"What are the economics surrounding that?" and other fucktard bizspeak

I was in a meeting today about being less corporate. Irony everywhere.

One guy was killing it. Used "leverage" 10 times. "Vertical solution strategy" was good. "10 year Crystal Ball" was particularly nice. But the cherry was "streamlining efficiency models to accelerate productivity."

I actually wrote these down during the meeting.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mtnwriter

Lots of awful here. One of my recent favorites as in I wanted to rip this guy's scrotum off through the phone is "socialize" E. G.: "Great idea, let's socialize it within the group and present it to the client."

If I ran shit boardrooms would be like Dr. Evil's lair.

---

Reminded me of another one today.

"Run that one by your collaboration environment." If it wasn't in an email I would've been forced to laugh in the guy's face.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MTT

No its FTE's

I used this statment in a change request I did last night

take advantage of the Duel ICON configuration preventing data loss during the upgrade
However for time efficiencies the scripts will be provided by the LAB and staged in advance so the DBA

I also reference (Scalable) and Leverage alot. Get Buy in is also popular

---

"Touching Code"

Holy hell, I am done now. Gotta stop reading everyone's posts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Scotsman50

I really like this idea..it would be fun to see what we can make stick.
I'm going to replace " think outside the box" with " we need to think like Blurred's hose". I'll report back on progress.

---

"Let's hose it down Blurred-style"

I like that...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by splat

"Let's hose it down Blurred-style"

I like that...

---

OH..that's even better. Done and done..I'm going to use it tomorrow on my impressionable junior engineers and see if I can get it to stick.

i'll hire you under one condition young lady:biggrin:

Nobody likes clitoris roar?
Maybe I'll save that one for a punk song.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Benny Profane

I blame the military for this. They invented a lot of this jargon, and the swinging dicks in the business world took it on to say nothing

---

Really? Even with the current push for a "more professional" military, I haven't heard any of this shit. We're still working on getting the usage of fuck below every third word.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by unitofstuff

Really? Even with the current push for a "more professional" military, I haven't heard any of this shit. We're still working on getting the usage of fuck below every third word.

---

Not the troops. Try pulling up a report from some pentagon planner or program manager though and you'll be yelling bingo within a few minutes. One recent example: "network-centric warfare".

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wcf3

Not the troops. Try pulling up a report from some pentagon planner or program manager though and you'll be yelling bingo within a few minutes. One recent example: "network-centric warfare".

---

Um, yeah. If you could be a fly on the wall at some high level soiree in the Pentagon, you would hear shit that would make everything else in this thread sound like the work of rank amateurs. Even George Orwell and Joe Heller would be furiously taking notes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Benny Profane

Um, yeah. If you could be a fly on the wall at some high level soiree in the Pentagon, you would hear shit that would make everything else in this thread sound like the work of rank amateurs. Even George Orwell and Joe Heller would be furiously taking notes.

---

not high level (for the pentagon) you need the middle level pentagon careerists or, better, one of the office towers in crystal city/alexandria

internally/externally facing

Eeeewww.....just caught this on the NYT, speaking of sedated militaristic jingoisms...

“ ‘Ally’ is a legal term of art,” said Tommy Vietor, a spokesman with the National Security Council.

Just heard "information silos." Fuck I hate that term.

"Moving forward, we plan to spirally integrate these assets as the technologies reach maturity"



Sent from my net-ready man-portable communications asset while I shit on company time

Effective imediately, we are relpacing the term "captive" with "Global Inhouse Center" GIC is much friendlier to remotely located employees.
That is all.

And finally someone came up with a generator.

http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

compellingly engage sticky networks

professionally strategize future-proof e-tailers

completely reconceptualize bricks-and-clicks interfaces

efficiently streamline granular networks

http://www.theofficelife.com/busines...tionary-A.html

I think this topic has legs, so at a high level going forward lets circle back and make sure we are all on the same page before we are out of runway.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hugh Conway

Call in MRA to spin the spill

---

YES YES YES.

Sustainably develop streamlined customer-engaged gravity delivery sustainable snow sliding mechanisms sustainably in an environmentally-responsible sustainable modality

"social business provider"

what?

Even worse than the biz speak is when someone misuses a word over and over and over. Had a guy several rungs up from me (hard to believe they exist, no?) use the work "inadvertent" instead of "inverted" in front of a major customer the other day. Same guy also pronounces "button" as "buh- in".

The look the guy gave me was priceless.

^In the same vein... my first boss out of college used to use a phrase all the time incorrectly. He used to say "for all intensive purposes" in person and email at least a couple times a week. Drove me bananas.

We didn't have any discontinuing expenses.

Get it, Hahahaha!

Just got an email and this was the closer....

"Finely, I need you to do this, blah blah blah"