Gambling Addiction

Reaching out to the collective for advice. Presently separated from spouse. The other night she tells me she thinks she may have a gambling addiction. As someone said in the original sobriety thread, if you think you may have a problem, you have a problem. For years, I thought it was online shopping, now this revelation. Joint bank accounts cleared out, cash stolen, etc. Overdraft charges daily, often in excess of the original charge.

I imagine someone here has thoughts on where to seek effective help. Has anyone here been able to save a relationship that has been destroyed by gambling? Should I just run and call it good?

Someone here, I'm sure has some sage advice. Don't really know where to turn.

Sorry to hear man. Life is short. Move on and live the rest of your life without that drama.

It's one thing to lose your shared money on DUI's and bail money, but when it's gambling, that seems to be another level. And now that gambling is becoming more and more legal throughout the country, that problem ain't going away.

Well, first of all, you need to take back financial control or independence.
After that it's what she's willing to work on for herself and what you're willing to live with.
If there's no kids involved, pulling the ejection lever should be pretty painless if you have to go that route. Especially if there's no money left.

If you love this woman you should help her.

If you don’t love her move on.


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You got to know when to hold 'em, you got to know when to fold 'em

I was reading just recently that this is a young person's problem, will fade.

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Originally Posted by riser3

You got to know when to hold 'em, you got to know when to fold 'em

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know when to walk away, know when to run

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Originally Posted by AK47bp

If you love this woman you should help her.

If you don’t love her move on.


I love her and have a big heart, but am I just pissing in the wind?


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Originally Posted by Benny Profane

I was reading just recently that this is a young person's problem, will fade.

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Is 38 young? I know you read everything.

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Originally Posted by Lostintime

Is 38 young? I know you read everything.

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Your almost near the end. How do you want to spend your twilight years?

If she has found a bottom and willing to work to address issues, then you have some pondering to do. If she still is excuses and stories, save yourself. Either way, get control of what little money is left.

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Originally Posted by Lostintime

Is 38 young? I know you read everything.

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So, whatever. Pimp her out

Other than blaming genetics, I think she is coming to a great realization. As far as the money, it's been just joint savings and cash. No cash in house now.

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Originally Posted by Benny Profane

Pimp her out

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OP, Benny might have found the solution to your dilemma. We need pics of her, preferably nekkid, to properly evaluate Benny’s proposal.


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I want to buy your women.

"addiction is personal, you're white noise in background"

that comment from a friend hit home, and i decided to move out when i turned 18

understand that and work from there

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Originally Posted by Harry

OP, Benny might have found the solution to your dilemma. We need pics of her, preferably nekkid, to properly evaluate Benny’s proposal.


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Finally, some levity!

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Originally Posted by Lostintime

Finally, some levity!

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https://youtu.be/Z0YIJQ1jgEI

I had a buddy who lost quite a bit to Gambling. Owed a bookie 30gs, lost his long term GF, Job etc. I think he's better these days but still digging out of a whole. I'm concerned hes now betting on Gamestop etc..... It's tough but if you love her, maybe give it a chance... Why is she gambling? Boredom online? Casinos? Scratchys?

Get your money where she can't get it, lock your credit, cancel any joint accounts, then give her a shot if you're feeling it.

7 to 5 she can beat it.

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Originally Posted by ötzi

7 to 5 she can beat it.

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fuck, i love this little special place in the digital world. well done

The is a 12 step program called GA

Most don't go until it's court ordered.

Serious gambling usually ends up with criminal charge's.

I live in Nevada. Not me,. But it's all around me.
It's really easy to fall into.

And deviating. Hits directly at family and friends.
End up losing both.

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Originally Posted by ötzi

7 to 5 she can beat it.

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Wanna bet?

If you don’t have kids go dark and run. Close every account you can.

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Originally Posted by MTT

And deviating. Hits directly at family and friends.
End up losing everything.

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fify



OP... evaluate the relationship without the weight of the addiction. Could it/would it be healthy and good for both of you? There's your answer.

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Originally Posted by MTT

...all around me.
It's really easy to fall into.

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Sounder words would be hard to find.

Make a recovering alcoholic sleep in a liquor store? Removing the addict from the environment would greatly accelerate her recovery.

GA meetings are a good idea. Being around other people stuck on chasing the "juice".

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Originally Posted by Gepeto

fify



OP... evaluate the relationship without the weight of the addiction. Could it/would it be healthy and good for both of you? There's your answer.


Sounder words would be hard to find.

Make a recovering alcoholic sleep in a liquor store? Removing the addict from the environment would greatly accelerate her recovery.

GA meetings are a good idea. Being around other people stuck on chasing the "juice".

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You really can't remove someone from the online gaming environment. Jeezus, if you are going to gamble, play something with better odds. She's very bright, but the addiction leads to some poor choices.

Aside from the gambling issues, our lives have been great together

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Originally Posted by Hott Butt Mud

Sorry to hear man. Life is short. Move on and live the rest of your life without that drama.

It's one thing to lose your shared money on DUI's and bail money, but when it's gambling, that seems to be another level. And now that gambling is becoming more and more legal throughout the country, that problem ain't going away.

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OP sorry to hear. I don't want to rush to say cut n run, but you do have lots to consider now. Gambling seems like an addiction that has a bad chance to fuck you big time..

As to hott butt mud comment. I was just saying to my wife how horrible I think it is they can advertise gambling on tv for online participation. Disgusts me. I'm cool with gambling and all, but that advertising tv shits got to go...seems predatory. Free money if you join etc...like if you want to gamble you know where to go, putting it on tv opens it to people who think "just one big win", and down the hole we go.

Good luck OP, vibes.

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Originally Posted by riser3

I want to buy your women.

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How much for the little girl? Great flick

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What makes you think its gambling? I think the first step would be to find out where your money is going.

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Originally Posted by muted

Wanna bet?

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In at 10-1 OP splits.

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Originally Posted by Lostintime

Finally, some levity!

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How about a compromise: you tell her you got 100 pent up dudes asking for pics. She starts an only fans site and can gamble all that money away, but cant touch the rest.

Win win.

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Originally Posted by Crusty

What makes you think its gambling? I think the first step would be to find out where your money is going.

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probably the part where she said she had a gambling addiction.

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Originally Posted by Lostintime

Reaching out to the collective for advice. Presently separated from spouse. The other night she tells me she thinks she may have a gambling addiction. As someone said in the original sobriety thread, if you think you may have a problem, you have a problem. For years, I thought it was online shopping, now this revelation. Joint bank accounts cleared out, cash stolen, etc. Overdraft charges daily, often in excess of the original charge.

I imagine someone here has thoughts on where to seek effective help. Has anyone here been able to save a relationship that has been destroyed by gambling? Should I just run and call it good?

Someone here, I'm sure has some sage advice. Don't really know where to turn.

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I've been there. My last girlfriend of 9 years was, and probably is, hooked hard. Full privileges, weeks of free stays every month, free gas and coffee. She would roll 20 grand every night she went out. Lose it all, win big, hit the atm advances, the whole thing.

Here are a couple tips:

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?;
You must not share accounts;
You must not in anyway go there or support her doing so. You don't have to be a dick about it, just go for a ride or something;
You must make her accountable for her fair share of expenses;
Tell her to make a gambling budget, once cashed, over till she funds it from her discresionary income;
Move away from a casino town if it's not online;
Set times to be with each other and no phone computer if it's online;
Ask her if she really wants to keep going with this down the line;
Never bail her out;
See if she is open to therapy; and

GOOD LUCK (all on red).

Understand that it is an addiction, specifically focused on the serotonin and adrenaline release on pressing the button, what ever that may be. Her mind chemicals are strong, the same that draws you in. It's a hard one to crack. I wasn't able to do it after almost a decade, but that mostly had to do with breaches of trust, and an inability to hold her drink/drugs and hence violence.

I wish I could say that after almost 3 years we are best friends, but we are not. Haven't spoken to her in over 2. The only solace I have is that she really really wanted to have kids, to the point of cray shit. And now she is too old to. The house always wins.

The only place she stalks me is here. So, to you Lora, I hope you got your shit together and aren't hanging out with the same old shitty folks. You truly were the royal flush. Too bad you didn't know you held it. Namaste.

^damn son, she must have really cranked your rotor.
But, the fun and exciting one’s, tend to have a couple flaws.


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Originally Posted by skiballs

^damn son, she must have really cranked your rotor.
But, the fun and exciting one’s, tend to have a couple flaws.


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Yes she did. Over and over. She was the one. Gambling was one thing, the BPD was an entirely bigger beast.

I still have a calendar on my wall of her menstrual cycles thinking that would have helped me. It finally got to a point where she crossed lines that I would not be able to live with my own self for forgiving. Like when she late miscarried our baby and didn't tell me as just one point, or when she split an uber with the karaoke host and then told me to get a shot in my ass and antibiotics then claimed nothing happened and that she never said that, or when she stole my phone and charger from an air BNB in mexico and ran on foot in Mexico while I was in the shower. I could go on. Cranked my starter is nothing.

I'm extremely empathetic and patient, up to a point. That's when I find your passport and credit cards that you forgot and I track you down 2 days later and scream up a cliff to get your attention while I throw them into the sea of cortez.

Redhead?

Ah yes, sweet memories, indeed.
My girl has her moments of drunken anger, but nothing on your scale. Just verbally abusive once in awhile, but I’m to old for that shit. She’s two weeks sober because it was that or adios.


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Originally Posted by Benny Profane

I was reading just recently that this is a young person's problem, will fade.

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https://howamericakilledmymother.com/

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

probably the part where she said she had a gambling addiction.

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Trustworthy enough I guess.....

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Originally Posted by Skidog

OP sorry to hear. I don't want to rush to say cut n run, but you do have lots to consider now. Gambling seems like an addiction that has a bad chance to fuck you big time..

As to hott butt mud comment. I was just saying to my wife how horrible I think it is they can advertise gambling on tv for online participation. Disgusts me. I'm cool with gambling and all, but that advertising tv shits got to go...seems predatory. Free money if you join etc...like if you want to gamble you know where to go, putting it on tv opens it to people who think "just one big win", and down the hole we go.

Good luck OP, vibes.

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Like booze (including commercials) to alcoholics, it is part of the world. If one is to “overcome” their addiction, they must be able to stare it in the face and not blink. Rehab is a place to remove the problem from immediate reach and try to get you on some kind of solid ground to face it in the real world. Like watching your vice on tv for a very small instance.
Not saying rehab is the only avenue by any means, I just rambled in that particular direction.

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Originally Posted by MakersTeleMark

I've been there. My last girlfriend of 9 years was, and probably is, hooked hard. Full privileges, weeks of free stays every month, free gas and coffee. She would roll 20 grand every night she went out. Lose it all, win big, hit the atm advances, the whole thing.

Here are a couple tips:

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?;
You must not share accounts;
You must not in anyway go there or support her doing so. You don't have to be a dick about it, just go for a ride or something;
You must make her accountable for her fair share of expenses;
Tell her to make a gambling budget, once cashed, over till she funds it from her discresionary income;
Move away from a casino town if it's not online;
Set times to be with each other and no phone computer if it's online;
Ask her if she really wants to keep going with this down the line;
Never bail her out;
See if she is open to therapy; and

GOOD LUCK (all on red).

Understand that it is an addiction, specifically focused on the serotonin and adrenaline release on pressing the button, what ever that may be. Her mind chemicals are strong, the same that draws you in. It's a hard one to crack. I wasn't able to do it after almost a decade, but that mostly had to do with breaches of trust, and an inability to hold her drink/drugs and hence violence.

I wish I could say that after almost 3 years we are best friends, but we are not. Haven't spoken to her in over 2. The only solace I have is that she really really wanted to have kids, to the point of cray shit. And now she is too old to. The house always wins.

The only place she stalks me is here. So, to you Lora, I hope you got your shit together and aren't hanging out with the same old shitty folks. You truly were the royal flush. Too bad you didn't know you held it. Namaste.

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Heavy shit. Sorry to hear.

OP, you have already decided deep down if youre gonna keep her or not. Dont let the mags say otherwise. There is some good hard advice here. Hope the best for you and the lady.

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Originally Posted by MakersTeleMark

Yes she did. Over and over. She was the one. Gambling was one thing, the BPD was an entirely bigger beast.

I still have a calendar on my wall of her menstrual cycles thinking that would have helped me. It finally got to a point where she crossed lines that I would not be able to live with my own self for forgiving. Like when she late miscarried our baby and didn't tell me as just one point, or when she split an uber with the karaoke host and then told me to get a shot in my ass and antibiotics then claimed nothing happened and that she never said that, or when she stole my phone and charger from an air BNB in mexico and ran on foot in Mexico while I was in the shower. I could go on. Cranked my starter is nothing.

I'm extremely empathetic and patient, up to a point. That's when I find your passport and credit cards that you forgot and I track you down 2 days later and scream up a cliff to get your attention while I throw them into the sea of cortez.

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Pussy is a pretty powerful drug.

In all seriousness, I'm glad you were able to do what is right for you and move forward. It sure can be tough at the time.