · 03-03-2012, 09:48 PM

Not sure if this is gaper or awesome- I'm just confused.

Guy about 40 years old, has a vaugely Midwest look about him, skis down to the ski rack, pops the skis off, and heads inside.

The skis are 195ish mid 1980's Volkls, beat to absolute hell.

They have minty Marker Dukes on them.

**dos bolsas** · 03-03-2012, 09:57 PM

I heard a gaper in a lift line at Alta say "are you really going to that agro on me?!"

**Jimty** · 03-06-2012, 07:54 PM

Lunchtime at the Roundhouse on Whistler last Sunday. A guy sat at the table across from us is wearing a nice new Arcteryx shell jacket...with one of those disposable plastic ponchos over the top.

**tBatt** · 03-06-2012, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by dos bolsas

I heard a gaper in a lift line at Alta say "are you really going to that agro on me?!"

Nice....

**old goat** · 03-08-2012, 04:21 PM

Riding up the Summit 6 at Alpine Meadows guy on the chair with us talking to his buddies about getting first tracks on Kangaroo. Last snow was 2 days ago, a few inches that all blew away and Kangaroo is a little lift off to the side used for racing and park sometimes. I couldn't figure out where he was talking about until it became clear that he was talking about getting first tracks ON THE CORDUROY. (The guys spent the entire rest of the interminable lift ride complaining about how bad things were at Squaw and Alpine last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and how they bailed early because of the crowds, couldn't find anything worth skiing because of the wind, and didn't even bother one day because of the traffic. The three best days of skiing I've had all season--I did quit early on Saturday, because my old legs were gone from skiing pow. Even passholders can be gapers. Keep your whining to yourself.)

**Sinecure** · 03-08-2012, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by nateski

" twelve months out of the year, you can ski right to lake tahoe's shores, where you will always find women cavorting in halter tops."

What's gaper about that? That's rock fucking solid truth right there.

**old goat** · 03-08-2012, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by nateski

may need some fact checking here....
"big sky is tiny"
"squaw has 110 lifts"
this is a paraphrase: " twelve months out of the year, you can ski right to lake tahoe's shores, where you will always find women cavorting in halter tops."

Not to mention the mythical beach where the showgirls from the casinos sun bathe nude.

**jonesy** · 03-09-2012, 08:09 AM

Riding up a lift yesterday and here comes a Snowboarder w/ bicycle handle bars and a go pro mounted on it. That was a first.

**TomCrac** · 03-09-2012, 09:45 AM

^^^ That must have been some collision.

**Meadow Skipper** · 03-09-2012, 09:55 AM

Guy walked up to me in a ski area and asked if I could tell him a place where he could go to teach himself to do ski cuts. Said he skis alone a lot and thought that would be a good thing to learn.

"Yeah...no."

**k2skier112** · 03-09-2012, 09:28 PM

This morning at Skibowl, "I hate this kind of snow". My first reaction was to blurt out, do you mean the white kind? I just shook my head and skated off to the lift.

**old goat** · 03-10-2012, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by Meadow Skipper

Guy walked up to me in a ski area and asked if I could tell him a place where he could go to teach himself to do ski cuts. Said he skis alone a lot and thought that would be a good thing to learn.

"Yeah...no."

East Vail I believe

**Lelandjt** · 03-11-2012, 12:53 AM

^Have you ever seen a ski lodge that doesn't sell pizza and fries? It's like asking if there will be popcorn available at a movie theater. Not hilarious, but that's how I took it.

**farmer** · 03-11-2012, 09:11 AM

Not a quote, but me and my buddy ended up looking like gapers yesterday;

Forecast was for snow, and ullr delivered. We get up to Hemlock and it was dumping. >1ft of fresh, heavy, wet coast cement.

Anyways, one of the chairs is closed for avy control. That's fine, we all head over to the other lift and wait for it to open. Everythings looking good, the lift starts turning, ski patrol gets on, start heading up, and then the lift stops. About 15-20 min later they tell us that a part on the lift broke and needs to be replaced, but the chair that was closed for avy control is going to open in a few min, so we might as well all go over there.

Everyone proceeds to hike to the other chair, and wait, and wait, and wait, for about another half hour before the guy who seems to be in charge of the lifts comes over and rips the liftie a new asshole for not having the chair open. Finally they open the chair up.

Buddy and I get one ~the 10th chair, maybe a bit sooner, and less than a second after sitting down the bar slams down, the foot rest hits our skis, sending them tip first into the snow and before we figure out what the fuck just happened, we both lose a ski. Lift has to stop, heckling ensues from the entire line. Fortunately ski patrol was on the chair behind us, so the liftie hands our skis to them and we just retrieve them at the top, at which point ski patrol tells us that the bars on those chairs are pieces of shit, and that happens about 100 times a day.

**skibiker** · 03-11-2012, 09:13 AM

Much ado about nothing I suppose, but I will keep it going. I remember specifically that at least half of the lodges I have been in did not sell pizza, some I know did, and others might have but I don't remember seeing any.

**cooks** · 03-12-2012, 12:38 AM

I saw a guy "telemarking" on an old pair of silvrettas in walk mode the other day. It was actually kind of entertaining watching him pick his way down a steep bump line.

**Newsance** · 03-12-2012, 01:42 PM

A retread on the 1,500 "fat skis" comments, but I still think its worth sharing.

Conditions yesterday- 55*-60* temps, anything in sun had thawed and slushed to 2-3" deep, and stuff not regularly groomed had some beautiful mashed potatoes to about 6". Lots of beginners on the mountain (heard a rumor about it being spring break in Texas), and most are having a pretty difficult time.

I'm skiing 1st gen Obsetheds.

I caught a lift with a guy around 40 years old.

Guy looks at my skis and says "Man, I can't believe you are skiing on skis like that. I can't think of a worse ski for the conditions."

Guy was on snowblades with the non-releaseable bindings.