I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gatorboy

My wife does.


3) Any ailment in the belly region can be cured by laying face-down and putting your butt in the air (MIL said it too the other day).

---

Now that one might work to your advantage

Quote:

---

Wow.

You guys can really pick 'em.

---

Sure, brit, you got nothing. No goofy story? Right.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mud

OCD 4 lyfe.

---

I leave that to her, perfect solution to my sloth. I do the toilet to stay in the good books though, which is probably reasonable seeing as I am apparently addicted to projectile shitting.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gatorboy

3) Any ailment in the belly region can be cured by laying face-down and putting your butt in the air (MIL said it too the other day).

---

Tag team event?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

Wow.

You guys can really pick 'em.

---

We flushed out the single guy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gatorboy

Actually...she basically won't ask any employees for help from any store. She'll often come home and tell me the store "didn't have _________".....when I know they do.

---

I sorta do the same thing. For some reason I don't want to bother someone to help me, but I know when I'm at work I'm not bothered by someone asking for my help. When I finally admit defeat and ask for help, the employee is usually happy to help (shocking!). /thread drift

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by plugboots

Sure, brit, you got nothing.

---

He got something: a green card.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mud

We flushed out the single guy.

---

Married 24 years this September. But thanks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by pisteoff

He got something: a green card.

---

Actually when we got married it was more to do with her getting (back) her lapsed right to reside in UK that pushed the agenda,

(Edit: years later I had to get vaccinated for the green card though)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jcolingham

She insists that I should let her drive despite having a suspended license. And no insurance.

She wants to work 4 days a week in coffee.......

---

I am saying run. I don't care how young she looks at 38. The driving while suspended is proof. Let's take 'trouble' and double down on that shit.

The only people who work "in coffee" are the guys importing that shit from wherever. If you slinging coffee you are not working "in coffee" you are slinging that shit.

Please don't reproduce with her. It will be problematic.

I look forward to the thread a few weeks from now started by an angry barista whose long-time boyfriend left her because of this place.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

Actually when we got married it was more to do with her getting (back) her lapsed right to reside in UK that pushed the agenda,

(Edit: years later I had to get vaccinated for the green card though)

---

I was joking, but I'm in the same boat. I would love to use my wife's Maastricht Treaty rights to settle in some Euro mountain town, but the earning potential is here.

And she had to get a chest x-ray :nonono2:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by carvedog

Please don't reproduce with her. It will be problematic.

---

or reproduce with her and post more stories here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

(Edit: years later I had to get vaccinated for the green card though)

---

No exemptions?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by abraham

No exemptions?

---

I don't think so. I didn't enquire. I was asked to provide proof of MMR & TB vaccination at pre-green card issuance medical or just get an MMR & TB vaccination. Second option was by far easier than tracking down ancient medical records from hometown/childhood Dr.

Anyway I would have had moral objections to having a moral or religious objection to being vaccinated so I didn't to ask.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by pisteoff

And she had to get a chest x-ray :nonono2:

---

HIV/AIDS test too. I think they recently stopped doing that?

US Embassy medical had definite tinges of Ellis Island to it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gatorboy

My wife does.

3) Any ailment in the belly region can be cured by laying face-down and putting your butt in the air (MIL said it too the other day)

---

"Face down, ass up, that's the way we like to fuck"
-2livecrew

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

I look forward to the thread a few weeks from now started by an angry barista whose long-time boyfriend left her because of this place.

---

Pretty sure rontele started that thread a few years back. I'll search for it. :fmicon:

My wife's generally pretty tame compared to a lot of this shit.

We were camping in Tuolumne once and she had a dream and then woke up and asked me if there were squirrel-sized bears in the corners of the tent. Thus were born the "squirrel bear" jokes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

US Embassy medical had definite tinges of Ellis Island to it.

---

Did they make you undergo a delousing?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gatorboy

3) Any ailment in the belly region can be cured by laying face-down and putting your butt in the air (MIL said it too the other day).

---

downward facing dog is known to solve gas issues in my house too

make sure the gas issues have settled prior to sidling up & mounting the wife (or MIL)
not sexy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

US Embassy medical had definite tinges of Ellis Island to it.

---

Her observation as well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Timberridge

Did they make you undergo a delousing?

---

They just dabbed Frontline on the back of our necks.

On the rare occasion that she actually picks up a sponge and does some dishes she always, not sometimes, always leaves at least one thing unwashed, not even like a pan that needs to be scrubbed but like a fork or something.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LightRanger

We were camping in Tuolumne once and she had a dream and then woke up and asked me if there were squirrel-sized bears in the corners of the tent. Thus were born the "squirrel bear" jokes.

---

My wife once woke me up in the middle of the night, with great urgency, and said, "There's someone in the house!"

I jump up, heart racing, ask her what she heard... and she's back asleep. Out cold. What the fuck???!! She had no recollection of it the next morning.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by acinpdx

downward facing dog is known to solve gas issues in my house too

make sure the gas issues have settled prior to sidling up & mounting the wife (or MIL)
not sexy

---

Do you end up having to clean the shart off the wall if you solve gas issues with downward facing dog?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hitek79

I won't get in to any stories of my wife, but let's just say she can compete with most of the stories posted here. My goal is to challenge my 3 year old daughter in every way possible to make sure that she takes the time to think through every situation she's in, and hope the cycle is broken. I've had this discussion with a good friend of mine, and his 15 year old daughter is far better at navigating day to day life than his wife is.

---

It may get old with the 'every possible way' but my 2.5 year old and I have a different relationship type than her and mom fo' sho'

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mud

There could be some twisted logic to this depending on how many clean knifes there are in the drawer compared to forks or spoons. A lot of times I stir my coffee with a fork or knife since there tends to be more clean forks and knifes in the drawer then spoons. My girl is always asking why I don't use a spoon and I tell her it's to keep an even amount of clean utensils available in the drawer.

OCD 4 lyfe.

---

I was thinking along the lines of the surface area of the butter and back in a toaster oven for better melting.....

:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by iceman

Change it like Jesus or more like Damien?

---

Damien had a bunch of great sets out here in Colorado last week..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTbpS5OWWaQ

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tippster

Yup. Count me in.

OMG... the "Nesting Instinct." Any other dads have to clean behind the fridge 3 months before the child was due?

Our solution: cleaning lady. Worth every penny.

Also yes - I'm the cook. Whenever I can't make it home in time to prepare dinner she makes a phone call. The only meal she insists on cooking is T-day. I have to be the sous chef (read: dish washer) or she would run out of room in a matter of minutes. I think it's part of the fun for her to use every fucking bowl, appliance, and utensil in the house. Lord help us if she has to stick to 3 knives or less.

---

I cook, I help when I can with everything else.....

The mom/preggers brain is funny... totally different animal. the nesting thing. Oh my... I had fun making sure the crib was up way early..... in the tune of months.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by booner

Best bat shit crazy story for me...still makes me mad all these years later



The first Olympics that Lindsey Jacobellis was in...

I walk into the room and the Olymics are on. The wife says something about Lindsey Jacobellis and I have no idea who she's talking about. Wife starts getting frustrated because according to her, I'm the one that told her about LJ to begin with

I try explaining to her that it's not possible since I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHO SHE IS.

Immediately turns into an argument about how she's always wrong and blah, blah, blah

The fact that she couldn't even begin to grasp onto the fact that her argument wasn't even possible makes me want to kick kittens.

The real kicker is, I have a remarkable memory. I remember all the way back to about 2 yrs old, clearly remember pre-school, etc.. My wife doesn't remember anything, AND ADMITS IT. Yet, every time these arguments occur all the sudden she has a perfect memory and I'm suffering from amnesia.

Shit makes me want to jump in front of a truck. Good news is, the only arguments we have are the result of her complete lack of memory...not about any real issues.

---

It's not about who's actually right or wrong....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by riser3

Do you end up having to clean the shart off the wall if you solve gas issues with downward facing dog?

---

not if you're clothed, then it's more of a personal cleanup

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Danno

or reproduce with her and post more stories here.

---

This particular breed is a notable sport fuck. Just don't take her home for Thanksgiving. If she has lots of tattoos, this breed really shines in the hotel sex dept.