A goodbye to my Daughters MOM - RIP Michelle
I don't know where else to talk about this - so allow an old maggot to post his thoughts here.
I met Michelle when I was 17. It was a blind date at the Sandy Starship theater. I had bought tickets for Bill and Teds excellent adventure. It was the summer of 1989. She was wearing a white mini-skirt and had her trademark long brown hair all curled. It was a great movie but a bad date as she ended up falling for my best friend, Randy, who was on the double date with me. They would spend the next two years, Junior and Senior year of high school dating. As best friend I would be around for just about every dance, ride to school, lunch break, party, you name it. We were as close as we could be. I called her my little sister.
I left for a Mormon mission in the fall of 1990, she was the only friend that kept writing letters the whole two years I was gone in Indiana. I got home and we started dating. We married in May of 1993. We were so poor we first lived in the basement of a senile older woman, our rent was paid for by taking care of her. We then moved into the back of Michelle’s grandfathers garage – a 500 square foot space that used to be a mink shed. He raised and slaughtered minks there for there fur. We cleaned and converted it into a space for us to live. In 1996 we welcomed our oldest daughter into our home/shed. I was a full time student, working nights at a call center for Discover card. Michelle was a CNA, trying to get her nursing degree.
We were as poor as you could be. Her mom watched our daughter while we worked. If we budgeted right I would have enough money to rent a blockbuster movie once a month. We ate instant ramen and grew and canned whatever we could in grandpas garden. We were happy.
In 1999 we welcomed our second daughter. We bought our first home, was now working as an accountant and was now a graduate student. Michelle had earned her Nursing degree. We were as happy as we could be.
Years went by, we moved to a bigger place – I found TGR forums. We had many a party with maggots coming from all over the world. Michelle was always a great host. She loved the maggots, the maggots loved her.
Years more went by and I was offered a job being the director of operations for TGR. We moved to Jackson, then to Victor Idaho. We bought a condo, then we built a home. More parties, more maggots. Skier rockstars would crash with us. We had MADE IT. Man were we happy.
TGR hit some trouble and I left to go invest in real estate in 2007 – almost a year before Lehman bros collapsed and took the housing market with it. We went from well off to poor again. Things were stressful, and our marriage didn’t make it. We got divorced, the year was 2010. I had been best friends with Michelle for 21 years. We had been married for 17 of those.
Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still raising two beautiful daughters together – so we never really stopped talking. I remarried. She remarried. Life kept going and our daughters are 27 and 23. Life should be easier, sweeter. She was living in Hawaii, and was seemingly happy. My daughters loved her and spoke with her if not daily certainly weekly.
Friday September* (edited) 8th she committed suicide. She is gone.
I have two grieving daughters, who need a mom. I am grieving for them. I am so angry, and so so so sad for them. I am also dealing with odd sadness I didn’t think I would feel, almost feel guilty feeling. I thought when I divorced Michelle I would have broken off the part of me that would mourn her. I was wrong. I miss her potential. I miss that the girls can’t rely on two parents, its just me.
For those of you who knew her, who shared a conversation, a drink, who felt welcomed into our homes and lives – please tip one back for her. Please send my daughters whatever positive vibes you’ve got.
Goodbye to the sweet 15 year old girl I met back in 1989. It was a helluva ride. I hope you find what you were missing here.
A goodbye to my Daughters MOM - RIP Michelle
I wish there was something we could say to make it easier. My condolences to you and your girls.
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