Originally Posted by
k2skier112
1. “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
2. “Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.”
3. “Half the people you know are below average.”
4. “Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.”
5. “A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.”
6. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
7. “All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
8. “The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
9. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.”
10. “How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”
11. “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”
12. “When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
13. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.”
14. “I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.”
15. “Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.”
16. “What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
17. “My mechanic told me, ‘I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.’”
18. “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
19. “A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.”
20. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”