That reminds me of a patient I had once who came to have his heel pain treated. When I asked him what brings on his symptoms, he said it was when 'they' beam the laser and radar down from the satellites. There was a conspiracy against him in the 1960s where 'they' implanted 3 chips in his head (which allow 'them' to hear his thoughts verbatim) which concentrate the rays and direct them down through his body and into his heel.
He wasn't bald but he used to bring me Werther's originals.