Hey, Kids, let's start a religion!

Hey, it Worked for Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard (among many others.)

Here's the deal:

The vast majority of folks seem to be unable to keep themselves under control without the threat of some big god guy smiting them if they screw up.

So let's invent our own big god guy who, in addition to being merciful, powerful, omniscient and eternal, also BELIEVES IN THE RIGHT STUFF!!!

God made the planet - so screwing up the planet is bad.
God made all the people - so hating someone for who they are is bad.
God made all the people(part 2)- so killing or hurting any of them will piss god off and you will be smited.
God gave us brains - so being ignorant is the road to hell.

etc., etc.

After a lifetime of hating religion and everything associated with it, I think I've turned a corner. I'm never gonna believe any of this shit (i.e. the god stuff, not the ideas posted above), but I think it's our moral obligation to sell it to the unwashed. If we can convince people that they will go to hell if they litter, well, that's a good thing, right?

Plus we could make some money (see L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology)

Who's in?

That's such a bad idea it just might work.

How about Joe Torre for the Pope thing?

Five billion people fervently believing their god guy is the only god guy...oh, yeah, this idea could work. We just need some preachers.

I can preach. Anyone else of y'all?

Quote:

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Originally posted by Benny Profane
How about Joe Torre for the Pope thing?

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Well, he's gonna need a new job...

C'mon, Bishop Benny (first ten posters to this thread get to be Bishops), get yer head in the game here!

i wanna be a cardinal!

edit: we'll need some kind of bible....and we need to find it some place 'sacred' to make it seem legitimate. seems it'd be a lot quicker payoff if we threw it as something that's been long established just 'too good to share.' people like exclusivity...surest path to making it a sensation.

if that won't work i volunteer to be a prophet...i make a pretty good schizoid. i'll only eat bread crumbs in public, and will allow the throngs of my awestruck followers to grovel at my feet. i'd even go so far as to accept virgin sacrifices.

Well we might as well worship ULLR

Quote:

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Originally posted by Mustonen
i wanna be a cardinal!

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I will select the Cardinals from amongst the Bisops. For the moment, you're a Bishop. Congratulations.

What is your plan to expand our Ministry? (A key question for the Cardinal wanna-be's).

Cool, I'm a Bishop! Watch out, all you altar boys (droool).

Here's my vote for big guy in the inner circle: http://www.911media.org/graphics/capnpowder.jpg

read my edit.

and who crowned you pope?

i vote against calling it kilmerism

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Originally posted by DaveTV
Well we might as well worship ULLR

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No, you pagan. Our god guy has to be a judeo/christian/moslem kinda guy. That sells.

No Bishopric for DaveTV. Sorry, Dave.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Mustonen
read my edit.

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Okay, makes sense, mustonen is our first prophet, that rocks.

No office hours for prophets, BTW, so good choice.

Prophesize something, when you get a minute.

edit: And a good point about the Bible, we'll need one. I think we could just gather the postings of phUnk, Drugged_monkey, etc. from the powmag archives and...D'OH!!!!!!

Well I'll just start my own then. I've always like the "pagan" thing anyways. See if YOUR God gives you big pow days.. Mine will :D
http://www.webcom.com/lstead/GIFs/SmThor.GIF

Well, we still have a few "Martyr" slots open, if you're interested.

i vote against any kind of trinity thing. that just confuses people.

i like the judeo/christian spinoff idea. it should recognize and support the concept of that god, but illustrate that those poor jews and christians are a little confused. sorta like the moslems do. our god needs to make some sort of logical sense.

i think a logical god/bible would rock.

afterlife? do you wake up right after you die? or do you have to wait a couple millenia?

we need a tale of doom, too. of woe.

and we need to piss somebody big off. not in an aggressive way...we're lovers, not fighters. but make 'em come after us. a highly visible corporate machine that we can throw dave at.

Logic??! puhleeze. You think logic convinced John Smith's people to walk across the country to SLC? (pre skiing era here). Logic won't get you a cool tax break.

Mustonen, you will be a very good prophet. However, as a prophet, you need to start prophesizing instead of asking so many damn questions. You're on the right track, go with it.

PREACH, brutha!!!

well, ok, not too logical.

i'll take up the sackcloth and ashes tomorrow.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Benny Profane
Logic??! puhleeze. You think logic convinced John Smth's people to walk across the country to SLC? (pre skiing era here). Logic wont get you a cool tax break.

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...or save the planet. Very good, Bishop Benny. It's emotion that sells, not logic.

Work with that.

I expect big things from the Prophet Mustonen in short order, all will be revealed.

Yeah, well I've already got a cult following goin on..
UL-LR! UL-LR! UL-LR! UL-LR! UL-LR! UL-LR! UL-LR! UL-LR!
http://www.skidaddlers.org/pictures/...2001/ullr1.jpg

Quote:

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Originally posted by Mustonen


i'll take up the sackcloth and ashes tomorrow.

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Sorry, you're thinikng of some old-timey religion. Our prophets head to the mountains for revelation.

Or to the ocean, in the summertime.