My right hand is cheating on me

[anonymous]

This is tough, but... here we go. Sorry for the alias but it's a pretty sensitive situation.

My hand and I have been together for a while and ever since I was twelve or so it's been my go-to when I need to pleasure myself. Three, four times a day, every day, it was there for me and I never thought there'd be anyone else- for either of us. Sure, sometimes I'd go lefty, just to change it up, but it was always understood that the right hand was the only hand for me. And sometimes I'd sit on my right hand until it went to sleep, then go for "the stranger"- but it was just role playing, the kind of stuff all couples do to keep things exciting.

I first noticed something strange a few days ago, and it's really got me worried. I whacked it right before bed as usual, it was wonderful as always, and went to sleep. When I woke up, I brought my right hand to my face to kiss it good morning and cover a yawn... and something was wrong. A smell. Some musty odor. I felt a tickle in my anus and I immediately knew that my hand had cheated on my dick with my asshole.

Needless to say, I feel stunned and disgusted. I can't believe this is happening and don't know what to do about it. What do I say? Do I wait until the next time I think it is happening and confront them in the act? I have already started videotaping myself when I sleep in hopes of confirming my theory, but it's eating me up inside. Meanwhile, my ass is still really manky and needs some attention.

WWMD?

[Skidog]

Cut off your hand...

Wash your ass.

That is all

M

[freezorburn]

Highway Star is that you?

[snowsprite]

Bonus points for use of the word "manky!"

I love it when I learn from this place...

Sprite
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Manky (adjective)

Pronunciation: ['mæng-kee or -ki] Listen

Definition: (Chiefly British and particularly Scottish) Dirty, used, but also maimed, mutilated, or otherwise defective.

Usage: The term was borrowed by Scots English in the 16th century as "mank." Since expanding more broadly through Britain it has accumulated the common adjective suffix "-y." Though neither the Oxford nor Cambridge dictionaries list "mankiness" as the noun, given the productivity of this suffix, there is no reason not to apply it should the occasion arise.

Suggested Usage: You might not want to use this word on a job interview but it does allow you to give "dirty" and "used" a rest down at the pub. "Now, now, don't cry. Use my tissue. I'm afraid it is a bit manky. Sorry." It can also replace "out of whack" and "broken" without forcing you to the more cerebral "defective": "If you don't like this wine, your palate is manky." "Manky" provides you the luxury of a choice of unoffensive alternatives in referring to lame or disabled limbs: "a game leg" or "a manky arm" (or vice versa).

[Adolf Allerbush]

Again, cut off your dick.

[edg]

Definition: (Chiefly British and particularly Scottish)

Roo, busted?

edg