I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

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11-23-2020, 04:26 PM
yeahman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Name Redacted

I've posted this before but, my wife will simultaneously open every window in the house, while complaining about how dusty our house is. It is mind bottling. Next thing you know, there's flies buzzing around and she wonders where they came from.

Got screens? How are flies getting in?
11-23-2020, 04:42 PM
riser4

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danno

Drugs?

Yes please.
11-23-2020, 07:07 PM
babybear

Quote:

Originally Posted by dannynoonan

She literally has a humidifier, and a dehumidifier, in the same fucking room. Both are running. Can someone explain please.

this might be the craziest wife post I've ever seen on this forum
I try to esplain the thoughts of my people here (wives) once in awhile, but this is a crime
11-23-2020, 07:38 PM
basinbeater

I don't know, she clearly has a passion for air quality. Maybe she should go to hvac trade school. Or maybe just drop hvac funformentals book on her nightstand.

sent from Utah.
11-23-2020, 07:44 PM
dannynoonan

So, I checked with the lady of the house about these dueling humidification processes. The reason provided was, "because it stinks in there" which, I can't really argue with. There was no indication she'd be open to alternatives, so I'm going to have to let this one ride.
11-23-2020, 07:59 PM
muted

There are air purifiers that sense odors and then turn on automatically. Like literally the second you fart, it turns on.
11-23-2020, 08:18 PM
Meadow Skipper

Quote:

Originally Posted by dannynoonan

So, I checked with the lady of the house about these dueling humidification processes. The reason provided was, "because it stinks in there" which, I can't really argue with. There was no indication she'd be open to alternatives, so I'm going to have to let this one ride.

Yeah, I see no point in pressing it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by muted

There are air purifiers that sense odors and then turn on automatically. Like literally the second you fart, it turns on.

Link? Asking for a friend.
11-23-2020, 08:34 PM
bennymac

Quote:

Originally Posted by dannynoonan

So, I checked with the lady of the house about these dueling humidification processes. The reason provided was, "because it stinks in there" which, I can't really argue with. There was no indication she'd be open to alternatives, so I'm going to have to let this one ride.

Are these the type of humidifiers that need regular cleaning and new filters? Might be the source of that smell.

Regardless- the dueling machines may be the best example in this whole thread.
11-23-2020, 09:07 PM
glademaster

I hope you used this as an opportunity to suggest she put some stank on it for you.
11-23-2020, 09:31 PM
brown

My wife likes to cook and I think her cooking is delicious. When she cooks, she does NOT like to turn the fan on. She says, "It's noisy." As the aroma fills the air, creating a haze, my eyes get irritated, and something occasionally burns... the smoke alarm goes off. Now it's really friggin "Noisy".

Gosh, I love her though. Especially when she spills something... like kombucha... in our van, splashing on my box of work supplies. Why on earth does she like that disgusting drink? Thanks that felt nice to unload!
11-23-2020, 09:33 PM
BCMtnHound

Quote:

Originally Posted by brown

My wife likes to cook and I think her cooking is delicious. When she cooks, she does NOT like to turn the fan on. She says, "It's noisy." As the aroma fills the air, creating a haze, my eyes get irritated, and something occasionally burns... the smoke alarm goes off. Now it's really friggin "Noisy".

Gosh, I love her though. Especially when she spills something... like kombucha... in our van, splashing on my box of work supplies. Why on earth does she like that disgusting drink? Thanks that felt nice to unload!

8 posts since 2010? Let it all out brother!
11-23-2020, 09:47 PM
char_

Quote:

Originally Posted by brown

My wife likes to cook and I think her cooking is delicious. When she cooks, she does NOT like to turn the fan on. She says, "It's noisy." As the aroma fills the air, creating a haze, my eyes get irritated, and something occasionally burns... the smoke alarm goes off. Now it's really friggin "Noisy".

Gosh, I love her though. Especially when she spills something... like kombucha... in our van, splashing on my box of work supplies. Why on earth does she like that disgusting drink? Thanks that felt nice to unload!

Ever smell the juice that collects at the bottom of a garbage can? That's what kombucha reminds me of.
11-23-2020, 09:50 PM
Name Redacted

Quote:

Originally Posted by yeahman

Got screens? How are flies getting in?

Yeah, we've got screens, but not on the back door, which is her favorite one to leave open. Maybe next summer I'll get one of those magnetic doohickey screens but I kinda hate those and don't want to have to put sticky velcro or tacks into the wood.
11-23-2020, 09:53 PM
brown

Quote:

Originally Posted by BCMtnHound

8 posts since 2010? Let it all out brother!

You're right my friend! Here's another. One handed steering. She's a good driver in a straight line, but jeez does not know how to one handed steer. While driving a tight turn, her attempt to one hand steer turns the wheel, lets go of the wheel, vehicle moves, steering wheel unwinds itself, she grabs the wheel, jerks the car, and repeat slowly until the car is pointed in the desired direction. Meanwhile I be like, facepalm.

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11-23-2020, 09:54 PM
yeahman

Speaking of spilled drinks... Nobody in my house really knows how to wipe up a spilled drink. They always halfass it and leave a sticky spot on the floor. My mom taught me at an early age how to wipe up my spills and there was no halfassing allowed. She sure as hell wasn't going to do it for me, but she was happy to make me re-do it as many times as needed.
11-23-2020, 09:55 PM
brown

Quote:

Originally Posted by char_

Ever smell the juice that collects at the bottom of a garbage can? That's what kombucha reminds me of.

Nailed it!!

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11-23-2020, 09:58 PM
ötzi

I knew we'd eventually come upon a topic that Brown could get interested in and we did it. Took a few pages but we persevered.
11-24-2020, 08:41 AM
Meadow Skipper

Quote:

Originally Posted by brown

You're right my friend! Here's another. One handed steering. She's a good driver in a straight line, but jeez does not know how to one handed steer. While driving a tight turn, her attempt to one hand steer turns the wheel, lets go of the wheel, vehicle moves, steering wheel unwinds itself, she grabs the wheel, jerks the car, and repeat slowly until the car is pointed in the desired direction. Meanwhile I be like, facepalm.

Couldn’t you just hold her beer or blunt or whatever for her?
11-24-2020, 09:14 AM
old goat

Quote:

Originally Posted by XXX-er

Spring loaded hinges are yer friend as you limp into the old age

Now think about what you said. As I limp into old age I don't move fast enough to keep the spring loaded door from hitting me in the ass and knocking me down. And then I have to press the button on my Life Alert to get the EMT's to come over to get me up.
11-24-2020, 01:00 PM
bennymac

Quote:

Originally Posted by brown

You're right my friend! Here's another. One handed steering. She's a good driver in a straight line, but jeez does not know how to one handed steer. While driving a tight turn, her attempt to one hand steer turns the wheel, lets go of the wheel, vehicle moves, steering wheel unwinds itself, she grabs the wheel, jerks the car, and repeat slowly until the car is pointed in the desired direction. Meanwhile I be like, facepalm.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

Oh god yes. One handed steering by my wife will be on my death certificate. Watching a transport truck approaching from the opposite direction on snowy roads while she has one hand on the wheel with her arm fully extended and elbow locked.
11-24-2020, 01:02 PM
riser4

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadow Skipper

Couldn’t you just hold her beer or blunt or whatever for her?

He could give himself the handy but where's the fun in that?
11-24-2020, 01:08 PM
Meadow Skipper

Quote:

Originally Posted by riser3

He could give himself the handy but where's the fun in that?

Ah, I didn’t think of that.
11-24-2020, 01:12 PM
XXX-er

Quote:

Originally Posted by old goat

Now think about what you said. As I limp into old age I don't move fast enough to keep the spring loaded door from hitting me in the ass and knocking me down. And then I have to press the button on my Life Alert to get the EMT's to come over to get me up.

ain't the only thing thats limp, at your age the only thing getting stiff anymore is yer back
11-24-2020, 01:20 PM
myles long

Quote:

Originally Posted by bennymac

Oh god yes. One handed steering by my wife will be on my death certificate. Watching a transport truck approaching from the opposite direction on snowy roads while she has one hand on the wheel with her arm fully extended and elbow locked.

I think my wife went to the same driving school...one handed steering woth her coffee cup held up high in the other, heavan forbid a drop gets splashed onto the lid of her mug

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11-24-2020, 01:38 PM
abraham

Quote:

Originally Posted by riser3

He could give himself the handy but where's the fun in that?

I spent 45 minutes in traffic with a drunk guy in the trunk narrating how the couple behind us was taking turns on each other. With the tint they couldn't see him, and with the coolers in the back he couldn't really move to another position so he decided to share with the rest of us in the car. It was supposed to be 5-10 minute drive.

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