How to fuck up in your first comp - A Redmountain Junior freesking TR (F-up-R)

[Phill]

Well I fucked this one up didn't I? Here's the story.... (no pictures sorry, yes they would be funny)(edit: I do have some pics of my skis covered in blood i'll try to get them up)

So at 4:15 am on friday morning I depart from Seattle for Rossland BC to attend the 2008 Canadian Open Junior Freeskiing Championships at Red Mountain. The drive starts off by heading up to Steven's which has just received 20 inches of fresh overnight, under normal circumstances this would most likely signify the start to an epic day. Today, however, time constraints forced me to continue and after some brief vehicular trouble I was on my way. Once pass the cascades most of eastern Washington was caked in fog. After a horrible breakfast in Spokane, more hours of uneventful driving, and some border hassles, I made it to the mountain around 2pm. Time enough for 2 runs on the qualifying venue.

Well maybe I had been watching too many IFSA videos or something but the venue at red was at the same time both a r elief and a let down. It was my first trip to the area and first ever competition, I guess I was expecting the 50* salt and pepper gnar fields of lore, not the extended bump run littered with a few mini hucks (Don't get me wrong this glorified bump run kicked my ass by the time the weekend was finished). I told myself that this was a good thing as my bump skiing technique is fairly aesthetic and solid. So after one lousy warm up run during which time I could help but think "what have I gotten myself into" I got back into it and got on my game. I nailed a pretty solid run down the area beneath the venue (which, at the time, I thought was part of the course) taking air and nailing a couple zipper lines. I was feeling good about the comp the next day, albeit still pretty nervous.

Well saturday, day 1 of the comp, rolls around. I get up there at the ass crack of dawn for an early morning inspection, my boots are killing me and I haven't eaten or had my coffee, but I check out my airs and decide on my line. I'm anxious as hell but very excited. Since I am about 80 or so deep in the start order I go down to fix myself up. After some food, espresso, and a repositioning of my buckles, I feel ready to take on the world. With some bumping music on my I-pod, I headed over to the other side of the area to spin some laps. My skiing is A+ and I feel, for the first time, like I have a shot at doing O.K. in this competition. After three laps on the double chair, I head back over to check the progress at the competition. As I'm riding up the main lift over to where the competition is being held, the chair stops for a good twenty or so minutes until the back up power kicks in. Once I get to the top I realize I had another hour or so until my run but due to the chair going down the competitors were asked to stay at the top. Then shit (for me at least) hit the fan...

I don't know exactly what to call it. The best I can come up with is stage fright. At the time I didn't think anything of it, dismissing it as typical excitement. But for that hour while I waited I was completely restless. I had gone through my run so many times in my head I was sick of seeing it, I was pacing back and forth around the start lines. I would not keep my mouth shut , talking to anybody who would hold a conversation. By the time that I had dropped to the snow and started doing pushups I was garnering some weird looks. I paced around more, contemplated turning up my DIN, asked to borrow a screw driver to do so, thought better of it, climbed a rock and hucked off it in my ski boots, did jumping jacks, jittered, etc. I guess this should have slightly alarmed me but I didn't think of it at the time. When my number was almost up I clicked into my skis and got in line. I never stopped shaking. I figured these shakes would stop and everything would go calm when I dropped in, they/it didn't. When it was my turn to go, I dropped in still shaking, and headed over to my first air, a small one by most standards, but fairly big for this course. I stuck the landing but noticed I was a little in the back seat, I ran it out and tried to get back forward. That is when I noticed I was freaking out. It is hard to describe, my legs were shaking but so was my mind, if I had been talking I would have been stuttering like mad, it was like I was frozen but wouldn't allow myself to freeze. I found myself in the back seat and could not for the life of me pull myself out. This was due partially to the fact that I could not allow myself slow down for anything, I was so anxious to complete my run *fluidly* (thats a laugh) that I would not allow myself a second to gather myself. This impatience combined with my inability to either ski or formulate a coherent rational plan led me to cut 4 airs out of my line, a choice which at the time I thought could save my other scores at the expense of my linescore. Well so much for that At the bottom of my line, I headed right for a tiny air I knew was there but hadn't even planned on hitting. I hit it, and in an example of some of the worst skiing I've demoed in a long time, I landed the 2.5 foot hit completely in the back seat attempting to wrench my skis around using only the back 50 cm of the ski in my best attempt at a LeroyTurntm. I'm not sure what happened but as a result of sucking it up so much I some how fell over on my downhill side. And while in retrospect this would have been a great time to gather myself and consider how to not fuck up the last 200ft of my run, I instead rolled onto my feet as fast as I could and headed to my last air. Small hit but some how I lost balance in the air and upon landing immediately ate shit. I lost a ski and rolled smashing my face into the snow and bloodying my nose. While hitting my face was a very minor injury, it certainly managed to produce a lot of blood and so after quickly retrieving my ski I crossed the finish line with blood pouring from my face. I was half crying to myself over how bad I fucked up and half laughing at the image of me leaking blood all over the snow. After some spectators and competitors asked me if I was ok (and I'm sure were thinking to themselves "look at the poor idiot who doesn't no how to ski"
), I headed back down. And here's the worst part in my mind, after stopping the bleeding but still sort of crying to myself, I skied a super solid line down the bumped out liftline to the base, nerves completely gone.

Overall I'm glad I went but super disappointed in how it went. I'm not that disappointed with how I did (not even sure how I did, I'm sure it was near the very bottom) as I had kept very low expectations going into my first event. I was just very disappointed with how I screwed up, I had hoped that by going to this event I could identify problems in my skiing that I could then work to fix for future comps. Instead, I left feeling neither that the terrain was too difficult for me nor that my skiing was not up to par, I had a problem that was not really skiing related so much as psychologically related. I now feel like I have no idea what to do differently next time to keep me from freezing up again.

Well thats my story....

Edit: I know the long paragraphs are hard to read, I hoped the formating would help. If its tough to read, don't. I don't care. I'm just glad I was able to get this out

[MTT]

Thats allot of typing. I'll read the rest later.

Props for showing up and giving it a try.

[Professor Chaos]

Shit happens.

Good thing is you got your first one over with.

Possibly jitters, possibly not, who cares.

Just jump back on the high horse. No fret.

[P_McPoser]

I read it all. Not sure what to say, interesting how it all changed for you. I used to just try and force the crowd from my existence when I used to compete in MX and BMX, until I got good enough that I was winning races and shit, then the crowd kind of started to pump me up. If you're mentally strong, try to pretend it's not a contest, if that makes any sense.

[ryank]

Hey man, don't worry about it. You came and did it. Most people would just chicken out. Next time, don't worry about the pressure, because in the end, it doesn't matter if you win or lose, right?

I saw your score in the roll, and I was like, "Damn, he must have not been on his A game.. Maybe next year".

That's right. Next year. You're coming back and sending it huge in the senior open!

[abraham]

I think its good you did it. You had a chance to figure out how the comps work and how you work at the comps. Next time you will have a chance to do something about your nerves. While I have no experience with skiing comps, I have wrestled for two years now.

I remember last year, I was waiting for my first round with no idea of what I was getting into. I knew the moves, just not how matches went. I was nervous, and unable to focus as well. I managed to get semi choked and pinned in the first round. Then i did the same the next round of the tournament. I was two and out. All because of how I was at the beginning. I have gotten used to that nervousness and figured out various ways to cope.

Its just a learning experience, while going into with confidence is obviously good, you now know what to expect and have a have a chance to figure out what to do for the next time.

[powdork]

if i was in rossland, i'd offer to buy beer for you.

[bigtrubs]

Don't feel bad, there's a first time for everything, and generally first times never go very well. I had to be the very first skier at the 2003 Lake Louise Big Mtn Challenge in pea soup conditions and obviously didn't do very well, but then you take an experience like that and figure out how things like linescoring works and you'll do way better in your next comp, I know I did!

Keep trying because that's the only way you'll improve.

[Dug]

"Phill: Dayz of Our Livez"

[bio-smear]

I used to get such bad anxiety-induced stomach instability before motocross races that I just spent most of the time before my 1st moto of the day on the shitter. I would worry more about shitting my pants and totally forget about the possible carnage waiting for me in the first turn of a 30 bike field. It's tough to tell someone to relax though, it's easier just to learn not to care. It's not like you have a skiing career ahead of you.

[P_McPoser]

bio-smear was one of those squids who ate presents from my rear tire in the first turn. Isn't first turn carnage something that happens behind you? Was always like that for me....

[splat]

Way to sack up, Phill.
You'll get it.

[arild]

Read the whole thing, Phill.
While I can´t really relate to being in a freeride contest, I attended my first ever rail jam contest this fall. I´m fairly OK at riding rails on my snowboard, and this rail setup was freaking awesome, but I froze at the start of the contest, once actually falling over on the inrun, landing my ass on the step up kicker for the rail. Embarrassing like all hell, as there were 100-150 spectators, and 30-40 contest attendants (both on skis and snowboards). It was only on my last run(8th or 9th) I managed to pull my shit together and pull off something clean.

So kudos to you for trying, rocks you got some blood in your face and all, and give her another go in the near future.
Myself, I´ll be attending a freeride contest or two next year, but I feel like training a bit first, mostly mentally.

Rock on!

[ratcliffe81]

You forgot the most important thing! You are there to have fun. You worked yourself up into a nervous wreck.

Are you related to a guy named Max?

[jerr]

Don't feel bad. Treat it as a learning experience.

There's a cliche/saying in sport - You've got to lose one before you can win one. What you experienced is exactly the reason people say this.

Getting that first one out of the way is money in the bank. Smile about it, learn from it and get back into it.

[stayalert]

sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windshield

[BigDaddy]

Do bugs ski?.... and what do you know about windshields?


Ratcliff's right... it's all about the fun.

[dk_alaskan]

Way to get after it and realize where the issue lies. It is good to see that you aren't playing the blame game and have reailized that you are a "head case" Now you know what to fix for your next comp. OH, did your coffee happen to come from Tim Horton's? I have been told by several Canuckistanians they put something in their coffee to make it SO addictive..If it is not that, MAYBE stick to TWO shots next time, not the 15 or so..

Just some random thoughts after only sleeping (IF you can call it that) about 2 hours.

[nest]

"Leroy Turn". I like it.

[fool]

Regardless of the shit that happened in the event, I give you credit just for getting out there and trying to compete. More than most, probably including myself, will try to do.

[extreeski]

Hey, at least you have the cajones to try.

It's not easy.

[ulty_guy]

i guess next time you should just have someone punch you in the face first to calm the nerves.

[s.p.c]

way to sack up an go. it can only get better.

my first, i was solo, waiting for my brother and crew to show up. i was nervous as hell and had sliced my thumb up bad the night before tuning skis. i thought i should take a safety break. and that only made my retardedness worse. dropping band aids everywhere etc. "hey kid, you dropped your band-aid. you're going to need it." a true karate kid moment.

did decent, but learned more.

in the end. the experience you gained is going to count more than winning it would have. try to breathe, learn some meditation techniques, or make up your own instead of jumping around before your run. get your mind off of your run once you are done with your visualization. learn how to channel your nervousness/ anxiety properly to become a constructive force rather than a destructive.

Jedi Mind Tricks.

[Rontele]

nice work, Phill. At least you're starting young, sacking up, and learning the ropes of competing.

at least take solace that this isn't the first time you've had performance anxiety

[irul&ublo]

FKNA phill...no guts, no glory.