What do you do for a guy who's life is falling apart?

I know some of you here have been through some less than enjoyable events in your life. What got you through them? The reason I ask is because my roommate's life sounds like a country song: His girlfriend of 3.5 years just left him and took everything... even his bed. She took the new LCD TV and Xbox, dining room table, compuer desk, pictures on the wall, etc. She moved out while he was at work and I was at school and didn't bother to tell us. What fun coming home to an empty house. He's currently sleeping on the couch.

He just found out his mother has cancer and will die soon.

He is in danger of losing his job, plus rent just went up.

Creditors are calling, but can't reach him because she took the phone too.

Save for that fact that I no longer have a nice TV to watch or a place to eat my breakfast, shit is going peachy keen for me: I'm graduating this month and employers are fighting over me, I have a new bed, and no wife to take my stuff.

He's a good friend and I feel bad for him. I kinda want to do something to get his mind off this clusterfuck of bad things that have happened in the past couple days. Should I get him good and loaded and take him to a tittie bar? Buy him a box of chocolates and a nice card (:rolleyes:)

What would you guys suggest?

although you surely realize that the good 'n loaded/titty bar act won't help the greater situation, that's pretty much exactly what I'd recommend for the time being

edit: can't he file charges of theft and such on his ex? I'm sure he won't miss their pictures that much, but tv, xbox, table, bed all sound like a pretty serious offense

I figured someone would say hookers n blow...but yea that and the titty bar won't help his situation IMO. ;)

Just being there and listening is good. The fact that you care enough to post here speaks volumes. One thing that makes life's blows easier to bear is knowing somebody is there to prop you up and help you suffer through. Going it alone is bad.

So my answer is...get him talking and hold the poor bastid up as best you can until this storm passes him by.
:)
Sprite

short, stupid answer:
JB weld it.


Long, Dr. Phil answer:
If he's somebody who needs a hand talking through his plans to get it all straightened out then be that person who will talk it all out with him. It's easy to forget important things when "life planning" is happening in the middle of and relating to emotional trauma. Help him make sure his long and short term plans and goals are still reasonable by verbally working through them. Part of this is the idea that if you're skiing trees there's always enough space to get through, it always works itself out no matter how many uncertain moments there are: what makes that happen is that your mind never stops looking for the way through it...other downhillers may ragdoll into the fence but you never will because you're too good at this shit. He just has to continue to be situationally aware and planning to meet the challenges he's facing just like you don't take you're eye off the ball skiing trees he has to stay sharp with all this shit going on. You can help him do this.

wild card alternative:
Just pay attention to what he needs and do it. Just cover his slack for a bit so he doesn't get behind on things during this series of setbacks.

go skiing or biking with him and the grab a beer and a burger. he won't have the hungover self loathing that goes with a wasted trip to the titty bar and it will be a good forum for you guys to talk about his shit.

What Gonzo said: keep him active, invite him to do interesting things, take him out for beer and food, etc. The last thing he needs is heavy doses of drugs and al-k-hol (this coming from a reefer-smoking drunkard).

i agree, drugs and alcohol are bad news, make sure he is out and doing things that he enjoys, not sitting in an empty apartment feeling sorry for himself.

A good old fashioned pissup is always good, especially if there's titties involved :)

Otherwise, how bout you buy a new table + phone + inexpensive TV with the titty bar money. Otherwise, just being around for him is the best bet. Definitely need to get us some naked pictures of the bitch.

I'll agree with what the majority says: take him to do something active that will get his mind off things. The problem with taking him to get wasted is that he may find alcohol to be a new thing to depend on that will never leave him like his gf did. A friend of mine just broke up with her cheating boyfriend and has since turned into a wild partying bar star, and as much as I try to be the mom-type saying she should take'er easy, it hasn't been helping.

Otherwise- buy a new TV at a pawn shop, I got a big flat screen one for just $100 at the beginning of this school year. I mean you probably won't find a really nice LCD one, but you'll have a new TV, and your bud won't have to worry about the extra expense (for now). Also, at school keep your eyes peeled for flyers where people are selling all their stuff in preparation for the summer or graduation, you'll be able to help him find a bed and the other necessities for cheap. That's all I really have to suggest right now- I think things will work out as long as your buddy knows he has some support from his friends.

Fucking file charges against the Bitch. Unless she paid for that shit (and can prove it!) she can't just take communal property. If they've been living together for a year they are considered a common-law couple (I think) and he has the same rights to joint property as she does.

Will this help? Probably not, but it will give him a focus for his anger and frustration. I think you should discuss strategy with him over Martinis in a titty bar.

Get him out of the house. Road trip.

Backcountry skiing into some hazardous terrain so that he has to focus on staying alive.

He shoud snap out of it.

THEN go to the titty bar.

Quit being so selfish. Offer him the left side of your new bed....it's the least you can do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tippster

Fucking file charges against the Bitch. Unless she paid for that shit (and can prove it!) she can't just take communal property. If they've been living together for a year they are considered a common-law couple (I think) and he has the same rights to joint property as she does.

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Correctamundo. Help him get his shit back. Video tape one last romp with the ex, post here.

I have a tendency to turn toward alcohol when I'm upset. ...problem is alcohol is a depressant, and usually makes you feel worse the next day and keeps you from getting out of your funk. I'd recommend dinner, a couple good drinks, and then a hilarious movie. It's gotta be something you can't help but laugh at (I watched something only mildly funny when pissed off once and I think it made me even more mad).

Also, you should dig up any stories and pictures of guys getting revenge on their ex-girlfriends... for entertainment, not as a suggestion.

We'll probably go up to the hill this weekend, and maybe some flag football or 4x4ing after work today and a barbecue for him tomorrow. I'm going to try to keep him from drinking. He's an alcoholic anyways.

Most of the stuff was hers, and some of it was in her name but paid for by him. They could be considered a common law couple. While I want to try and stay out of their drama as much as possible I will mention that to him.

Thanks for all the input and support. I think this breakup can be turned around and made into a positive thing. I'll also encourage him to spend some time with his parents.

Blatant: The left side is MY side.

You need to remind him that any bitch who would do that was not worth having around. Getting rid of a woman like that for a TV and an Xbox was cheap. Plenty more fish in the pond, best thing that ever happened to him.

His creditors are not going anywhere. Do not let this get him down. Over the course of his life he will make alot more money. Maybe he does not have it now, but he will eventually, and they will go away.

His main priotity is his mother, forget AMEX, VISA and his woman. He needs to be available to his mother so that he has no more regrets in the future. THose regrets will triumph any of his other problems.

Take him skiing, biking. Set him up on a couple of dates with better looking and more humane women.

Life is a cycle, overtime things will get better and the good will come back around.

What kind of woman plays xbox anyways?

Plus, yeah alcohol is generally a bad thing for alcoholics

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cono Este

His main priotity is his mother, forget AMEX, VISA and his woman. He needs to be available to his mother so that he has no more regrets in the future.

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Reinforce this with him, with a sledgehammer.

tell him to hang w/ his mom. you can get other jobs, girls+stuff.

and if youre absolutely sure she's not giving him his stuff back, i say take your trusty baseball bat over to her house, render the electronics useless. who cares if she hates you, she's not your friend.

support him and tell him to spend time with his mother. help him with legal stuff involving the bed, tv, etc maybe?

Yea, he needs to spend time with his Moms. If her situation is as terminal as it sounds, perhaps spending time with her will give him a chance to get some perspective on things... I know it would for me at least. He has a limited amount of time for the Mom thing and a somewhat longer period of time to deal with creditors and that stupid ho.

Very cool that you're trying to help out.

tell him to hang out with his mom and on weekends go party with the Duke lax team. They obviously know how to throw down.

Post nekkid pictures of the bitch here and email him a link to the thread?

If that doesn't work, help him out financially if you can and make sure he doesn't miss the big stuff because of the small. It all comes around and he will surely appreciate it.

Cono Este hit the nail on the head. It's the old "Bronx Tale" lesson. He learned the truth about an latently worthless person for the small price of a TV, an Xbox and some furniture. Get him motivated to respect himself enough to not dwell on the material things or the "loss" of this heartless woman.

That said, he will have to take some solace that you are there to help him out. It always makes you feel better to know someone is in the trenches with you.

showing him this thread would be a good start. It demonstrates several things: a) you are a good friend who really cares for him (amazingly this will have eluded him in his present condition) b) he will be amazed tofind that total strangers care what happens to him and are pulling for him. c) THE BITCH NEEDS TO BE KNOCKED DOWN A PEG OR TEN! File Charges. Definately.

+++ vibes for yer buddy - he is lucky to have a friend that cares.

On the otherhand he could just write a country western song and get filthy rich off it. :D

I hate to be the one playing devil's advocate, but we're bashing this woman without knowing her side of the story. No, I DON'T think it's cool that she took all their shit with now warning, but then, what if she paid for it all? What if she'd been trying to work out the relationship but it wasn't happening? What if breaking-up had been discussed, but he wasn't going for it?

The point is, we don't know the whole story, and calling her a bitch and advising to go bash her stuff isn't really helpful. What we DO know only comes one sided.

Yes, the dude needs his friend's support, and any breakup is emotionally draining, I feel horribly that he's going through all these problems, and wicked_sick is awesome for being there for him. That's what we should focus on, not calling the woman names. Who here hasn't had a breakup? Who here hasn't had a hard time ending a relationship at one point or another?

(And, just so you know, only 14 or so states in this country recognize common-law marriages, and in those states it takes longer than 1-3 years, AND the couple has to make a point of representing they are married. Therefore, that doesn't apply here.)

By canadian law they are considered a common law couple, but it's hardly worth the effort just to get back a few measly posessions. We're having a freedom barbecue for him right now, and tomorrow we're going shopping for new curtains (she took 'em) so he landlord cant look into our house from her living room and a sweet poster that I'll make a frame for. It'll be the new TV.

Good point, yentna. Yes, he probably did deserve to be dumped, but in my personal opinion, taking everything with no notice, discussion thought of coming to some sort of agreement was kind of a dick maneuver.

She's a nice girl that is easily influenced by her friends. I have a feeling that they played a big part in the whole situation. Either way I think everything will work out, and He really appreciated all your guys' show of support. He says there are hope for internet people after all :D

There is no hope for internet people. :tongue: I'm glad it's looking up for him.

Right now he may feel like he's not in control of his situation, but for me whenever shit hits the fan I like to work my ass off. "OK, this sucks, what do I have to do get things right again?" Make a list of all the creditors owed, how much and at what interest rate. Prioritize who gets paid first. Pick up a first job, second job, third job whatever. Get out from under that burden. After a day of hard work, knowing that you've pulled your weight for the day and bettered your situation then go get destroyed with yuor friends (pregame to save money). Then get up the next morning and work your balls off again. Nothing will make you feel more self worth than good hard work. As for the girl...he's free. After those days of hard work he can chase all the tail he wants with the guys.