Fuck Alzheimers

This weekend I’m going to visit my friend who has Alzheimer’s. He moved away about 3 years ago and was diagnosed about a year later, at age 60. Looking back I think it was probably manifesting for at least a year before he and his wife started looking into his cognitive function. I talk to him every week or two and some days he sounds relatively normal, but other days I struggle to follow him. The confusing conversations are happening more frequently.

Every time we talk I consider what he might be feeling/thinking and I over-think things like whether or not I should bring up old stories from our past that he might not remember, or if I should help him recall things that he’s struggling to remember when he tells stories. Mostly I just try to get him talking and then listen and try to savor everything he says. It’s such a cruel disease. Early on I tried to ask him about his perception of the changes but I sense that he’s not understanding how much he has changed at this point.

I can’t wait to see him and his wife. But I’m also nervous. Any advice on how to be the best friend I can be, to both him and his wife? What is helpful?

^^ went through the whole cycle with my step mother the last few years. Down the stretch it became obvious (sort of) what she was able to handle in terms of communication and I’d just meet her where her reality was on a given day. Ask the wife for advice before you are with him in person. She will be grateful to have you visit and for your support.

It’s a fucking cruel path


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With my Dad the first signs that I noticed were asking the same questions on the phone each time. He always wanted to talk about the weather. Whats your weather been like is a pretty normal question. But then he'd ask what the temps normally are this time of year. Um, its San Diego - its sunny and 70 pretty much every day. He would ask that every phone call. It seemed a bit strange but I didn't think too much of it until he started asking multiple times what the weather has been like, along with what I had been up to. My Mom noticed it more of course being with him all the time. He would constantly repeat questions over and over and would go out on errands and forget what he had gone out for. So he would take a list with him. Which he would forget he even had.

This decribes my Dad to a tee. All of us siblings picked up on the repeating the same stories every time we talked to him on the phone. And the weird fixation about the weather. He was always asking if it had snowed recently, even during the summer.
He had his license taken away from him after failing a driving exam for the eldery. All he would ever talk about afterwards were the cops "arresting" him and taking his drivers license. He some how had concoted this story to make sense of what happened. It was for the best that he wasn't able to drive anymore as he surely would have driven somewhere and gotten lost or worse, driven through a traffic light or stop sign and killed someone or himself. And he was the worst back seat driver in the history of back seat drivers. Holy crap was it insufferabe listening to him bitch about your driving! But I wouldn't mind listening to it right now.
All I can say is that it's a real bitch of a disease to have a loved one go through and I do hope they find a cure for it in the near future as a lot of Boomers are at that age now where it will probably be a larger number of people suffering from it.

While visiting my mother in memory care yesterday I got to talking to a gentleman who was visiting his wife. She was in a wheelchair and non-verbal. He spoke to me of their life and the plans they had for retirement. Of the dream home they built and how they had to sell it when she was diagnosis with Alzheimers.

He sat patiently with her enjoying the afternoon sun and the gentle breeze in the courtyard and spoke of what might have been and between his words I heard him saying that time had slipped away along with the life they dreamed of after a lifetime of taking care of other things.

Get out there while you can. You never know what tomorrow brings and all your carefully laid plans won't mean a thing after a stroke, a heart attack, a diagnosis of alzheimers.

Damn KQ, I got some dust in my eyes. My mom got her diagnosis a few years ago and is non verbal now and you got it right: don't wait to smell the roses.

Dementia is a sad, Bad thing -

( not all dementia is Alzheimer's - it is still dementia, and it is just as devastating to those affected by it ) ;

I hope someday, they develop a way to prevent Alzheimer's and other dementia -
in the meantime, live the best, healthiest life you can, and be grateful for everyday, and find joy in every day !

my Condolences to those affected by Alzheimer's and other dementia.

Tough thread but it’s one of the reasons I’m grateful for teh sort of repaired TRGz.

My dad was diagnosed over the winter. We had suspicions before as he started asking weird questions and just being strange, but the official diagnosis was over the winter. I just spent 3 weeks with my parents and it was not good to see him like that. I've been there for my mother when she needs it, but shes strong and doesn't complain but actually seeing it in person was disheartening. He is still functional, but just.... vacant. We went on a trip to Iceland, once or twice a day he would ask "where are we?" and just seemed confused about things that most people would pick up out of context. He never had an opinion on anything, and always seemed like he wanted to be doing something else, but never had an opinion what something else was. Another thing I noticed that I didn't expect was the temper, he has always been pretty relaxed, but small random things set him off now, especially ANY whiff of questioning his abilities to comprehend, or be on his own.
He would wander around the hotel room always seemingly looking for something, or just sit in bed and stare at the wall, or read click bait articles on his phone. When he did join conversations his statements seemed confused, or vague and sometimes irrelevant and rarely got a full sentence out that was 'normal' for lack of a better word.

I'm rambling a bit here, but I really don't know what to do about it. I have honestly up to this point tried to bury my head in the sand, I don't know what to do besides answer my mothers calls and listen to her vent when she needs. I'm not even sure there is anything I can do at this point though down the road probably I will have to. Thankfully my mother seems to be all there physically and mentally, and their finances are in order, but she wants to travel the world, and said to me after the trip we just went on that she probably can't do it with just the two of them which makes me incredibly sad, and I want to find a way to help her live her dreams.

Then of course there is the fear that I could be next; he was always active, stayed in good shape, ate well enough, and is only 74.

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Originally Posted by Yukonrider

My dad was diagnosed over the winter. We had suspicions before as he started asking weird questions and just being strange, but the official diagnosis was over the winter. I just spent 3 weeks with my parents and it was not good to see him like that. I've been there for my mother when she needs it, but shes strong and doesn't complain but actually seeing it in person was disheartening. He is still functional, but just.... vacant. We went on a trip to Iceland, once or twice a day he would ask "where are we?" and just seemed confused about things that most people would pick up out of context. He never had an opinion on anything, and always seemed like he wanted to be doing something else, but never had an opinion what something else was. Another thing I noticed that I didn't expect was the temper, he has always been pretty relaxed, but small random things set him off now, especially ANY whiff of questioning his abilities to comprehend, or be on his own.
He would wander around the hotel room always seemingly looking for something, or just sit in bed and stare at the wall, or read click bait articles on his phone. When he did join conversations his statements seemed confused, or vague and sometimes irrelevant and rarely got a full sentence out that was 'normal' for lack of a better word.

I'm rambling a bit here, but I really don't know what to do about it. I have honestly up to this point tried to bury my head in the sand, I don't know what to do besides answer my mothers calls and listen to her vent when she needs. I'm not even sure there is anything I can do at this point though down the road probably I will have to. Thankfully my mother seems to be all there physically and mentally, and their finances are in order, but she wants to travel the world, and said to me after the trip we just went on that she probably can't do it with just the two of them which makes me incredibly sad, and I want to find a way to help her live her dreams.

Then of course there is the fear that I could be next; he was always active, stayed in good shape, ate well enough, and is only 74.

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Your mother may be strong but she is not strong enough for this. No one is. Make sure you are there (or another family member) to reassure her that asking for help or getting outside care is not a failure on her part. This isn't just happening to him, it's happening to all of you and it is going to be tough.


Travel? No. Too confusing and dangerous for him. He needs familiar safe settings. If he's not already he will start wandering at all hours of the day and night. My friend had to put alarms on all their doors so she'd know if her husband opened a door. Also f there are guns in the house get rid of them and hide the car keys.

He will start sundowning where he becomes overly agitated and possibly aggressive.

I would start looking into care facilities now and get finances set aside.

Also get a power of atty now.

This web page is a great resource and they have forums where you and your mother can ask questions/get support from others in similar situations

AgingCare: Find In-Home Care, Assisted Living and Caregiver Support https://share.google/dCgRG0tQU3wK1ruiV



This is the forum:

Caregiver Forum and Support Group - AgingCare.com https://share.google/aiFI7ZbKdHSIpu5YZ

And be careful what that phone has access to. It would be too easy for him to start clicking things and find an empty bank account a few hours later.

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Originally Posted by gravitylover

And be careful what that phone has access to. It would be too easy for him to start clicking things and find an empty bank account a few hours later.

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My mom kept calling the police saying she was being held against her will or someone was trying to kill her.

excellent resources, KQ -

Thank you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KQ

My mom kept calling the police saying she was being held against her will or someone was trying to kill her.

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The first time that happened my wife was almost taken away in cuffs and he was almost taken to be sent to a safe facility because we were abusive. That was fun. The second time we got lucky when a very understanding officer showed up first.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gravitylover

The first time that happened my wife was almost taken away in cuffs and he was almost taken to be sent to a safe facility because we were abusive. That was fun. The second time we got lucky when a very understanding officer showed up first.

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That's were living in a small town has it advantages. The dispatch recognizes the number and calls back to clarify.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yukonrider

My dad was diagnosed over the winter. We had suspicions before as he started asking weird questions and just being strange, but the official diagnosis was over the winter. I just spent 3 weeks with my parents and it was not good to see him like that. I've been there for my mother when she needs it, but shes strong and doesn't complain but actually seeing it in person was disheartening. He is still functional, but just.... vacant. We went on a trip to Iceland, once or twice a day he would ask "where are we?" and just seemed confused about things that most people would pick up out of context. He never had an opinion on anything, and always seemed like he wanted to be doing something else, but never had an opinion what something else was. Another thing I noticed that I didn't expect was the temper, he has always been pretty relaxed, but small random things set him off now, especially ANY whiff of questioning his abilities to comprehend, or be on his own.
He would wander around the hotel room always seemingly looking for something, or just sit in bed and stare at the wall, or read click bait articles on his phone. When he did join conversations his statements seemed confused, or vague and sometimes irrelevant and rarely got a full sentence out that was 'normal' for lack of a better word.

I'm rambling a bit here, but I really don't know what to do about it. I have honestly up to this point tried to bury my head in the sand, I don't know what to do besides answer my mothers calls and listen to her vent when she needs. I'm not even sure there is anything I can do at this point though down the road probably I will have to. Thankfully my mother seems to be all there physically and mentally, and their finances are in order, but she wants to travel the world, and said to me after the trip we just went on that she probably can't do it with just the two of them which makes me incredibly sad, and I want to find a way to help her live her dreams.

Then of course there is the fear that I could be next; he was always active, stayed in good shape, ate well enough, and is only 74.

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Sorry to read this. One thing you can do for your mom is offer to take full care of your dad for a week while she travels, either alone or with a friend. I did that for my dad and it was really healthy for him to get away.

This may be a little bit in the future, given where things stand now.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by yeahman

Sorry to read this. One thing you can do for your mom is offer to take full care of your dad for a week while she travels, either alone or with a friend. I did that for my dad and it was really healthy for him to get away.

This may be a little bit in the future, given where things stand now.

Sent from my SM-A546V using Tapatalk

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Great idea! Another thought is to have a home healthcare worker come in once a week so your mon can get out

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