Where would your kids go?

Curious about the collective experience and insight on this subject. Mrs. Shut The Fuck Up and I are looking at taking an anniversary trip that would have us flying x-country while our daughter stayed home with her BFF's family... Obviously the risks of travel are very low, and were we going to have this discussion now, we probably should have had it already... But I'd be interested to know what others have done to plan for what would happen if your kid were orphaned. Any thoughts?

Pedoherp - Let me preemptively say that your Boarding School for Future Strippers and Battered Women isn't on the list of possibilities. You're cordially invited to keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself.

are you fucking kidding us

FUCK U ASSBOY

go sit and spin u fucking jerk store fuckhead

Set up a trust fund with $37, and name DD custodian.

This is what god parents or extended family are for.

No kids here but I have drafted numerous wills naming a custodian/alternative custodian and setting up trust funds for the orphans. Do you and Mrs. STFU not have wills?

Hire a broker....

https://youtu.be/DbsMZecRgbI

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Big Steve

No kids here but I have drafted numerous wills naming a custodian/alternative custodian and setting up trust funds for the orphans. Do you and Mrs. STFU not have wills?

---

We do, although we haven't really figured out how we would handle this. Thus far, the likelihood of something happening to both of us, but not our daughter has been pretty minuscule. And it still I guess... But we live a couple of thousand miles from my family (who we wouldn't send our daughter to live with anyway) and about five thousand miles from my wife's family. We'd love for our daughter to be able to stay here. We're not religious - no god parents involved... But we do have some very close friends here... We'll probably ask them how they'd feel about stepping up in the event of a crisis. The whole discussion just kind of came up on my radar and I'm having a fair amount of anxiety about it. Between not being something I want to think about, not having a ready answer for it, and being a little nauseated at realizing we haven't worked it out yet - it's kind of gone 0-60 very quickly for me. Should have been way out in front of this, but I'm not.

Honestly, answering this question has been the primary factor for Mr and Mrs riser3 putting off getting a will done. We are finally in the process and our lawyer helped us by rephrasing the question. Who would you want to be the initial person to watch them in the short term and then find the best possible person who was able and willing at the time. For us, that was much easier to figure out. It may sound silly, however, in our family circumstance, it actually makes sense. YMMV. Three kids are a lot harder to find a place for than one kid.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by riser3

Honestly, answering this question has been the primary factor for Mr and Mrs riser3 putting off getting a will done. We are finally in the process and our lawyer helped us by rephrasing the question. Who would you want to be the initial person to watch them in the short term and then find the best possible person who was able and willing at the time. For us, that was much easier to figure out. It may sound silly, however, in our family circumstance, it actually makes sense. YMMV. Three kids are a lot harder to find a place for than one kid.

---

That's an interesting perspective - thanks... I'm still half struggling with my brain just bouncing off of this question for not wanting to think about it. How did you broach this subject with the people you wanted to ask? Was it a member of your family, church, friends, etc?

We updated our will with named legal guardians. Took like a day.

Wife and I have been struggling with this one too. And I'm ashamed to say that we don't have a will (yet). We did just come to a decision, at least for our first choice (do we need a second choice too?), but still need to memorialize it. Been thinking of doing a "will workshop" to take care of it all.

I'm not a lawyer, but I've been thru this process. Unless you plan to leave the kids and their new guardians penniless, you should also set up a trust for them and appoint an executor (not a guardian) for the trust. Creating/amending a will is only half of it, getting trust documents set up so that their basic needs and education are funded in the event you depart this plant can take a bit of legal knowledge and time. Then make sure you have enough life insurance and/or assets to put in that to at least pay for their upkeep and education until they're old enough. No matter how nice (or rich) your named guardian is, they won't want to take on a welfare case and the flip side is you don't want them to squander your child's money.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tippster

We updated our will with named legal guardians. Took like a day.

---

I'm not concerned about the paperwork...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Timberridge

I'm not a lawyer, but I've been thru this process. Unless you plan to leave the kids and their new guardians penniless, you should also set up a trust for them and appoint an executor (not a guardian) for the trust. Creating/amending a will is only half of it, getting trust documents set up so that their basic needs and education are funded in the event you depart this plant can take a bit of legal knowledge and time. Then make sure you have enough life insurance and/or assets to put in that to at least pay for their upkeep and education until they're old enough. No matter how nice (or rich) your named guardian is, they won't want to take on a welfare case and the flip side is you don't want them to squander your child's money.

---

Thanks - great points... I think we're set there - while working out the legalese in the documentation is a job for someone who is not me, I know the money is there... we just need to ensure it goes to the people who need it and it's protected to serve its purpose.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw

That's an interesting perspective - thanks... I'm still half struggling with my brain just bouncing off of this question for not wanting to think about it. How did you broach this subject with the people you wanted to ask? Was it a member of your family, church, friends, etc?

---

The named person for the will is a nearby friend. My wife just asked. They are close.

when we were doing our wills, we made a list of our relatives and friends and ranked them on suitability (child-rearing perspective, ethics, life goals, compatibility of kid's life stage with their life stage, etc) & willingness (our guess; we didn't ask at that point) to take on the responsibility of our kid in the event of us both perishing

a trust will payout to support the kid so really it's just about who will take care of my kid as he deserves during the remaining parts of his early life?

then we sent the top prospects an email about the idea of it and went from there...there was a little horse trading (we are listed on their wills in similar capacities) but mostly a "sure, no problem...don't die!"

like you said, drafting it up is the easy part...but whittling it down isn't that hard either, unless your extended family and group of friends is severely limited

Important step: Set up your computer so your daughter never stumbles upon your posts and realizes what your behavior was like here when you thought nobody you knew was looking.

With the guardian I would go with your heart. Involve your kid in the discussion if they are old enough. Ask your kid who they would like to take care of them, sometimes you get an interesting answer. We did.

With the trust go with your head. Someone who is good with $ and understands the basics of finance.

Eh, if you're just getting a basic will (no trusts), don't spend $300 on a workshop, just use the Nolo Press online service or Quicken Willmaker (same thing available for download). It'll walk you through all of the decisions and let you print out the documents to sign. We did this when the wife & I were taking a trip to Italy and it was nice peace of mind. We picked a close friend (family was out for various reasons), talked with him about it, signed the docs, and sent him copies and put the others in the safe.

Seeing an estate attorney is obviously better since you can discuss and customize, set up trusts, etc.. But you're not going to get that out of a workshop.

You should have already done this, but it is never too late. Set up your living trust and name who will be your child's guardian should you both get hit by a truck on your way home from your couples therapy session. Find a good lawyer who has done a few of these. It is not rocket science, but it is also easy to screw up, or end up not being what you expect it to be. Just ask anybody to executes estates, shit happens that you don't expect.

The hardest part of this is deciding who would be your kid's guardian, and are they willing to take on the job. Will your kid be shipped across the country if you choose an out of state family member...are they even willing to take on the job? This is shit that needs to be worked out ahead of time. Are they able to sell your Star Wars action figure collection to feed your kid? Can they use your estate money to vacation in the Bahamas while leaving the kid with a St Bernard? While they raise them with the values you choose and are they different from yours, (religion is a biggy here.) Lots of stuff to think about to do this right. Of course if you don't care and just don't want to deal with this, rest assured the courts will take are of it for you.

as long as the st bernard has hot cocoa and not rum, they should be good

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by riser3

The named person for the will is a nearby friend. My wife just asked. They are close.

---

That's what we did - they live down the street and their kids go to the same schools ours do. The day we asked them that couple also contacted their lawyer to make us the legal guardians of their children.

Our will clearly delineates my children as the beneficiaries, with my sister being the executor.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tippster

Our will clearly delineates my children as the beneficiaries, with my sister being the executor.

---

That's fine as long as when your kid turns 18, he has the sense to use the money to go to college rather than buy a Porsche and start an independent ski company.

On second thought, you only live once. Let him get the Porsche. Just never let him start a ski company.

Carry a gun. duh.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Timberridge

That's fine as long as when your kid turns 18, he has the sense to use the money to go to college rather than buy a Porsche and start an independent ski company.

On second thought, you only live once. Let him get the Porsche. Just never let him start a ski company.

---

A properly set up trust doesn't give kids carte blanche to blow the money. Ours is set up to do that when they turn 25. Then they can buy the Porsche. I'll be dead, it's their own fucken problem if they aren't reasonable adults by 25.

A lot of trusts dole money out monthly, to guard against the person blowing through it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hutash

A properly set up trust doesn't give kids carte blanche to blow the money. Ours is set up to do that when they turn 25. Then they can buy the Porsche. I'll be dead, it's their own fucken problem if they aren't reasonable adults by 25.

---

Understood, ours is the same. I was responding to Tippster because there's a difference between a trust and leaving things to the kids in a will.

We picked the people we thought would do the best job, but I'm not positive we ever told them about it. That would've been some surprise for them, eh?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by iceman

We picked the people we thought would do the best job, but I'm not positive we ever told them about it. That would've been some surprise for them, eh?

---

lol... Just make sure they can unlock your car...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Timberridge

That's fine as long as when your kid turns 18, he has the sense to use the money to go to college rather than buy a Porsche and start an independent ski company.

On second thought, you only live once. Let him get the Porsche. Just never let him start a ski company.

---

There's actually a schedule outlined for disbursal over time. It happens faster if they get a degree.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Beer Drinker

Carry a gun. duh.

---

Huh?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw

an anniversary trip that would have us flying x-country while our daughter stayed home.

---

To the bank

I'm more interested in the vacation that raises this question. Are you going to Chicago or something?

My wife is going to Afghanistan and I'm going to go snort blow off a hooker's tits in Mexico for a week.

If your kid is old enough. Ask them who they would want to live with.

Have two trustee's with one being a corporate trustee like a big brokerage. The bank can be held liable if the money is squandered or if even poorly invested. Their uncle cannot if he goes on a bender.

I helped two kids who lost both parents in a car wreck before they were 5. The family fought over the kids but the bank would only pay for school and books etc.

Kids will both have about 3-4mm when they turn 30. It cost and extra 3/8ths % to pay the corporate trustee.

No kids, but we agreed to take my SIL's kids if something happened to them. My wife's side has a lot of other people with kids, but we're the only ones who aren't crazy Mormons, or crazy in general. We'd probably end up moving back to Utah in that scenario so we wouldn't have to take the kids out of their school.

The process on our end was easy. They called to run it by us, then we sent some of our info to their lawyer to put into whatever documents they needed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by neufox47

If your kid is old enough. Ask them who they would want to live with.

---

What's your take on how old that is? I don't think my kid's ready for that. Or maybe I just hope she isn't. I don't want her to be saddled with sorting through that at this point... But what'd you have in mind?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw

What's your take on how old that is? I don't think my kid's ready for that. Or maybe I just hope she isn't. I don't want her to be saddled with sorting through that at this point... But what'd you have in mind?

---

Same answer I give my daughter when she asks how old she has to be before I will let her do various things that the kids these days are doing. 30. ;) YMMV.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by flowing alpy

Light conversation with the youngins on favorite aunties?

---

Oddly enough, my wife stunned me when we discussed it last night by saying she really thought our daughter should move to Germany to live with her family should something happen to us... I was completely incredulous... Her "argument" was that well, everything's in such turmoil when your parents die, what's a little more turmoil? Why not also leave all your other friends, move to a different country where you hardly speak the language, to live with people you barely know... You know, it's just a little more turmoil, right? It took every ounce of self control not to completely lose my mind. We haven't reached any conclusions yet, although I did manage to calmly tell her that I didn't agree with that idea, and that if she wanted our daughter to live in Germany, we should just all move now - we didn't have to wait until we were dead to send her by herself... Oddly though, my wife doesn't want to move back to Germany. I thought I knew that I didn't understand women, in general - and this woman, specifically - already. I learned something new last night.

The more I think about it, there's really only one good option. We have friends here who we both really respect, who have a kid the same age as ours, who attend the same school system, and who ought to be a great alternative, creating as little disruption as possible if something so unfortunate were to occur. But apparently, it's going to take a little time to get there... We'll see.. Wish me luck.