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Riding the chair in Breck, guy asks me "Can you turn right on red here?"
Why did he just ask me a question about driving, no matter how stupid it was, while we are skiing?
So overcome by stupidity, I could only muster one word for an answer, "Yes"
Jongalicious
Snowboarding gaper to me, earlier today:
him: that cornice is deadly.
me: that's like a 10 foot drop......
him: yeah, but it's bigger than it was in recent years
me: it's pretty stable. Saw some dude jumping up and down on it earlier today
him (turns to friends): that cornice is deadly.
I hope to hell I don't ski like that (I'm an instructor @ alta....)Quote:
Originally Posted by iscariot
Not too sure why this one made me laugh this weekend:
Goofy dude in lift line to goofy girl: "Wow, I had a hard time keeping up with you on that last run."
Goofy girl: "I know. It's my favorite run."
Heard at Flatton on Sunday:
"Why don't they groom the glades?"
Heard while skiing at Revelstoke.
British accented person. "Blimey, there is too much powder here, we need to get back on the groomer."
We stopped and clarified "Did you just say too much powder?" "there is no such thing as too much powder" and we skied off.
Was skiing last week with my 8 year old daughter and 3 year old son. Daughter was up ahead in the lift line, riding the chair by herself. There were a couple of snowboarders in between us, one of whom was about 6'4", 250 lbs. As he's hobbling towards the chair, he starts to wobble a bit and leans on my daughter for balance. She weighs 62 pounds and has no poles but keeps this dude from tipping over. Afterwards there was no "excuse me," no "thank you," no "sorry about that." He just pretends she isn't there even though she saved him from toppling over.
"Boy, as fat as they are making these slalom race skis these days it's really closer to a powder ski than a carver."
-Local racer getting ready to rip the cordouroy at Monarch Mountain on an 18'' fresh day two Fridays ago.
"My ass hurts so much from all the falling I bet I couldn't take a shit if I wanted to."
-snowboarder on the lift at Breck.
"Where's the Summit Lodge?"
I stopped at a bootfitter near mount snow on the way back up to burlington last night. I was listening to some jersey joey tell the rentals guy about his past skiing experience.
" I was at Aspen 3 weeks ago skiing on some 175 parabolics. There was like 4 feet of snow. I couldnt see where I was going. I was about ready to throw the skis out and buy some shorter ones."
shop guy:" You needed something longer and wider underfoot to stay afloat better"
dumbass:" what are you talking about? longer skis are worse in deep snow!"
Over the course of an hour i heard so many morons i nearly cried.
Another woman was renting boots. Before she even tried on the rentals she refused to rent the XXXXX soloman boots because they were ugly. After the shop dude told her all rental boots looked this way she agreed to put her foot in the boot. She was maybe an 8 foot, not a big girl. She wouldnt rent anything other than a 28 boot!
Then when i got the actual bootfitters attention he told me that he hated powder.
"Give me boiler plate and im happy. I stay in on powder days. That floating feeling is the opposite of control."
me: thats because here at mount blow you guys only get ice.
i promptly left vowing never to go down there ever again.
"you guys get powder snow here?"
nope. It snows spring corn. You gotta wear a helmet if its snowing. It hurts like hell when it hits you in the head.
no fucking wayQuote:
Originally Posted by skiingsamurai
WHY???
"It kind of stayed open after I pulled out, as if it was a black gaping maw, the void."
-overheard on sidewalk in Chatsworth, CA
Quote:
Originally Posted by bio-smear
Yeah. they'll do that
all from alpine, over the years:
"Will you guys ever figure out that if you don't blast in the morning, you'll save on explosives and it won't make such a big mess?"
from a chair ride with 2 tele, rasta-trustifarians, Q.- "Dude, do you know what randonee really means in French" (reply- yeah-knees too smart to telemark) #1 turns to #2 and blurts "oh dude, i think he just told us to f*** off"
top of Beaver Bowl, 2 late teens gazing out to the horizon, 14' of snowpack:
Q.- "Hey mister, can you tell us where the streams are?"
A.- There won't be any streams you can see until spring, why?
"The guy in the ski shop told us that if we learned to ski the steeps here, we could become real stream skiers."
What could i say, that guy in the ski shop was probably right...
At Jay Peak last friday, riding the lift with 2 from Montreal.
After the usual pleasantries, he looked at my skis and asked if they were too fat.
I was on Monster 82s.
I get fat ski comments all the time at 93 underfoot.
Oh, and I was on the lift line at killy when I heard this:
Guy behind me: "Yeah, those are the new twin tips that kid has."
Lady next to him: "Oooh."
Some Big Sky gems:
"How old does a Deer have to be to become an Elk?
-x-x-x-
First Retard: "What are those cables for?" (pointing at the tram)
Second Retard: "I think those hold the mountain top up."
-x-x-x-
During a conference of astronomers and aerospace types, pointing at the tram light on top of the mountain around 7 pm.
"Now, I'm not sure, but I think that's Jupiter."
Ahh, gapers.. Love to hate 'em.
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1179/...7b8a0c.jpg?v=0
"Do you guys sell boots for Powder skiing?"
It was mt. gaper at the Can this weekend.
I'm standing in line by the pisser, bout to take a leak, and some guy walks up and says, "ummm.... are you in line?" My answer: No dipshit, I enjoy standing at the pisser all day instead of going out and enjoying the vertical magnitude that is UT skiing. Rhetorical questions kill me. Especially when it's president's day weekend and everyone you see is slightly retarded. I need to go to Alta more.
Sorry to break this to you, but they've found out about Alta as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lev
I walk up to a pisser and this JA is standing there adjusting his fartbag (and looking slightly retarded) when I ask if he was waiting or if he just finished emptying his colostomy bag and he gets all bent out of shape.
small world.
Japanese Astronaut?Quote:
Originally Posted by gatorboy
JA: Jongified Assclown??Quote:
Originally Posted by gatorboy
Here are some of the better ones from working at the Squaw Valley Surefoot.
Man walks in with right boot on left foot and left boot on right foot.
“These boots are fucking killing me."
45’ish year old woman walks in with a pair of rear entry Nordica ski boots from the mid 80’s and a pair of 207 Harts from the same era.
“I am an Expert skier and I need a new expert rear entry boot so I can go ski the fingers.”
Mid October 2007, No skiing or snow anywhere: A middle aged homeless looking man (clearly on drugs) walks into the shop and immediately points to a POC back protector. “Yep, I going to need that.” After putting on the back protector he picks up the kid size back protector. “Is this the matching chest protector?”
Me: Sure is!
“Great I will take it.” Man pulls out a Black American Express Card and his ID. After paying the man walks out into the bustling village (Super stoked) with a POC back protector over his jean jacket and another kids size one over his chest.
Bones:
Hunter Mountain 1998: Man skiing under lift in Blue jeans, leather jacket
Thick Long Island accent.
"Hey Joey, Look! Im doing it!!! Im doing it Joey!!!"
In any other year than this, I might ask the same Q...Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiBumOfVT
Obviously, you understand.
ahhh...my home mountain. :) i kinda miss skiing on ice a little. hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by skiingsamurai
anyway, heard on santiago express chair at keystone monday, getting close to mid-day, beautiful day, sun is shining.
son: where are your sunglasses?
father: theyre in my pocket. i have a meeting tomorrow, dont want to get raccoon eyes.
Me and a buddy were riding up with a couple @ Mary Jane and they asked us "how do they make all those bumps?" ...he told em they were big plastic humps that the resort brings out every fall and sets up all over the mountain.. then they put em all away in the spring....They responded " that must be a lot of work"
I was doing everything possible to not bust my guts....
Anytime it snows more than 7 inches @ Mt. Bachelor, Oregon.
The management says "Sorry can't get the lift's open Today, Rime on the cable"
My 2nd favorite... "Weather Standby" :the_finge
In Montana....on a deep day...like full on bottomless faceshot deep, lady looks at my Fat Bros...
"Those must be for jumping."
so where do they put all those bumps at the end of the season....
From a snowboarder friend when I was talking about Dukes:
Me: Man...I would kill for those bindings...they go for like $430 bucks new
Her: Is that for one of both???
:nonono2:
Somewhere in Michigan last weekend...
http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m134/jyowen/034.jpg
"I guess you have to take your skis of for this one." Says a gaper as she skis up to the FUnitel at Squaw.
I was riding up the lift with a buddy of mine, and two other dudes who said they hadn't skied in at least 5-6 years (injury i think). i was finished explaining my fall from the last run when one of the guys leans over and says "What was that trick you were talking about? Double... something... yeah, double-ejecting?"
Heading into a nearly deserted liftline in Utah 2 days ago with the kids. Guy right in front of me suddenly turns his skis completely sideways blocking the entire line while he apparently waits for his tribe. Unable to stop as we were ready to load, I ski across his tails and say, "please don't stop in the middle if the line" (anyone else haver a pet peeve with this shit?). Gaper quote? "Yeah? Well YOU need to look where you're going!"
Dumbass.
Heading into a nearly deserted liftline in Utah 2 days ago with the kids. Guy right in front of me suddenly turns his skis completely sideways blocking the entire line while he apparently waits for his tribe. Unable to stop as we were ready to load, I ski across his tails (I figured this was preferable to running onto him) and say, "please don't stop in the middle if the line" (anyone else have a pet peeve with this shit?). Gaper quote? "Yeah? Well YOU need to look where you're going!"
Dumbass.
Instructors will collect their kids up in front of the entry-way to the lifts,cluster-fuck alert. Ya can't fix stupid.:rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by oftpiste
After this guy tells me to watch where I'm going, my response would have been.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY YOU FUCKING GAPER
Quote:
Originally Posted by oftpiste